How long is too long without sex in a relationship?

It’s a common question that comes up, particularly once the honeymoon period is over. The truth is, every relationship is different. We all have different sex lives and libidos. It can be difficult to go from an often exciting and adventurous sex life to one that is once in a while and a bit ‘same old’. 

The key to navigating dry sex spells within your relationship is by not comparing it to others. In the bedroom, we’re told there are so many standards we need to meet, and it’s hard to avoid comparing your sex life with others. There are no rules when it comes to how frequently you and your partner should be getting intimate. 

Dry spells don’t necessarily mean something is wrong, but it’s important to talk to your partner about how you feel if you’re going through one. There may be times when you or your partner feel as though your needs aren’t being met and this is where communication is crucial. 

It can feel awkward to bring it up, particularly if this is the first time this issue has occurred, but don’t think it up too much in your head. Get yourself into a calm and non-defensive state and remember not to take things personally. Generally we want to feel understood and accepted by our partners, so if your partner feels as though their needs aren’t being met then reassure them, rather than taking it personally.  

Why are we going through a dry sex spell?

So many things can affect our libido. It can be as simple as work stresses or as complicated as a hormone imbalance. So it’s important that once you’ve noticed your sex life has taken a hit to look at all those potential contributing factors. Have you had a bad experience recently? Are you taking any medication? Are you in a good mental state? The sooner you recognise what could be affecting your libido the sooner you can start to take action on it. 

So, how do we get our sex life back?

Now that you’ve taken the time to acknowledge it, you can start looking at bringing back that spark and intimacy. So where do you start? Firstly, you want to get rid of the idea that sex is spontaneous and it shouldn’t be planned. 

You should both decide on an ideal time to get intimate. When will you both be able to actually relax rather than thinking about other factors in your life? And after you’ve decided that then look forward to it, start feeling the anticipation rather than seeing it as a scheduled chore. 

Remember that sex doesn’t just have to be penetrative and in the bedroom, make it exciting and change it up. Maybe get naughty in a different part of the house, or a different time of the day, or even focus on foreplay. 

If you want more tips on how to boost your sex drive then check out our previous blog post here, you’ll find some tips and tricks to get your libido going again.

If you’re wanting to get naughty between the sheets then head over to our naughty pond where you’ll find fellow sexy singles.