It’s not unusual to hear that many people feel they aren’t entirely in the moment during their sexcapades. A study by Ferly (a sexual wellness app) found that 92% of women don’t feel present during sex meaning yes, it is a common experience and no, there’s nothing wrong with you.
It’s no surprise that we all get so easily distracted during sex, we have things like phones that ping with every notification leaving you wondering who texted you or what meme your best friend tagged you in this time. Not only this, but we all have over-active minds consumed by work, relationships, family and what we’re going to eat for dinner tomorrow night. But thinking about something else can completely knock you off course for a pleasurable experience. What was meant to be a fun 30 minutes upstairs, can instead be taken over by our endless mind chatter.
It’s not only our thoughts that can be our worst enemy in the bedroom, ideas of how we’re perceived by our partners can also be distracting. Do I look sexy enough? Am I shaven/not shaven enough for their liking? I’m sure you’ve found yourself wondering about something to do with your appearance at one point during sex. If so, you’ll know how distracting and insecure it can feel at times.
Feeling more present during sex is so important to having a pleasurable experience, any distractions and you can most possibly count out the probability of having an orgasm unless you get your head back into the (bed)room. Next time try these quick tips:
A digital detox
Hide your phone away from the bedroom, leave it downstairs on the sofa or put away on silent in your bedside table. This way you’ll find that when your phone buzzes you won’t even know, and you can worry about responding to the WhatsApp group chat after. The more you do this, the more you’ll allow yourself to fully be present during sex.
Focus on touch
When you feel yourself getting distracted, bring yourself back to what you feel. Focusing on how YOU feel is so essential to derive pleasure from sex. If it helps close your eyes and just concentrate on the feeling. Then bring back all the senses individually, listening to what your partner is whispering in your ear, start talking dirty and you’ll find by this point any distractions have disappeared.
Make eye contact
If you’re feeling that focusing on solely how you feel is not working, then try making eye contact with your partner. This can help to create a connection and to be honest, eye contact is pretty sexy as it is.
Asking for what you want during sex is a great way to keep your mind in the game. Don’t focus on what your partner isn’t doing, instead focus on what would make you feel better. If you look at it that way then you’ll find yourself searching more for the pleasurable feeling than the disappointing feeling, and by searching for a pleasurable feeling you’re less likely to get distracted.
Sexy time can change and differ, sometimes you may find you are completely excited by them, and you lose track of time and other times you may just pray and think of England, praying for it to be over soon.
Above all try to have fun and you’ll soon feel yourself relaxing and enjoying the experience.
If you’re looking for fun, sexy singles to help warm up your bed then check out the Naughty Pond. It might just be your lucky day😉
Are you last minute buying ready for Christmas, and you still have no idea what to get your partner? Why not try something different which is sure to excite them. We’ve put together a few items for inspiration which you can be sure will brighten up their Christmas morning (it’s probably best to keep these presents between you both😉). There are a range of items for different budgets, whether you want to really spoil them or keep this little present as a Christmas surprise.
Lovehoney Board Game
Lovehoney have a few board games which range from £9.99 to £32.99. ‘After Dark’ is their most expensive product but it makes a great date night activity. There are a variety of actions you need to complete and questions to answer, so it’s a great way to create a steamy atmosphere and find out more about each other.
If you’re looking for a cheaper option, ‘Sex!!!’ is a great game which gets straight to the point. It’s a foreplay and sexplay board game which again can be used at the end of date night.
Make bath time sexy
If your partner is one to enjoy a nice bath and even more so, when you join them. Why not treat them to some bath time products. Lovehoney sell a variety of products varying from your Sexbombs 😉 to your bubble soaks and rose petals infused with scents to liven up your sexual desires.
Sexbombs infused with Pheromone are created to arouse and relax you, prices at £7.99 it could make a great stocking filler for a lover or even for yourself this Christmas.
They also have their Apothecary range Bubble Bath, this collection is designed to sensually excite you with its scent, so you can be sure that the bathroom won’t be the only thing that’s getting steamy.
Adult Advent Calendars
These aren’t the kind you can pop to Tesco for, but they’re definitely a present that is filled with surprises. There are plenty of different advent calendars out there, but if you’re looking to splash a little more cash, Ann Summers have a 12 Nights of Indulgence product.
This gift is perfect for your girlfriend, wife, female lover or even a friend. It has a variety of products, varying from sex toys to scents and sex position cards. It’s the perfect gift to get your partner excited on the run up to Christmas, in more ways than one.
If you want to take your relationship to the next level in the bedroom, then bondage kits are something you may want to invest in if you’ve had the conversation with your partner already. There are some basic kits out there to get you started and exploring, they range in prices and items depending on whether you want to venture outside of handcuffs or you’re comfortable using just those.
Why not check out our Beginner’s Guide to BDSM whilst you’re at, you’ll find more information on bondage, making you a pro before you’ve even started.
There are a wide variety of gifts you can get your partner to spice up the bedroom. Check out websites like Ann Summers and Lovehoney to find some great steals which you can get just in time for Christmas.
If you’re looking for fellow singles to get down and dirty in some no-strings attached sex, then head over to our Naughty Pond.
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For some of us receiving oral sex or someone going down under may feel a tad too intimate. It leaves us feeling nervous, uncomfortable, and unable to relax which do not add up to be a very enjoyable sexual experience. If enjoying oral sex is important to you, then there are ways to get over these challenging feelings so you can relax and pleasure from it.
If you’re self-conscious
Many of us often don’t like oral sex because we feel uncomfortable about our intimate parts. It’s a common issue and someone pleasuring you orally can make you feel a bit vulnerable. Learning to love your genitals can help sex become a more memorable and mind-blowing experience and it’s the only way you’re going to be able to feel pleasure to the max. As with the rest of your body, genitalia come in all shapes, sizes, and forms. Time to embrace variety!
So how do I feel confident whilst someone is down *there*?
Remember to not compare your vagina (or penis) to those seen in porn or described in erotic novels. The latter are not supposed to look realistic, they’re just exaggerated fantasy versions. (Side note: Check out The Vulva Gallery to get real familiar with what different vulvas look like).
Going into oral sex your self-confidence can dip slightly but a good method to keep you focused and in the moment is to practice breathing into any orgasmic feelings, focus fully on the pleasure rather than getting distracted by the self-conscious thoughts creeping into your head. Every time a thought seems to appear, remember to breathe into the good feeling, ignoring the worries. You’ll notice that the more you do this, the better you become at it and the more you begin to enjoy the pleasure. It may not happen the right but practice these breathing methods during oral sex and when you feel most confident in your body, and you’ll start to notice the changes.
People you get down and dirty with are typically people you trust, so being able to communicate with the other person should feel easy and comfortable. If this is the case, why not share your worries? After all, a problem shared is a problem halved. You might find they offer a bit of reassurance or wise words that put you at ease.
If it feels just a bit too intimate
Oral sex is more intimate than penetrative sex, there’s no doubt about that. Someone being up close and personal can be too much for some, so it’s possible that not enjoying oral sex doesn’t stem from the act itself but more so who’s doing the deed on you.
Be honest with yourself and your sexual partner with what’s going on. If it’s casual sex you’re after, oral sex might be off the agenda for a while until you feel comfortable in the dynamic with your partner and the intimacy grows. Or, in fact, it could totally be off the table, and you can stick to penetrative sex. There should be no pressure to feel like you must participate in oral sex in order to have a good sex life. If it’s something that doesn’t feel right with you, then don’t put yourself into an uncomfortable situation. Being honest with yourself is critical so ask yourself these questions:
1. How comfortable do you feel with this partner performing oral sex on you?
2. Do you only feel uncomfortable with oral sex?
3. Do you enjoy other forms of sex with your partner?
Intimacy might be something that simply grows the more you feel comfortable with your partner, the more sex you have, the more you see each other, or intimacy might just seize to exist between you both. If it’s not, it’s time to address if that’s important to you.
If you’re wanting to find sexy singles to get exploring between the sheets with, then check out The Naughty Pond.
Whilst quickies can be exciting and get steamy, there’s a chance you don’t want every sexcapade to be over in just a couple of minutes. For the most part, sex is to be enjoyed without having to worry about time limits or being interrupted and to get the absolute most enjoyment out of every session. We’ve put a list of tips and tricks together that could help you add a few more minutes in the bedroom.
Practicing safe sex is a non-negotiable and using condoms not only keep you safe but they are said to make you last longer. Double bonus! They decrease sensitivity, so it’s recommended if you’re wanting to prolong it even further then you should use the thicker condoms.
2. Reduce Stimulation
Stimulation plays a part in bringing your body to orgasm, even if it is just a little tease before the main event. It might be smart to try desensitising gels or delay lube, to help prolong the feeling even more. You could also turn the focus to stimulating your partner so that you last longer, it’s a win-win situation.
3. Try a new location
Sometimes we get stuck in a rut when it comes to getting busy in the sheets, particularly if we’re always in the same location i.e., le boudoir. By switching up, you trick your mind out of autopilot and into novelty mode which will increase pleasure as novelty can be a huge turn on.
4. Put aside time for UNINTERRUPTED sex
We’re not saying that sex must be spontaneous to last longer but making sure there’s time for both you and your partner to get comfortable and excited is important. The last thing you want to be doing is rushing the experience so you can get to work in time for your meeting. This also means setting time aside where you know your phone can be on ‘do not disturb’ and you won’t be worrying about the calls or emails flooding in.
5. Spend more time on foreplay
Whilst foreplay may make the intercourse part shorter, it will extend the sex session as a whole and will help you both in feeling satisfied and, as they say, it’s always good to do a warm-up before any type of workout 😉.
If you’re ready to find a fellow sexy single to explore with, then head over to the Naughty Pond.
A ‘normal’ sex drive looks different for everyone. There are many different factors which work together that can cause a lower sex drive in some compared to others. Low libido is more common than many realise, and everyone can experience it at some. For those who enjoy sex, it can be frustrating when what once was an active sex life becomes a dull affair. We understand the frustration, so we’ve done a bit of research to find simple ways that could boost your sex drive to help you get your mojo back.
Find a way to connect to your body
Sex is just one way of connecting yourself to your body but there are many other ways you could do this. Go out and find opportunities that bring pleasure into your life. This could be anything from dancing to practicing yoga, to taking yourself out on a date. The key is bringing back the confidence and the joy, which you can then bring home to your partner. When you’re in a joyful state your mind is more open to ideas, and you may even find yourself open to new sexual experiences.
Whilst you may think scheduled sex is not sexy, it is the best way to ensure that you’re prioritising pleasure. Think of the anticipation of what you’ll see, the excitement of maybe a different location, this can all build up to allow for a better experience. It also gives you time to prepare and get in the mood, whether that’s having a hot bath with candles, reading erotica, or simply putting on a new set of sexy lingerie.
Introduce your toys
If you know that your toys will help to give you the pleasure you desire, then introduce them into the bedroom as well. There’s no shame in adding them to help get you in the mood. Physical arousal can help create the sensation that we get before we want to take our clothes off. You could even get your partner involved by letting them take control of the toy or letting them watch you.
Pump up your pelvic floor
There could be many reasons why your sex drive is low, it could be hormonal shifts, stress or even childbirth. There are many women who struggle with a weakened pelvic floor at some point in their life and this can lead to a decreased feeling of arousal. Trying pelvic floor exercises can strengthen the muscles, giving you more control over your body and can also give you stronger orgasms. Check out the blog post written by Denise Brodey, she gives you numerous exercises you can use to pump up your sex drive.
Lay off the alcohol
You may think after a few cocktails your sex drive has skyrocketed and you just can’t keep your hands off your partner, and whilst this may be true, the days to follow may prove difficult to get yourself in the mood and alcohol has been proven to suppress sex drive. It’s also been said that alcohol reduces satisfaction and makes it more challenging to perform in the bedroom. So, if you want those mind-blowing orgasms, it’s probably best to stay off the margaritas.
There are many different reasons why you can have a low libido, it’s important to remember that it’s completely normal and everyone experiences it at some point. So, next time you’re getting frustrated because you just can’t get in the mood, try one of these methods and see if it works for you.
Are you ready to find a sexy single to get naughty in the sheets with? Head over to the Naughty Pond and get searching.
Sexual fantasies should be seen to express your unconscious needs or desires that you can’t control, like dreams in that respect. Talking about your sexual fantasies can be a daunting prospect for someone who thinks that they are a taboo topic. Thinking about certain sexual situations does not mean that you want them to happen, they can stay in your mind. But sharing them with another person can be daunting.
Think about why you want to share your fantasy
What do you want to achieve when telling your partner about your fantasy? Do you want them to know you on a deeper level? Maybe, you want to explore your sex life a bit more or do you want to figure out what turns you on about the fantasy? Talking about these things can be enlightening and can help your partner get to know you on an intimate level and could even liven up the bedroom.
Remember that you’re not weird for having fantasies
Fantasies are a natural part of being a sexual person. We should remember that they aren’t gross or creepy. The fantasies you have do not inherently represent you as person, regardless of what they are.
Ask the question
If you’re one to get shy about your fantasies, then relay the question to your partner. It’s best to ask them whilst you’re getting busy in the bedroom, it’s a great way to kick start the fantasy chat. Whilst you’re talking to your partner you could even suggest incorporating part of your fantasy into the bedroom, then it’s a win-win.
Play a game
You could suggest playing a game, taking it in turns to describe a fantasy of yours. A fun way of doing this is by writing out 3-5 fantasies or aspects of a fantasy (whether that’s an object or location), put them in a jar and then take it in turns to pull them out and each describe them. If they’re a turn on for both of you, then maybe you could try it out next time in the bedroom.
The wonders of phones are that now you don’t even have to be facing someone to have a conversation with them, which is why it might be so much easier to talk about your sexual fantasies over text. This can help create a comfortable space which is secretive and exciting for you both.
If you’re feeling like indulging into your own fantasies, head over to the Naughty Pond, to find other fellow singles to heat up the bedroom.
Picture this, you’ve got yourself a hot date, you’re about to take it to the next level and you’re readying for a mind-blowing experience because there is most definitely a connection between you both. Only for you to get into the bedroom and be a tad disappointed that it hasn’t quite lived up to your expectations. But it’s not all doom and gloom. We’ve put together a few tips and tricks you could use to encourage a more positive experience in the bedroom.
Don’t fake it
You need to ask yourself why you’re faking it in the first place. Are you trying to get it over with so you can get out of there fast? Or are you trying to pet your date’s ego a little? The simple tip for faking it is don’t. It’s an opportunity to let your date know what turns you on in the bedroom, which is particularly important if it’s the first time you’re both taking it to the next level. If you’re not sure what you like, then you should take the time out to find out. Spend a little bit more time getting to know your body.
Give them feedback
Communication in the bedroom is key. You don’t have to give them an instruction manual, but the small comments like “to the left” or “a little lower” can massively help. Again, this is a part of getting to know your sexual partner and being expressive about what you like/dislike. If you don’t feel quite confident enough to say anything yet, then you can adjust their body yourself. Remember to phrase any comments kindly and keep it sexy by whispering it in their ear.
Try new things
It can be daunting trying new things with a new sexual partner, but it could be a great way of testing the chemistry and finding out a little more about your date’s fantasies and turn-on’s. The more open you are as a pair the more rewarding the experience will be. You don’t have to go crazy, but simply trying a new position out or introducing your sex toy could change things up in the bedroom. It might be a good idea to even mention something you’ve been intrigued to try, which could be a great way of gauging your partner’s interests and what they feel comfortable doing.
Talk about it afterwards
Instead of making a beeline for the door, stay and chat about the experience. It doesn’t need to be a serious “we need to talk” chat but more of a relaxed conversation, starting on a positive note about something they did. You may feel awkward at first, but it will certainly help if you want to give it another go or even in building your confidence to express your opinions in the bedroom. You want to suggest rather than critique, that way they’ll be more open to change and adjusting their techniques.
Bad sex doesn’t always mean zero sexual compatibility. Sometimes, a little guidance and communication can be all you need to turn it around.
If you want to find some sexy singles ready for some fun, head over to the naughty pond.
If you’re curious about sex toys and how they increase your satisfaction in the bedroom, then read on we’re about to introduce you to some of the best sex toys for beginners and how to take your experience to new heights. It may be that you (and your partner) have reached a stale point in your sex life, or maybe you’re just curious in how you can intensify your experience.
Buying your first sex toy can be daunting, there are such a wide variety of toys out there and for a beginner knowing where to start can be a challenge. The most important thing to consider when buying your sex toy is that you want to feel comfortable when using it, so don’t add it to your basket if it looks intimidating to use. It’s recommended by sex therapist Ian Kerner, to look for a sex toy which provides clitoral stimulation, as it’s easier for most women to reach an orgasm this way.
So, let’s talk about the different types of sex toys that are out there. We’ll start with what they call a magic wand style vibrator. It’s a classic style with a wide variety of versions of it on the web. This is a great toy to use if you’re wanting to explore different speeds and areas to use it on. It’s also a great way to get your partner involved in the bedroom, maybe you want to try something different. Well, this allows you to spark a conversation on what feels good and what doesn’t hit the (G)spot.
Rabbit style is the next one up. This sex toy is great if you’re feeling a little greedy and you want the best of both worlds both clitoral stimulation and penetration. It is designed to give more intense sensations than a solo dildo or vibrator. Like anything, it’s probably best to spend a little bit more to get the better-quality sex toys.
Vibrating Eggs otherwise known as Bullets are fun pocket-sized vibrators and are easy to hide if you’re wanting to be discreet about your sex toys. Alternatively, they’re great to travel with as you can hide them sneakily in your case without worrying someone will pull a pair of shorts out your bag and your toys come with it. They’re a great toy to use if you want to learn more about precise stimulation and knowing exactly where you get the most enjoyment.
To finish, we’ll end with a basic. The Dildo. Most people will have already heard and have a perception of a dildo, so it won’t take a lot of explanation. But this sex toy is great for those of you who enjoy penetration more than clitoral stimulation. They’re slightly curved purposely to stimulate the G-spot and they can be made from lots of different materials like silicone, rubber, plastic etc. so you can figure out which you feel most comfortable using.
There are lots of other different sex toys out there, far too many to sit here and list but those are the basics for anyone who is curious in increasing their toy collection. Remember that this is a great way to explore more of what is pleasurable for you, so only do what makes you feel comfortable.
You can gain a newfound self-confidence by finding out more about yourself, so get out there and give it a go if you’re intrigued. You could even head over to our Naughty Pond, where you’ll find fellow singles to join the fun.
Foreplay a.k.a the build-up to sex is just as important as the main event itself. Remember that foreplay doesn’t follow a plan, it’s all about going with the flow meaning that it doesn’t have to feel so repetitive. To help, we’ve compiled a list of tips you may want to try next time you fancy spicing up your foreplay time.
Venture outside the bedroom
Keeping things interesting by doing something unexpected is one of the best ways to spice up your sex life. This could simply be by initiating foreplay outside of the bedroom. Now we’re not talking extreme here, we’re thinking maybe in the kitchen or in the living room whilst you’re watching the TV. You could then either lead your partner to the bedroom afterwards or have your fun right there.
Talking dirty is a great way to initiate foreplay. You don’t need to exude confidence and recite an erotic novel in order for this to be a success. There’s no need to overthink it, just simply stating what you want your partner to do to you can do the trick. It’s also a great way to learn what your partner likes or doesn’t like. Becoming a pro at talking dirty isn’t difficult, check out our blog post to find plenty more tips.
Make it an all-day event
Foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to be the pair of you in the moment, together. It could be sexy texts throughout the day or giving each other the eyes. It can start way before the main event, so don’t rush it. Tease each other throughout the day and build up the excitement, that way your partner won’t be able to resist when they can finally lay their hands on you.
Try not to Kiss
Getting face to face with your partner and resisting the urge to kiss can be one of the most intense feelings. Get close enough that your mouths are nearly touching and notice how your urges kick in. You’ll be surprised at how steamy foreplay can get.
Do the unexpected
Changing the way you do things in the bedroom can lead your partner to wanting more. If you normally get down and dirty at night, then switch things up and try it in the morning. Maybe you usually delve into foreplay when the lights are off and it’s dark, why not try lighting a few candles? As we said, switching up where foreplay happens can be exciting, just like switching up how you do foreplay itself.
Our tips and tricks are sure to help you out, are you just missing your sexy single to try these with? Head over to our naughty pond to experiment in some no-strings attached fun.
Talking dirty seems to be an aspect of sex we either shy away from or delve into. We get too worried about saying the wrong thing or embarrassing ourselves that sometimes talking dirty can become unnatural and awkward, when really it is simple. If you find it difficult to talk dirty or you just want to feel more confident doing so, then we’ve got a few tips for you to use that will soon make you a pro.
Set the scene
It may sound cliché but setting the scene can help dirty talk flow easier. It requires mental preparation; you want to think about what you want to say. Particularly if you’re looking at divulging into your fantasies, you need to think about how you’re going to bring it up, so it doesn’t become too forward or brash. The confidence you will exude by communicating with your partner will make you look sexier.
Not only can you prepare mentally, but you can also set the room. Maybe light a few candles or simply turn down the light a little. It’s been said that creating ambience in the room can make you and your love more open to experimenting.
Start with a question
Most people get stuck about what to say when talking dirty, there’s this perception that it has to sound like an erotic novel or trash talk, otherwise you’re not doing it right. But that’s not the case. You can simply start by asking a question about what you’re doing to your partner. “Do you like the way I’m…”. Then ask another question which could allow a more erotic response, more open ended. “What else would you…”. By asking your lover what they enjoy doing and/or receiving during sex can be very empowering for both of you.
Tell them what you’re going to do
If you don’t feel like asking questions, then take the reigns and tell your partner what you’re going to do to them. You could then ask a question after to see what else they would like you to do. This one is a win-win because both sides get to see what their lover really likes and gets turned on by. You may find that your lover may get turned on by dominance, you telling them what you’re going to do to them
Talk about what you see
Visual stimuli during sex is a major turn on for some. You can make comments about how great your partner’s body looks or how good it feels when they touch you. By focussing the attention on the physical actions that are happening and the body, your partner also gets an idea of what you like. Seeing you enjoy their actions, could turn them on further.
Talk about what you want
The key with asking for what you want is not coming across as though you’re complaining or being whiny. You should remain calm, cool and sexy, not demanding. If it’s done right, your partner will love the extra help in satisfying your needs. Asking for what you like can come across as a confident move and therefore making you sexier in the bedroom.
Talking softly into your partner’s ear can get them excited, after all whispering is sultry and sexy. A simple phrase like “I want you” or “I need you” can turn on your partner, leaving them wanting you to say more. Knowing that someone else wants you is a sexually gratifying statement, which can help with confidence in the bedroom.
Although we did mention that talking dirty doesn’t have to be like an Erotica novel, it certainly helps to read them. If you’re really looking at stepping up your game, it might be a good idea to delve into the world of erotica. The whole point of dirty talk is to use phrases that turn you on, by reading erotica you’re wanting to find that phrases that do that exact thing to you. Maybe there’s a sentence that makes you flutter or maybe just how they describe an action. But pay attention to how your body reacts to the erotica and see how you could work it into the bedroom.
Want to find like-minded singles for no-strings attached, sexy fun? Check out Plentymore Naughty Fish.