Situationship or Relationship?
In this day and age it can be difficult to know exactly where you stand in terms of a relationship, or should we say a situationship? If you’re in a situationship often it’ll leave you feeling confused, you’re not sure where either of you stand and finding the answer to the question “what are we?” leaves you feeling a bit worried.
Before you know it you could be emotionally in too deep and it could come as a surprise to hear that your partner is not so much into it as you are. So to save yourself some time (and maybe some tears), we’ve put together a few telltale signs that you’re in a situationship rather than a relationship.
There’s no consistency
This is one of the biggest signs you’re stuck in a situational relationship when you’re wondering when you’ll next hear from or see this other person.You may feeli like they get hot or cold with you. Their consistency or lack of, can be a sign of their lack of interest in maintaining a relationship or pursuing it more seriously.
You don’t talk about the future
Throughout a relationship there are always talks about the future, whether that’s places you want to visit, dates to go on or goals you want to reach together. These aren’t necessarily things that will happen years in the future, it could be a few weeks in fact. If there’s little talk about the future as a couple it could be a sign that there is little interest in a long term relationship.
They say they’re not serious
If someone says that they ‘aren’t looking for anything serious’ please don’t convince yourself you can change their mind, take their word for it. Even if you’ve been on a couple of dates and you feel a connection, spare yourself the time and potential heartache when you find out they’re not as invested as you. It’s important to take people at face value and listen to them when they talk about their needs and wants, particularly in a relationship.
It’s only a superficial connection
If you don’t feel emotionally connected, it may mean you’re in a situationship. As you’re getting to know each other in the early stages of a relationship, a connection can feel superficial. Having little in common or a superficial connection can also be the reason. You have to be honest with yourself about how your partner feels.
If you find yourself wondering where you stand in your situationship, maybe now is the time to ask the dreaded question “what are we?”
If you’re back to the drawing board with dating, head over to Plentymorefish to find fellow flirty singles.
A Guide to Online Dating lingo
If you’ve been around the online dating community for a while or you may even be just starting out, you’ll have stumbled upon many new terms and phrases to add to your vocabulary, some of which may have left you a little confused. That’s why we’re here to crack the case of online dating lingo for you, so here are some terms to take note of:
This term has been around for a while, you may have even watched or heard of the American TV show ‘Catfish’. It’s when someone creates an online profile using someone else’s identity or they misrepresent themselves. They generally communicate online and will avoid meeting face to face or on video calls in order to maintain the facade.
This happens when someone you’ve been dating abruptly stops all communication with you, with no warning. Like a ‘ghost’ they just disappear into thin air and don’t respond to your messages with no explanation.
This term comes from the words ‘babe’ or ‘baby’. You might call someone ‘bae’ to refer to them as your significant other. Or you could even use it to say you like something, for example you could say “Food is bae” rather than “I love food”.
Cuffing season refers to the cold winter months being a time where otherwise happy singles want to settle down and meet someone until the warmer weather comes back around.
Simply this is your ‘How Mum met Dad’ kind of story. The adorable backstory of how your relationship blossomed into what it is now.
Sliding into DMs
This phrase refers to the subtle flirty act of messaging your crush on social media. DMs being the abbreviation of Direct Messages.
It’s a new one, but this refers to someone you were dating who ghosts you and then suddenly resurfaces with no apology or no explanation as if nothing happened – talk about a poor dating game.
This is stringing someone along with flirty messages with no intention of taking things seriously or dating the other person. They give you just enough attention to give you hope for a future.
Now you’re all caught up with the lingo you’ll be ready to take the online dating world by storm, head over to Plentymorefish.com to find fellow singles who are ready to mingle. 😉
How long is too long without sex in a relationship?
It’s a common question that comes up, particularly once the honeymoon period is over. The truth is, every relationship is different. We all have different sex lives and libidos. It can be difficult to go from an often exciting and adventurous sex life to one that is once in a while and a bit ‘same old’.
The key to navigating dry sex spells within your relationship is by not comparing it to others. In the bedroom, we’re told there are so many standards we need to meet, and it’s hard to avoid comparing your sex life with others. There are no rules when it comes to how frequently you and your partner should be getting intimate.
Dry spells don’t necessarily mean something is wrong, but it’s important to talk to your partner about how you feel if you’re going through one. There may be times when you or your partner feel as though your needs aren’t being met and this is where communication is crucial.
It can feel awkward to bring it up, particularly if this is the first time this issue has occurred, but don’t think it up too much in your head. Get yourself into a calm and non-defensive state and remember not to take things personally. Generally we want to feel understood and accepted by our partners, so if your partner feels as though their needs aren’t being met then reassure them, rather than taking it personally.
Why are we going through a dry sex spell?
So many things can affect our libido. It can be as simple as work stresses or as complicated as a hormone imbalance. So it’s important that once you’ve noticed your sex life has taken a hit to look at all those potential contributing factors. Have you had a bad experience recently? Are you taking any medication? Are you in a good mental state? The sooner you recognise what could be affecting your libido the sooner you can start to take action on it.
So, how do we get our sex life back?
Now that you’ve taken the time to acknowledge it, you can start looking at bringing back that spark and intimacy. So where do you start? Firstly, you want to get rid of the idea that sex is spontaneous and it shouldn’t be planned.
You should both decide on an ideal time to get intimate. When will you both be able to actually relax rather than thinking about other factors in your life? And after you’ve decided that then look forward to it, start feeling the anticipation rather than seeing it as a scheduled chore.
Remember that sex doesn’t just have to be penetrative and in the bedroom, make it exciting and change it up. Maybe get naughty in a different part of the house, or a different time of the day, or even focus on foreplay.
If you want more tips on how to boost your sex drive then check out our previous blog post here, you’ll find some tips and tricks to get your libido going again.
If you’re wanting to get naughty between the sheets then head over to our naughty pond where you’ll find fellow sexy singles.
Lost for words: How to start meaningful conversations on a dating app
Have you ever found yourself stuck at the first hurdle, trying to come up with conversation starters that don’t begin with “Hey, how are you?” You’re feeling the pressure to come up with something that’s compelling enough to grab your matches’ attention.
Dating app burnout is a thing and it happens when you consistently engage in meaningless conversations that are most likely not going anywhere. You’re overwhelmed with the disappointment that you’ve not yet found a date, or even someone to have an interesting conversation with.
But fear not, we’re equipped with plenty of advice to help you spark a flirty, engaging conversation.
So, where to start?
The key is asking intentional questions. Not just a simple “How are you?”. If you want to grab the attention of your match, you want to ask something that they likely haven’t answered recently.
Open-ended questions are great for this. Check out their profile and pick something to ask them about. It could be to do with a picture they’ve uploaded traveling, their family, any hobbies or interesting quirks they’ve spoken about. This is a lot easier to do with a match that thoroughly fills out their profile.
But your match hasn’t got anything interesting on their profile? That’s okay, here’s a few questions and topics you could bring up next time you’re stuck for chat.
- Is there anything new you’ve learned lately that you could talk about for hours?
- Tell me about a book or film that changed your life.
- Compliment them! Compliment physical features, their life, their pet etc. It can help build their confidence and could spark them to ask you a question.
- What has been the most exciting part of your week/month/year so far?
- Ask them about their goals. People love talking about the things that they’re passionate about and it gives you a better idea of the type of person your match is.
- Ask them what they’re looking to get out of dating. Do they just want a hook-up or a deep connection? This is a fantastic question to ask so you know where you stand right off the bat.
Starting a conversation with someone who doesn’t give you much to work with can be difficult, however we hope that these tips can help you in sparking up fresh, exciting conversations.
Head over to Plentymorefish to connect with singles who are ready to meet their match.
New Year’s Resolutions for us singles
If you’re a bit stuck on what to set as your New Year’s resolution, then you’re in the right place. We’ve all been guilty of setting a resolution, doing well for the first week or two and then it all comes to a halt. But this time you really mean it, right? Well, if you’re looking for some inspiration to lighten up your love life in 2023, then check out some of the resolutions we’ll be making this year.
I will let go of the past
Not as easy as said, especially if you have a family together with an ex or you work with an old flame. But what you can let go of is the expectations you had of them in the past and the feelings you associate with that relationship. Does hanging onto these feelings fulfill you or are they another source of frustration for you?
I will be open-minded
Tell yourself you’re going to go on dates and meet new people with an open mind. When it comes to dating you have to have a little give and take, look for the perfect partner but be prepared to potentially find them in someone who you may not expect.
I will live in the moment
It’s easy to get caught up in feelings and daydream about the future you’re going to have together. But when you start to do that, you find yourself setting expectations of the person you’ve just started dating without realising. These expectations put pressure on the relationship from the get-go and take the fun out of getting to know the other person.
I will date myself
Who says you need another person to go out on a date, when you can just date yourself? Make the time for you, go for coffee and get to know what you like, try new classes, visit a library, the list is endless. Taking some time to prioritise yourself creates good habits when establishing boundaries and discovering what you’re looking for in a relationship.
I will stop comparing myself to others
It’s so easy to compare yourself and your life to others when you’re single. Your mind starts working against you and you start doubting yourself or you feel your love life should be like those in movies and novels. Rather than focusing on what isn’t in your life, practice gratitude for what is right now. What’s meant for you will come to you at the right time.
If your resolution for the new year is finding love, check out Plentymorefish where you’ll find fellow singles.
Erogenous zones you shouldn’t ignore on your woman
When you’re getting naughty in the sheets, it’s easy to let your feelings of excitement take over and you skip over a few important spots that could’ve potentially made the experience even more pleasurable. Knowing these areas will benefit your time in between the sheets and it’ll most definitely pleasure your partner. So, take a look and next time you find yourself getting frisky, try to remember a couple of these zones.
This area can quite quickly be skipped over in the moment, rather than using this area to tease your partner and build up to the big event some people forget about it altogether. A teasing motion can make this area super sensitive to touch, slowly building the pleasure for your partner. You could slowly trace shapes on your partners thighs or even lightly peck them.
This one is a super obvious one, most people know that the nipples are an incredibly sensitive area. Using light touch and your mouth, you can easily turn this into an erogenous zone. Exploring this zone during foreplay is a great way to build anticipation for the main event 😉
The ears are so important in the early stages of foreplay. Try lightly kissing, licking, or nibbling at the earlobes, it can be pleasurable for your partner and is a great way to increase their sensitiveness to touch.
Along with the ears, the neck is a great place to start in foreplay as well. Even a slight touch of your lips or fingertips against your partners neck can make their body tingle. You can make your way to their lips or down their body towards the nipples and stomach.
It’s the most under-appreciated erogenous zone yet arguably the most important.
Did you know? The clitoris has 8000 nerve endings so it’s no surprise it’s sensitive to touch.
Because of this it’s probably a good idea to use gentle stimulation like a tongue or sex toy as a starting point and to figure out what pressure is pleasurable for your partner. Every woman will have a different pressure point, so it’s down to the individual what is pleasing to them. Remember to communicate and ask your partner what feels good/doesn’t feel right.
You’re probably looking at the list above and nodding your head, telling yourself that you know all of these areas already but sometimes we need a gentle reminder. The best thing about this is there’s a zone for every level of foreplay. Start at the ears and neck, moving towards the nipples, down to the thighs and finishing with the clitoris.
If you want to explore a little more, head over to our Naughty Pond where you’ll find other naughty singles ready for some fun.
I’ve got a text from my ex! What should I do?
Picture this, you’ve finally got yourself to a place where your ex is no longer a permanent fixture in your mind, you can walk down a street without being reminded of the dates they used to take you on, or their favourite shops to visit and then PING. One new notification – the dreaded text from your ex. There could be many versions of the same message, “Hey”, “I miss you” or “I want you back”, it all means the same in your mind. But when it comes down to it, you still feel that pit in your stomach.
“Shall I message them back?”
“Do they miss me?”
“Do I play it cool or tell them I miss them?”
You play it over in your mind, wondering how to respond to that message. Well, let’s go over some tips on how to handle the dreaded text from your ex.
The first thing to do is to simply take a breath. Don’t freak out or immediately message back. It’s most likely going to catch you off guard, so let’s take time to think. Think about the fact that many people have gone through similar situations, where an ex has come crawling back the moment you get over them, it’s almost like they’re mind readers.
Share with friends
There’s no-one in the world that’ll humbles you more than your best friend who dislikes your ex for breaking your heart. Trust me, they’ll take everything they’ve got to convince you that your ex is not worth your time again.
The key here is allowing yourself to miss them, recall the good memories but leave it there. Give yourself an hour to sit and look back at pictures (if you still have them), think about some of your favourite memories together and then put down your phone. But do not, I repeat, DO NOT respond based on a few good memories from the past, which leads us on to our next point.
The past is a place to learn from, not to live in.
Most of the time, breakups happen because you fall out of love, or you have a sudden epiphany of what you really want, or the worst situation, there’s been some sort of betrayal. The breakup forces you to adjust to a new normal without them in your life, and you make the right changes and you’ve started moving forward and then this sneaky text shuffles it all up. But don’t be fooled by the good memories and sincere text messages, the past should be left behind, along with your ex.
We’re not saying you must ignore your ex. You may well have ended things civilly, as “friends”, so a catch up may be exactly what you need to finally close the door on that chapter of your life. What we’re stressing is the importance of not being swept up in all the excitement and happiness you felt at the start of the relationship and letting that fool you into revisiting the past. Most of the time things haven’t changed and the same issues will arise time and time again. So do yourself a favour and give the future a chance, you don’t know who could be waiting for you there.
Instead of responding to your ex, head over to Plentymorefish to see who may be waiting for you in your future 😉
Making a good first impression
You’ve hit the jackpot. You’ve only gone and got yourself a date with your favourite match. So, what’s next? You want to make a good impression, but you’re worried about how you may come across. Will you meet their expectations? We’ve put together a list of tips to give you the biggest advantage before heading out on your first date.
Wear something bright
It’s been said that wearing bright colours gives off a sense of confidence and research shows that a man’s impression of their date is likely to be affected by the colours they wear. You don’t have to be pulling off a bright orange outfit, pastel colours can help give off the same vibes.
Plan your route
Look up where you’re going before the date. This will be super helpful in making sure that even if you are in a rush, you’re not panicking about which left to take next. You want to be relaxed at the start of your date, not flustered. So, give yourself the head start, Google Maps will be your best friend.
Avoid your Ex
This means all conversation involving your ex. If you’re praising up your ex, then your date will wonder why you’re not together, but the same thing goes for if you’re being negative about them. They’ll wonder why you’re still hung up on them and they’ll be unsure as to whether you’re ready for a relationship. The best way of dealing with the conversation if it comes up is to shrug it off and just mention simply that it didn’t work out.
There’s no better feeling than receiving a compliment, it gives us confidence. They don’t have to be the typical ‘you look nice’ comments, although they are great to hear. But if they chose the venue or date activity then compliment their wise choice and tell them you’re enjoying yourself. If you’re not having a great time, then focus on something you do like and if there’s still a chance for a second date, then offer to take on the date planning next time.
Don’t interview your date
There’s no worse feeling than being vetted by your date. So, remember to ask them questions about themselves and listen to what they have to say, but remember that it’s not an interrogation. Show genuine interest in what they have to say. And remember, you are allowed to share too!
Be kind to your waiter
If you’re planning on visiting a restaurant, please be conscious how you treat the staff who are waiting on you. If you’re kind to your date, but not so much to the staff or other people around you, it can make you look like you’re not a very nice person. Which you aren’t really, be nice to service staff – their job is hard!
Are you looking for a fellow single to impress with your charm? Plentymorefish may be able to help, join today to get one step closer to meeting your person.
When you no longer look like your profile picture
Building your online dating profile can seem like a bit of a chore, right? You spend a good hour of your time trying to decide on pictures and try and come up with something witty or interesting to say about yourself. Add a pandemic into the mix and your dating profile (much like our social life) has seen better days.
It’s no surprise then that most of our photos are a bit dated and looks may have altered somewhat for some of us. What was once long brown hair, now sits just above your shoulders and is somewhere the colour scale between an orange and a block of cheese after trying to dye it yourself. So, trying to find a profile picture that wasn’t from a Christmas party 5 years ago, may prove difficult. Sadly, you can’t hide behind a picture when meeting someone face-to-face, and now you’re panicking because you think you should probably update your profile. So, here’s how to avoid a ‘catfish’ situation.
It’s an obvious one but don’t use old pictures. It’s fine to admit you may look a little different to the last picture you uploaded but maybe take some time out of your evening to revamp your dating profile. Your date is more likely to not ask you on a second date because you’ve misrepresented yourself by using old pictures, rather than how you look now.
Show the real you. If you’re having a quiet night in, or maybe you’ve got exciting plans with your friends then take a swig of wine and snap a selfie to update your dating profile. A new picture could always spark up a conversation with someone new.
Although looks are not important, in the online dating world your pictures do matter. It’s the first connection you make with someone, they give people an idea of what you look like and what kind of person you are. You don’t have to be glammed up in all your pictures, you could be climbing Snowdon or chilled out at home. Just remember to stay away from those popular filters and apps that alter your appearance. A well-lit, natural pic is best.
The key is that true confidence and self-esteem sell you. They are the biggest turn-ons for anyone. You may not agree that your pictures matter in the online dating world, but you’ll find that when you put in the effort to match your pictures to your personality it will pay off.
If you’re on a dating site looking for a healthy, romantic relationship then being yourself is only going to get you the most out of it. This means, skipping the ‘I forgot to update my pictures’ or ‘My bad, it must’ve been an old picture I didn’t realise’ excuses. Stop being strategic, be you. People are more likely to be open to you if you’re an honest and trusting person yourself.
Although our advice may seem brash, we’re simply setting you up for success! We want you to find the one! If you’re ready to get searching, head over to Plentymorefish.
Online dating to real-life meetings: Do’s and Don’ts
Taking the step from sending a few messages on a dating site to meeting up face-to-face is a huge jump. First dates are nerve-wracking, and you spend most of the time before it worrying about whether you’re going to make a fool of yourself or how the date itself is going to go. To take some worries off your hands, we’ve made a list of Do’s and Don’ts that you can use to guide you through that initial date and hopefully bag you a second!
Keep it casual
Ensuring you keep the date casual and not over the top or extremely romantic takes the pressure off you both. It allows you to freely choose a setting where you can both relax and solely get to know each other more to see if there’s a spark. Meeting up for a coffee or casual drinks is perfect.
Tell someone you’re going to meet a date
First rule in meeting an internet date, is to always share your location with someone you trust. It doesn’t mean you have to tell them the ins and outs of your date if you don’t want to. But simple details of where and when the date is happening is important for your safety. You could even set up this person as a scape goat if you’re not really feeling your date and want to get out of there.
Show up on time
There’s nothing worse than standing around waiting outside a venue for your date – who you’ve never met before – to arrive. Your mind starts thinking they’re not going to turn up and you convince yourself that this wasn’t a good idea. Being fashionably late can wait, you need to show that you respect your date and their time.
Respect your boundaries
Setting boundaries makes many people feel uncomfortable, but they’re so important especially when first establishing a relationship with someone. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something, then don’t. Whether that’s having another drink, going to their place after the date or even them being too handsy.
Drink too much alcohol
When you’re nervous you may feel like grabbing a drink – or two – for some Dutch courage. But it’s important not get too blotted. It’s not a nice experience when your date gets totally drunk and you wouldn’t want them to remember you for all the wrong reasons, so set a limit and stick to it.
Have high expectations
When going out on a date your lofty expectations need to stay at home with your Pinterest boards. Ultimately, high expectations tend to lead to some degree of disappointment so check in with yourself before a date. Whilst standard expectations like practicing good hygiene are normal, it’s best to focus on getting to know them. It’s perfectly fine if you realise they’re not the one, but it doesn’t mean you have to miss out on what could be a great evening because they are blonde rather than brunette.
Bring up your ex
Most likely you and your date have been chatting for weeks over the phone and the chances are your ex hasn’t appeared in many conversations. That’s a good thing. Trust us when we say that, that conversation can wait a few weeks more. Leave the past in the past and focus on the present. The first date is not the time to talk heartbreak or disappointments, this is the time to focus on possibilities!
Go over the date 100 times in your head afterwards
It’s easy to run over the date and what was said afterwards, but try not to get too caught up in it. Thinking can easily turn into over-analysing and before you know it you’ve convinced yourself that your date had an awful time, and they don’t really like you and your second date is never going to happen. Trust how things felt at the time and go with that feeling and if you don’t hear from them again, then what have you really lost? Not a lot. It wasn’t meant to be and that’s okay.
Are you looking for a fellow single to find a spark with? Head over to Plentymorefish.