Tag Archive | Internet Dating

What turns a woman off when you start dating?

Turn offs are a typical question we get asked when we start dating someone, but the trouble is for some it’s difficult to answer until they experience something that gives them ‘the ick’. Sometimes things happen that makes our nose scrunch or just send a signal to our body which makes us want to run. Here’s a list of some turn offs that we can think of.

Rudeness

Have you ever been out on a date with someone who is rude to the waiter or bartender? There’s something about the lack of manners that screams red flag to me and makes me want to run out of the first door I see. Someone who tries to belittle another in an attempt to make someone else laugh. It does not play out in your favour and it’s just embarrassing for your date.

Lack of ambition.

At the start of dating, women want to be wrapped up in deep conversation to connect on an intellectual level. They want to hear about your passions and ambitions, and where you want to go in life. You’re dating to look for a partner, someone to grow with and celebrate your successes with.

Pick-up lines.

A few as a joke is fine, but if you’re using pick-up lines proudly, I’ve got to tell you they will not work and more than likely will cringe out your date. Not what you want, is it? She will roll her eyes and ultimately find you a bit cringey.

Insulting your exes.

No, we don’t want to hear about your ex and how great the relationship was and how you’re so sad it’s over. But we also don’t want to hear how every ex you’ve been with is crazy; there’s a common denominator in that equation and it most certainly is not the women you’re dating.

Putting all women in the same box.

There’s nothing worse than someone being surprised because you’re not like the conceptual idea of a woman they have in their head. Men who don’t see women as individual’s and put every woman in the same box can be a serious turn off.

Eyeing up another woman.

Trust me when I tell you women see EVERYTHING. So, that woman that just walked past that you were giving the side eyes to? Yes, we saw that. We get it, you’re single and free and you can do as you please, but when on a date with a woman, she wants to feel special. Eyeing up every woman that walks into the restaurant makes her feel like she’s already in competition for your attention which is not the way a relationship should start.

Talking about yourself.

If the topic of conversation always resorts back to you and your date can’t get a word in edgeways, then I wouldn’t bet on a second date. A conversation works two ways and if it appears to be one person talking and another listening the whole time, then it can become frustrating. 

Are you ready to find someone who ticks all your boxes? Head over to plentymorefish.com.

5 Foreplay Tips to Spice up the Bedroom

Foreplay a.k.a the build-up to sex is just as important as the main event itself. Remember that foreplay doesn’t follow a plan, it’s all about going with the flow meaning that it doesn’t have to feel so repetitive. To help, we’ve compiled a list of tips you may want to try next time you fancy spicing up your foreplay time.

Venture outside the bedroom

Keeping things interesting by doing something unexpected is one of the best ways to spice up your sex life. This could simply be by initiating foreplay outside of the bedroom. Now we’re not talking extreme here, we’re thinking maybe in the kitchen or in the living room whilst you’re watching the TV. You could then either lead your partner to the bedroom afterwards or have your fun right there.

Talk Dirty

Talking dirty is a great way to initiate foreplay. You don’t need to exude confidence and recite an erotic novel in order for this to be a success. There’s no need to overthink it, just simply stating what you want your partner to do to you can do the trick. It’s also a great way to learn what your partner likes or doesn’t like. Becoming a pro at talking dirty isn’t difficult, check out our blog post to find plenty more tips.

Make it an all-day event

Foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to be the pair of you in the moment, together. It could be sexy texts throughout the day or giving each other the eyes. It can start way before the main event, so don’t rush it. Tease each other throughout the day and build up the excitement, that way your partner won’t be able to resist when they can finally lay their hands on you.

Try not to Kiss

Getting face to face with your partner and resisting the urge to kiss can be one of the most intense feelings. Get close enough that your mouths are nearly touching and notice how your urges kick in. You’ll be surprised at how steamy foreplay can get.

Do the unexpected

Changing the way you do things in the bedroom can lead your partner to wanting more. If you normally get down and dirty at night, then switch things up and try it in the morning. Maybe you usually delve into foreplay when the lights are off and it’s dark, why not try lighting a few candles? As we said, switching up where foreplay happens can be exciting, just like switching up how you do foreplay itself.

Our tips and tricks are sure to help you out, are you just missing your sexy single to try these with? Head over to our naughty pond to experiment in some no-strings attached fun.

Does He Love Me? The Biggest Signs your man is in love.

The million-dollar question when you’re in the early stages of a relationship; ‘Does he love me’. To help you solve the mystery behind men, we’ve compiled a list of indicators that he’s in it for the long run.

He’s always in communication with you

Even when you’re not together he wants to talk to you. Whether that’s simply sending you a message settling the previous night’s debate on whether chocolate belongs in the fridge or not, or whether they’re simply updating you on their day.

He compromises for you

Maybe he hates that TV series you’re begging him to watch, but he’ll say yes to make you happy. Or maybe you want to order in a Chinese, but he can’t stand it. Either way he’s compromising which is a big sign he’s falling for you. Love softens the heart and selflessness is an important sign of healthy relationship.

‘We’ or ‘Us’ replaces ‘I’

When you become part of his plans it’s a very good indicator that he’s feeling the love. Does he talk about taking you to his friend’s wedding? Or maybe even jokes about how good looking your future children together will be? He’s no longer thinking of himself as a bachelor, you’re now a big part of his life.

He leans on you for support

You’re his best friend. You listen to him and give him a shoulder to lean on when he needs it. If you’re his go-to for advice or to vent, then it’s a good chance he trusts you the most.

You both laugh together

If you find that you’re both typically in fits of giggles when you’re around each other, it’s undeniable you have fun and act silly together, which is a solid foundation for a relationship. A study completed by college students found that the more a couple laughed together, the stronger the chemistry between them both.

He’s being more optimistic lately

If you find that your guy is seeing more of the brighter side of life, it’s probably because he’s felling more comfortable and confident in a future with you.

He treats you like you’re the only person in the room

Maybe you’re at a party with other people but he can’t take his eyes off you or he’s trying to get you involved in conversations. It’s a good sign that he’s in love with you. His attentive side has started to show.

He cares about your friends and family

The most important people in your life suddenly also become his most important people. If he loves you, he’ll make the effort with these people in your life. He takes notes of group dynamics and pays attention to what your parents say.

Not found Mr Right yet? Sign up to Plentymorefish.com and start flirting with singles looking for love.  

How to Nail Talking Dirty

Talking dirty seems to be an aspect of sex we either shy away from or delve into. We get too worried about saying the wrong thing or embarrassing ourselves that sometimes talking dirty can become unnatural and awkward, when really it is simple. If you find it difficult to talk dirty or you just want to feel more confident doing so, then we’ve got a few tips for you to use that will soon make you a pro.

Set the scene

It may sound cliché but setting the scene can help dirty talk flow easier. It requires mental preparation; you want to think about what you want to say. Particularly if you’re looking at divulging into your fantasies, you need to think about how you’re going to bring it up, so it doesn’t become too forward or brash. The confidence you will exude by communicating with your partner will make you look sexier.

Not only can you prepare mentally, but you can also set the room. Maybe light a few candles or simply turn down the light a little. It’s been said that creating ambience in the room can make you and your love more open to experimenting.

Start with a question

Most people get stuck about what to say when talking dirty, there’s this perception that it has to sound like an erotic novel or trash talk, otherwise you’re not doing it right. But that’s not the case. You can simply start by asking a question about what you’re doing to your partner. “Do you like the way I’m…”. Then ask another question which could allow a more erotic response, more open ended. “What else would you…”. By asking your lover what they enjoy doing and/or receiving during sex can be very empowering for both of you.

Tell them what you’re going to do

If you don’t feel like asking questions, then take the reigns and tell your partner what you’re going to do to them. You could then ask a question after to see what else they would like you to do. This one is a win-win because both sides get to see what their lover really likes and gets turned on by. You may find that your lover may get turned on by dominance, you telling them what you’re going to do to them

Talk about what you see

Visual stimuli during sex is a major turn on for some. You can make comments about how great your partner’s body looks or how good it feels when they touch you. By focussing the attention on the physical actions that are happening and the body, your partner also gets an idea of what you like. Seeing you enjoy their actions, could turn them on further.

Talk about what you want

The key with asking for what you want is not coming across as though you’re complaining or being whiny. You should remain calm, cool and sexy, not demanding. If it’s done right, your partner will love the extra help in satisfying your needs. Asking for what you like can come across as a confident move and therefore making you sexier in the bedroom.

Talk Lightly

Talking softly into your partner’s ear can get them excited, after all whispering is sultry and sexy. A simple phrase like “I want you” or “I need you” can turn on your partner, leaving them wanting you to say more. Knowing that someone else wants you is a sexually gratifying statement, which can help with confidence in the bedroom.

Read Erotica

Although we did mention that talking dirty doesn’t have to be like an Erotica novel, it certainly helps to read them. If you’re really looking at stepping up your game, it might be a good idea to delve into the world of erotica. The whole point of dirty talk is to use phrases that turn you on, by reading erotica you’re wanting to find that phrases that do that exact thing to you. Maybe there’s a sentence that makes you flutter or maybe just how they describe an action. But pay attention to how your body reacts to the erotica and see how you could work it into the bedroom.

Want to find like-minded singles for no-strings attached, sexy fun? Check out Plentymore Naughty Fish.

Why understanding love languages are important for a relationship.

Love languages were a foreign concept until the 90’s. We all had an idea of what made us look at our partner with puppy dog eyes or made our stomach flutter. But understanding these aspects in order to make a relationship work didn’t occur until Gary Chapman wrote a book on the five love languages in 1992.

So, what are they?

The five love languages are as follows:

1. Acts of Service

This is a non-verbal form of love. It is the idea that you complete a task for your partner that you know they would like. Maybe your partner needs their car cleaned or you cook their favourite food. The acts are often selfless and encourage you to listen to your partner’s needs.

2. Gift-giving

It’s the most common amongst all of the other love languages. It is often mis-construed however, as people mistake it for being about the items you give, and the price attached to it. Whereas those whose love language is gift-giving focus more on the thought behind the gift, which shows your partner that you’re thinking about them and that you actively listen to them. The true meaning behind gift-gifting is the sentimentality of the gift itself.

3. Physical Touch

As it says on the tin, it’s a physical form of love. It communicates compassion, joy and sympathy towards your partner, it’s more about desiring the physical touch like holding hands and feeling close to them through affectionate acts, rather than desiring sex and fulfilling your sensual needs.

4. Quality Time

Connections built around this love language are often strong relationships. For people who thrive from this love language, their priority is spending meaningful time with their partner. This means no distractions, just one-to-one undivided attention. For example, watching a film together on the sofa is not an example of quality time. But if you were to turn the TV off and start a conversation, it can become a significant act to those who enjoy quality time.  

5. Words of Affirmation

You might find some people are naturally more inclined to be open about their feelings whilst dating, this could be because their love language is words of affirmation. Verbal expression of love is what is important to them. Supportive and appreciative words are an expression of their love and gratitude. It doesn’t always have to be verbal; it could be written notes on the fridge or love letters left on your bedside table.

Why are love languages actually important?

Although we may think that most of the love languages appeal to us, some stand out without us realising. This is why it’s important to understand which love language we hold at a higher value in a relationship. You and your partner may not always share the same love language and that’s perfectly fine but knowing what makes your partner swoon can be really important for preserving that romance you had to begin with. Once we begin to understand how each of us work in a relationship, you notice that it begins to blossom and grows stronger.

Communication plays a significant role in this. It allows you to explain what is most important to you and how you can both meet each other’s emotional needs. No person is the same in a relationship, everyone expresses their love differently and by communicating between each other you’re avoiding that risk of disappointment.

If these things aren’t communicated, a relationship can become difficult as you may find yourself trying to give love in different ways as to what your partner may desire. The conversation shouldn’t stop, it should be on-going throughout the relationship. As people grow and change, their love languages may also shift with it so communication should be easy and comfortable. Saying this, if you find yourself drained trying to put effort into a relationship where your partner is critical or isn’t satisfied, it could be a red flag.

Essentially, understanding each other’s love language is how relationships become stronger and play a fundamental part in making a relationship a success. Are you ready to find someone to talk your language in love? Head over to Plentymorefish.com.

What does your favourite sex position say about you?

A gorgeous blonde model dressed as a cowgirl enjoying the outdoo

The positions we choose to have in the bedroom can be telling of the type of people we are and which go a lot deeper than just simple attributes like you are ‘adventurous’ or ‘predictable’. They can signify how we see our sexual selves and how we must satisfy our own needs. We’ve compiled a list of the most common sex positions to see what they say about you.

Missionary

It’s a classic position, known for its simplicity. It can be a sign that you enjoy communication as it’s a close face-to-face position, but it can also signal predictability and a lack of spontaneity. For ladies, it can be a signal that they are looking for intimacy. Those who are insecure about their weight or looks may opt for this position, as most of their body is hidden away. If you find he is persistent on going at it in this position, it could mean that your sexual needs are not a priority for him, as he’s running the show.

Doggy

Doggy is a position of deep pleasure; out of all the positions it is most likely to stimulate a woman’s G-spot. However, it is impersonal and acts on animalistic instincts of men craving to be the dominant. It is a position driven by lust, not love. If you find yourself choosing doggy often, then it can be a sign of your lack of desire for intimacy. It’s a position rarely chosen by those who are insecure, as nothing is hidden from your lover’s eyes.

If you’re looking to delve into your fantasies in the bedroom then doggy can allow for that, as there is little eye contact meaning you can fantasise about who and what you please. It’s also a great position for hook-ups, as you can avoid the intimate parts of sex – like eye contact or cuddling – but that may not tick the boxes for you.

Cowgirl

The woman on top can signify a confident dynamic between two people. It shows that the woman is strong-minded and isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants. It is typically only done by women who are self-assured in their body image and exude sexual confidence. For a man, it could mean two things. One, they are confident in being submissive and likely wish to just please their lover. Or two, they are hyper-visual.

Spooning

We’ve all been there – it’s morning time, you’re feeling aroused, you don’t particularly want to move, and you’ve got breath that could knock out a skunk. So, what’s the best position you may ask? Spooning. It’s ideal, you’re not facing each other, it’s minimal movement in comparison to other positions and yet it’s still enjoyable. It’s a go-to for all the men with a soft spot who desire a bit of intimacy.

Spooning is great for slow sex and it has lots of body contact. However, it lacks the intensity that positions like Doggy and Missionary can provide, so it typically occurs when the passion between two people is scarce. It’s a go-to position for someone who wouldn’t refuse sex but would also not be upset if it didn’t happen.

Standing

Sex standing up offers flexibility – technically not always physical – but in terms of location and position. The beauty of it is that you can incorporate different positions into your sexy time whilst standing up. Can’t decide between Doggy or Standing? That’s alright, put them both together and bend them over a table, surely that’s a win-win. Standing sex gives off a sense of adventure and it shows you’re often turned on by the idea of being naughty. It also shows that you’re one to seize the moment and you can be unpredictable.

Reverse Cowgirl

Reverse Cowgirl is popular amongst the women as it is a position of pleasure. It shows that the personal needs of a woman trumps all, as she wants to get off but has a desire to turn on her partner. As a result she’s both physically and mentally stimulated. Again, the woman has the most control and appears to be the dominant one, who shows sexual confidence in her assertiveness. It’s a bare-all position so it is appealing towards the men who are driven by lust and visually get turned on.

Who knew sex positions could be so telling of someone’s personality and their desires? Do you want to find other confident, sexy singles to get adventurous with? If so, head over to the Naughty Pond and start your journey there.

Is your Mindset keeping you Single?

We’ve all been there, sat wondering why we’re finding ourselves on the search for our Mr/Mrs Right, once again. There’s only so many times we can convince ourselves that it’s our date who isn’t ready for the world of romance. If you still find yourself single and wonder why your dates never take the next step, then it might be time to start looking inward. Could you be in your own way to finding love? We’ve given you a head start with a few reasons why your mindset might be failing you.

You Have Low Self Esteem…

I’m sure you’ve heard it all before “love yourself before you love anyone else”.  If you lack appreciation for yourself and you don’t learn to love your flaws, looking for someone else’s love to fill the void is not a healthy position to be in. The feelings of not being good enough for other people can lead to issues like jealousy and neediness in relationships.

Next time you find yourself blaming your low self-esteem for your failed dating life, try writing a list of all your positives – the things you like about yourself – and then read them aloud. Make it a part of your daily routine to learn to love yourself, reminding yourself you deserve to have a healthy love life. You will find yourself in a much more positive mindset.

You Have High Expectations…

Now we’re not saying you should settle by any means. But when you start dating adjust your mindset so that your high expectations don’t come in between you and your date. Chivalry is a big green tick, and we all want it, but don’t get used to it. A few dates down when people start to get comfortable, bringing you flowers may become a thing of the past. But by showing appreciation for the things your partner does, it can work in your favour. Just saying ‘thank you’ can be a form of encouragement for many people who seek that gratification, it could be a win-win for both parties. You get the flowers, and they get the appreciation. Every now and again, surprise them. Try and plan a fun date to treat them. Show them that dating you isn’t a one-sided experience but that you can also be fun and romantic.

You Are Too Independent…

In this new generation, we are all force-fed the idea that we (particularly women) should all be self-sufficient and independent. However, true this may be, it can also hinder our dating experiences. Being too independent means, you become too engrossed in your own needs and happiness – and whilst this is important to do – it means you stop focusing on others.

The truth is, is that no matter how much you crave independence, we need other people. Forming a connection with someone is healthy, we can learn from others and they can love us and as a result we grow as individuals. So next time you’re thinking of not going out on that date because the thought of forming a connection gives you the shivers, listen to your heart and give it a go. It’s craving love.

You’re Coming on Too Strong…

Do you find yourself buckling at the knees to anyone who looks your way? You crave that attention a partner can give you and when someone gives you the slightest hint of that, you hold onto it too tightly. You’re coming on too strong. As we get older, a natural reaction is to panic that we’re running out of time in the world of dating. So, you settle for the person who buys you a drink at the bar, or calls you beautiful, even if your gut is telling you they’re not the one. The fears and doubts of never finding someone can manifest into desperation. In some cases, it convinces you to settle for way less than you deserve. To overcome this, we need to believe that someone better awaits us. That all these dates we go on with hopeless men/women are merely just setting us up for what is yet to come.

You Have Trust Issues…

Toxic situations from the past can leave a lasting mark on you. It tends to project past issues into the present, making you think you’re stuck in the same situation as before. Mistrust can manifest itself into jealousy and anxiety and most often, it can be the reason why making it past the dating stage is so difficult. For some, it can even grow into developing toxic controlling behaviours. Before you launch yourself back into the world of dating, it’s so important to address and deal with past baggage. Start by finding the root of the mistrust and ask yourself whether the associations you make between dating and trust, are actually facts or just an opinion you have formed based on past experiences.

Whatever you do, don’t lose hope or give up on finding love! Sometimes it takes a little longer to find the person that’s just right for you.

Find likeminded singles over on Plentymorefish.com.

Myths About Submission

Submission can easily be misconstrued with their representation of it through movies and books, but we’ve busted some myths to help you get a better understanding of what being a Submissive really means.

Submissives = Masochists 

Masochism is the act of receiving sexual gratification from pain. It is a misconception to associate submission with a desire for pain. In fact, the whole idea of submission is to gain pleasure from the act of submitting to your partner. Doms can also be masochists and demand their Subs to inflict pain, there are a whole world of combinations when it comes to Dom/Sub relations. But the main thing to take away is that pain and pleasure do not have to go hand in hand in order for you to be submissive.

They have No Responsibility

Responsibility in a Dominant/Submissive relationship is easily misunderstood. It can be seen that the responsibility is passed to the Dominant lover and that the Sub is longing to be looked after. Certain basic responsibilities which are important for both parties in the bedroom go unnoticed by outsiders. Every individual who partakes in submissive acts has a responsibility for their own actions and words. In relation to your dominant lover, these words and actions are important, they involve being open and honest about expressing your desires and how you handle them. Yes, the dominant may hold the most responsibility in terms of dealing directly with the control of their partner, they have to know their Subs better than anyone else. But the Sub is responsible for communicating their boundaries within the relationship. 

They shouldn’t have their own opinions 

If Subs want to be controlled, they shouldn’t be allowed to have opinions of their own, Right? Wrong. How are submissive partners supposed to have fun in the bedroom if they can’t share their opinions about what they enjoy? If they are supposed to be comfortable in the bedroom, then they need to be able to express what they like and what they don’t enjoy so much. Being submissive is all about being adaptable, so someone who is opinionated and strong-willed in their everyday life could well be a submissive behind closed doors. 

They are Weak Individuals

We touched on this a little bit in our “A Beginners Guide to BDSM” post. Being submissive in the bedroom does not reveal their personality to be the same outside of it. In fact, the most dominant individuals can in fact cave in for the desire to be submissive. To allow someone to take control of the situation takes a lot more courage than people think. Think back to a time in your sex life where you felt shy or vulnerable lying there naked in front of someone else. Now, imagine doing that but allowing them to be the dominant partner, dishing out the commands and taking control. It takes more strength than you would believe, to feel comfortable and confident enough in your own skin and in the situation.

Submission is always Sexual 

Depending on the type of relationship you have with a Dom, depends on the different acts you may perform for them. But it is important to highlight that not all Dom/Sub relationships are sexual. There can be acts where, as a Sub, you don’t experience sexual pleasure and it may not turn you on, but it is still a submissive act and you do it because you want to please your Dom. Service submission is an act that is overlooked when looking at submission, this could be anything from organising their day-to-day business to being a domestic servant for them.

Remember that submission is all about adventure and pleasure, the more comfortable you are the more fulfilment you will feel in the bedroom. Establish your boundaries and affirm them with your lover. But most of all, just have fun. Don’t put pressure on yourself to match the ‘ideal’ of Dom/Sub.

So what are you waiting for? If submission intrigues you head over to the Naughty Pond, where we have adventurous horny singles ready to join you between the sheets. 

5 Signs that Shout ‘You’re Dating the Wrong Person’

Navigating the dating field can be difficult, no matter how old we get and the knowledge we gain, no one can prepare us for the surprises that lay ahead for us. There comes a time -maybe after the first date or a month down the line – where we may wonder if there’s a future with this person. So, we’ve lay down a few basic signs to identify if it has any potential or whether they’re simply the “wrong person”.

1. You can’t be yourself around them

One of the key signs you’re dating the wrong person is that you’re not comfortable around them. It’s natural on the first few dates to want to impress someone and typically you may choose not to show your quirky traits. Saying this, you shouldn’t be putting on a song and dance to prove yourself to them, you should have a pretty good idea whether you could get comfortable in their presence after the first date or two.

2. They don’t listen to you

If you find they’re trying to control the conversation this could be a good indication that they’re not listening to you, particularly if they don’t seem to ask any questions aimed at getting to know you better. If they’re always waiting for their turn to speak and diverting conversation away from your topic, the truth is they’re more than likely uninterested in anything you have to say. So, spare your precious time and start planning your exit strategy.

3. They’re Non-Committal

If they keep meaning to introduce you to friends or family but yet they forgot to invite you to their Aunt Margaret’s 60th after they’ve been persistent with their promises to do so, this is a big red flag that screams non-committal.

We don’t mean just in terms of not taking it to the next stage in a relationship, but more so committing to simple things. If they’re flaky on dates or they keep meaning to “plan” this so-called date and they never seem to find the time to do so, then you’re looking at a non-committing dater.

 4. Communicates often with their ex

Do you often find them bringing up their ex in conversation spontaneously? Or maybe you feel them subconsciously making comparisons? If he/she has mixed thoughts going into a relationship and potentially may still be clinging to their ex, these behaviours could be an indicator that there is still a lingering past relationship that hasn’t been dealt with. This can get difficult if they share children or maybe going through a divorce, so we recommend communicating your worries first. But if you find they’re still chatting to their ex after expressing your concerns, she/he’s just not the right person.

 5. You’ll assume they’ll change

We all have set expectations we want our date to meet, but if you’re already thinking about what hairdressers you’re going to take them to next week, then they’re probably not the right person for you. If you’re following up on dates already hoping that they’re going to change their look or some of their habits for you, then it’s a big no-no. There will be someone out there that you can see past the looks and appreciate the actual person, even if they have some quirky habits. 

Ultimately, if you feel that you’re the only one putting any effort into a relationship you are probably with the wrong person. Do yourself a favour and walk away, so the right person has a chance to enter your life. You know what we always say… there’s plenty more fish in the sea!  

Looking for singles in your area? Find them on Plentymorefish.com.

Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

The first association people make with BDSM is Fifty Shades of Grey. The truth is Mr Grey is considered rather cringeworthy within the BDSM community. It is in fact completely different to how people perceive the kink. To give people a better idea of what it is, we’ve decided to do some research for you and debunk some myths surrounding BDSM.

The term ‘BDSM’ is short for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission. A big thing to address, is that it doesn’t have to involve sex at all, neither does it have to involve whips and chains, like movies and porn make it out to be. The important thing to remember is that ensuring that both you and your lover are comfortable at all times during BDSM, for this reason we recommend avoiding taking part in this after you’ve consumed alcohol or drugs.

Communication is a key part of BDSM, talking to each other about what you both would like to try helps to create a comfortable, fun environment. Putting safe words in place can help with this. Stay away from a simple yes/no, as you may be in roles where you have to use these words during intimacy. The BDSM community use two acronyms about safety; SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK (Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink.) Don’t rush the moment, have fun with it and enjoy it by taking your time. It not only reassures your lover, but it also is a way to tease them to an even greater excitement. You have to remember if you want to divulge into BDSM, you are looking to have fun with your sexual desires, so it’s best to be relaxed around your partner and always be respectful.

Another thing to consider is starting off small and simple, you don’t need to buy a whole sex shop of toys to experiment with. Try starting off with sensory deprivation, you can purchase some restraints (Leather or Neoprene are the comfiest) or a blindfold. Trying each component on its own will give you a better idea of what your sexual preferences are, too much too soon can be rather overwhelming.

Bondage and Discipline

The first part of BDSM focuses on using toys as a way to control your lover. Discipline relates to both the physical and mental aspects of intimacy, these could be spanking with a hand, or denying/prolonging an orgasm (otherwise known as edging). By controlling it, it can give your partner a more intense, toe curling orgasm. Blindfolds also count as bondage and if you’re using restraints as a beginner, lightweight cuffs are the best choice.

If you’re using whips it is important to practice flogging before trying it on your lover. The key is to aim for the butt/back of the thighs as they have the most flesh on the body. It should be pointed out that whilst flogging, you should avoid organs or vulnerable flesh. When practicing flogging with longer whips it’s a good idea to try it on a pillow first so that you can practice your aim.

Dominance and Submission

This part of BDSM doesn’t have to necessarily involve Bondage and Discipline. It typically involves mental restraint and power games which can be arousing for yourself or your partner.

A dominant sexual partner will be typically known as a ‘top’, they are the ones who control the submissive by using power. They dish out any physical sexual acts like spanking, bondage, clamping or whipping. Although they are typically known as tops, they could also be the bottom in some cases, by demanding the top to perform certain acts.

A submissive sexual partner has to be in a position of trust and learning. They essentially give the power to their mind and body away to their partner, allowing them to take control. As a submissive you should always expect a level of balance in terms of your sexual boundaries and you should not be expected to exceed them. A submissive lover may not always appear as a quiet individual outside of the bedroom, it is common for confident and socially dominant individuals to act on their submissive fantasies in the bedroom.

The main thing to remember is to communicate clear boundaries so you can both have safe fun.

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