What is expected of you as a submissive?

You’ve most likely heard of the word Submissive or Submission, particularly if you’ve read our Guide to BDSM post. But if you’re not too sure we’ll run over it quickly for you. Submission is surrendering to the control of the dominant, typically this is a relationship formed between two people where one person has authority over another in consensual terms. BDSM is not a requirement for a D/S (Dominant/Submissive) relationship, but if you like things kinky in the bedroom you could add in elements of it.

But what is expected of you exactly as a submissive?

You need to be accepting

Being in a D/S relationship can be challenging, particularly if it’s your first experience of one. So being accepting of the other person is important in making them feel comfortable.

You need to be honest

Honesty is so important, particularly in a submissive role as your dominant needs to get to know every intimate detail about you before and after engaging in the relationship. This is so that they clearly know your boundaries and what you enjoy.

You need to be trusting

A huge part of engaging in a D/S relationship is trust. Like any relationship if it’s not there then the relationship will struggle. You need to trust your dominant that they’re looking out for you in all ways.

You are going to have sacrifice some things

In a ‘normal’ sexual relationship, you pretty much have control of everything like your pleasure etc. But as a submissive, you consensually hand over the power to your dominant so things like sexual gratification, pleasure and pride become a privilege. Establishing your safe words are crucial for times like these, as you want to be able to express your discomfort at any point.

You need to be patient

Mistakes are bound to happen, by both yourself and your dominant. But learning more about each other takes time and patience, you may want things from your dominant now, but you need to think of the relationship in the long run. This also goes for if it’s someone’s first experience of a D/S relationship, they may be a different type of dominant to what you’re used to, so be patient with them.

So next time you’re wanting to explore the world of submission, remember these are the things you need to expect for a great time. Have fun and get comfortable with this new and exciting relationship.

If you’re looking for fellow sexy singles to get naughty with then head over to our naughty pond where you will find plenty to keep you entertained.

What to do if you keep choosing the wrong person

You may go through phases where you feel like you’re repeatedly picking the wrong type of person, or you may have a string of dates that haven’t worked out. For some, they can find it easy to walk away from these relationships, but for others it can be more difficult, and they can find themselves stuck and unhappy. Regardless of what type of person you are, it can be frustrating feeling like you keep picking the wrong people. So, we’ve put together a list of things to go over next time you’re feeling fed up or frustrated with another failed date.

Identify your pattern

We tend to find that there is a pattern in the people we are attracted to. We go for people who believe fit us all round, meaning that their positive qualities complement our own but this can also apply to their negative traits.

Pay close attention to those patterns – are there any negative traits that seem to crop up time and time again and drive you mad? Do you seem to go for the same types of people, with the same ‘quirks’ that turn out to be intolerable?

Once you look back at your dating history and start to identify these patterns, you will know what to do to break this cycle. You’ll know what to avoid when approaching each date and with every choice you make, you’ll be more conscious as to what’s attracting you to make that decision about that person.

Speak to friends

Most of the time we think we know what’s best for us and what we ‘need’, when in all honesty we don’t. Talking to your friends and close family can help you get a better idea about who should be on your dating line-up. One benefit about talking with your best friend is that they will be honest with you, so if they know you go for a certain type of person who isn’t good for you then you will know about it. It’s also great to have a gossip with your bestie about dating, right?

Take Chances

Now you may be thinking, “but I take chances all the time going on dates”, but do you really? If you’re going out with the same type of people, are you really scoping the dating field, or are you simply casting your net in the same ‘pond’ expecting different results?

You can decide to be more open to the possibility of being with someone who may not be on your list of potential dates, yet you’re still attracted to. When you choose to break a pattern, you are allowing yourself to experience something different and you might even find you get a better outcome. If you give it a real chance, you never know who you could come across, and you could learn more about yourself in the process.

Figure out what you want

You might find that you’re repeatedly picking the wrong types of people because you’re not clear on what you want yet. You might be going on dates with people who are wildly different, but you get the same outcome. This is because you need to get clear on what you’d like from the relationship.

When you’re looking at what you want to get from a relationship, steer clear on focusing on physical attributes or minute details like where they’re from/grew up etc. These things become insignificant in the long run; you want to focus on a person’s outlook, goals and dreams.

If you’re wanting to break the cycle and meet new singles, head over to Plentymorefish.

Beginners Guide to Bondage

Bondage is a great way to introduce a bit of fun and play into the bedroom. It’s typically enjoyed between consenting adults for the purpose of pleasure by their movements being partially or completely restricted. If you choose to be bound you are putting your trust into your partner whilst you’re in a vulnerable position, and the other enjoys being in the position of control.

Why is it a turn on?

For some people, someone having control over them is a huge turn on. If both parties consent and trust each other at their most vulnerable, then it can dial up the psychological sensations. It has tease and denial elements which make it highly arousing, as you’re not able to stop the other person or pleasure yourself sexually. Do remember this all must be consensual and communicated before you start.

Where do we start?

Consent is a crucial element. You want to be certain that you or your partner want to participate in bondage and are still happy throughout. It’s important to remember that whilst someone may consent before, they can decide they no longer want to participate at any point during the act.

Once that’s established, you’re going to want to look at accessories to use. There are many types of common bondage accessories, like ankle and wrist cuffs, bondage tape, bondage rope, spreader bars, the list goes on. But if you’re not into investing in these accessories, you can opt for the simpler option that you may find around your house like a belt or a tie. If you find you and your partner both enjoy bondage, you can invest in a bondage kit, or maybe try using a different accessory like a rope.

A bit more on rope bondage

The great thing about bondage rope is that it’s easy to store. You can keep it in a draw or a wardrobe, under your bed or anywhere that’s going to be easily accessible for you. You don’t need any other accessories to make it work, you just need to know what knots to tie and how to always keep everyone safe. Focus on the physical sensation of the rope being tied, this is what gives you pleasure.

Rope by itself seems innocent until you know how to handle it, you can use it to create rope harnesses or different types of restraints. A rope harness can symbolise submission so you might find it being used in a dominant and submissive relationship or BDSM.

A few tips for you…

1. If you’re thinking of trying bondage but you want to keep it in the bedroom, then consider purchasing under-mattress restraints. You can have the tethers underneath your mattress and cuffs can be placed at each end. Then you’ve got yourself some bondage fun whenever you and your partner would like.

2. Take your time. Patience is key here; you want to make sure you’re feeling comfortable at all times and so is your partner. Get to know what your partner likes, there may be certain bondage accessories they prefer, so give them time to figure that out and to communicate that with you.

3. Establish safe words and most importantly use them if you’re feeling uncomfortable, do not fear them. You’re not appearing weak, or it isn’t a ‘fail’ by using a safe word, they’re there to establish boundaries which is a sign of a healthy sexual relationship. Make sure communication is top priority for both you and your partner.

If you’re looking to spice up your sex life, head over to our Naughty Pond to find your next fun adventure.

5 signs you’re falling in love

Falling in love is such a special feeling and when you realise you’re in deep, it can be the most incredible feeling to experience with your partner. But sometimes, lust and excitement can be mistaken for love, and we find ourselves quickly falling out of ‘love’ with this person weeks later. So, next time you’re sat at home wondering whether it’s real or just pheromones, remember some of these key clues.

You want them to be part of your whole world

You want them to be part of your everyday life, meeting your family and friends on every occasion. You want to share every detail about your day, and soon enough you’ve realised you’ve been on the phone for three hours. Having them in your life fills you with happiness and contentment – a key indicator that you’re falling in love.

You are kind of freaking out

It’s easy to over-analyse text messages you’ve sent to each other and replay interactions you’ve had over and over in your head. It’s standard for when you’ve just start dating someone you’re excited about. But it’s said that if you’re still notice slight changes in stress or anxiety after a few dates, it could be a sign that you’ve caught real feelings. It’s mostly anxiety over the small things, you spend time worrying about what you’re going to wear, even though they’re only coming round for a takeaway and movie date. You find yourself running to the bathroom to brush your teeth before they wake up in the morning. It should be a freak out for a positive reason.

You find yourself picking up their traits

It won’t be long until you find yourself picking up the same phrases and mannerisms your partner has. When they said that “two becomes one”, they weren’t lying. All of a sudden, you’re both becoming very similar, but that’s not such a bad thing.

You want to say the big ‘L’ word

You’ll find yourself wanting to say the three important words to your partner. You know it’s love and not just lust when you’re intrigued in what makes them tick and what their interests are. If you all you suddenly want to do is to listen to what’s on their mind and look forward to having conversations with them about the future, you are already well on your way to ‘Luuurve Town’.

‘We’ is starting to become the new ‘I’

It doesn’t feel weird to RSVP to your Aunt Sarah’s wedding that’s next year, because you know they’ll still be in your life. This is a huge sign of commitment, that you’re so sure they’ll be around for the long run. They start to become part of your life in every way, friends invite you and your partner out rather than you. Your parents address the Christmas card to you and them. Immersing them into your life in the small ways which are personal to you is a huge sign you’re falling in love and that you see a future with them.

If you’re ready to fall head over heels for your person, then head over to Plentymorefish where you can find fellow loving singles.

Your Guide to Audio Porn

Audio porn has seen a huge surge in popularity in recent years. No longer are your typical porn sites cutting it, after all visual porn doesn’t always work for everyone. Some people prefer audio porn as arousal is heightened since they’re able to use their own imagination more freely. It’s easy to see why; you’re able to close your eyes and visualise the scene yourself as well as your partner, so you know every person’s scene is going to be different. You could even sit down with your partner and listen to some of these stories, it could be the first step in rekindling a spark in the bedroom or even just spicing up your sex life.

If you’re new to audio porn and maybe a little intrigued into how great it can be, we’ve put together a list of sites for you to try. Use these as starting points, they’re easy to navigate and provide a wide range of different stories and sexual wellness audio that you can use.

Dipsea

This site has one main intention and that’s to celebrate healthy sexuality, that’s safe, positive, and full of healthy boundary setting. It provides wellness content that connects you to your sexuality and desires. If you like your porn with a plot, then the stories on this site are great for guiding you through, with plenty of character stories to choose from. As well as fictional stories, they also provide guided erotic sessions and how to’s, so you can get to learn more about yourself and what you enjoy.

Quinn

It’s said to be the YouTube of audio porn. There’s such a wide range of audio to listen to, you can search by category and narrow down by gender or sexuality and then even specify kinks. Users can upload their own clips, stories, and guided sessions so you’ll find audio not only from experts but also those new in the field. This site particularly specialises in non-visual porn for women, it’s not to say that if you are a man, you can’t get turned on by the audio, but it does provide more to empower women.

Audiodesires

The site releases audio themselves, which means that you know what you’re about to listen to is created by those that are experienced in the field. These stories are great for those who want to cut to the chase pretty quickly and who prefer being able to put themselves in the stories, rather than it being about someone else. They’re inclusive of all kinks and provide kink-positive, realistic stories.

These are just a few of the many audio porn sites we’ve found out there. If you’re wanting to go out and try sites for yourself, remember to only join sites that are safe spaces and provide comfortable experiences. You want to feel relaxed and immersed into the story when listening to them, so if you’re finding yourself getting distracted or uncomfortable it might be best to try another.

Do you want to find someone to spice up your sex life? Join our naughty pond to find sexy singles today.  

How to not lose yourself in your new relationship

A new relationship is exciting and it’s so easy to get wrapped up in your little bubble of love you and your partner have created. Whilst this is lovely and the feeling of contentment washes over you over time some people struggle with losing their sense of self. Most of the time, it’s innocent and we don’t even realise that it’s happening to us. So, what does losing yourself look like?

You probably aren’t changing into an entirely different person (although this can happen), losing yourself is more subtle than that. It’s the small things that were once so important to you that you couldn’t live without, like doing the pub quiz with your best friends, that you no longer care about doing. Or you suddenly put your personal or career goals aside in favour of your other half’s. Those small details are what make up your identity, which set you apart from others and which made your partner fall for you in the first place.

If you’ve noticed creeping into your relationship, then you have a few things you need to figure out. Boundaries and balance are vital in a healthy relationship. A true partnership is the sum of two halves, having your own identity and life outside your relationship will ultimately make you more attractive and a happier human being.

Learning to say no when your partner dominates every decision or demands your complete attention and devotion, will prevent you from losing yourself. By taking a respectful stand against a decision your partner has made or simply saying no to doing something you don’t want to do sets healthy boundaries.

So how do you not lose yourself in a relationship?

See loved ones regularly on your own

Immersing your partner into your social circle and introducing them to the important people in your life is an exciting time, but make sure that you’re still having time on your own with them too. These people are important in keeping you in touch with yourself.

Stop replacing ‘I’ with ‘We’

Whilst becoming a ‘we’ in a new relationship seems tempting for every scenario, it’s easy to fall into unhealthy relationship terrain by doing so. You need to remind yourself you are your own person, so stop saying ‘we’ when you really mean I.

Don’t compromise on the things that make you

It’s okay to compromise on what you’re having for dinner tonight, or what film you’re going to watch on date night. But don’t compromise on the things that make you, well, you. These could be career development opportunities, going to see family/friends, time you spend at gym or yoga, the list is endless.

Maintain your interests

Remember it was your individuality that bagged you your partner in the first place, so maintain those interests you’re passionate about. It’s not just about what you do, it’s who you do it with which is also important. If you and your friends have a monthly quiz session down your local pub, don’t replace them and go with your partner instead. Remember that you both should be supportive of the things which are important to each other prior to even knowing each other. Make sure you continue having ‘me’ time, as it is those things that make you a more interesting and rounded person.

Learn to embrace healthy conflict

Get better at having healthy disagreements. It doesn’t mean you have to be harsh or mean about it, or intentionally start arguments or disagree for the fun of it. But if you have a differing view, then it’s important to speak up about it. Not only will this help build the relationship it also teaches you how to not people-please and develop the courage to stand up and respectfully voice your opinion. There should never be issues about what is said in the relationship, it’s only the way things are said. So, be careful with your tone and make sure you also take the time to listen to your partner.

If you’re looking for love, head over to Plentymorefish. Find fellow singles who are ready for healthy commitment.

Three new sex positions to try tonight

Maybe you’re after a bit of a change up in your sex life, you’re thinking you want to vary the positions and try something new. Well, we’ve done a bit of research and found some positions you could give a go tonight to spice up your sex life. Sometimes it’s easy to slip into the same old positions and you might be getting bored of it, so try these out and who knows, maybe you’ll find your new favourite position.

“The Bear Hug”

The receiving person stands and raises one leg in a bent position, it’s probably a good idea to make sure you’re near a wall or your bed for support. The giving partner then positions themselves behind the receiving partner in a tight hug, holding onto their waist to pull them in closer.

This position is great if you like the flexibility to choose the intensity and depth, as you can easily tailor it to your needs depending at the angles you and your partner position yourself in.

“The Sofa Surfer”

The receiving partner sits on the armrest of the sofa (first make sure your sofa isn’t flimsy and there’s nothing around you could injure yourself on) and then lowers the upper part of their body onto the seat, so they’re lying at an angle, with their legs straight and raised. The giving partner should then stand in front of the armrest and receiving partner and place their legs on their shoulders and grabbing their thighs.

This position is great if the giving partner is a little more dominant with the pace. It is sure to hit all of the deep penetrative spots that can create the mind-blowing orgasm and since you don’t have to use your hands, they are free to stimulate other parts of the body, like the nipples etc.

“The Cradle”

You both must be sitting facing each other to start with, the receiving partner then moves closer and wraps their legs around the giving partner and the giving partner does the same. The receiving partner then should shuffle forwards. This position requires more patience and it is deeply intimate.

As it’s a low intensity position it can take longer to build to an orgasm, but it done right it can be a connective experience for both partners. It might be one to try if you’ve got a bit of history with your partner, probably not the best for the first date.

There are plenty of other sex positions out there to try, but these are just a few that have the potential to spice up your sex life.

If you’re wanting someone to get steamy in the bedroom with then head over to our Naughty Pond where you can find fellow singles ready for no-strings-attached sex.

My Online Dating Profile? Nailed It!

The first step to getting stuck into online dating is creating your profile. You want this to encapsulate everything that is you; your hobbies, your quirks, the bonds you have with people, your likes, and dislikes. Making sure that what you put out there is 100% honest and it gives people the best idea of who YOU are. To give you a helping hand we’ve put together a list of tips to use next time you fancy like sprucing up your profile.

Ask a friend/family for help

Too often we don’t sell ourselves enough because we worry that we look arrogant or obnoxious. If you struggle to capture your personality in print, get someone else in on it, like a close friend or family member. They know you best and it’s a great way to boost your profile. More often than not, they know what we want more than we know ourselves, so they can make sure you’re appealing to the right people.

Be positive

Think about all your positive attributes and write those down. You want to make sure that your profile is beaming positivity. You might enjoy the self-depreciating joke, but to someone else that may not come across the same way. You want to entice people into getting to know you more, so make sure your personality shines through the words that describe you.

Try to steer clear of uploading group photos

Scrolling through photos trying to decipher who it is that has the profile, is not how you want to be spending the evening and to be quite honest, it can be a reason why you’re not getting a lot of matches. Try to stick to clear photos of just you on your profile, even if you have to crop the rest of your friends out (sorry guys!).

Check your spelling and grammar

A survey completed by Elite Singles in the UK found that the most despised trait online is poor spelling and grammar so now might be a good time to check your dating profile for any errors. You wouldn’t go into a job interview with a poorly written cover letter. Give your dating profile the same amount of attention.

Be concise

You want to give people enough insight about you to match with you, whilst also leaving some behind to slip into conversation. Give people a reason to message you, so leave a bit of mystery behind. A short paragraph or two should give someone enough detail about you and your personality.

Don’t talk about dating

Talking about dating itself or online dating in your profile, can be a way of coming across negatively. It may sound light-hearted suggesting that ‘none of the other dating apps are working so I thought I’d give this one a go’ but it can give people the wrong impression. Instead focus on what you’re looking for, like someone to binge watch The Office with, or someone who enjoys travelling and put a positive spin on that.

Dating can be difficult enough, so give yourself the advantage and take some time and put in some effort to complete your profile. You won’t regret it!

Head over to Plentymorefish where you can find fellow singles who are looking for love.

When your partner has a sexual fetish

A fetish is a sexual attraction to an object or material, whether that’s the thought of using it on somebody else or just the object itself. There are plenty of fabulous fetishes out there, and it’s likely you’ve bumped into a few people who had a fetish or two. Thanks to the internet and more a more progressive dating culture, fetishes are more widely discussed and shared. For some who have a fetish the worry whether or not to reveal their desires remains though. Many still fear that the person without the fetish, may not understand or reject them because of it.

So, what do you do if someone tells you they have a fetish?

If a person with a fetish tells you about their fetish, it’s important to remember that they’re quite clearly comfortable enough with you to be open and honest about their personal sexual attractions, which is amazing. So before making a run for it, talk to your date about the fetish itself. Giving them the opportunity to share its significance, the role it place in expressing their sexuality and satisfaction, can turn what may be weird at first into something deeply intimate. Sometimes, we hear fetish and panic thinking that they’re all extreme and it can make you feel uncomfortable when it’s no reason to.

If, after you’ve had the conversation, you’re still not keen on the idea or the fetish is a dealbreaker for you, then it may be time to part ways. As harsh as it sounds, ultimately, you are doing both of you a favour since both of you desire something the other one can’t give, so it’s better to call it quits instead of trying to supress who you are and the needs you have

If are ready to give it a try and you want to incorporate it into the bedroom make sure you’re both ready to do so. Just because someone has opened up to you about their sexual attractions, it may not mean they want to try it straight away. They may still be nervous that it will push you away. Some fetishes may not be so straight forward, so go slow. Afterwards, make sure you talk to your partner about how they felt during sex, whether they enjoyed it or not and whether they’d be open to trying it again.

Not liking your partners fetishes is completely normal, not everyone likes to experiment in the bedroom and particularly when it’s something they may not completely understand. Some relationships carry on completely normal, but if your partner proceeds to make you feel uncomfortable about having a fetish or vice versa, then it might be worth looking at the value of your relationship. There is a difference between not liking something and demeaning someone for having those fetishes.

Are you looking to explore more in the bedroom? Then head over to our Naughty Pond to find like-minded singles.

Dealing with jealousy in your relationship

We all experience jealousy one way or another. Whether that’s in a relationship, between our friends or maybe even towards a co-worker.  Jealousy is a normal feeling but unless it is understood for what it is and dealt with in a healthy way, it can have a destructive effect on our relationships. So, we’ve put together a list of tips to help you deal with the green-eyed monster in a healthy and mature way.

Be supportive of each other’s feelings

As with most things, communication is key. Letting your partner know what situations make you feel uncomfortable and insecure can help you feel more secure and understood. Express how it makes you feel without the need for jealous fits or drama. Get your point across factually and speak from your perspective rather than accusing them of something for which you have no proof. Your partner may think nothing of it when they are texting that co-worker so go easy on them and give them the benefit of the doubt. And if the roles are reversed, it’s time to listen to your partner and try to understand their perspective. Could you be more sensitive to how your behaviour makes them feel?  

Know that jealousy in small doses is normal

No matter how full of love and loyalty your partner is, it is still ok to communicate when we feel that jealous twinge. It isn’t a bad signs but shows that you still care about the relationship and that the thought of your partner being with somebody else makes you feel a bit queasy.

Check your expectations

We all have expectations of a relationship; loyalty and honesty are top of the list for many. Sometimes though, our expectations are unhealthy and set you up for bouts of jealousy. Not allowing your partner to see their friend, because he/she is of the opposite sex, is one of those. The key with expectations and rules is that they are communicated clearly and fully.

Look at your toxic habits

Sometimes we set ourselves up to experience these negative emotions, maybe it’s because we believe it’s too good to be true or maybe we simply don’t trust them for some other reason. So, we get ourselves into toxic habits of checking their phone whilst they’re in the shower, or sneakily checking out their ex on social media. These things aren’t going to help you, no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you’ll ‘feel better’ after. You might get a feeling of relief which will last half hour, but you’ll soon find yourself doing it more often and feeling more anxious and jealous. Ultimately, these ways of dealing with jealousy will only push your partner away.

Recognise that if something was to happen, you will be okay

Heartbreak and jealousy can be hard to deal with and no matter how jealous you are in a relationship, know that it will not prevent your partner from doing anything silly or disloyal like sliding into someone else’s dm’s or going for drinks with a co-worker. Trust is a huge part of any relationship but getting comfortable with the fact that a broken heart will not end you, is the first step to dealing with jealousy.

Communicating with your partner about your worries and making sure that this feeling doesn’t take over is so important for a healthy relationship. The more you communicate, the more likely your partner will be able to look out for things that may trigger your feelings jealousy at times and the more reassured you will feel.

If you’re ready to find love, check out fellow singles on Plentymorefish.

%d bloggers like this: