How to get over being rejected by a date

Let’s be frank, dating is not all rainbows and puppy dogs. It takes time and patience and there can be disappointments and rejections along the way. And it’s those rejections we’d like to address to help you navigate them more easily. 

Don’t take it personally

You have no idea what reasons the other person has for not getting back in touch, so fretting about it does more harm than good. We know it’s not always that simple, especially if you have dated the person for a while. Think about it this way, if they don’t share your feelings about the relationship, isn’t it best if you move on?

Be compassionate

No one likes to be rejected and it’s perfectly normal to feel upset and hurt at first. And if you’ve been dropped without any explanation it can hit you especially hard. It’s important, however, to practice self-kindness, as blaming yourself will only hurt you further. Unless you’ve been given a very clear reason why it’s not worked out, avoid jumping to conclusions as to why it didn’t last. There may be many reasons why he/she decided to break it off and they don’t have to be your fault.  

Avoid a victim mindset

On the flip side of blaming yourself is blaming the other party. After a rejection, it can be very easy to slip into a victim mentality by generalising behaviour (ie. all men/woman are…). This may feel good at first, and it certainly feels easier than looking in the mirror, but in the long-term, this mindset will sabotage any real chances at finding new love and keep you feeling stuck and powerless. Again, acknowledge your feelings but don’t dwell. 

Embrace yourself

After a rejection, especially when we listen to our critical inner voice, it’s easy for self-doubt and insecurities to raise their ugly heads and can leave us feeling less sure of ourselves. When we’ve been left by someone, we may find ourselves feeling out of place. It may become difficult to visit certain places, see certain people, or partake in activities for a while. However, this situation presents an opportunity to really connect with our individuality, your own needs. What is it that you enjoy doing? Who are you outside of a relationship? Focussing on defining yourself anew again, can get you out of heartbreak-mode much faster. Realising that you have a whole life outside of whatever rejection you’ve experienced, and that life will go on.

What has helped you deal with rejection in the past? Let us know in the comments below. 

Is it ok to dump someone by text?

It’s true that breaking up with someone is hard to do.  I don’t know anyone who actually enjoys telling someone it’s time to call quits on a relationship. Gone are the days it seems when you would meet up face to face and tell each other over dinner or coffee (as weird as that now seems looking back) that your relationship was over.  Now it is all about being dumped by text, or even worse by social media.

And that is exactly what happened to a friend of mine this weekend.  She phoned me in a state of disarray saying that her latest online dating match had texted her saying ‘that on reflection his life was too chaotic to add a relationship into the mix’.  Whilst sympathetic to her tears, I did mention that they’d only just moved off WhatsApp messaging and gone on two physical dates, so surely he was just sparing them some social awkwardness in person.  Alas, she didn’t quite see it in the same way.

But in reality is it THAT  bad to dump someone by text?  Surely there are times when it’s socially ok to spare each other the embarrassment of tears in public.

getting dumped by text message

In an attempt to offer some impartial advice here are some instances it could be considered ok to dump someone by text.

It’s a new relationship – if you and your date are still relatively new, and have only been out three or four times then dumping by text is totally acceptable.  You barely know each other and so there is nothing to be gained by a long drawn out letter (you probably don’t even know addresses yet) or a face to face meeting.  In fact, if the relationship is that new you could probably just get away with disappearing off the face of the earth rather than an official break up text.  No big drama.

Your date is avoiding you / you suspect they are cheating – let’s face it if the person you’ve been dating isn’t returning calls or texts or you have suspicions that they are playing the field then frankly they don’t deserve the courtesy of a break-up text.  Just move on.

Your relationship is purely a digital one – if so far your relationship has been purely screen-based and conducted by social media then putting the brakes on it in the same way won’t come as out of the ordinary either.

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The relationship is toxic – so you’ve been on a few dates that seemed ok, but then came a turning point and your date’s behaviour has become unstable, unhealthy and overall a little bit toxic.  In this case breaking up by text message is absolutely the safest thing to do.  Don’t put yourself in a 1:1 situation with them where you might get hurt.  Distance is safest.

You are in a long distance relationship – if your location was poles apart and you rarely saw each other and your relationship was all done by Skype and text then it is obviously more logical (and friendly on the bank balance) to break up in this way.  Seriously, though if you’ve spent months writing heartfelt essays to each other then that someone deserves a little more than your standard digital breakup.

broken-heart

Whilst this post is a lighthearted jest about digital breakups,  if you’ve got to a point of emotional closeness, or been dating for longer than three months, seen each regularly, slept together and been mutually exclusive to each other then you really owe it to the other person in the relationship to give them your time and honesty face to face.

Have you ever dumped someone by text message or social media or had it done to you? How did you feel? Would you ever end a relationship in this way?

A woman’s guide to surviving dating in your 40s

Let’s be honest for a moment and put it on the table; dating in your 40s is pretty grim (ok, personal experience talking, it is bleaker than a public service station restroom at the side of a deserted motorway).  At 40 the competition is steeper and it becomes a whole lot more confusing and you’ll find the type of men in the over 40s dating pool very different.

Here are some truths that could help you navigate the tricky path of mature dating.

The men are having a mid-life crisis

Men like younger women. A lot of men in their 30’s and 40’s seem to have an awakening moment and panic that they’re getting old and as a knee jerk reaction go out and find the perkiest 25-year-old they can find in an attempt to settle down.  Even if you are near their own age they will still see you as ‘old’ and dismiss your profile. Harsh.  You may well be witty, successful, outgoing and smart but none of that matters in their heads once you are in the over 40’s club.

You attract that toy boys

An older, gorgeous, confident and self-assured woman is an absolute lure for a man in his late 20s.  To them, the age gap works in their favour as you’ll be comfortable and well skilled in the bedroom and the perfect teacher for them to learn some tricks.  It may suit you to end up with a 25-year-old toy-boy between the sheets but you’ll struggle to find someone old enough to suit your lifestyle and goals if you go down this path.  Think late night booty calls and the wonders of dick pics…really??

You love your kids but not everyone else does

Having kids and attempting to get back to dating and relationships is tough. All the time you are mindful of their needs and emotions.  You’re careful not to introduce them to every date, you question when to introduce them to the date and then you’re also trying to juggle a date around organising child care.  For some guys the fact you’re a mother will discount you instantly; remember… that says way more about them than it does about you.  Equally, you don’t need to introduce them to everyone unless you think that person is going to have some level of permanence in your life.  If you enter a relationship be upfront about your kids and whether you realistically want more and you’ll soon find out which guys are serious about sticking around.

You’re set in your ways

Dating in your 40’s means you know what you want – this translates to you’re stubborn and won’t deviate from your ideal situation.  Your list of dating dealbreakers is far more set in stone than it was when you were 25, and if you’re looking to settle down and start a family this is now crunch time and you’re going to be super picky about it.

There’s too much choice

Your phone is full of dating apps, you have RSI in your thumb from continual swiping and you’ve moved to second base (WhatsApp) with several potentially interested parties. Stop! Too much choice is a bad thing and makes it harder for you to spot the genuine guys who are real relationship material.  If you want a partner with a similar professional mindset and age to your own then it is quite possibly you need to be looking at mature dating websites rather than the usual hookup apps.

You’re flying solo

Chances are that by this point all your other female friends are married, also have kids or are in long term relationships.  This means that you’ve lost your partner in crime who will pull you back to reality on nights out after too many mojitos.  You are flying solo with no wing woman in your corner to guide you.  It can be awkward talking to your friends about your dating exploits when their lives are on a very different path and can leave you feeling a little isolated.  Advice? Confide in one close friend who you really trust with your dating tales and keep it between the two of you – their advice will be invaluable and more genuine if they feel like it is something just between the two of you.

Dating in your late 30s and early 40s is complexed. Shapewear becomes your best friend and there’s a whole text acronym sub culture you don’t understand, but on the plus side you don’t have to justify your stream of one night stands to your mother anymore.

Ultimately, don’t lose hope, when you fall in love as cheesy as this sounds it really is something very special and if it was so easy to come by, well all the sense of mystery around it would be gone and it would lose the magic.

Remember at the heart of it you are an amazing woman and anyone will be lucky to have you….just be patient, don’t settle for second best and keep on searching.

Lost your lust? Here are 5 ways to reigniting your desires

Does the idea of a naughty roll in the hay leave you feeling a bit ‘meh’ these days? Maybe you are having a bit of a dry spell or you haven’t been feeling like the hungry sex kitten that you are. If that’s the case, it’s time to take action! Here are 5 ways to get yourself out of that funk and back on top (or under) of your next conquest.

Getting your sexy back takes a little effort but it will be ‘oh yes’ so worth it. Reconnect with your body, fantasies and desires. Here are our top 5 tips to get you all hot and bothered again.

Slip into something sexy
Been living in your yoga pants lately? We get it, comfort is life, but we’re here to get your libido purring again so it’s time to slip into something with a bit more ‘MEOW’. Whilst you don’t have to don the fishnets and heels every night, update your wardrobe with a few items that make you feel sexy for when you’re just relaxing. Perhaps something silky or a cute babydoll assemble to make you feel all naughty and girly.

Practice daydreaming
The mind is your biggest sex organ so put it to good use. Try thinking about the last time you had really great sex or fantasise about new and exciting scenarios. Really visualise the erotic encounter in your head and you’re guaranteed to whet your appetite for more. Think about what makes you feel sexy and discover yourself during pleasure play.

Watch a sensual movie
We’re visual beings so why not feast your eyes on something or someone sexy? Watch a movie with your favourite thirst trap or grab an erotic novel and delve into a sensual fantasy world of lust and desire. Feast your eyes, take it all in and feel that carnal desire reawaken inside of you.

Touch your skin
Take a shower and luxuriate in a bit of pampering, take the time to massage your skin with a sweet-smelling lotion, give yourself a neck rub to relax. Caress your skin for a few minutes each day using a soft brush, rounding your curves, making your skin tingle with anticipation of what’s to come.

Set the scene
Kids toys, dirty dishes and a pile of laundry are total passion killers. Book a babysitter or ask the grandparents to take the kids out for the day. Next create a sexy sanctuary for you and your hot lover. Have an adult-only zone full of things that serve to ignite your passion. We’re thinking silk ties and candle wax. Then it’s time to dive into your love nest and have some grown up time.

There are many ways to make you feel sexy and rediscover your joy for sex. Hopefully, these tips will help to make you feel excited about living out your lusty thoughts! Time to get down and dirty again.

Still looking for a willing partner to join your sexcapades? Check out our naughty dating pond for open-minded and always horny singles.

Want to increase your chances of finding love? Date multiple people at the same time!

Let’s be honest, the dating pond is a vast ocean of opportunities and potential matches. It makes sense that you cast your net wide to increase your chances for reeling in the best catch and dating several people at once is simply being efficient.

Even so, seeing more than one person at any one time is a bit of a juggling act and before we share our tips on how make that easier, it’s worth giving some context. When we refer to ‘dating’ we mean ‘looking for a long-term relationship’ not ‘hooking up’ (that’s what our naughty pond is for). 😈

#1 Be honest

Since we all agree that dating more than one person is a good thing, keeping it hidden from the people you are seeing is not. Telling your dates that you are meeting other people is the mature and decent thing to do. Some of you may protest that it might scare some potential dates away. Yes, that may happen, but if someone is put off by that, they are clearly not on the same page and are probably not a suitable match.

#2 Keep it small

As with other things in life, if we take on too much it becomes a struggle. It’s better to date 5 people than 10 for the simple reason that dating can be tiring. It’s also a good idea to spread out your date over several days and give yourself time to reflect and, you know, have a life. You’ll want to be your best self when looking for that special someone so make sure you don’t overdo the dating.

#3 No Ghosting

When you’ve started to realise that it’s not going to work out with one of your dates, please don’t just ghost them. Be fair and tell him/her that it’s not going to go anywhere and let them down gently. Likewise, if you’re getting serious with someone, it’s time to share that you’re off the market. We all deserve to be treated respectfully.

#4 Be Curious

Really push the boat out and increase your odds of finding love by dating a variety of people. Pick someone you wouldn’t normally go out with. Granted, it may be a bit out of your comfort zone but as the old saying goes, ‘opposites attract’. Or they surprise you and you’ll realise you have more in common than you thought. You won’t know until you’ve tried.

Ready to dive into the dating pool and get fishing for dates? Sign up for free today! 

Tips for finding the best naughty dating site for you

These days you are spoilt for choice when it comes to adult dating sites. A quick online search will reveal the options catering for all kinds of naughty singles. Not everyone is after the same thing though and when it comes to adult dating most of us want to get straight to business – pun intended. But how do you pick one that is right for you? Here are some tips:

Ask around

One way to find one that might be for you is to get references. If you have friends that have used online adult dating sites, ask them about their experience. Find out what they liked about the site and what not. Decide based on their answers whether that site is for you but the only way you’ll know for sure is to give it a go for yourself.

Check out a few

The great thing with dating sites, and adult sites are no exception, is that you can try out several all at once and see which one you like best. Many are free to register, and most let you unlock additional paid-for features on a month by month basis.

Get stuck in

As the saying goes “you get out what you put in”, the same can be said for dating so get online and get involved. Spend a fair bit of time sprucing up your profile and make sure you add recent images. Start connecting rather than waiting to be approached. Just like regular dating, nobody is going to come knocking on your door unless they know that you are home and open to meeting new people. That is definitely the fun part, so jump in and find out who your horny neighbours are.

Test it out

Once you’ve started chatting you can discover if your matches are interested in the same turn-ons, kinks and fantasies. If you’re looking for ‘romance’ and ‘roses’ an adult dating site is probably not right for you.

What are you waiting for? Dive right into our Naughty Pond now and start discovering other frisky and willing singles looking for a steamy romp.

Writer’s block? Tips for the perfect dating bio

Whilst we may be a generation addicted to selfies and photos, it is safe to say that a well-written quality dating profile will help you stand out in the crowd and catch Mr or Miss Right. The thing is we’re just not very good at selling ourselves, it isn’t in our nature to ‘brag’ about our plus points but in reality this is exactly what you need to do in the world of online dating.

tips for writing an online dating bio

Even if you’re not a budding wordsmith, with a little thought and creativity you can create a knockout dating profile. Still need a guiding hand?  Our top tips below will nudge you in the right direction.

Keep it short and sweet

Entice your date with just enough to peak their interest. Here are some good examples:

Jake, 25
Sunday fun day 👍🏻  Sunday chill day 👎🏻
Snakes 😍  Moths 😱
Bike ✅ Car ⛔️ 

Pineapple on pizza > great combo (Perhaps we will be too?)

Jessica, 28
“She has funny toes.” – My best friend Clare
“Excellent gums. Definitely flosses regularly.” – Sara, my hygienist
“She’s cute, but she snores.” – My mother
“Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.” – My ex (actually it was Captain Jack Sparrow in At World’s End but I’m sure my ex would agree)

Kids in your photos

Always a risky one as parents tend to keep their kids off the internet. However, if you are a single parent most of your pictures will contain your kids so a quick disclaimer about who that kid in your photo belongs to are appreciated, but not necessary.

Funny is good. Witty is better.

Unless you’re a natural comedian it will pay dividends to spend some time researching other profiles and taking inspiration from them. Be original and please don’t copy and paste from other profiles.

Quotes

Must we really say it? Online dating is not the platform to promote your views on your views on mindfulness or inner peace, so please stay clear of inspirational quotes (unless you can turn them into something funny or use it as a topic of why you think it stinks).

I’m this tall…

Gents, refrain from adding your height to your dating bio. Whilst there may be shallow girls out there that open with this question, most of us are better than that!

Shirtless pics

Lads, contrary to what many of you (90%) may believe, posting shirtless pics can mean on average 25% fewer matches. More than half of the women who’ve been asked said that posting shirtless pics implies a lack of maturity and self-awareness.

Regardless of whether you’re a young professional or one of the many over 40’s daters, making the right first impression is key and a good dating bio can be a great way to introduce yourself.

If you’re looking for a potential date what are the things you look for in a good profile?  We’d love for you to share with us your profile ‘deal breakers’. 

 

6 Warning Signs when Dating a Divorced Man

When you’ve been in the dating pool a while and/or you’ve reached a certain age it’s very likely you’ll date someone who’s had a failed marriage or long-term relationship. But that doesn’t mean that person won’t be a great partner. There are, however, some warning signs to look out for when dating a divorced man.

Separated, not divorced

The first red flag is whether he describes himself as separated rather than divorced. Many women get sucked into a relationship (rebound anyone?) with a separated man, only to find out that he’s still married and actually working on his relationship or that he’s going to remain married, but still separated for the foreseeable future and he never has any plans on getting remarried. So anytime you hear the word separated, translate that into, ‘I’m not available for anything serious’.

Going too fast

The second warning sign is how fast he jumps into a very serious relationship. Oftentimes divorced men are only comfortable with relationships that become very serious, very quickly. They are putt off by the dating process of getting to know the other person and it’s important you slow things down. Even if he is keen to spend a lot of time with you or goes as far as suggesting moving in together, slowing down will give you both time to really get to know each other and see if you are actually compatible in the long run.

Never again

Having a negative attitude towards love or being emotionally unavailable is also a red flag. Granted, going through a divorce is one of the most traumatic things a person has to deal with, and it can leave that person bitter and closed off to love. So, if he’s still in a place where he can’t see himself to ever get married again – believe him. He’s not yet moved on and is still reeling from that experience. Let him go, he’s not ready.

He’s depressed

Red flag number four is whether he’s depressed or has low self-esteem. As we said earlier divorce is traumatic and it can really take a toll on a person’s mental state and destroy their self-esteem. Divorce has the potential to make you feel like you are not worthy of a relationship, especially if you’ve been cheated on. But remember, it’s not your job to fix him, it’s not your job to try and bring him to a healthy place in his love life. He will need to find that path on his own.  Please avoid wasting too much time trying to rehabilitate him when you could be keeping your options open to other people.

Check the ex

If his ex-wife is still a huge part of his life that’s another warning sign you shouldn’t ignore. Now, we get it if he has children with her, they will need to make sure they have an active relationship and maybe even a friendship. But if you’re finding that she’s still a constant part of his life, he’s texting her on a constant basis, always seeing her more than probably would be appropriate, then keep your eyes wide open. There’s still a possibility he might want to win her back.

Kids but no kids

Speaking of children. How’s his relationship with his kids? If he has zero custody of his children doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a major problem. Nonetheless, it’s a red flag. Typically, the relationship that someone has with their children is very coherent with the relationship they’ll have with other people in their life, but divorces are complicated and messy, so you really want to find out what actually went to get a clearer picture of him.

Now those are the biggest red flags we really want you to be looking for when you’re dating a divorced man, and if you don’t see any of those red flags, then great, go for it!  Just because a man was divorced doesn’t mean he’s damaged goods. On the contrary, he actually may have learned a lot from that first marriage and be at a point in his life where he has more clarity about what he wants in a relationship and in a woman.

Ready to find your next date? Check out our divorced singles pond and start chatting to other divorced singles today. 

Important Things to Remember When on a Naughty Dating Site

If you’ve been online and swimming in our naughty pond for a while, you’re probably acquainted with the do’s and don’ts our members expect on the site. If you’re new to online dating, especially naughty dating, there are some important things you need to consider so you don’t come off looking like a newbie, or worse, a weirdo. So, here’s a handy guide for all you ‘freshlings’ thinking of frolicking in the deeper waters.

Get ready to date 

Naughty singles come to the site to meet lots of like-minded people to have fun and sex with, so you better be prepared actually to go out on a date with people! What’s the point of joining if you have no intention of hooking up and having a bit of fun? Also, be prepared for rejection. Our singles know what they want and aren’t afraid to show it. Importantly, don’t be disheartened if not everyone falls for your fleshy assets right away. As we always say, ‘there’s plenty more fish in the sea’!

“Come-mitment”

When you join a naughty dating site like Plentymorefish.com it’s worth remembering that you’re not here to find a long-term relationship. This sexy pool is full of singles looking for excitement, adventure and no-strings attached sex. If you’re looking for fairy tales and romance, then the casual dating scene is not for you. Check out our regular singles pond instead.

Be realistic

I guess we all want to fuck someone who looks like a movie star, but you could be missing out on the romp of your life. Instead look for sexual compatibility, likes and dislikes etc. Ask questions and find out how they tick and what fantasies you share. There’s nothing worse than hooking up with someone who looks like a lumber jack but doesn’t know how to use his tools.

Beware of feelings

You’ve been hooking up, having a whale of a time and suddenly those pesky feelings are getting their hooks into you. You start to crave more. It happens, it’s ok. Make sure you talk to the subject of your newly caught feelings and tell them openly. They may reject you so no drama please. We’re all grownups here.

Ready to go for a salacious swim with horny singles? Join here.

Mature dating – How to find love in your 50s, 60s and beyond

The world’s population is getting older year on year. The UK now has an average life expectancy of 81 years, meaning that finding love is no longer limited to people in their 20s, 30s and 40s. More and more mature singles find themselves diving into the dating pool and often for the first time in a long time. That can be a daunting experience. But don’t worry, we’re here to help you navigate your new and fun dating journey.

Here are our top tips to finding love again in your later years:

  1. Try something new

Think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Think again! Not only is taking up a new hobby good for your brain and mental health, it’s also an excellent way to make new friends and meet likeminded singles. We’re certain there’s always been something you’ve been wanting to try out – choir singing, a cooking class or perhaps learning to tango? The possibilities are endless.

  1. Get moving

Physical exercise is a great way to improve many aspects of your life – mood, energy and self-esteem! Whether it’s dancing, walking, yoga or swimming, all are set to keep you young and in great shape. There are literally hundreds of clubs and classes looking to welcome you. Why not try something new every week to get you started until you find ‘The One’ you really like?

  1. Go shopping

Stuck in a rut when it comes to fashion? Now’s the time to ditch the old look and go for something new and fresh! One of the best ways to explore new looks is to get some help from a personal stylist. Many department stores now offer this service and it’s not as expensive as you think. Go on! Invest in yourself – you are worth it.

  1. Try online dating

If you haven’t tried online dating yet, you are missing out. The beauty of dating apps is that you get to speak to a lot of singles before you meet them. There are many dating sites now catering for mature singles looking to connect and find love – like our Silver Pond.

  1. Book that trip

It’s time to go on an adventure! Many travel companies now offer solo travellers the opportunity to join likeminded people on a group holiday. Not only will you see amazing new sights, but you’re bound to make new friends and maybe even have a little holiday romance. There’s no excuse not to go on that trip you’ve always dreamt about doing. Which brings us to…

  1. Be open to possibilities

In other words – start saying yes. Key to meeting new people and finding love is breaking out of your comfort zone and allowing yourself to be open to new opportunities. Much like trying something new – it can feel a little scary at first – but soon you’ll realise that trying new things is fun. It’s time to embrace the possibilities again.

If you’re single and interested in meeting like-minded people, join the Silver Pond over at Plentymorefish.com.

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