For some of us receiving oral sex or someone going down under may feel a tad too intimate. It leaves us feeling nervous, uncomfortable, and unable to relax which do not add up to be a very enjoyable sexual experience. If enjoying oral sex is important to you, then there are ways to get over these challenging feelings so you can relax and pleasure from it.
If you’re self-conscious
Many of us often don’t like oral sex because we feel uncomfortable about our intimate parts. It’s a common issue and someone pleasuring you orally can make you feel a bit vulnerable. Learning to love your genitals can help sex become a more memorable and mind-blowing experience and it’s the only way you’re going to be able to feel pleasure to the max. As with the rest of your body, genitalia come in all shapes, sizes, and forms. Time to embrace variety!
So how do I feel confident whilst someone is down *there*?
Remember to not compare your vagina (or penis) to those seen in porn or described in erotic novels. The latter are not supposed to look realistic, they’re just exaggerated fantasy versions. (Side note: Check out The Vulva Gallery to get real familiar with what different vulvas look like).
Going into oral sex your self-confidence can dip slightly but a good method to keep you focused and in the moment is to practice breathing into any orgasmic feelings, focus fully on the pleasure rather than getting distracted by the self-conscious thoughts creeping into your head. Every time a thought seems to appear, remember to breathe into the good feeling, ignoring the worries. You’ll notice that the more you do this, the better you become at it and the more you begin to enjoy the pleasure. It may not happen the right but practice these breathing methods during oral sex and when you feel most confident in your body, and you’ll start to notice the changes.
People you get down and dirty with are typically people you trust, so being able to communicate with the other person should feel easy and comfortable. If this is the case, why not share your worries? After all, a problem shared is a problem halved. You might find they offer a bit of reassurance or wise words that put you at ease.
If it feels just a bit too intimate
Oral sex is more intimate than penetrative sex, there’s no doubt about that. Someone being up close and personal can be too much for some, so it’s possible that not enjoying oral sex doesn’t stem from the act itself but more so who’s doing the deed on you.
Be honest with yourself and your sexual partner with what’s going on. If it’s casual sex you’re after, oral sex might be off the agenda for a while until you feel comfortable in the dynamic with your partner and the intimacy grows. Or, in fact, it could totally be off the table, and you can stick to penetrative sex. There should be no pressure to feel like you must participate in oral sex in order to have a good sex life. If it’s something that doesn’t feel right with you, then don’t put yourself into an uncomfortable situation. Being honest with yourself is critical so ask yourself these questions:
1. How comfortable do you feel with this partner performing oral sex on you?
2. Do you only feel uncomfortable with oral sex?
3. Do you enjoy other forms of sex with your partner?
Intimacy might be something that simply grows the more you feel comfortable with your partner, the more sex you have, the more you see each other, or intimacy might just seize to exist between you both. If it’s not, it’s time to address if that’s important to you.
If you’re wanting to find sexy singles to get exploring between the sheets with, then check out The Naughty Pond.
Whilst quickies can be exciting and get steamy, there’s a chance you don’t want every sexcapade to be over in just a couple of minutes. For the most part, sex is to be enjoyed without having to worry about time limits or being interrupted and to get the absolute most enjoyment out of every session. We’ve put a list of tips and tricks together that could help you add a few more minutes in the bedroom.
Practicing safe sex is a non-negotiable and using condoms not only keep you safe but they are said to make you last longer. Double bonus! They decrease sensitivity, so it’s recommended if you’re wanting to prolong it even further then you should use the thicker condoms.
2. Reduce Stimulation
Stimulation plays a part in bringing your body to orgasm, even if it is just a little tease before the main event. It might be smart to try desensitising gels or delay lube, to help prolong the feeling even more. You could also turn the focus to stimulating your partner so that you last longer, it’s a win-win situation.
3. Try a new location
Sometimes we get stuck in a rut when it comes to getting busy in the sheets, particularly if we’re always in the same location i.e., le boudoir. By switching up, you trick your mind out of autopilot and into novelty mode which will increase pleasure as novelty can be a huge turn on.
4. Put aside time for UNINTERRUPTED sex
We’re not saying that sex must be spontaneous to last longer but making sure there’s time for both you and your partner to get comfortable and excited is important. The last thing you want to be doing is rushing the experience so you can get to work in time for your meeting. This also means setting time aside where you know your phone can be on ‘do not disturb’ and you won’t be worrying about the calls or emails flooding in.
5. Spend more time on foreplay
Whilst foreplay may make the intercourse part shorter, it will extend the sex session as a whole and will help you both in feeling satisfied and, as they say, it’s always good to do a warm-up before any type of workout 😉.
If you’re ready to find a fellow sexy single to explore with, then head over to the Naughty Pond.
A ‘normal’ sex drive looks different for everyone. There are many different factors which work together that can cause a lower sex drive in some compared to others. Low libido is more common than many realise, and everyone can experience it at some. For those who enjoy sex, it can be frustrating when what once was an active sex life becomes a dull affair. We understand the frustration, so we’ve done a bit of research to find simple ways that could boost your sex drive to help you get your mojo back.
Find a way to connect to your body
Sex is just one way of connecting yourself to your body but there are many other ways you could do this. Go out and find opportunities that bring pleasure into your life. This could be anything from dancing to practicing yoga, to taking yourself out on a date. The key is bringing back the confidence and the joy, which you can then bring home to your partner. When you’re in a joyful state your mind is more open to ideas, and you may even find yourself open to new sexual experiences.
Whilst you may think scheduled sex is not sexy, it is the best way to ensure that you’re prioritising pleasure. Think of the anticipation of what you’ll see, the excitement of maybe a different location, this can all build up to allow for a better experience. It also gives you time to prepare and get in the mood, whether that’s having a hot bath with candles, reading erotica, or simply putting on a new set of sexy lingerie.
Introduce your toys
If you know that your toys will help to give you the pleasure you desire, then introduce them into the bedroom as well. There’s no shame in adding them to help get you in the mood. Physical arousal can help create the sensation that we get before we want to take our clothes off. You could even get your partner involved by letting them take control of the toy or letting them watch you.
Pump up your pelvic floor
There could be many reasons why your sex drive is low, it could be hormonal shifts, stress or even childbirth. There are many women who struggle with a weakened pelvic floor at some point in their life and this can lead to a decreased feeling of arousal. Trying pelvic floor exercises can strengthen the muscles, giving you more control over your body and can also give you stronger orgasms. Check out the blog post written by Denise Brodey, she gives you numerous exercises you can use to pump up your sex drive.
Lay off the alcohol
You may think after a few cocktails your sex drive has skyrocketed and you just can’t keep your hands off your partner, and whilst this may be true, the days to follow may prove difficult to get yourself in the mood and alcohol has been proven to suppress sex drive. It’s also been said that alcohol reduces satisfaction and makes it more challenging to perform in the bedroom. So, if you want those mind-blowing orgasms, it’s probably best to stay off the margaritas.
There are many different reasons why you can have a low libido, it’s important to remember that it’s completely normal and everyone experiences it at some point. So, next time you’re getting frustrated because you just can’t get in the mood, try one of these methods and see if it works for you.
Are you ready to find a sexy single to get naughty in the sheets with? Head over to the Naughty Pond and get searching.
Sexual fantasies should be seen to express your unconscious needs or desires that you can’t control, like dreams in that respect. Talking about your sexual fantasies can be a daunting prospect for someone who thinks that they are a taboo topic. Thinking about certain sexual situations does not mean that you want them to happen, they can stay in your mind. But sharing them with another person can be daunting.
Think about why you want to share your fantasy
What do you want to achieve when telling your partner about your fantasy? Do you want them to know you on a deeper level? Maybe, you want to explore your sex life a bit more or do you want to figure out what turns you on about the fantasy? Talking about these things can be enlightening and can help your partner get to know you on an intimate level and could even liven up the bedroom.
Remember that you’re not weird for having fantasies
Fantasies are a natural part of being a sexual person. We should remember that they aren’t gross or creepy. The fantasies you have do not inherently represent you as person, regardless of what they are.
Ask the question
If you’re one to get shy about your fantasies, then relay the question to your partner. It’s best to ask them whilst you’re getting busy in the bedroom, it’s a great way to kick start the fantasy chat. Whilst you’re talking to your partner you could even suggest incorporating part of your fantasy into the bedroom, then it’s a win-win.
Play a game
You could suggest playing a game, taking it in turns to describe a fantasy of yours. A fun way of doing this is by writing out 3-5 fantasies or aspects of a fantasy (whether that’s an object or location), put them in a jar and then take it in turns to pull them out and each describe them. If they’re a turn on for both of you, then maybe you could try it out next time in the bedroom.
The wonders of phones are that now you don’t even have to be facing someone to have a conversation with them, which is why it might be so much easier to talk about your sexual fantasies over text. This can help create a comfortable space which is secretive and exciting for you both.
If you’re feeling like indulging into your own fantasies, head over to the Naughty Pond, to find other fellow singles to heat up the bedroom.
Picture this, you’ve got yourself a hot date, you’re about to take it to the next level and you’re readying for a mind-blowing experience because there is most definitely a connection between you both. Only for you to get into the bedroom and be a tad disappointed that it hasn’t quite lived up to your expectations. But it’s not all doom and gloom. We’ve put together a few tips and tricks you could use to encourage a more positive experience in the bedroom.
Don’t fake it
You need to ask yourself why you’re faking it in the first place. Are you trying to get it over with so you can get out of there fast? Or are you trying to pet your date’s ego a little? The simple tip for faking it is don’t. It’s an opportunity to let your date know what turns you on in the bedroom, which is particularly important if it’s the first time you’re both taking it to the next level. If you’re not sure what you like, then you should take the time out to find out. Spend a little bit more time getting to know your body.
Give them feedback
Communication in the bedroom is key. You don’t have to give them an instruction manual, but the small comments like “to the left” or “a little lower” can massively help. Again, this is a part of getting to know your sexual partner and being expressive about what you like/dislike. If you don’t feel quite confident enough to say anything yet, then you can adjust their body yourself. Remember to phrase any comments kindly and keep it sexy by whispering it in their ear.
Try new things
It can be daunting trying new things with a new sexual partner, but it could be a great way of testing the chemistry and finding out a little more about your date’s fantasies and turn-on’s. The more open you are as a pair the more rewarding the experience will be. You don’t have to go crazy, but simply trying a new position out or introducing your sex toy could change things up in the bedroom. It might be a good idea to even mention something you’ve been intrigued to try, which could be a great way of gauging your partner’s interests and what they feel comfortable doing.
Talk about it afterwards
Instead of making a beeline for the door, stay and chat about the experience. It doesn’t need to be a serious “we need to talk” chat but more of a relaxed conversation, starting on a positive note about something they did. You may feel awkward at first, but it will certainly help if you want to give it another go or even in building your confidence to express your opinions in the bedroom. You want to suggest rather than critique, that way they’ll be more open to change and adjusting their techniques.
Bad sex doesn’t always mean zero sexual compatibility. Sometimes, a little guidance and communication can be all you need to turn it around.
If you want to find some sexy singles ready for some fun, head over to the naughty pond.
If you’re curious about sex toys and how they increase your satisfaction in the bedroom, then read on we’re about to introduce you to some of the best sex toys for beginners and how to take your experience to new heights. It may be that you (and your partner) have reached a stale point in your sex life, or maybe you’re just curious in how you can intensify your experience.
Buying your first sex toy can be daunting, there are such a wide variety of toys out there and for a beginner knowing where to start can be a challenge. The most important thing to consider when buying your sex toy is that you want to feel comfortable when using it, so don’t add it to your basket if it looks intimidating to use. It’s recommended by sex therapist Ian Kerner, to look for a sex toy which provides clitoral stimulation, as it’s easier for most women to reach an orgasm this way.
So, let’s talk about the different types of sex toys that are out there. We’ll start with what they call a magic wand style vibrator. It’s a classic style with a wide variety of versions of it on the web. This is a great toy to use if you’re wanting to explore different speeds and areas to use it on. It’s also a great way to get your partner involved in the bedroom, maybe you want to try something different. Well, this allows you to spark a conversation on what feels good and what doesn’t hit the (G)spot.
Rabbit style is the next one up. This sex toy is great if you’re feeling a little greedy and you want the best of both worlds both clitoral stimulation and penetration. It is designed to give more intense sensations than a solo dildo or vibrator. Like anything, it’s probably best to spend a little bit more to get the better-quality sex toys.
Vibrating Eggs otherwise known as Bullets are fun pocket-sized vibrators and are easy to hide if you’re wanting to be discreet about your sex toys. Alternatively, they’re great to travel with as you can hide them sneakily in your case without worrying someone will pull a pair of shorts out your bag and your toys come with it. They’re a great toy to use if you want to learn more about precise stimulation and knowing exactly where you get the most enjoyment.
To finish, we’ll end with a basic. The Dildo. Most people will have already heard and have a perception of a dildo, so it won’t take a lot of explanation. But this sex toy is great for those of you who enjoy penetration more than clitoral stimulation. They’re slightly curved purposely to stimulate the G-spot and they can be made from lots of different materials like silicone, rubber, plastic etc. so you can figure out which you feel most comfortable using.
There are lots of other different sex toys out there, far too many to sit here and list but those are the basics for anyone who is curious in increasing their toy collection. Remember that this is a great way to explore more of what is pleasurable for you, so only do what makes you feel comfortable.
You can gain a newfound self-confidence by finding out more about yourself, so get out there and give it a go if you’re intrigued. You could even head over to our Naughty Pond, where you’ll find fellow singles to join the fun.
Foreplay a.k.a the build-up to sex is just as important as the main event itself. Remember that foreplay doesn’t follow a plan, it’s all about going with the flow meaning that it doesn’t have to feel so repetitive. To help, we’ve compiled a list of tips you may want to try next time you fancy spicing up your foreplay time.
Venture outside the bedroom
Keeping things interesting by doing something unexpected is one of the best ways to spice up your sex life. This could simply be by initiating foreplay outside of the bedroom. Now we’re not talking extreme here, we’re thinking maybe in the kitchen or in the living room whilst you’re watching the TV. You could then either lead your partner to the bedroom afterwards or have your fun right there.
Talking dirty is a great way to initiate foreplay. You don’t need to exude confidence and recite an erotic novel in order for this to be a success. There’s no need to overthink it, just simply stating what you want your partner to do to you can do the trick. It’s also a great way to learn what your partner likes or doesn’t like. Becoming a pro at talking dirty isn’t difficult, check out our blog post to find plenty more tips.
Make it an all-day event
Foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to be the pair of you in the moment, together. It could be sexy texts throughout the day or giving each other the eyes. It can start way before the main event, so don’t rush it. Tease each other throughout the day and build up the excitement, that way your partner won’t be able to resist when they can finally lay their hands on you.
Try not to Kiss
Getting face to face with your partner and resisting the urge to kiss can be one of the most intense feelings. Get close enough that your mouths are nearly touching and notice how your urges kick in. You’ll be surprised at how steamy foreplay can get.
Do the unexpected
Changing the way you do things in the bedroom can lead your partner to wanting more. If you normally get down and dirty at night, then switch things up and try it in the morning. Maybe you usually delve into foreplay when the lights are off and it’s dark, why not try lighting a few candles? As we said, switching up where foreplay happens can be exciting, just like switching up how you do foreplay itself.
Our tips and tricks are sure to help you out, are you just missing your sexy single to try these with? Head over to our naughty pond to experiment in some no-strings attached fun.
Talking dirty seems to be an aspect of sex we either shy away from or delve into. We get too worried about saying the wrong thing or embarrassing ourselves that sometimes talking dirty can become unnatural and awkward, when really it is simple. If you find it difficult to talk dirty or you just want to feel more confident doing so, then we’ve got a few tips for you to use that will soon make you a pro.
Set the scene
It may sound cliché but setting the scene can help dirty talk flow easier. It requires mental preparation; you want to think about what you want to say. Particularly if you’re looking at divulging into your fantasies, you need to think about how you’re going to bring it up, so it doesn’t become too forward or brash. The confidence you will exude by communicating with your partner will make you look sexier.
Not only can you prepare mentally, but you can also set the room. Maybe light a few candles or simply turn down the light a little. It’s been said that creating ambience in the room can make you and your love more open to experimenting.
Start with a question
Most people get stuck about what to say when talking dirty, there’s this perception that it has to sound like an erotic novel or trash talk, otherwise you’re not doing it right. But that’s not the case. You can simply start by asking a question about what you’re doing to your partner. “Do you like the way I’m…”. Then ask another question which could allow a more erotic response, more open ended. “What else would you…”. By asking your lover what they enjoy doing and/or receiving during sex can be very empowering for both of you.
Tell them what you’re going to do
If you don’t feel like asking questions, then take the reigns and tell your partner what you’re going to do to them. You could then ask a question after to see what else they would like you to do. This one is a win-win because both sides get to see what their lover really likes and gets turned on by. You may find that your lover may get turned on by dominance, you telling them what you’re going to do to them
Talk about what you see
Visual stimuli during sex is a major turn on for some. You can make comments about how great your partner’s body looks or how good it feels when they touch you. By focussing the attention on the physical actions that are happening and the body, your partner also gets an idea of what you like. Seeing you enjoy their actions, could turn them on further.
Talk about what you want
The key with asking for what you want is not coming across as though you’re complaining or being whiny. You should remain calm, cool and sexy, not demanding. If it’s done right, your partner will love the extra help in satisfying your needs. Asking for what you like can come across as a confident move and therefore making you sexier in the bedroom.
Talking softly into your partner’s ear can get them excited, after all whispering is sultry and sexy. A simple phrase like “I want you” or “I need you” can turn on your partner, leaving them wanting you to say more. Knowing that someone else wants you is a sexually gratifying statement, which can help with confidence in the bedroom.
Although we did mention that talking dirty doesn’t have to be like an Erotica novel, it certainly helps to read them. If you’re really looking at stepping up your game, it might be a good idea to delve into the world of erotica. The whole point of dirty talk is to use phrases that turn you on, by reading erotica you’re wanting to find that phrases that do that exact thing to you. Maybe there’s a sentence that makes you flutter or maybe just how they describe an action. But pay attention to how your body reacts to the erotica and see how you could work it into the bedroom.
Want to find like-minded singles for no-strings attached, sexy fun? Check out Plentymore Naughty Fish.
The positions we choose to have in the bedroom can be telling of the type of people we are and which go a lot deeper than just simple attributes like you are ‘adventurous’ or ‘predictable’. They can signify how we see our sexual selves and how we must satisfy our own needs. We’ve compiled a list of the most common sex positions to see what they say about you.
It’s a classic position, known for its simplicity. It can be a sign that you enjoy communication as it’s a close face-to-face position, but it can also signal predictability and a lack of spontaneity. For ladies, it can be a signal that they are looking for intimacy. Those who are insecure about their weight or looks may opt for this position, as most of their body is hidden away. If you find he is persistent on going at it in this position, it could mean that your sexual needs are not a priority for him, as he’s running the show.
Doggy is a position of deep pleasure; out of all the positions it is most likely to stimulate a woman’s G-spot. However, it is impersonal and acts on animalistic instincts of men craving to be the dominant. It is a position driven by lust, not love. If you find yourself choosing doggy often, then it can be a sign of your lack of desire for intimacy. It’s a position rarely chosen by those who are insecure, as nothing is hidden from your lover’s eyes.
If you’re looking to delve into your fantasies in the bedroom then doggy can allow for that, as there is little eye contact meaning you can fantasise about who and what you please. It’s also a great position for hook-ups, as you can avoid the intimate parts of sex – like eye contact or cuddling – but that may not tick the boxes for you.
The woman on top can signify a confident dynamic between two people. It shows that the woman is strong-minded and isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants. It is typically only done by women who are self-assured in their body image and exude sexual confidence. For a man, it could mean two things. One, they are confident in being submissive and likely wish to just please their lover. Or two, they are hyper-visual.
We’ve all been there – it’s morning time, you’re feeling aroused, you don’t particularly want to move, and you’ve got breath that could knock out a skunk. So, what’s the best position you may ask? Spooning. It’s ideal, you’re not facing each other, it’s minimal movement in comparison to other positions and yet it’s still enjoyable. It’s a go-to for all the men with a soft spot who desire a bit of intimacy.
Spooning is great for slow sex and it has lots of body contact. However, it lacks the intensity that positions like Doggy and Missionary can provide, so it typically occurs when the passion between two people is scarce. It’s a go-to position for someone who wouldn’t refuse sex but would also not be upset if it didn’t happen.
Sex standing up offers flexibility – technically not always physical – but in terms of location and position. The beauty of it is that you can incorporate different positions into your sexy time whilst standing up. Can’t decide between Doggy or Standing? That’s alright, put them both together and bend them over a table, surely that’s a win-win. Standing sex gives off a sense of adventure and it shows you’re often turned on by the idea of being naughty. It also shows that you’re one to seize the moment and you can be unpredictable.
Reverse Cowgirl is popular amongst the women as it is a position of pleasure. It shows that the personal needs of a woman trumps all, as she wants to get off but has a desire to turn on her partner. As a result she’s both physically and mentally stimulated. Again, the woman has the most control and appears to be the dominant one, who shows sexual confidence in her assertiveness. It’s a bare-all position so it is appealing towards the men who are driven by lust and visually get turned on.
Who knew sex positions could be so telling of someone’s personality and their desires? Do you want to find other confident, sexy singles to get adventurous with? If so, head over to the Naughty Pond and start your journey there.
Submission can easily be misconstrued with their representation of it through movies and books, but we’ve busted some myths to help you get a better understanding of what being a Submissive really means.
Submissives = Masochists
Masochism is the act of receiving sexual gratification from pain. It is a misconception to associate submission with a desire for pain. In fact, the whole idea of submission is to gain pleasure from the act of submitting to your partner. Doms can also be masochists and demand their Subs to inflict pain, there are a whole world of combinations when it comes to Dom/Sub relations. But the main thing to take away is that pain and pleasure do not have to go hand in hand in order for you to be submissive.
They have No Responsibility
Responsibility in a Dominant/Submissive relationship is easily misunderstood. It can be seen that the responsibility is passed to the Dominant lover and that the Sub is longing to be looked after. Certain basic responsibilities which are important for both parties in the bedroom go unnoticed by outsiders. Every individual who partakes in submissive acts has a responsibility for their own actions and words. In relation to your dominant lover, these words and actions are important, they involve being open and honest about expressing your desires and how you handle them. Yes, the dominant may hold the most responsibility in terms of dealing directly with the control of their partner, they have to know their Subs better than anyone else. But the Sub is responsible for communicating their boundaries within the relationship.
They shouldn’t have their own opinions
If Subs want to be controlled, they shouldn’t be allowed to have opinions of their own, Right? Wrong. How are submissive partners supposed to have fun in the bedroom if they can’t share their opinions about what they enjoy? If they are supposed to be comfortable in the bedroom, then they need to be able to express what they like and what they don’t enjoy so much. Being submissive is all about being adaptable, so someone who is opinionated and strong-willed in their everyday life could well be a submissive behind closed doors.
They are Weak Individuals
We touched on this a little bit in our “A Beginners Guide to BDSM” post. Being submissive in the bedroom does not reveal their personality to be the same outside of it. In fact, the most dominant individuals can in fact cave in for the desire to be submissive. To allow someone to take control of the situation takes a lot more courage than people think. Think back to a time in your sex life where you felt shy or vulnerable lying there naked in front of someone else. Now, imagine doing that but allowing them to be the dominant partner, dishing out the commands and taking control. It takes more strength than you would believe, to feel comfortable and confident enough in your own skin and in the situation.
Submission is always Sexual
Depending on the type of relationship you have with a Dom, depends on the different acts you may perform for them. But it is important to highlight that not all Dom/Sub relationships are sexual. There can be acts where, as a Sub, you don’t experience sexual pleasure and it may not turn you on, but it is still a submissive act and you do it because you want to please your Dom. Service submission is an act that is overlooked when looking at submission, this could be anything from organising their day-to-day business to being a domestic servant for them.
Remember that submission is all about adventure and pleasure, the more comfortable you are the more fulfilment you will feel in the bedroom. Establish your boundaries and affirm them with your lover. But most of all, just have fun. Don’t put pressure on yourself to match the ‘ideal’ of Dom/Sub.
So what are you waiting for? If submission intrigues you head over to the Naughty Pond, where we have adventurous horny singles ready to join you between the sheets.