Let’s be honest for a moment and put it on the table; dating in your 40s is pretty grim (ok, personal experience talking, it is bleaker than a public service station restroom at the side of a deserted motorway). At 40 the competition is steeper and it becomes a whole lot more confusing and you’ll find the type of men in the over 40s dating pool very different.
Here are some truths that could help you navigate the tricky path of mature dating.
The men are having a mid-life crisis
Men like younger women. A lot of men in their 30’s and 40’s seem to have an awakening moment and panic that they’re getting old and as a knee jerk reaction go out and find the perkiest 25-year-old they can find in an attempt to settle down. Even if you are near their own age they will still see you as ‘old’ and dismiss your profile. Harsh. You may well be witty, successful, outgoing and smart but none of that matters in their heads once you are in the over 40’s club.
You attract that toy boys
An older, gorgeous, confident and self-assured woman is an absolute lure for a man in his late 20s. To them, the age gap works in their favour as you’ll be comfortable and well skilled in the bedroom and the perfect teacher for them to learn some tricks. It may suit you to end up with a 25-year-old toy-boy between the sheets but you’ll struggle to find someone old enough to suit your lifestyle and goals if you go down this path. Think late night booty calls and the wonders of dick pics…really??
You love your kids but not everyone else does
Having kids and attempting to get back to dating and relationships is tough. All the time you are mindful of their needs and emotions. You’re careful not to introduce them to every date, you question when to introduce them to the date and then you’re also trying to juggle a date around organising child care. For some guys the fact you’re a mother will discount you instantly; remember… that says way more about them than it does about you. Equally, you don’t need to introduce them to everyone unless you think that person is going to have some level of permanence in your life. If you enter a relationship be upfront about your kids and whether you realistically want more and you’ll soon find out which guys are serious about sticking around.
You’re set in your ways
Dating in your 40’s means you know what you want – this translates to you’re stubborn and won’t deviate from your ideal situation. Your list of dating dealbreakers is far more set in stone than it was when you were 25, and if you’re looking to settle down and start a family this is now crunch time and you’re going to be super picky about it.
There’s too much choice
Your phone is full of dating apps, you have RSI in your thumb from continual swiping and you’ve moved to second base (WhatsApp) with several potentially interested parties. Stop! Too much choice is a bad thing and makes it harder for you to spot the genuine guys who are real relationship material. If you want a partner with a similar professional mindset and age to your own then it is quite possibly you need to be looking at mature dating websites rather than the usual hookup apps.
You’re flying solo
Chances are that by this point all your other female friends are married, also have kids or are in long term relationships. This means that you’ve lost your partner in crime who will pull you back to reality on nights out after too many mojitos. You are flying solo with no wing woman in your corner to guide you. It can be awkward talking to your friends about your dating exploits when their lives are on a very different path and can leave you feeling a little isolated. Advice? Confide in one close friend who you really trust with your dating tales and keep it between the two of you – their advice will be invaluable and more genuine if they feel like it is something just between the two of you.
Dating in your late 30s and early 40s is complexed. Shapewear becomes your best friend and there’s a whole text acronym sub culture you don’t understand, but on the plus side you don’t have to justify your stream of one night stands to your mother anymore.
Ultimately, don’t lose hope, when you fall in love as cheesy as this sounds it really is something very special and if it was so easy to come by, well all the sense of mystery around it would be gone and it would lose the magic.
Remember at the heart of it you are an amazing woman and anyone will be lucky to have you….just be patient, don’t settle for second best and keep on searching.
“Mick and I have now been together for about 6 weeks and have just returned from our first holiday together. It was just a wink from me that made Mick look at my profile and see how we think alike. He would have never known but for that wink. After he winked back and we exchanged a couple of messages to each other we arranged our first date. As soon as we met I knew that there was a buzz between us and we held hands all night. Since we met and as we spend more and more time together we realise just how alike we truly are and how luck we have been to meet.”
Mick & Sue
Congratulations to Mick & Sue who met on Plenty More Fish. You look so happy in your picture! Wishing you both a very happy future together. x
A little ping just announced the arrival of this wonderful message sent to us by Anne who met her John on Plenty More Silver Fish. Sadly she didn’t send us a picture but this is what she wrote:
I joined the site one year ago, after being alone for several years following an unpleasant divorce and many years alone. I started to enjoy exchanging correspondence through the site with many nice sounding men but none that I felt attracted enough to meet. Then I saw John’s picture and profile. His picture was of a nice looking man, obviously taken on a holiday, sitting relaxed at an outside beach café. His profile told me he was a widower who had been married for over 40 years and lost his wife very suddenly. I liked the way he worded his profile, with total respect of his marriage and his wife. I sent him a message although he lived some 30 miles from me. It was a while before he responded, and then for several weeks we sent brief messages. Then eventually he asked if I would like to meet him for a drink. It was the first time I thought Yes I will do this. We met in a pub car-park very near to me, I was very nervous, we had a nice evening, conversation was easy and flowed. Before the end of the evening he asked me if I would like to meet again and I said yes. We dated once a week for a month then John was away on a months holiday. I realised I missed him and he phoned several times. When he returned he came straight to see me and we fell into each others arms. From then on we spent more and more time together, met each others families. And we are now moving into a home together and planning our futures. I can honestly say that John has wiped out all my unhappy memories of my marriage breakup. Although John retains loving memories of his long happy marriage he tells me he feels re-born and looks forward to our future years together. We are both now retiring and ready to experience a new life together. Thank you Plenty More Fish!
We are so thrilled you both found happiness through our site and all of us at Plenty More Fish wish you both a long and very happy future together. You are proof that love can find you more than once in life.
If you are still looking for that special someone, why not give us a try? We have three dating ponds for you to choose from. Our Single Pond is aimed at singles from 18-45, our Silver Pond offers dating for the over 40’s and our Naughty Pond is something for the more adventurous among you. Registration on all ponds is FREE, so you can browse for singles in your area right away.
What are you waiting for? Go and cast your net at www.plentymorefish.com.
Happy Dating! x
“After a wink to Christine on the site we started emailing from the beginning of Dec 2012, a few emails later we quickly found that we had so much in common. Christine is an amateur artist and I own an art gallery. Then there is Christine’s love of photography and I am a photographer selling my own work in my gallery and digital prints. Our holiday interests and places are the same as well, it just went on and on. I then asked to meet for the first time on New Years Day 2013 and we spent the whole afternoon and evening together walking and talking and enjoying lunch and coffees.
We have already booked a holiday in September to our favourite holiday island and are planning our future together, including me publishing Christine’s work in my art gallery.
So, to the Plenty More Fish Team our deepest thanks!”
Peter & Christine
It seems this is a match made in heaven! We are so happy you found each other and that we could help make it possible. We hope you have the most wonderful future together.
Maz & The Team at Plenty More Fish