Let’s be honest, dating is not all rainbows and puppy dogs. It takes time and patience and there can be disappointments and rejections along the way. And it’s those rejections we’d like to address to help you navigate them more easily.
Don’t take it personally
You have no idea what reasons the other person has for not getting back in touch, so fretting about it does more harm than good. We know it’s not always that simple, especially if you have dated the person for a while. Think about it this way, if they don’t share your feelings about the relationship, isn’t it best if you move on?
No one likes to be rejected and it’s perfectly normal to feel upset and hurt at first. And if you’ve been dropped without any explanation it can hit you especially hard. It’s important, however, to practice self-kindness, as blaming yourself will only hurt you further. Unless you’ve been given a very clear reason why it’s not worked out, avoid jumping to conclusions as to why it didn’t last. There may be many reasons why he/she decided to break it off and they don’t have to be your fault.
Avoid a victim mindset
On the flipside of blaming yourself is blaming the other party. After a rejection, it can be very easy to slip into a victim mentality by generalising behaviour (ie. all men/woman are…). This may feel good at first, and it certainly feels easier than looking in the mirror, but in the long-term, this mindset will sabotage any real chances at finding new love and keep you feeling stuck and powerless. Again, acknowledge your feelings but don’t dwell.
After a rejection, especially when we listen to our critical inner voice, it’s easy for self-doubt and insecurities to raise their ugly heads and can leave us feeling less sure of ourselves. When we’ve been left by someone, we may find ourselves feeling out of place. It may become difficult to visit certain places, see certain people, or partake in activities for a while. However, this situation presents an opportunity to really connect with our individuality, your own needs. What is it that you enjoy doing? Who are you outside of a relationship? Focussing on defining yourself anew again, can get you out of heartbreak-mode much faster. Realising that you have a whole life outside of whatever rejection you’ve experienced, and that life will go on.
So, you’ve been dating for several months and things are going really well between you. You’ve even had ‘the Talk’, are exclusive and happily floating on cloud 9.
On a night out you and beloved take smoochie selfies and just as you are ready to type the caption and share it on your Insta you stop, asking yourself if it’s okay to make it ‘online official’.
It seems that switching your online status from ‘dating’ to ‘in a relationship’ has people all frazzled and many worry it comes with too many complications and only adds pressure to the relationship.
Some say it’s time “when you both agree it’s ok” whilst others are firmly in the “it’s nobody’s business” camp.
A survey by Jewelers F. Hinds only 32% of people would remove their dating profiles to confirm a relationship.
We think it all depends on the couple. It’s important that you both feel ready to declare it to the World (or not). So talk about it before taking this step.
Even if it doesn’t work out and you’re back to changing your status to ‘single’ – it is really that important to you what other people think?
What do you think? Cast your vote below
Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash
Long gone are the days where people thought being on a dating website was for weirdoes.
Online dating is now a key part in today’s dating culture, and it’s actually one of the most successful and efficient ways to meet someone special. But most people just don’t know how to unlock this opportunity.
So here are our top 5 tips on how to make it easier to find love online.
- Be yourself
It can be so tempting to exaggerate or embellish your traits to help find a date but it’s important that you are honest on your dating profile (and IRL obv). Saying you are 6’1 when you are 5’5 may not seem like a big fib to you but your date might feel like they’ve been deceived. Stay honest and real and the right person will find you.
- Go on dates
It seems like an obvious one but it bears repeating – the more dates you go on the bigger the chances you will click with someone in real life. When looking for a new job you wouldn’t say no to turning up for an interview and expecting to get the job, would you? If you are serious about finding that special someone you’ll have to go out to find him or her. No hiding behind a computer screen!
- Stay optimistic
It can be really disheartening when you’ve been single for a while and feel like you’re the only person on Earth still left without a partner. To take the pressure off, focus on making a new friend rather than meeting the love of your life. This may seem weird at first, but if you’re too focused on ‘The One’ it may blind you to the possibilities out there. Most of the time it’s our own expectations that get in the way of connecting with the people around us. Go easy on yourself and your date!
- Check your dating profile
Coming back to point 1 (being honest) when was the last time you’ve checked in on your own dating profile. Are you honest about yourself? How old are your images? Sprucing up your dating profile can really boost your dating game. Check out our post on DATING PROFILE MISTAKES WOMEN HATE for some dating profile tips (also relevant for the ladies!) If in doubt, ask a straight-talking friend to check over your profile and give you some tips.
- Before you meet in person, have a phone convo
We know in today’s world having an actual phone may seem like your dating in the 90s but trust us when we say this should be the first step before you meet a date in person – no matter how much you liked them online. A phone call will give plenty of time to check if you have chemistry. After all, if you can’t talk over the phone, you are not likely to have much to say to each other in real life.
Ready to find singles in your area? Join Plentymorefish free today.
We spent a lot of time online. A.LOT.OF.TIME. So we can confidently say we’ve seen our fair share of men’s dating profiles. Some good, some amazing, and some…well, let’s just say there’s room for improvement. Sorry, lads – we have to call it. It’s always surprising when someone looking for love doesn’t seem to put any effort into creating at least a ‘decent-ish’ dating profile.
So from a female perspective here are the biggest dating profile turn-offs.
We get it – you like your friends. But if your dating profile comprises of mostly group shots you are turning it into a game of “Where’s Wally”. Worse yet, looking at you in group shots with other ladies. What exactly are you telling a potential date? She won’t know if the other woman in the pic is your ex or your sis, and as soon as confusion sets in, she’ll be on to the next profile. Make it easy for her to see whose profile she’s looking at.
Sex doesn’t sell
That’s right, Gentlemen, your abs may be harder than the surface of our office desk but we really don’t want to see them in your dating profile. Whilst we can all appreciate a bit of eye candy, that’s what Instagram is for. Your dating profile isn’t a place to hawk the goods unless you’re after a no-strings-attached-date, in which case check out our Naughty Pond. If you are looking for a relationship, add photos of you in well-fitting clothes that compliment your nice physique. If in doubt, ask yourself if you would show that pic to your Nan.
If I could turn back time
That ‘used by date’ applies to images too, or at least it should. Any images of you that are older than your mobile phone should not make it onto your dating profile. How would you feel if your date shows up to a dinner date having suddenly aged 20 years? It’s not a great way to start off! The same applies to fibbing about your age, height, hobbies, anything really – just be honest, please.
Let’s face it
Your profile pic should not make you look like you ought to be on Crime Watch. We cannot tell you how many photos we’ve seen taken by low light, with a shadowy figure staring down into a webcam. It’s simply creepy af and is not going to get you dates. Instead, go for images taken in natural daylight. Ask a trusted friend and head to the garden or the park and take a few pictures – preferably headshots. So – you know – she can see your actual face!
Gents, if any the above describes your dating profile, we hope you take our well-intentioned advice and put some effort into updating it. We really want you to find that special someone. So start with your dating profile and put your best (virtual) foot forward.
Ready to find new singles in your area? Set up your free dating profile with www.plentymorefish.com and start chatting to other singles today.
It’s not always easy to find something to do with your date – especially as the days get shorter. Dinner and a movie are safe and boring. But don’t worry, we got you covered. Why not try one of our favourite dating ideas?
Cream of the crop
One of our favourite dating activities at this time of year is visiting a Harvest Festival. With a huge variety of different festivals happening each week across the country – especially if you are a foodie. Each festival has a different way to celebrate autumn, from gin and pie tasting to craft demonstrations and foraging tours – there’s something for everyone. Check out Country File’s favourite harvest festivals for some inspiration or browse the net for a local listing near you.
Autumn is undoubtedly the best season to get out and take some photographs. You and your date can take some really creative and Insta-worthy shots of each other with minimal effort or equipment. Not only will you have tons of fun but you’ll also create lasting memories. #relationshipgoals
Go Go Glamping
As it gets colder it’s also a great time to cosy up. Whilst booking a hotel is nice, it’s also a tad snooze-worthy. But rather than go full-on Bear Grylls on your lover, consider the unusual options of glamping. Stay in a safari tent or a treehouse for a weekend out of the ordinary but with most of the creature comforts. Certainly beats a boring hotel room, right? To get inspired visit Canopy & Stars.
Après-Ciate the slopes
This is for the sporty couples among you. If you haven’t tried skiing yet, you’re missing out on a whole lot of fun. To get started, book some time on an indoor ski slope (just Google ‘ski slopes near me’). Impress your date with your graceful – or not so graceful – moves. And who knows? You might end up booking a winter ski break for two.
Cook up some magic
Cookery classes are as varied as there are culinary tastes. Whether you are an accomplished hobby chef or barely manage not to burn the toast, you’ll be spoilt for choice. And what’s not to like? You get to work together as a team preparing, cooking – and importantly – eating a meal. I mean, food! Right? Regardless of how the meal turns out, you might just learn a thing or two about cooking – or your date!
If you got it, haunt it!
Strong emotions – such as fear – are known to make someone more attractive, so our next idea is set to bring you close than ever – muhahaha! Check out Haunted Happenings for a hooooge offering of mystery and spookiness. Stay at a Haunted Inn or go on a fully-fledged ghost hunt a la Scooby-Doo. Whatever you decide to go with, this type of date activity is guaranteed to send tingles up your spine. We’ll leave it up to you to find out if that’s a good thing or not.
Need a date? Check out Plentymorefish.com where thousands of singles are looking for love.
Chemistry alone is not an indicator of a successful long-term relationship. Going the distance takes effort (on both parts) and a real dedication to making it work. Once the honeymoon phase is over and routine kicks in we tend to forget that it’s often the smaller and less obvious things that make or break a relationship.
Happy and healthy relationships are built on fundamental behaviours that ensure both partner’s needs are met, leading to a deeper understanding and strengthened the bond.
To quote Salt-N-Pepa, “Let’s talk about sex, baby.” Yes, sex is a form of communication. One form. There are so many other ways couples communicate and every person has different needs. Knowing how your partner needs to be shown love – touch, words, gestures, intimacy – will make all the difference. Don’t fall into the trap thinking that just because you are a touchy-feely person, your partner is the same. He/she may feel loved when they are praised or told they are loved. Happy couples understand this difference and make a real effort to show their partner they are loved in a way they understand.
In a healthy partnership, winning isn’t about having the last word or being right. It’s about each of you feeling happy with the outcome. When your ego becomes more important than your relationship you’re on a path that will only lead to heartache. It all comes back to communication – truly hearing your partner and understanding what they need is just as important as your own needs. The key is to focus what this means for your partnership and less for you as an individual, from there you work towards a mutually happy outcome.
You can’t be in a relationship when you don’t trust your partner. If your partner displays behaviours that make you suspicious even though you aren’t a jealous person, it won’t work. Equally, if you mistrust your current partner because you’ve been hurt in the past and you’re reading into things, your relationship is going to fail. Trust boils down to respect and healthy boundaries. Identify what a trusting partnership looks like to each of you and communicate this to each other.
“Thank you” and “I’m sorry”
Words almost as hard to utter as “I love you”, but words that can bond and heal. Admitting when you are wrong or showing gratitude for your partner are key factors for any relationship but especially a romantic one. No one is always right and no one likes to be taken for granted. Hearing a sincere “I’m sorry for….” shows maturity, vulnerability and a high degree of self-awareness. On the flipside – forgiveness and gratitude are equally as important.
This means different things to different people. Some couples are in an open relationship whereas others prefer a more traditional approach. Make sure these boundaries clear from the start. Set an expectation early on before you get too invested. Honesty and authenticity are integral to building a solid foundation for your partnership.
Follow this advice and you’ll be sure on your way to a mature and lasting relationship.
Still looking for that special someone to build a future with? Check out Plentymorefish.com where thousands of singles are looking for love.
Hey meat lovers, it’s #Nationalvegetarianweek so let’s talk about why it’s ok to date a vegetarian.
Many members of the carnivorous persuasion are often put off by the idea of dating someone who doesn’t’ share our love for all things burger, steak and sausage. I mean, it is delicious, right? Anyhoo, let’s look at why dating a veggie may actually be a good idea:
They won’t bite
Pun intended. Believe it or not most vegetarians aren’t out there to recruit you to their way of life like some crazed cult follower. Oftentimes they worry if being veggie may be a problem for you. Seldom are your carnivorous ways a deal breaker for them. Vegetarianism is a personal choice so you won’t have to worry you may have to gnaw your chicken drumsticks in secret.
Your culinary world will open up
Veggies are foodies too and they don’t like to eat boring stuff, so finding restaurants that offer delicious veggie options that go beyond the cheesy pasta dishes or salads can be an exciting adventure, which is sure to open your world to new and exciting dishes.
You won’t have to share your fave food
If you are like me, you don’t particularly like to share your food. Sorry, it’s nothing personal, but you order yours and I’ll have mine, thank you very much. So, hands off my sticky BBQ ribs!
Lastly, when dating a veggie you may inadvertently start to eat healthier without even trying. More veggies = longer life. What’s not to love?
Are you a vegetarian? What advice would you give Meat Lovers? Sound off in the comments below.