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Stuck on date, break up, repeat?

So here you are again, back with the ex. Up and down you go… rehashing the same problems, breaking up time and again, only to get back together shortly after.

If your relationship feels more like the rinse and repeat cycle of your washing machine rather than the healthy, grownup partnership it should be, it’s time to break that rollercoaster cycle once and for all.

Awareness

Don’t worry – you’re not alone or weird for having such a complicated relationship. Many people find themselves in an on-again/off-again relationship at some point in their lives. The first step to finding answers is becoming aware that it’s not all that great. Realising the relationship is actually making you pretty miserable is key to seeing the behavioural patterns that are keeping you stuck. If you can’t see the patterns, ask a trusted friend whom you can trust to be honest with you. Identify them and you can start to tackle them.

Communication

Many couples who find themselves in this type of yo-yo relationship often fail to realise the reasons why they broke up in the first place. They keep coming back to the same issues and simply don’t communicate effectively to resolve them. Instead they keep repeating the same behaviour and see breaking up as a solution rather than part of the toxic cycle. You may not agree on all points but try working towards a mutually beneficial compromise. Effectively communicating your needs as well as listening to your partner are key elements of a healthy, mature relationship.

Closure

Another reason why some relationships are stuck on repeat is because they are lacking a sense of closure. For it to be really over, you need a clean break. At least for a while to get the emotional distance to break the cycle and to redefine yourself outside of that relationship. Keeping in contact with your ex is in many cases the real reason why you can’t call it quits.

Attraction

Don’t underestimate the power of physical attraction. Some couples have really strong chemistry but in reality, are totally incompatible on every other level triggering them to keep coming back for more. This type of relationship can be really addictive and difficult to break because it feels so good when it’s on. Next time this happens – ask a friend to remind you of the many times they had to pick you off the floor after the breakup and ask yourself if it’s worth repeating?

Familiarity

They break up with you.

Their new relationship doesn’t work out.

They’re back with you.

If an ex keeps you as a safety net in between other relationships, it’s often because they are afraid of being alone or simply because it’s convenient. Either way, you are not important enough to them to truly care about how this affects you. Release yourself from this nightmare and send them packing.

Be realistic

Thanks to Hollywood many of us have a warped expectation of romance and relationships. He kisses you in the rain and they lived happily ever after. In reality though, mature relationships take work and commitment – from both parties. If they always fall short on promises or fail to change hurtful behaviour, it’s time to get real. Why would they change this time when they didn’t the previous 25 times? Ask yourself if you truly believe that will change. If there’s any doubt, perhaps it’s time to put an end to this misery.

There are tons of people who want the same so get out there! Everyone deserves to be happy and feel loved.


Still looking for love? Register for free on Plentymorefish.com and start chatting to singles in your area today.

From IRL to DTR – 15 Dating Slang Terms You Need to Know

The internet is a funny beast – every day there’s a hashtag trend. When it comes to dating there seems to be a never-ending supply of new terms to describe someone’s behaviour or situation. So if you can’t tell your IRL’s from your DTR’s – fear not. We’ve compiled 15 online dating terms you may need to help you navigate dating life in cyberspace.

Benching

Remember back in school when you were last to be picked at rounders? This is similar – only you won’t know if someone is benching you. Benching is when you keep contacting a match just enough to keep them engaged whilst having other options open at the same time.

Breadcrumbing

Much like the little mouse that’s led along a breadcrumb trail – if you are receiving messages from someone but it never seems to go anywhere, it’s likely the other person is breadcrumbing you.

Catfishing

Catfishing happens when someone pretends to be someone looking for love but is in actual fact a scammer trying to get you to send them money. They will befriend you, promise you the world and once you trust them, they will ask for funds usually to escape some hardship or for an emergency playing on your empathy.

Catch & Release

Originating from the angling and fishing world, catch and release in dating terms basically means a one-night stand that you have no intentions of following up on.

Cuffing Season

‘Cuffing Season’ describes a metaphorical handcuffing to someone for the more depressing winter months just so you don’t have to be alone during that time.

DTR

Are we a couple or is it just casual? DTR stands for ‘Defining the Relationship’ and marks the time for both parties (willingly or not) to define the relationship status and get clarity on where you are heading.

Fielding Season

‘Fielding Season’ happens before cuffing season when it’s time to evaluate your cuffing contenders for the dark winter months ahead.

Ghosting

Pretty much anyone who has ever been dating has experienced this phenomenon. You are seeing this person; everything seems to be going well, when all of a sudden, they go ‘poof’ and vanish. Usually without any explanation, often leaving a ghosted person reeling since they’ve not been given any closure.

Haunting

Like ghosting, being haunted (otherwise referred to as orbiting or zombie-ing) means your ghost of a date suddenly materialises back into your life – usually by haunting your social posts, letting you know they are still there, still watching. Time to call the Ghostbusters!

Incel

An incel (involuntarily celibate) is someone who would like to have sex but for some reason isn’t getting any. Unlike a volcel, meaning voluntarily celibate being someone who chooses to abstain from having sex.

IRL

IRL meaning ‘In real life’ refers to the act of meeting your date in person.

Kittenfishing

Kittenfishing or ‘Catfishing – The Trial Version’ refers to a form of deception without criminal intent. A person who is kittenfishing uses white lies to portray an improved but inaccurate version of themselves in an effort to be more appealing to potential matches. Examples include using photoshopped profile images or fibbing about the things they enjoy doing, their job etc.

Love Bombing

If you have ever met up with someone for the first time and then received tons of messages proclaiming their affection or love for you, you’ve been love bombed. This tactic is used as a means to an end (sex, money etc) and once the individual got what they wanted, tend to move on from you quite quickly. Sometimes those types of individuals can turn unpleasant or abusive if rejected.

Roaching

Formerly known as a ‘player’, a roach is a person who is dating several people at once without being upfront about it. When confronted they often claim they never agreed to or didn’t realise you were being exclusive.

Submarining

Remember haunting? This is similar but more manipulative. It refers to someone who ghosted you only 3 months ago and is now back in your life pretending like it never happened. Do yourself a favour and let that sub run aground.

Now that you are an expert at dating lingo go forth and find love. Preferably over on Plentymorefish.com of course. 😉

Video Dating Using Zoom

Zoom is a video app that has gained massive popularity during the Covid-19 Lockdown. Anyone can get Zoom for free and it’s available to use on your Phone & Tablet plus Desktop & Laptop providing you have a webcam attached which makes it absolutely ideal for a Video Date.

The main benefit of using Zoom for video dating over other video apps is that you don’t have to give out any personal information at all. No emails, no mobile numbers, no Facebook info, nothing. You set up the video date and then invite others to join you.

So how do you use Zoom for video dating?
Firstly you need to sign up for a free account, you can do this via their website https://zoom.us or by downloading the Zoom app for you mobile device from the Apple App Store or Google Play for Android.

Video dating is not for everyone that’s why it’s always advisable to let someone know that you are up for video dating as they may not be. In reality you will already be chatting via Plentymorefish and be ready to ‘Video Meet’ to take the next step.

NB: Do not send video invites as an introduction! Don’t let your very first message be “Hey, join me for a video date” as the recipient will most likely just ignore you.

Once you’ve established that your date is willing to chat on video it’s time to set a time for your video date. Hit ‘Schedule

  1. Set the topic as something like “Hey, Wendy would you like to join me for a video date?” providing it’s Wendy you’re inviting obviously!
  2. Select a time and duration. We’d suggest an hour at most
  3. Set meeting ID to generate automatically
  4. Set the host & participants video to ‘ON’
  5. Set Audio to Telephone & Computer Audio
  6. Set calendar to other calendars

Starting May 9, 2020, all meetings for Free or Basic accounts, including previously scheduled meetings, new meetings, and meetings started or scheduled using Personal Meeting IDs will require a password. If your participants join by clicking a meeting link with a password embedded, there will be no change to their joining experience. For participants who join by manually entering a Meeting ID, they will need to enter a password to access the meeting, including participants who join via telephone.

Don’t worry about advanced options. They will be set to ‘Allow waiting room’ and ‘Allow join before host’ this means that if your date gets there before that’s OK. They will be placed in a virtual waiting room and you will see on your display, as the host, that you then have to click ‘Accept’ to allow them into your video date.

Once your Video Date is scheduled it will appear in your meeting diary in the app as above and by clicking on the three dots you will have the option to copy the invitation and paste that into  your chat with the person you want to video date.

After you have pasted the invite into your chat it’s probably best to delete everything in the very business-like invite except the URL and write a much more personalised message.

It will start life like this:

Tom Single is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: Hey, Wendy would you like to join me for a video date?

Time: May 1, 2020 20:00 PM London

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83090026835

 

You could turn it into something like:

Hi it’s Tom, I’ve arranged a Video Date for us via Zoom at 8pm tonight as discussed.

Look forward to video meeting you, click this link to join the meeting:

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83090026835

See you later x

Your prospective date will not have to download and install Zoom to join your meeting; however it makes it so much easier if they do. They can do this in advance and this is an ideal opportunity to offer some assistance if they need it.

Once it’s all arranged you both simply join the meeting at the arranged time.

For more detail on how you can use ZOOM visit their quick start section click here.

See our blog on Tips for Video Dating to learn more.

How To Save Your Naughty Relationship During Lockdown

Lockdown in the UK has been extended for a minimum of three more weeks and the likeliness of getting out to see your hot match before the end of April is looking slimmer by the day. Whether your naughty relationship is on firm ground or you’ve been just keeping things casual before lockdown, being separated from your match can be tough. It can really take its toll on any relationship – casual, romantic, old and new. Here at the Naughty Pond, we’ve put together some helpful tips to help you save your naughty relationship during lockdown!

Use your space 

This might sound silly in the middle of a pandemic when all you have is space away from each other, but space is important. If you are all over each other too much you can start to feel suffocated. Space is good, space is healthy and as the old saying goes, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

This is especially important when considering your own state of mind. If you are feeling a wave of negativity, hopelessness and anger coming towards you like a tsunami, take yourself away, let your hot match know that you need some time and make sure they don’t get washed away in your distress.

No doubt your match will be having similar episodes that will leave them feeling lost, scared and panicked. 

Space during this time is key – for your own mind and for your naughty relationship!

Keep things exciting

If, like many of the readers of this blog, you met your match in the Naughty Pond, you will know a thing or two about keeping things exciting. Excitement and anticipation are the foundations of your hot and sexy relationship! But with time and distance hanging between you like an uncrossable canyon, the excitement can wear off.

Why not set each other some exciting tasks that will get the heart pumping and the anticipation back?

Why not send your naughty match a sexy message during the day when you know they’ll be working and trying to concentrate? How about leaving them a suggestive voice note or voice message asking them to call you as soon as possible? You could even send a naughty picture to let them know what they’re missing!

Send each other gifts

Is there anything better, during this awful time, than opening your front door to see a gift on your doorstep? Be it a bunch of flowers, some washing up liquid or a naughty toy to keep you busy, gifts are the only thing getting us through! 

So why not send your naughty match something that will make them smile – along with something that will make them moan!

Put together a sex bucket list

Sex is important in any relationship. But for a purely casual, hot relationship sex is a huge part of what makes you tick! So, why not spend some time during lockdown putting together a sex bucket list that is filled with fantasies and naughty ideas on what you’d like to do (and be done to you) when you’re free!

It can include stuff like:

  • play dress up
  • sex in public
  • fun with food
  • sex where you know you’ll get caught
  • pillow fort in the living room sex
  • tying each other up

and so much more…

If you want to find someone sexy to have no strings attached flirting and fun with, why not join the Naughty Pond

5 Simple Ways to Avoid Bad Dates

Everyone who’s ever been on a date has had a bad one or two. You know those where your date shows up and looks nothing like their profile pic, is rude or makes bad jokes. Sadly, it’s all part of the dating game … how else would you recognise a good date, right? But if your dating life is nothing but a string of bad rom coms it may be time to assess your approach and here are some tips on how to avoid bad dates in future (once we’re all allowed back out again).

Get to know your dates beforehand

This may seem like a no brainer but spending a little more time getting to know your date online and by phone can reveal a lot of useful info about them beyond what they are sharing on their dating profile. Ask open-ended questions that match your interests to see if you are compatible like, “tell me about your last trip. What was your favourite part about it?”. It’s also important to consider whether your date can keep a conversation and whether they return texts or emails in a timely manner or call when they say they will. If you are struggling to connect offline, it’s unlikely you’ll hit it off IRL.

Request more photos

This needs to be approached carefully to avoid offending your date or coming across as a creepy psycho. It’s no good saying “I’m not feeling your profile pics, can you send a recent one?” It’s better to share a few of yourself and inspire them to reciprocate. Maybe start off by sharing a photo or two from your last BBQ with friends or a concert you went to and encourage them to share what fun things they’ve been up to recently and then see what comes back. Just don’t be too pushy, keep it playful like “walking by the river sounds fun. I’d love to see your smile. Feel free to send me a pic.”

Keep in mind that not everyone loves to take selfies or might be a little shy so don’t worry too much if you don’t get much back. If however, something feels off it’s always good to go with your gut.

Pick the right meeting spot

Make sure the place you chose for your first date is somewhere cosy and relaxed and it’s easy to have a conversation without shouting or try an activity like miniature golf which is fun and you can test working as a team. Picking the right venue can make turn awkward date into a fun one.

Ask good questions

You wouldn’t rock up at a job interview unprepared so why do that on a date? Taking some time to consider a few questions can be fun and helps to ease first date nerves – just don’t turn it into the Spanish Inquisition. Keep it natural, ask a follow-up question to keep a conversation flowing, for example, “What was it about XYZ you liked?” or “what was your favourite part?”.

Try to relax

Sometimes things happen – he turns up late or the restaurant you’ve picked is rubbish. The conversation doesn’t flow and you’re quite frankly bored. It’s easy to get hung up on the things that don’t work but try to relax and don’t set your expectations too high. Sometimes it’s easiest to just go with the flow. At worst case, you’ve got to go out and enjoyed a drink with someone new.

Ready to find a new date? Visit Plentymorefish.com and start chatting with other singles today.

Naughty Dating Lockdown Slang

Lockdown doesn’t have to be a complete turn-off, right? Naughty dating is thriving now that people are stuck at home with no hotties to go out and see and the lockdown has brought about some brilliant new dating terms, guides and ideas!

Here is a rundown of the newest naughty dating lockdown slang!

Quarantine & Chill

Remember Netflix & Chill? Well now that we’re stuck in quarantine and locked down, there’s no better way to waste your days watching the Tiger King, vegging out together and hooking up – a lot!  If you’re a fairly new couple, make sure you are safe to hop over to each other’s places and stay for the long haul!

Hamstering

Remember back at the start of the Corona outbreak when people went mental and started panic buying and hoarding stuff? What a crazy time. Well in naughty dating, there are singles who are Hamstering. You know how a hamster stuffs everything into their cheeks to save for later? Well, hamstering in naughty dating is when you hoard all of your naughty contacts ready for when you’re set free. Lining up your shags while in lockdown. Genius.

Corona Clinger

Much like the dreaded post-Summer singledom and Cuffing, the Corona Clinger is someone who is desperate not to be lonely while on lockdown and self-isolating. A Corona Clinger isn’t always a positive thing and the feeling of being constantly attached at the hip, or the phone can be off-putting but Cuffing works for many. 

Corona Cabin Fever

So, we’re some way into lockdown now and things are getting desperate. Corona Cabin Fever is where you will settle for any kind of action – be it your housemate, your foreign exchange hotty next door and anything else in between! 

We get it, you’re desperate to get it out of your system, no judgement here guys!

Past Rona

We’re all ready for this to be over now right? Well if you’re already planning your life Past Rona, you’re not alone. Many singles looking for a naughty hook up are planning romantic dates, hot hookups and naughty fun! 

What Corona slang are you guilty of?

Join the Naughty Pond today to take the edge off of the boredom and enjoy fun flirting with hot singles! 

Corona Relationship Tips from Long-Distance Couples

Many of us now find themselves in a long-distance – or should we say – socially acceptable distance relationship and are worried if their connection is going to last. To be honest, being apart from your significant other can suck, especially if the relationship is new and all you really want is to snuggle up close. So we’ve asked couples who’ve gone the distance, literally and figuratively, to give some tips on how to keep the spark going during lockdown.

Get some virtual Face to Face Time

With all the technological advances we have at our disposal, tech is definitely your best friend when it comes to staying connected. It makes long-distance relationships infinitely easier but many of us are used to using messaging apps and text rather than using video. This is definitely a key element in a long-distance couple’s toolbox. FaceTime each other during cooking or do some exercise together.

Set Clear Boundaries

When video chatting – set clear boundaries. For example, you should not record the conversation or share anything you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see.  It’s best to avoid circumstances that may cause your partner to feel awkward or undermined. You don’t have to check in or get consent for each social connection with your partner, however, you both should define clear limits and decide what works for the both of you and then stick to those rules.

Have fun together despite the distance

Don’t let the physical distance stop you from doing things together. Watch a film or have a romantic dinner together via a video app. Talk about the meal you’ve prepared, what you like about the wine etc. Just like a normal date – without the waiter. Or have a fun quiz or karaoke night – you can even patch your other friends in.

Goodnight calls

In the absence of a goodnight kiss schedule a nightly video call to wish each other sweet dreams just before you turn off the lights and if you’re adventurous spice things up with some sexy time describing what’s happening beneath the sheets.

Practice self-care

Understand that physical distance can be a trigger for fear and insecurities which can lead to needy or controlling behaviour that may ultimately cause friction and sometimes the very thing you are dreading. Don’t let these insecurities take over and try not to lean on your lover for all your emotional needs. Speak to family and friends often, practice self-care through exercise or with a hobby.

Create a routine

Sticking to a set schedule will help you both to really focus on the relationship when you’re together. To keep the spark during a physical distance spell, it’s vital you know when you’ll see the other person – much like the future getaway you’ll be planning – as it creates a sense of security and familiarity.

Make plans for the future

Just because we are on lockdown now doesn’t mean you can make plans for the future now. Plan your next romantic getaway or holiday for when things have returned to normal. Make it really detailed and vivid. Talk about the foods you’ll enjoy, what the weather will be like – almost as if you’d been there already. Your brain doesn’t know the difference and it’ll be something to look forward to and keep you bonded.

Looking for love? Find likeminded singles over on Plentymorefish.com

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