Navigating the dating field can be difficult, no matter how old we get and the knowledge we gain, no one can prepare us for the surprises that lay ahead for us. There comes a time -maybe after the first date or a month down the line – where we may wonder if there’s a future with this person. So, we’ve lay down a few basic signs to identify if it has any potential or whether they’re simply the “wrong person”.
1. You can’t be yourself around them
One of the key signs you’re dating the wrong person is that you’re not comfortable around them. It’s natural on the first few dates to want to impress someone and typically you may choose not to show your quirky traits. Saying this, you shouldn’t be putting on a song and dance to prove yourself to them, you should have a pretty good idea whether you could get comfortable in their presence after the first date or two.
2. They don’t listen to you
If you find they’re trying to control the conversation this could be a good indication that they’re not listening to you, particularly if they don’t seem to ask any questions aimed at getting to know you better. If they’re always waiting for their turn to speak and diverting conversation away from your topic, the truth is they’re more than likely uninterested in anything you have to say. So, spare your precious time and start planning your exit strategy.
3. They’re Non-Committal
If they keep meaning to introduce you to friends or family but yet they forgot to invite you to their Aunt Margaret’s 60th after they’ve been persistent with their promises to do so, this is a big red flag that screams non-committal.
We don’t mean just in terms of not taking it to the next stage in a relationship, but more so committing to simple things. If they’re flaky on dates or they keep meaning to “plan” this so-called date and they never seem to find the time to do so, then you’re looking at a non-committing dater.
4. Communicates often with their ex
Do you often find them bringing up their ex in conversation spontaneously? Or maybe you feel them subconsciously making comparisons? If he/she has mixed thoughts going into a relationship and potentially may still be clinging to their ex, these behaviours could be an indicator that there is still a lingering past relationship that hasn’t been dealt with. This can get difficult if they share children or maybe going through a divorce, so we recommend communicating your worries first. But if you find they’re still chatting to their ex after expressing your concerns, she/he’s just not the right person.
5. You’ll assume they’ll change
We all have set expectations we want our date to meet, but if you’re already thinking about what hairdressers you’re going to take them to next week, then they’re probably not the right person for you. If you’re following up on dates already hoping that they’re going to change their look or some of their habits for you, then it’s a big no-no. There will be someone out there that you can see past the looks and appreciate the actual person, even if they have some quirky habits.
Ultimately, if you feel that you’re the only one putting any effort into a relationship you are probably with the wrong person. Do yourself a favour and walk away, so the right person has a chance to enter your life. You know what we always say… there’s plenty more fish in the sea!
Looking for singles in your area? Find them on Plentymorefish.com.
The first association people make with BDSM is Fifty Shades of Grey. The truth is Mr Grey is considered rather cringeworthy within the BDSM community. It is in fact completely different to how people perceive the kink. To give people a better idea of what it is, we’ve decided to do some research for you and debunk some myths surrounding BDSM.
The term ‘BDSM’ is short for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission. A big thing to address, is that it doesn’t have to involve sex at all, neither does it have to involve whips and chains, like movies and porn make it out to be. The important thing to remember is that ensuring that both you and your lover are comfortable at all times during BDSM, for this reason we recommend avoiding taking part in this after you’ve consumed alcohol or drugs.
Communication is a key part of BDSM, talking to each other about what you both would like to try helps to create a comfortable, fun environment. Putting safe words in place can help with this. Stay away from a simple yes/no, as you may be in roles where you have to use these words during intimacy. The BDSM community use two acronyms about safety; SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK (Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink.) Don’t rush the moment, have fun with it and enjoy it by taking your time. It not only reassures your lover, but it also is a way to tease them to an even greater excitement. You have to remember if you want to divulge into BDSM, you are looking to have fun with your sexual desires, so it’s best to be relaxed around your partner and always be respectful.
Another thing to consider is starting off small and simple, you don’t need to buy a whole sex shop of toys to experiment with. Try starting off with sensory deprivation, you can purchase some restraints (Leather or Neoprene are the comfiest) or a blindfold. Trying each component on its own will give you a better idea of what your sexual preferences are, too much too soon can be rather overwhelming.
Bondage and Discipline
The first part of BDSM focuses on using toys as a way to control your lover. Discipline relates to both the physical and mental aspects of intimacy, these could be spanking with a hand, or denying/prolonging an orgasm (otherwise known as edging). By controlling it, it can give your partner a more intense, toe curling orgasm. Blindfolds also count as bondage and if you’re using restraints as a beginner, lightweight cuffs are the best choice.
If you’re using whips it is important to practice flogging before trying it on your lover. The key is to aim for the butt/back of the thighs as they have the most flesh on the body. It should be pointed out that whilst flogging, you should avoid organs or vulnerable flesh. When practicing flogging with longer whips it’s a good idea to try it on a pillow first so that you can practice your aim.
Dominance and Submission
This part of BDSM doesn’t have to necessarily involve Bondage and Discipline. It typically involves mental restraint and power games which can be arousing for yourself or your partner.
A dominant sexual partner will be typically known as a ‘top’, they are the ones who control the submissive by using power. They dish out any physical sexual acts like spanking, bondage, clamping or whipping. Although they are typically known as tops, they could also be the bottom in some cases, by demanding the top to perform certain acts.
A submissive sexual partner has to be in a position of trust and learning. They essentially give the power to their mind and body away to their partner, allowing them to take control. As a submissive you should always expect a level of balance in terms of your sexual boundaries and you should not be expected to exceed them. A submissive lover may not always appear as a quiet individual outside of the bedroom, it is common for confident and socially dominant individuals to act on their submissive fantasies in the bedroom.
The main thing to remember is to communicate clear boundaries so you can both have safe fun.
Find other open minded and fun-loving singles over on Plentymore Naughty Fish for adult, no-strings sexy dating.
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and for many there is little sense of romance in the air. Figuring out ways of making the day as romantic as possible whilst in Lockdown can be a struggle for most but we’ve got you covered. You don’t have to splash the cash to make Valentines special. Let us help you inspire your romantic side with some simple ideas to make the day just as memorable.
Video Call Cooking
If you’re currently not living with your partner, then this could be a fun activity to do together over a video call. Get in contact with local restaurants or simply search for a recipe you both enjoy and get cooking.
If you live close by, go on a socially distanced romantic walk, grab a coffee, put on your walking boots, and plan your route. No phones, just the two of you. This is a great way to get to know the person you’re dating better and to distract yourself from reality for a little while.
Bring the Bar to Your Home
Lots of companies are setting up virtual cocktail classes or wine tastings, you just buy a ticket and they send the kit out to you. The best thing about it is, you could participate in your dressing gown if you fancied it and it’s not too far to stumble to your bedroom.
Mr and Mrs Quiz
We’ve all heard of Mr and Mrs, the ultimate quiz to test your partner. There are plenty of similar games/quizzes out there to get to know your date better. For those who don’t do romance it can be a light-hearted game to see if your date really does listen to you.
It’s a simplistic idea which can be made much better with a bowl of your favourite treats, a bottle of wine and some blankets to cosy up with. Plan with enough time so both you and your partner get to pick a film each, it saves the endless scrolling trying to find something you both enjoy.
Spa Day at Home
There’s nothing better than a trip to the spa, you don’t have to have the massage table to make your home into a mini spa-day for you and your boo. Grab some face masks, light some candles, and pop some music on. Maybe even spice your spa day up a little and have a dip in the bath together.
Plan the future
Is there something you both really want to do after restrictions are lifted? Make a list together and have it as a unique bucket list for you both. If your priorities are travelling, search for places you both want to travel to, hotels you’d like to stay at etc. If your priorities are to do with your home, begin looking for your inspiration. Once you’ve completed your list, stick it somewhere you and your partner will always see it, so that you can be reminded, and it can be a form of motivation for you as a couple.
If you are still looking for that special someone check out Plentymorefish.com.
Sexting – the modern equivalent to foreplay.
If you’d like to add a little sauce to your sausage then read our do’s and don’ts of sexting to help you get started and have your date wanting for your next hookup.
DO recognise less is more
No one wants to read a Shakespeare novel. That’s not sexy. Keeping it short and sweet gives you the opportunity to tease them whilst they’re going about their busy day, in between meetings or running errands. Who doesn’t like the idea of planting a smirk on their lover’s face whilst they’re having lunch with their boss?
DON’T sext someone who you don’t trust implicitly
Regardless of who they are, if you don’t fully trust them, do not sext them. Unfortunately, it only takes two minutes for someone to share an image or screenshot a conversation so make sure that you can completely trust the other party.
DO secure the phone with a password and delete messages
If you want to spice up things and sext at work then ensure that your message previews aren’t on, you want those messages to be kept a secret, not spotted by a colleague glancing at your phone. Putting a password on your phone gives you an extra blanket of security whilst sexting. This is especially important if you have children, as they tend to be quite tech-savvy.
DON’T put your face in any naked pictures
Naked pictures with your face in are a big no-no. With technology this day and age it is so easy for pictures to be sent between people, so it’s better to be cautious and to protect your identity by ensuring that any photos that are sent can’t be traced back to you.
DO tidy background before sending any photos
Before sending anything, look at the background you’re about to use. A clean and simple background to your photo will allow someone to be completely focused on you and not your laundry pile.
DON’T expect anything from sexting to happen in person
Sexting gives you an opportunity to express your fantasies. Being behind a phone screen gives people far more confidence than sitting across the table so ease your expectations if you’re heading into the bedroom.
DO answer promptly
Waiting hours to reply to your friend-with-benefits is the recipe for disaster. If you want to participate in sexting, then you want to reply as soon as you see the message and make time for the conversation. That confidence and sexiness that they are feeling will not last for hours, so make the most of it. Setting some ground rules may also be a good idea.
DON’T sext whilst you’re drunk
We’ve all had those moments where we’ve woken up the day after a heavy night and dreaded looking at our phones. Sexting whilst drunk allows more opportunity for embarrassing messages or pictures to be sent, so spare yourself the anxious feelings in the morning and try to avoid sending anything sexy after a few drinks.
DON’T give a one word response
Although no one wants to see a novelist response to a naughty photo, a one worded response does not suffice. Giving one word answers makes you seem less invested in the conversation and your date will quickly get bored or lose interest.
The key point to remember is to have fun whilst sexting and not take it too seriously, it’s ok to laugh and feel silly about it. Don’t rush it, the anticipation is the exciting part but allow it to be an opportunity to spice things up in the bedroom and express some of your fantasies.
Still looking for adventurous and open-minded singles? You can find them over on Plentymorefish Naughty Dating.
You have been dating for a few weeks now and things are going really well. Awesome! But Christmas is right around the corner and you are stuck with the decision on whether to buy your new love a prezzie or not, and if so, what.
Buying a gift this early on in a relationship could come across as moving too fast, whereas not giving one could portray you as Scrooge’s second cousin twice removed. But before you hop on the next power sleigh towards the North Pole, let us help you with 3 gift ideas which are guaranteed to spread festive cheer without screaming ‘I think you are the one!’ (unless he/she is, then I’d still advise you to wait a couple more weeks before you propose…but we digress). Here we go:
Gifts for her:
1. Spa Treatment
Women love to be pampered so a voucher to a nice spa weekend for the two of you is bang on. The best ones offer a choice of treatments such as a mani / pedi, back massage or facial. However, weekend packages can be expensive, so either shop around or simply book some treatments at a local beauty salon. Staff can advise you which package is best.
2. Day Out Voucher
Treat her to a trip somewhere she has not been before or a place she loves and take a look at the sights. Round it off with a nice dinner and remember to take the camera for plenty of piccies for your second gift, a photo book, which will make a thoughtful keepsake. Add some creativity and make it fun, but don’t spoil the second surprise. 😉
3. Spoil Her Night
You can create a magical evening by treating her like a queen all night. Run a bath with and pour in essential oils (like relaxing lavender) and light scented candles to set the mood. Treat her to her favourite meal, rent good movie, really go all out to spoil her and make her feel special. Use your creativity, she’s guaranteed to love it! Just remember, this is not about you, so no ulterior motives gents!
Gifts for him:
The classic, yet fail-proof option. Casually ask him about his favourite brands or better, check with friends. If you aren’t prepared to fork out £30 – £60 for an aftershave, just go for the body spray option of the same brand. Best bit, your man will smell edible and who knows where that might lead?
2. Magazine / Comic Subscription
I have yet to encounter a man without a passion for something, be it technology, economy, comic books, music or trains and you are guaranteed to find a matching magazine. Most publications offer subscriptions from 3 months up to a year. If you aren’t sure, what he is into, ask his best friend or a family member.
3. Experience Day
Whether he’s into sports, the outdoors or sampling a good ale down the pub, a day centred all around him and his interests is sure to impress and gives him an opportunity to show off in front of you.
Right then, better get ordering now folks!
Christmas kisses from us all at Plentymorefish.com!
Aphrodisiacs have been used for hundreds of years as part of the seduction due to their stimulating effects on the body and food is a great way to captivate the senses leaving you and your date hungry for the carnal dessert.
To help you out, we’ve compiled a list of dishes we think will hit the spot and have you fuelled up and ready for your next love-a-thon. Bon Appétit!
To set the mood you’ll have to start with something boozy – naturally. As we all know alcohol can make you feel more relaxed and lower your inhibitions. So mix up this Pink Pussy Cocktail which is sure to spread all sorts of warm feelings down in your nether regions.
Legend has it that eating a fresh fig while naked in front of a woman is one of the world’s most erotic acts. As the story goes, when a fig is split and held in your palm, the pink flesh is said to resemble a woman’s honeypot, making these honey-roasted figs with limoncello crème fraîche a super sexy way to start a meal.
According to studies, steak could boost female arousal as it increases levels dopamine and norepinephrine. Steaks are also packed full of zinc, making them a potential aphrodisiac for men as well which is why we picked this Steak & sticky red wine shallots recipe for our main course.
If you or your lover are veggie/vegan you can’t go wrong with this Vegan Mushroom and Asparagus Risotto. Mushrooms are bursting with minerals such as zinc, potassium, magnesium, copper to name but a few. Zinc is crucial to blood flow and without that you’ll have trouble climaxing. If this isn’t a great incentive to eat your veggies, we don’t know what is.
No meal would be complete without a dessert and this scrumptious plate of Rose Syllabub Sugared Strawberries is going to create your culinary climax. The Romans revered these little heart shaped fruits as a symbol of Venus, the Goddess of love, sex and beauty. And in the French countryside, there was once a tradition of serving newlyweds cold strawberry soup to help promote the aphrodisiac of honeymoon romance. Oh là là!
Now all that’s left is to get cracking in the kitchen while only wearing an apron… yum yum.
If you are looking for an adventurous single to share sensual sexcapades look no further than our Naughty Pond.
Let’s be frank, dating is not all rainbows and puppy dogs. It takes time and patience and there can be disappointments and rejections along the way. And it’s those rejections we’d like to address to help you navigate them more easily.
Don’t take it personally
You have no idea what reasons the other person has for not getting back in touch, so fretting about it does more harm than good. We know it’s not always that simple, especially if you have dated the person for a while. Think about it this way, if they don’t share your feelings about the relationship, isn’t it best if you move on?
No one likes to be rejected and it’s perfectly normal to feel upset and hurt at first. And if you’ve been dropped without any explanation it can hit you especially hard. It’s important, however, to practice self-kindness, as blaming yourself will only hurt you further. Unless you’ve been given a very clear reason why it’s not worked out, avoid jumping to conclusions as to why it didn’t last. There may be many reasons why he/she decided to break it off and they don’t have to be your fault.
Avoid a victim mindset
On the flip side of blaming yourself is blaming the other party. After a rejection, it can be very easy to slip into a victim mentality by generalising behaviour (ie. all men/woman are…). This may feel good at first, and it certainly feels easier than looking in the mirror, but in the long-term, this mindset will sabotage any real chances at finding new love and keep you feeling stuck and powerless. Again, acknowledge your feelings but don’t dwell.
After a rejection, especially when we listen to our critical inner voice, it’s easy for self-doubt and insecurities to raise their ugly heads and can leave us feeling less sure of ourselves. When we’ve been left by someone, we may find ourselves feeling out of place. It may become difficult to visit certain places, see certain people, or partake in activities for a while. However, this situation presents an opportunity to really connect with our individuality, your own needs. What is it that you enjoy doing? Who are you outside of a relationship? Focussing on defining yourself anew again, can get you out of heartbreak-mode much faster. Realising that you have a whole life outside of whatever rejection you’ve experienced, and that life will go on.
It’s true that breaking up with someone is hard to do. I don’t know anyone who actually enjoys telling someone it’s time to call quits on a relationship. Gone are the days it seems when you would meet up face to face and tell each other over dinner or coffee (as weird as that now seems looking back) that your relationship was over. Now it is all about being dumped by text, or even worse by social media.
And that is exactly what happened to a friend of mine this weekend. She phoned me in a state of disarray saying that her latest online dating match had texted her saying ‘that on reflection his life was too chaotic to add a relationship into the mix’. Whilst sympathetic to her tears, I did mention that they’d only just moved off WhatsApp messaging and gone on two physical dates, so surely he was just sparing them some social awkwardness in person. Alas, she didn’t quite see it in the same way.
But in reality is it THAT bad to dump someone by text? Surely there are times when it’s socially ok to spare each other the embarrassment of tears in public.
In an attempt to offer some impartial advice here are some instances it could be considered ok to dump someone by text.
It’s a new relationship – if you and your date are still relatively new, and have only been out three or four times then dumping by text is totally acceptable. You barely know each other and so there is nothing to be gained by a long drawn out letter (you probably don’t even know addresses yet) or a face to face meeting. In fact, if the relationship is that new you could probably just get away with disappearing off the face of the earth rather than an official break up text. No big drama.
Your date is avoiding you / you suspect they are cheating – let’s face it if the person you’ve been dating isn’t returning calls or texts or you have suspicions that they are playing the field then frankly they don’t deserve the courtesy of a break-up text. Just move on.
Your relationship is purely a digital one – if so far your relationship has been purely screen-based and conducted by social media then putting the brakes on it in the same way won’t come as out of the ordinary either.
The relationship is toxic – so you’ve been on a few dates that seemed ok, but then came a turning point and your date’s behaviour has become unstable, unhealthy and overall a little bit toxic. In this case breaking up by text message is absolutely the safest thing to do. Don’t put yourself in a 1:1 situation with them where you might get hurt. Distance is safest.
You are in a long distance relationship – if your location was poles apart and you rarely saw each other and your relationship was all done by Skype and text then it is obviously more logical (and friendly on the bank balance) to break up in this way. Seriously, though if you’ve spent months writing heartfelt essays to each other then that someone deserves a little more than your standard digital breakup.
Whilst this post is a lighthearted jest about digital breakups, if you’ve got to a point of emotional closeness, or been dating for longer than three months, seen each regularly, slept together and been mutually exclusive to each other then you really owe it to the other person in the relationship to give them your time and honesty face to face.
Have you ever dumped someone by text message or social media or had it done to you? How did you feel? Would you ever end a relationship in this way?
Let’s be honest for a moment and put it on the table; dating in your 40s is pretty grim (ok, personal experience talking, it is bleaker than a public service station restroom at the side of a deserted motorway). At 40 the competition is steeper and it becomes a whole lot more confusing and you’ll find the type of men in the over 40s dating pool very different.
Here are some truths that could help you navigate the tricky path of mature dating.
The men are having a mid-life crisis
Men like younger women. A lot of men in their 30’s and 40’s seem to have an awakening moment and panic that they’re getting old and as a knee jerk reaction go out and find the perkiest 25-year-old they can find in an attempt to settle down. Even if you are near their own age they will still see you as ‘old’ and dismiss your profile. Harsh. You may well be witty, successful, outgoing and smart but none of that matters in their heads once you are in the over 40’s club.
You attract that toy boys
An older, gorgeous, confident and self-assured woman is an absolute lure for a man in his late 20s. To them, the age gap works in their favour as you’ll be comfortable and well skilled in the bedroom and the perfect teacher for them to learn some tricks. It may suit you to end up with a 25-year-old toy-boy between the sheets but you’ll struggle to find someone old enough to suit your lifestyle and goals if you go down this path. Think late night booty calls and the wonders of dick pics…really??
You love your kids but not everyone else does
Having kids and attempting to get back to dating and relationships is tough. All the time you are mindful of their needs and emotions. You’re careful not to introduce them to every date, you question when to introduce them to the date and then you’re also trying to juggle a date around organising child care. For some guys the fact you’re a mother will discount you instantly; remember… that says way more about them than it does about you. Equally, you don’t need to introduce them to everyone unless you think that person is going to have some level of permanence in your life. If you enter a relationship be upfront about your kids and whether you realistically want more and you’ll soon find out which guys are serious about sticking around.
You’re set in your ways
Dating in your 40’s means you know what you want – this translates to you’re stubborn and won’t deviate from your ideal situation. Your list of dating dealbreakers is far more set in stone than it was when you were 25, and if you’re looking to settle down and start a family this is now crunch time and you’re going to be super picky about it.
There’s too much choice
Your phone is full of dating apps, you have RSI in your thumb from continual swiping and you’ve moved to second base (WhatsApp) with several potentially interested parties. Stop! Too much choice is a bad thing and makes it harder for you to spot the genuine guys who are real relationship material. If you want a partner with a similar professional mindset and age to your own then it is quite possibly you need to be looking at mature dating websites rather than the usual hookup apps.
You’re flying solo
Chances are that by this point all your other female friends are married, also have kids or are in long term relationships. This means that you’ve lost your partner in crime who will pull you back to reality on nights out after too many mojitos. You are flying solo with no wing woman in your corner to guide you. It can be awkward talking to your friends about your dating exploits when their lives are on a very different path and can leave you feeling a little isolated. Advice? Confide in one close friend who you really trust with your dating tales and keep it between the two of you – their advice will be invaluable and more genuine if they feel like it is something just between the two of you.
Dating in your late 30s and early 40s is complexed. Shapewear becomes your best friend and there’s a whole text acronym sub culture you don’t understand, but on the plus side you don’t have to justify your stream of one night stands to your mother anymore.
Ultimately, don’t lose hope, when you fall in love as cheesy as this sounds it really is something very special and if it was so easy to come by, well all the sense of mystery around it would be gone and it would lose the magic.
Remember at the heart of it you are an amazing woman and anyone will be lucky to have you….just be patient, don’t settle for second best and keep on searching.
Does the idea of a naughty roll in the hay leave you feeling a bit ‘meh’ these days? Maybe you are having a bit of a dry spell or you haven’t been feeling like the hungry sex kitten that you are. If that’s the case, it’s time to take action! Here are 5 ways to get yourself out of that funk and back on top (or under) of your next conquest.
Getting your sexy back takes a little effort but it will be ‘oh yes’ so worth it. Reconnect with your body, fantasies and desires. Here are our top 5 tips to get you all hot and bothered again.
Slip into something sexy
Been living in your yoga pants lately? We get it, comfort is life, but we’re here to get your libido purring again so it’s time to slip into something with a bit more ‘MEOW’. Whilst you don’t have to don the fishnets and heels every night, update your wardrobe with a few items that make you feel sexy for when you’re just relaxing. Perhaps something silky or a cute babydoll assemble to make you feel all naughty and girly.
The mind is your biggest sex organ so put it to good use. Try thinking about the last time you had really great sex or fantasise about new and exciting scenarios. Really visualise the erotic encounter in your head and you’re guaranteed to whet your appetite for more. Think about what makes you feel sexy and discover yourself during pleasure play.
Watch a sensual movie
We’re visual beings so why not feast your eyes on something or someone sexy? Watch a movie with your favourite thirst trap or grab an erotic novel and delve into a sensual fantasy world of lust and desire. Feast your eyes, take it all in and feel that carnal desire reawaken inside of you.
Touch your skin
Take a shower and luxuriate in a bit of pampering, take the time to massage your skin with a sweet-smelling lotion, give yourself a neck rub to relax. Caress your skin for a few minutes each day using a soft brush, rounding your curves, making your skin tingle with anticipation of what’s to come.
Set the scene
Kids toys, dirty dishes and a pile of laundry are total passion killers. Book a babysitter or ask the grandparents to take the kids out for the day. Next create a sexy sanctuary for you and your hot lover. Have an adult-only zone full of things that serve to ignite your passion. We’re thinking silk ties and candle wax. Then it’s time to dive into your love nest and have some grown up time.
There are many ways to make you feel sexy and rediscover your joy for sex. Hopefully, these tips will help to make you feel excited about living out your lusty thoughts! Time to get down and dirty again.
Still looking for a willing partner to join your sexcapades? Check out our naughty dating pond for open-minded and always horny singles.