Let’s be honest, the dating pond is a vast ocean of opportunities and potential matches. It makes sense that you cast your net wide to increase your chances for reeling in the best catch and dating several people at once is simply being efficient.
Even so, seeing more than one person at any one time is a bit of a juggling act and before we share our tips on how make that easier, it’s worth giving some context. When we refer to ‘dating’ we mean ‘looking for a long-term relationship’ not ‘hooking up’ (that’s what our naughty pond is for). 😈
#1 Be honest
Since we all agree that dating more than one person is a good thing, keeping it hidden from the people you are seeing is not. Telling your dates that you are meeting other people is the mature and decent thing to do. Some of you may protest that it might scare some potential dates away. Yes, that may happen, but if someone is put off by that, they are clearly not on the same page and are probably not a suitable match.
#2 Keep it small
As with other things in life, if we take on too much it becomes a struggle. It’s better to date 5 people than 10 for the simple reason that dating can be tiring. It’s also a good idea to spread out your date over several days and give yourself time to reflect and, you know, have a life. You’ll want to be your best self when looking for that special someone so make sure you don’t overdo the dating.
#3 No Ghosting
When you’ve started to realise that it’s not going to work out with one of your dates, please don’t just ghost them. Be fair and tell him/her that it’s not going to go anywhere and let them down gently. Likewise, if you’re getting serious with someone, it’s time to share that you’re off the market. We all deserve to be treated respectfully.
#4 Be Curious
Really push the boat out and increase your odds of finding love by dating a variety of people. Pick someone you wouldn’t normally go out with. Granted, it may be a bit out of your comfort zone but as the old saying goes, ‘opposites attract’. Or they surprise you and you’ll realise you have more in common than you thought. You won’t know until you’ve tried.
Ready to dive into the dating pool and get fishing for dates? Sign up for free today!
Whilst we may be a generation addicted to selfies and photos, it is safe to say that a well-written quality dating profile will help you stand out in the crowd and catch Mr or Miss Right. The thing is we’re just not very good at selling ourselves, it isn’t in our nature to ‘brag’ about our plus points but in reality this is exactly what you need to do in the world of online dating.
Even if you’re not a budding wordsmith, with a little thought and creativity you can create a knockout dating profile. Still need a guiding hand? Our top tips below will nudge you in the right direction.
Keep it short and sweet
Entice your date with just enough to peak their interest. Here are some good examples:
Sunday fun day 👍🏻 Sunday chill day 👎🏻
Snakes 😍 Moths 😱
Bike ✅ Car ⛔️
Pineapple on pizza > great combo (Perhaps we will be too?)
“She has funny toes.” – My best friend Clare
“Excellent gums. Definitely flosses regularly.” – Sara, my hygienist
“She’s cute, but she snores.” – My mother
“Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.” – My ex (actually it was Captain Jack Sparrow in At World’s End but I’m sure my ex would agree)
Kids in your photos
Always a risky one as parents tend to keep their kids off the internet. However, if you are a single parent most of your pictures will contain your kids so a quick disclaimer about who that kid in your photo belongs to are appreciated, but not necessary.
Funny is good. Witty is better.
Unless you’re a natural comedian it will pay dividends to spend some time researching other profiles and taking inspiration from them. Be original and please don’t copy and paste from other profiles.
Must we really say it? Online dating is not the platform to promote your views on your views on mindfulness or inner peace, so please stay clear of inspirational quotes (unless you can turn them into something funny or use it as a topic of why you think it stinks).
I’m this tall…
Gents, refrain from adding your height to your dating bio. Whilst there may be shallow girls out there that open with this question, most of us are better than that!
Lads, contrary to what many of you (90%) may believe, posting shirtless pics can mean on average 25% fewer matches. More than half of the women who’ve been asked said that posting shirtless pics implies a lack of maturity and self-awareness.
Regardless of whether you’re a young professional or one of the many over 40’s daters, making the right first impression is key and a good dating bio can be a great way to introduce yourself.
If you’re looking for a potential date what are the things you look for in a good profile? We’d love for you to share with us your profile ‘deal breakers’.
When you’ve been in the dating pool a while and/or you’ve reached a certain age it’s very likely you’ll date someone who’s had a failed marriage or long-term relationship. But that doesn’t mean that person won’t be a great partner. There are, however, some warning signs to look out for when dating a divorced man.
Separated, not divorced
The first red flag is whether he describes himself as separated rather than divorced. Many women get sucked into a relationship (rebound anyone?) with a separated man, only to find out that he’s still married and actually working on his relationship or that he’s going to remain married, but still separated for the foreseeable future and he never has any plans on getting remarried. So anytime you hear the word separated, translate that into, ‘I’m not available for anything serious’.
Going too fast
The second warning sign is how fast he jumps into a very serious relationship. Oftentimes divorced men are only comfortable with relationships that become very serious, very quickly. They are putt off by the dating process of getting to know the other person and it’s important you slow things down. Even if he is keen to spend a lot of time with you or goes as far as suggesting moving in together, slowing down will give you both time to really get to know each other and see if you are actually compatible in the long run.
Having a negative attitude towards love or being emotionally unavailable is also a red flag. Granted, going through a divorce is one of the most traumatic things a person has to deal with, and it can leave that person bitter and closed off to love. So, if he’s still in a place where he can’t see himself to ever get married again – believe him. He’s not yet moved on and is still reeling from that experience. Let him go, he’s not ready.
Red flag number four is whether he’s depressed or has low self-esteem. As we said earlier divorce is traumatic and it can really take a toll on a person’s mental state and destroy their self-esteem. Divorce has the potential to make you feel like you are not worthy of a relationship, especially if you’ve been cheated on. But remember, it’s not your job to fix him, it’s not your job to try and bring him to a healthy place in his love life. He will need to find that path on his own. Please avoid wasting too much time trying to rehabilitate him when you could be keeping your options open to other people.
Check the ex
If his ex-wife is still a huge part of his life that’s another warning sign you shouldn’t ignore. Now, we get it if he has children with her, they will need to make sure they have an active relationship and maybe even a friendship. But if you’re finding that she’s still a constant part of his life, he’s texting her on a constant basis, always seeing her more than probably would be appropriate, then keep your eyes wide open. There’s still a possibility he might want to win her back.
Kids but no kids
Speaking of children. How’s his relationship with his kids? If he has zero custody of his children doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a major problem. Nonetheless, it’s a red flag. Typically, the relationship that someone has with their children is very coherent with the relationship they’ll have with other people in their life, but divorces are complicated and messy, so you really want to find out what actually went to get a clearer picture of him.
Now those are the biggest red flags we really want you to be looking for when you’re dating a divorced man, and if you don’t see any of those red flags, then great, go for it! Just because a man was divorced doesn’t mean he’s damaged goods. On the contrary, he actually may have learned a lot from that first marriage and be at a point in his life where he has more clarity about what he wants in a relationship and in a woman.
Ready to find your next date? Check out our divorced singles pond and start chatting to other divorced singles today.
The world’s population is getting older year on year. The UK now has an average life expectancy of 81 years, meaning that finding love is no longer limited to people in their 20s, 30s and 40s. More and more mature singles find themselves diving into the dating pool and often for the first time in a long time. That can be a daunting experience. But don’t worry, we’re here to help you navigate your new and fun dating journey.
Here are our top tips to finding love again in your later years:
- Try something new
Think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Think again! Not only is taking up a new hobby good for your brain and mental health, it’s also an excellent way to make new friends and meet likeminded singles. We’re certain there’s always been something you’ve been wanting to try out – choir singing, a cooking class or perhaps learning to tango? The possibilities are endless.
- Get moving
Physical exercise is a great way to improve many aspects of your life – mood, energy and self-esteem! Whether it’s dancing, walking, yoga or swimming, all are set to keep you young and in great shape. There are literally hundreds of clubs and classes looking to welcome you. Why not try something new every week to get you started until you find ‘The One’ you really like?
- Go shopping
Stuck in a rut when it comes to fashion? Now’s the time to ditch the old look and go for something new and fresh! One of the best ways to explore new looks is to get some help from a personal stylist. Many department stores now offer this service and it’s not as expensive as you think. Go on! Invest in yourself – you are worth it.
- Try online dating
If you haven’t tried online dating yet, you are missing out. The beauty of dating apps is that you get to speak to a lot of singles before you meet them. There are many dating sites now catering for mature singles looking to connect and find love – like our Silver Pond.
- Book that trip
It’s time to go on an adventure! Many travel companies now offer solo travellers the opportunity to join likeminded people on a group holiday. Not only will you see amazing new sights, but you’re bound to make new friends and maybe even have a little holiday romance. There’s no excuse not to go on that trip you’ve always dreamt about doing. Which brings us to…
- Be open to possibilities
In other words – start saying yes. Key to meeting new people and finding love is breaking out of your comfort zone and allowing yourself to be open to new opportunities. Much like trying something new – it can feel a little scary at first – but soon you’ll realise that trying new things is fun. It’s time to embrace the possibilities again.
If you’re single and interested in meeting like-minded people, join the Silver Pond over at Plentymorefish.com.
Thanks to Covid we’ve all had to adjust our lives and behaviours and meeting new people is no exception. Video dates have now become the norm and many singles now face the added worry of not coming across as well as they would in person.
One survey showed that 59 percent of adults are more self-conscious on camera than in real life.
It’s easy to see why! Most of the time you only see a person’s face during the video call so many of the non-verbal cues that tell if someone’s attracted to you are hidden for example mirroring the other person’s posture. But not only that, since you can see yourself in the video you may be tempted to look at yourself rather than your date.
Luckily, there are some tips that will help you feel more comfortable during video dates.
- Do a trial run or two
Did you hear the story of a boss who turned herself into a speaking potato during a Zoom call? To avoid mishaps like this one practice and try any new tech / app before your video date so you have familiarised yourself with it. This will help you feel more in control and you make sure you have point 2 & 3 covered. Bonus tip: If you live in a noisy household or area it’s best to use your headphones during the call to reduce any of the background noise.
- Check your appearance
Whilst many will tell you video dating is way more relaxed please don’t rock up in your jammies – first impressions still matter! Find a comfy place to sit or stand for a long period of time and charge any devices or have the chargers ready in case your battery gets low. Have a cuppa or glass of water ready, too.
- Position your camera
While you check yourself out during a test run (How you doin’?) pay attention to the positioning of your camera. Check lighting, facing a window is great, and scan what’s visible in the background. Remove any items (hey there dildo!) you’d want to keep private and make sure your camera is positioned at eye level. Most of us look down at our phones and no one looks good from that angle. Likewise, don’t lie down…unless it’s a booty call then get that sex toy back out. 😉
- Get in the right mindset
One way to calm pre-date jitters it through visualisation. Imagine really clicking with the other person, really feel those feelings of attraction, picture yourself having an amazing time. This might sound woo-woo but visualisation has been proven to trick your mind – it simply cannot tell if what you’re imagining is real or not. So instead of thinking doom and gloom – think happy thoughts! It will come across during your video.
- And, breathe….
Another way to tackle nervousness is breathing. Paying attention to your breathing before a call can really help you relax and is the quickest way to reduce any anxiety. Try this exercise: Look at the palm of your left hand (if you are right-handed) and place the index finger of your right hand at the bottom of your thumb where it meets your wrist. Now breathe in slowly and trace your finger up to the tip of your thumb and down the other side on the exhale. Then up your left index finger and down again. Travel along all your fingers breathing in and out slowly and when you’ve reached the outside of your hand, go in reverse. Repeat this as long as you need to feel calm.
And there you have it. Now all you need is a lovely single person to video chat with so hop on over to Plentymorefish.com now!
PS: If video dates make you really uncomfortable it’s ok to say no and just have a regular phone conversation until you do.
So here you are again, back with the ex. Up and down you go… rehashing the same problems, breaking up time and again, only to get back together shortly after.
If your relationship feels more like the rinse and repeat cycle of your washing machine rather than the healthy, grownup partnership it should be, it’s time to break that rollercoaster cycle once and for all.
Don’t worry – you’re not alone or weird for having such a complicated relationship. Many people find themselves in an on-again/off-again relationship at some point in their lives. The first step to finding answers is becoming aware that it’s not all that great. Realising the relationship is actually making you pretty miserable is key to seeing the behavioural patterns that are keeping you stuck. If you can’t see the patterns, ask a trusted friend whom you can trust to be honest with you. Identify them and you can start to tackle them.
Many couples who find themselves in this type of yo-yo relationship often fail to realise the reasons why they broke up in the first place. They keep coming back to the same issues and simply don’t communicate effectively to resolve them. Instead they keep repeating the same behaviour and see breaking up as a solution rather than part of the toxic cycle. You may not agree on all points but try working towards a mutually beneficial compromise. Effectively communicating your needs as well as listening to your partner are key elements of a healthy, mature relationship.
Another reason why some relationships are stuck on repeat is because they are lacking a sense of closure. For it to be really over, you need a clean break. At least for a while to get the emotional distance to break the cycle and to redefine yourself outside of that relationship. Keeping in contact with your ex is in many cases the real reason why you can’t call it quits.
Don’t underestimate the power of physical attraction. Some couples have really strong chemistry but in reality, are totally incompatible on every other level triggering them to keep coming back for more. This type of relationship can be really addictive and difficult to break because it feels so good when it’s on. Next time this happens – ask a friend to remind you of the many times they had to pick you off the floor after the breakup and ask yourself if it’s worth repeating?
They break up with you.
Their new relationship doesn’t work out.
They’re back with you.
If an ex keeps you as a safety net in between other relationships, it’s often because they are afraid of being alone or simply because it’s convenient. Either way, you are not important enough to them to truly care about how this affects you. Release yourself from this nightmare and send them packing.
Thanks to Hollywood many of us have a warped expectation of romance and relationships. He kisses you in the rain and they lived happily ever after. In reality though, mature relationships take work and commitment – from both parties. If they always fall short on promises or fail to change hurtful behaviour, it’s time to get real. Why would they change this time when they didn’t the previous 25 times? Ask yourself if you truly believe that will change. If there’s any doubt, perhaps it’s time to put an end to this misery.
There are tons of people who want the same so get out there! Everyone deserves to be happy and feel loved.
Still looking for love? Register for free on Plentymorefish.com and start chatting to singles in your area today.
The internet is a funny beast – every day there’s a hashtag trend. When it comes to dating there seems to be a never-ending supply of new terms to describe someone’s behaviour or situation. So if you can’t tell your IRL’s from your DTR’s – fear not. We’ve compiled 15 online dating terms you may need to help you navigate dating life in cyberspace.
Remember back in school when you were last to be picked at rounders? This is similar – only you won’t know if someone is benching you. Benching is when you keep contacting a match just enough to keep them engaged whilst having other options open at the same time.
Much like the little mouse that’s led along a breadcrumb trail – if you are receiving messages from someone but it never seems to go anywhere, it’s likely the other person is breadcrumbing you.
Catfishing happens when someone pretends to be someone looking for love but is in actual fact a scammer trying to get you to send them money. They will befriend you, promise you the world and once you trust them, they will ask for funds usually to escape some hardship or for an emergency playing on your empathy.
Catch & Release
Originating from the angling and fishing world, catch and release in dating terms basically means a one-night stand that you have no intentions of following up on.
‘Cuffing Season’ describes a metaphorical handcuffing to someone for the more depressing winter months just so you don’t have to be alone during that time.
Are we a couple or is it just casual? DTR stands for ‘Defining the Relationship’ and marks the time for both parties (willingly or not) to define the relationship status and get clarity on where you are heading.
‘Fielding Season’ happens before cuffing season when it’s time to evaluate your cuffing contenders for the dark winter months ahead.
Pretty much anyone who has ever been dating has experienced this phenomenon. You are seeing this person; everything seems to be going well, when all of a sudden, they go ‘poof’ and vanish. Usually without any explanation, often leaving a ghosted person reeling since they’ve not been given any closure.
Like ghosting, being haunted (otherwise referred to as orbiting or zombie-ing) means your ghost of a date suddenly materialises back into your life – usually by haunting your social posts, letting you know they are still there, still watching. Time to call the Ghostbusters!
An incel (involuntarily celibate) is someone who would like to have sex but for some reason isn’t getting any. Unlike a volcel, meaning voluntarily celibate being someone who chooses to abstain from having sex.
IRL meaning ‘In real life’ refers to the act of meeting your date in person.
Kittenfishing or ‘Catfishing – The Trial Version’ refers to a form of deception without criminal intent. A person who is kittenfishing uses white lies to portray an improved but inaccurate version of themselves in an effort to be more appealing to potential matches. Examples include using photoshopped profile images or fibbing about the things they enjoy doing, their job etc.
If you have ever met up with someone for the first time and then received tons of messages proclaiming their affection or love for you, you’ve been love bombed. This tactic is used as a means to an end (sex, money etc) and once the individual got what they wanted, tend to move on from you quite quickly. Sometimes those types of individuals can turn unpleasant or abusive if rejected.
Formerly known as a ‘player’, a roach is a person who is dating several people at once without being upfront about it. When confronted they often claim they never agreed to or didn’t realise you were being exclusive.
Remember haunting? This is similar but more manipulative. It refers to someone who ghosted you only 3 months ago and is now back in your life pretending like it never happened. Do yourself a favour and let that sub run aground.
Now that you are an expert at dating lingo go forth and find love. Preferably over on Plentymorefish.com of course. 😉
Zoom is a video app that has gained massive popularity during the Covid-19 Lockdown. Anyone can get Zoom for free and it’s available to use on your Phone & Tablet plus Desktop & Laptop providing you have a webcam attached which makes it absolutely ideal for a Video Date.
The main benefit of using Zoom for video dating over other video apps is that you don’t have to give out any personal information at all. No emails, no mobile numbers, no Facebook info, nothing. You set up the video date and then invite others to join you.
So how do you use Zoom for video dating?
Firstly you need to sign up for a free account, you can do this via their website https://zoom.us or by downloading the Zoom app for you mobile device from the Apple App Store or Google Play for Android.
Video dating is not for everyone that’s why it’s always advisable to let someone know that you are up for video dating as they may not be. In reality you will already be chatting via Plentymorefish and be ready to ‘Video Meet’ to take the next step.
NB: Do not send video invites as an introduction! Don’t let your very first message be “Hey, join me for a video date” as the recipient will most likely just ignore you.
Once you’ve established that your date is willing to chat on video it’s time to set a time for your video date. Hit ‘Schedule
- Set the topic as something like “Hey, Wendy would you like to join me for a video date?” providing it’s Wendy you’re inviting obviously!
- Select a time and duration. We’d suggest an hour at most
- Set meeting ID to generate automatically
- Set the host & participants video to ‘ON’
- Set Audio to Telephone & Computer Audio
- Set calendar to other calendars
Starting May 9, 2020, all meetings for Free or Basic accounts, including previously scheduled meetings, new meetings, and meetings started or scheduled using Personal Meeting IDs will require a password. If your participants join by clicking a meeting link with a password embedded, there will be no change to their joining experience. For participants who join by manually entering a Meeting ID, they will need to enter a password to access the meeting, including participants who join via telephone.
Don’t worry about advanced options. They will be set to ‘Allow waiting room’ and ‘Allow join before host’ this means that if your date gets there before that’s OK. They will be placed in a virtual waiting room and you will see on your display, as the host, that you then have to click ‘Accept’ to allow them into your video date.
Once your Video Date is scheduled it will appear in your meeting diary in the app as above and by clicking on the three dots you will have the option to copy the invitation and paste that into your chat with the person you want to video date.
After you have pasted the invite into your chat it’s probably best to delete everything in the very business-like invite except the URL and write a much more personalised message.
It will start life like this:
Tom Single is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Topic: Hey, Wendy would you like to join me for a video date?
Time: May 1, 2020 20:00 PM London
Join Zoom Meeting
You could turn it into something like:
Hi it’s Tom, I’ve arranged a Video Date for us via Zoom at 8pm tonight as discussed.
Look forward to video meeting you, click this link to join the meeting:
See you later x
Your prospective date will not have to download and install Zoom to join your meeting; however it makes it so much easier if they do. They can do this in advance and this is an ideal opportunity to offer some assistance if they need it.
Once it’s all arranged you both simply join the meeting at the arranged time.
For more detail on how you can use ZOOM visit their quick start section click here.
See our blog on Tips for Video Dating to learn more.
It’s undeniable that Zoom – a video meeting app – has had a bit of surge since COVID took charge of, well, everything. And because we’re all doing the responsible thing of staying at home the way we meet other singles has changed along with it. Since the lockdown many people have started to utilise tech to up their dating game and ‘match vetting’ via FaceTime and Zoom has become very popular and for good reasons.
These are a few reasons why video dates make dating better:
It keeps things relaxed
Going on a date IRL can be stressful – so much to think about. Where to go, what to do, what to wear. On a video date, expectations tend to be more relaxed and matches are less likely to judge each other on appearance. No need to spend hours getting groomed and ready. Just be your comfy self!
It’s much cheaper
Everyone knows that dating can be a costly affair. You meet for drinks, go for meals, nights out etc only to realise that your match is everything but a match. No more wasting money on pricey cocktails while thinking of polite reasons to leave.
Yes, we know…efficiency and love shouldn’t be a thing but hear us out. Video vetting your dates can be a really quick way to find out if you have chemistry and if it’s worth both of your time and effort to take it to the next level. Why would you want to waste time meeting with someone who doesn’t really rock your boat?
It’s a safe way to meet
For many women safety is in the back of their minds – especially when meeting someone new. Video chats are a great way to get to know your match in a safe and secure environment until you’re ready to meet in person.
It slows things down
…but in a good way. Hook-up culture is liberating on many levels, but it can also have a negative effect on those looking for more than the next shag. By having the time to get to know each other before something physical happens you get to test how you connect on an emotional level and whether you have things in common – the foundations of any good relationship. It’s worth spending time to woo each other a bit longer.
Who knows? This trend may continue when life returns to normal, so might as well give it a go, right? Hop on over to www.plentymorefish.com and start flirting with other singles today.
Social anxiety is a debilitating disorder that goes beyond simple shyness. It’s an intense feeling of fear that doesn’t go away and affects many everyday activities such as finding a romantic partner.
When meeting someone new it is completely normal to have first date jitters but someone with social anxiety (SAD) disorder often feels extremely worried before, during and after meeting a date causing them to avoid social interactions. This leaves them feeling isolated and with a sense of hopelessness of ever finding love.
If you are feeling this way – you are not alone. Mixed anxiety & depression is the most common mental disorder in Britain, with 7.8% of people meeting criteria for diagnosis.
The good news is that there are steps you can take to help you overcome SAD.
Fear of being judged
One of the reasons many people with social anxiety don’t share much about themselves is that they fear being judged negatively. This is often the root of the anxiety disorder and is amplified during a date setting. The disorder is warping their perception of how badly they are being judged by a date and causes them to act nervously or withdraw further validating their fears. When in reality the situation is not as they perceive it. The truth is – everyone is scared to be judged.
One way to deal with the fear of being judged is to pay close attention to your date. Focus on their tone of voice, their body language and actively listen to what they are saying. You’ll notice subtle signs like fast speech or fidgeting in their seat. You’ll soon realise that they are just as nervous as you. By focussing on the other person instead of your fears, you rob them of their hold over you.
If the first strategy doesn’t work there is a second way to approach fear of judgment which is called ‘reframing’. Social anxiety disorder can cause the person to have catastrophic thoughts hijacking their behaviour. An effective strategy is to notice, point out and contradict these dooming thoughts that often sound like this, “I’ll never find someone” or “that was a complete disaster”. When this happens gently remind yourself that your anxiety has taken the reigns and it is the disorder that is exaggerating your thoughts and feelings – not you. Look for evidence to confirm why they are not accurate. For example: “I’ll never find someone.’ Never? With nearly 7.5 billion people on this Earth? The possibility of finding someone is infinitely higher than not. Take that as evidence that it will happen, and it will help quell those gloomy predictions of disaster that can be so devastating to the process of finding love.
Share what matters to you
People with social anxiety disorder are less likely to engage with others out of fear of being judged or rejected. So when there’s a lack of communication, there is often a lack of connection since real relationships are built on shared experiences, thoughts and feelings. Sharing something might include letting your date know about a recent event or a person that is special to you, or by complimenting them on how great they look. Let them see what matters to you and start connecting on a deeper level.
Anxiety thrives by focusing on the future and the past, by worrying about what has gone and will go wrong. To tackle worry, practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is a conscious effort to focus on the present moment, the here-and-now. By connecting to the present moment with acceptance rather than judgment you will feel greater emotional awareness within.
Social anxiety disorder can be hard on the person dealing with it, but it is possible to overcome. If you are struggling you can find tons of free resources, help and advice online – it’s ok to ask for help!