Picture this, you’ve finally got yourself to a place where your ex is no longer a permanent fixture in your mind, you can walk down a street without being reminded of the dates they used to take you on, or their favourite shops to visit and then PING. One new notification – the dreaded text from your ex. There could be many versions of the same message, “Hey”, “I miss you” or “I want you back”, it all means the same in your mind. But when it comes down to it, you still feel that pit in your stomach.
“Shall I message them back?”
“Do they miss me?”
“Do I play it cool or tell them I miss them?”
You play it over in your mind, wondering how to respond to that message. Well, let’s go over some tips on how to handle the dreaded text from your ex.
The first thing to do is to simply take a breath. Don’t freak out or immediately message back. It’s most likely going to catch you off guard, so let’s take time to think. Think about the fact that many people have gone through similar situations, where an ex has come crawling back the moment you get over them, it’s almost like they’re mind readers.
Share with friends
There’s no-one in the world that’ll humbles you more than your best friend who dislikes your ex for breaking your heart. Trust me, they’ll take everything they’ve got to convince you that your ex is not worth your time again.
The key here is allowing yourself to miss them, recall the good memories but leave it there. Give yourself an hour to sit and look back at pictures (if you still have them), think about some of your favourite memories together and then put down your phone. But do not, I repeat, DO NOT respond based on a few good memories from the past, which leads us on to our next point.
The past is a place to learn from, not to live in.
Most of the time, breakups happen because you fall out of love, or you have a sudden epiphany of what you really want, or the worst situation, there’s been some sort of betrayal. The breakup forces you to adjust to a new normal without them in your life, and you make the right changes and you’ve started moving forward and then this sneaky text shuffles it all up. But don’t be fooled by the good memories and sincere text messages, the past should be left behind, along with your ex.
We’re not saying you must ignore your ex. You may well have ended things civilly, as “friends”, so a catch up may be exactly what you need to finally close the door on that chapter of your life. What we’re stressing is the importance of not being swept up in all the excitement and happiness you felt at the start of the relationship and letting that fool you into revisiting the past. Most of the time things haven’t changed and the same issues will arise time and time again. So do yourself a favour and give the future a chance, you don’t know who could be waiting for you there.
Instead of responding to your ex, head over to Plentymorefish to see who may be waiting for you in your future 😉
You’ve hit the jackpot. You’ve only gone and got yourself a date with your favourite match. So, what’s next? You want to make a good impression, but you’re worried about how you may come across. Will you meet their expectations? We’ve put together a list of tips to give you the biggest advantage before heading out on your first date.
Wear something bright
It’s been said that wearing bright colours gives off a sense of confidence and research shows that a man’s impression of their date is likely to be affected by the colours they wear. You don’t have to be pulling off a bright orange outfit, pastel colours can help give off the same vibes.
Plan your route
Look up where you’re going before the date. This will be super helpful in making sure that even if you are in a rush, you’re not panicking about which left to take next. You want to be relaxed at the start of your date, not flustered. So, give yourself the head start, Google Maps will be your best friend.
Avoid your Ex
This means all conversation involving your ex. If you’re praising up your ex, then your date will wonder why you’re not together, but the same thing goes for if you’re being negative about them. They’ll wonder why you’re still hung up on them and they’ll be unsure as to whether you’re ready for a relationship. The best way of dealing with the conversation if it comes up is to shrug it off and just mention simply that it didn’t work out.
There’s no better feeling than receiving a compliment, it gives us confidence. They don’t have to be the typical ‘you look nice’ comments, although they are great to hear. But if they chose the venue or date activity then compliment their wise choice and tell them you’re enjoying yourself. If you’re not having a great time, then focus on something you do like and if there’s still a chance for a second date, then offer to take on the date planning next time.
Don’t interview your date
There’s no worse feeling than being vetted by your date. So, remember to ask them questions about themselves and listen to what they have to say, but remember that it’s not an interrogation. Show genuine interest in what they have to say. And remember, you are allowed to share too!
Be kind to your waiter
If you’re planning on visiting a restaurant, please be conscious how you treat the staff who are waiting on you. If you’re kind to your date, but not so much to the staff or other people around you, it can make you look like you’re not a very nice person. Which you aren’t really, be nice to service staff – their job is hard!
Are you looking for a fellow single to impress with your charm? Plentymorefish may be able to help, join today to get one step closer to meeting your person.
Building your online dating profile can seem like a bit of a chore, right? You spend a good hour of your time trying to decide on pictures and try and come up with something witty or interesting to say about yourself. Add a pandemic into the mix and your dating profile (much like our social life) has seen better days.
It’s no surprise then that most of our photos are a bit dated and looks may have altered somewhat for some of us. What was once long brown hair, now sits just above your shoulders and is somewhere the colour scale between an orange and a block of cheese after trying to dye it yourself. So, trying to find a profile picture that wasn’t from a Christmas party 5 years ago, may prove difficult. Sadly, you can’t hide behind a picture when meeting someone face-to-face, and now you’re panicking because you think you should probably update your profile. So, here’s how to avoid a ‘catfish’ situation.
It’s an obvious one but don’t use old pictures. It’s fine to admit you may look a little different to the last picture you uploaded but maybe take some time out of your evening to revamp your dating profile. Your date is more likely to not ask you on a second date because you’ve misrepresented yourself by using old pictures, rather than how you look now.
Show the real you. If you’re having a quiet night in, or maybe you’ve got exciting plans with your friends then take a swig of wine and snap a selfie to update your dating profile. A new picture could always spark up a conversation with someone new.
Although looks are not important, in the online dating world your pictures do matter. It’s the first connection you make with someone, they give people an idea of what you look like and what kind of person you are. You don’t have to be glammed up in all your pictures, you could be climbing Snowdon or chilled out at home. Just remember to stay away from those popular filters and apps that alter your appearance. A well-lit, natural pic is best.
The key is that true confidence and self-esteem sell you. They are the biggest turn-ons for anyone. You may not agree that your pictures matter in the online dating world, but you’ll find that when you put in the effort to match your pictures to your personality it will pay off.
If you’re on a dating site looking for a healthy, romantic relationship then being yourself is only going to get you the most out of it. This means, skipping the ‘I forgot to update my pictures’ or ‘My bad, it must’ve been an old picture I didn’t realise’ excuses. Stop being strategic, be you. People are more likely to be open to you if you’re an honest and trusting person yourself.
Although our advice may seem brash, we’re simply setting you up for success! We want you to find the one! If you’re ready to get searching, head over to Plentymorefish.
Taking the step from sending a few messages on a dating site to meeting up face-to-face is a huge jump. First dates are nerve-wracking, and you spend most of the time before it worrying about whether you’re going to make a fool of yourself or how the date itself is going to go. To take some worries off your hands, we’ve made a list of Do’s and Don’ts that you can use to guide you through that initial date and hopefully bag you a second!
Keep it casual
Ensuring you keep the date casual and not over the top or extremely romantic takes the pressure off you both. It allows you to freely choose a setting where you can both relax and solely get to know each other more to see if there’s a spark. Meeting up for a coffee or casual drinks is perfect.
Tell someone you’re going to meet a date
First rule in meeting an internet date, is to always share your location with someone you trust. It doesn’t mean you have to tell them the ins and outs of your date if you don’t want to. But simple details of where and when the date is happening is important for your safety. You could even set up this person as a scape goat if you’re not really feeling your date and want to get out of there.
Show up on time
There’s nothing worse than standing around waiting outside a venue for your date – who you’ve never met before – to arrive. Your mind starts thinking they’re not going to turn up and you convince yourself that this wasn’t a good idea. Being fashionably late can wait, you need to show that you respect your date and their time.
Respect your boundaries
Setting boundaries makes many people feel uncomfortable, but they’re so important especially when first establishing a relationship with someone. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something, then don’t. Whether that’s having another drink, going to their place after the date or even them being too handsy.
Drink too much alcohol
When you’re nervous you may feel like grabbing a drink – or two – for some Dutch courage. But it’s important not get too blotted. It’s not a nice experience when your date gets totally drunk and you wouldn’t want them to remember you for all the wrong reasons, so set a limit and stick to it.
Have high expectations
When going out on a date your lofty expectations need to stay at home with your Pinterest boards. Ultimately, high expectations tend to lead to some degree of disappointment so check in with yourself before a date. Whilst standard expectations like practicing good hygiene are normal, it’s best to focus on getting to know them. It’s perfectly fine if you realise they’re not the one, but it doesn’t mean you have to miss out on what could be a great evening because they are blonde rather than brunette.
Bring up your ex
Most likely you and your date have been chatting for weeks over the phone and the chances are your ex hasn’t appeared in many conversations. That’s a good thing. Trust us when we say that, that conversation can wait a few weeks more. Leave the past in the past and focus on the present. The first date is not the time to talk heartbreak or disappointments, this is the time to focus on possibilities!
Go over the date 100 times in your head afterwards
It’s easy to run over the date and what was said afterwards, but try not to get too caught up in it. Thinking can easily turn into over-analysing and before you know it you’ve convinced yourself that your date had an awful time, and they don’t really like you and your second date is never going to happen. Trust how things felt at the time and go with that feeling and if you don’t hear from them again, then what have you really lost? Not a lot. It wasn’t meant to be and that’s okay.
Are you looking for a fellow single to find a spark with? Head over to Plentymorefish.
You may go through phases where you feel like you’re repeatedly picking the wrong type of person, or you may have a string of dates that haven’t worked out. For some, they can find it easy to walk away from these relationships, but for others it can be more difficult, and they can find themselves stuck and unhappy. Regardless of what type of person you are, it can be frustrating feeling like you keep picking the wrong people. So, we’ve put together a list of things to go over next time you’re feeling fed up or frustrated with another failed date.
Identify your pattern
We tend to find that there is a pattern in the people we are attracted to. We go for people who believe fit us all round, meaning that their positive qualities complement our own but this can also apply to their negative traits.
Pay close attention to those patterns – are there any negative traits that seem to crop up time and time again and drive you mad? Do you seem to go for the same types of people, with the same ‘quirks’ that turn out to be intolerable?
Once you look back at your dating history and start to identify these patterns, you will know what to do to break this cycle. You’ll know what to avoid when approaching each date and with every choice you make, you’ll be more conscious as to what’s attracting you to make that decision about that person.
Speak to friends
Most of the time we think we know what’s best for us and what we ‘need’, when in all honesty we don’t. Talking to your friends and close family can help you get a better idea about who should be on your dating line-up. One benefit about talking with your best friend is that they will be honest with you, so if they know you go for a certain type of person who isn’t good for you then you will know about it. It’s also great to have a gossip with your bestie about dating, right?
Now you may be thinking, “but I take chances all the time going on dates”, but do you really? If you’re going out with the same type of people, are you really scoping the dating field, or are you simply casting your net in the same ‘pond’ expecting different results?
You can decide to be more open to the possibility of being with someone who may not be on your list of potential dates, yet you’re still attracted to. When you choose to break a pattern, you are allowing yourself to experience something different and you might even find you get a better outcome. If you give it a real chance, you never know who you could come across, and you could learn more about yourself in the process.
Figure out what you want
You might find that you’re repeatedly picking the wrong types of people because you’re not clear on what you want yet. You might be going on dates with people who are wildly different, but you get the same outcome. This is because you need to get clear on what you’d like from the relationship.
When you’re looking at what you want to get from a relationship, steer clear on focusing on physical attributes or minute details like where they’re from/grew up etc. These things become insignificant in the long run; you want to focus on a person’s outlook, goals and dreams.
If you’re wanting to break the cycle and meet new singles, head over to Plentymorefish.
A new relationship is exciting and it’s so easy to get wrapped up in your little bubble of love you and your partner have created. Whilst this is lovely and the feeling of contentment washes over you over time some people struggle with losing their sense of self. Most of the time, it’s innocent and we don’t even realise that it’s happening to us. So, what does losing yourself look like?
You probably aren’t changing into an entirely different person (although this can happen), losing yourself is more subtle than that. It’s the small things that were once so important to you that you couldn’t live without, like doing the pub quiz with your best friends, that you no longer care about doing. Or you suddenly put your personal or career goals aside in favour of your other half’s. Those small details are what make up your identity, which set you apart from others and which made your partner fall for you in the first place.
If you’ve noticed creeping into your relationship, then you have a few things you need to figure out. Boundaries and balance are vital in a healthy relationship. A true partnership is the sum of two halves, having your own identity and life outside your relationship will ultimately make you more attractive and a happier human being.
Learning to say no when your partner dominates every decision or demands your complete attention and devotion, will prevent you from losing yourself. By taking a respectful stand against a decision your partner has made or simply saying no to doing something you don’t want to do sets healthy boundaries.
So how do you not lose yourself in a relationship?
See loved ones regularly on your own
Immersing your partner into your social circle and introducing them to the important people in your life is an exciting time, but make sure that you’re still having time on your own with them too. These people are important in keeping you in touch with yourself.
Stop replacing ‘I’ with ‘We’
Whilst becoming a ‘we’ in a new relationship seems tempting for every scenario, it’s easy to fall into unhealthy relationship terrain by doing so. You need to remind yourself you are your own person, so stop saying ‘we’ when you really mean I.
Don’t compromise on the things that make you
It’s okay to compromise on what you’re having for dinner tonight, or what film you’re going to watch on date night. But don’t compromise on the things that make you, well, you. These could be career development opportunities, going to see family/friends, time you spend at gym or yoga, the list is endless.
Maintain your interests
Remember it was your individuality that bagged you your partner in the first place, so maintain those interests you’re passionate about. It’s not just about what you do, it’s who you do it with which is also important. If you and your friends have a monthly quiz session down your local pub, don’t replace them and go with your partner instead. Remember that you both should be supportive of the things which are important to each other prior to even knowing each other. Make sure you continue having ‘me’ time, as it is those things that make you a more interesting and rounded person.
Learn to embrace healthy conflict
Get better at having healthy disagreements. It doesn’t mean you have to be harsh or mean about it, or intentionally start arguments or disagree for the fun of it. But if you have a differing view, then it’s important to speak up about it. Not only will this help build the relationship it also teaches you how to not people-please and develop the courage to stand up and respectfully voice your opinion. There should never be issues about what is said in the relationship, it’s only the way things are said. So, be careful with your tone and make sure you also take the time to listen to your partner.
If you’re looking for love, head over to Plentymorefish. Find fellow singles who are ready for healthy commitment.
We all experience jealousy one way or another. Whether that’s in a relationship, between our friends or maybe even towards a co-worker. Jealousy is a normal feeling but unless it is understood for what it is and dealt with in a healthy way, it can have a destructive effect on our relationships. So, we’ve put together a list of tips to help you deal with the green-eyed monster in a healthy and mature way.
Be supportive of each other’s feelings
As with most things, communication is key. Letting your partner know what situations make you feel uncomfortable and insecure can help you feel more secure and understood. Express how it makes you feel without the need for jealous fits or drama. Get your point across factually and speak from your perspective rather than accusing them of something for which you have no proof. Your partner may think nothing of it when they are texting that co-worker so go easy on them and give them the benefit of the doubt. And if the roles are reversed, it’s time to listen to your partner and try to understand their perspective. Could you be more sensitive to how your behaviour makes them feel?
Know that jealousy in small doses is normal
No matter how full of love and loyalty your partner is, it is still ok to communicate when we feel that jealous twinge. It isn’t a bad signs but shows that you still care about the relationship and that the thought of your partner being with somebody else makes you feel a bit queasy.
Check your expectations
We all have expectations of a relationship; loyalty and honesty are top of the list for many. Sometimes though, our expectations are unhealthy and set you up for bouts of jealousy. Not allowing your partner to see their friend, because he/she is of the opposite sex, is one of those. The key with expectations and rules is that they are communicated clearly and fully.
Look at your toxic habits
Sometimes we set ourselves up to experience these negative emotions, maybe it’s because we believe it’s too good to be true or maybe we simply don’t trust them for some other reason. So, we get ourselves into toxic habits of checking their phone whilst they’re in the shower, or sneakily checking out their ex on social media. These things aren’t going to help you, no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you’ll ‘feel better’ after. You might get a feeling of relief which will last half hour, but you’ll soon find yourself doing it more often and feeling more anxious and jealous. Ultimately, these ways of dealing with jealousy will only push your partner away.
Recognise that if something was to happen, you will be okay
Heartbreak and jealousy can be hard to deal with and no matter how jealous you are in a relationship, know that it will not prevent your partner from doing anything silly or disloyal like sliding into someone else’s dm’s or going for drinks with a co-worker. Trust is a huge part of any relationship but getting comfortable with the fact that a broken heart will not end you, is the first step to dealing with jealousy.
Communicating with your partner about your worries and making sure that this feeling doesn’t take over is so important for a healthy relationship. The more you communicate, the more likely your partner will be able to look out for things that may trigger your feelings jealousy at times and the more reassured you will feel.
If you’re ready to find love, check out fellow singles on Plentymorefish.
Let’s be honest, rejecting someone is awkward. You’re not sure what to say without causing offence and you don’t want to leave them confused or thinking something is wrong with them. Being rejected isn’t a nice feeling, so it’s important that we do it properly with as much damage control as possible. We’ve put together a list of tips when it comes to how to reject someone nicely, so next time you’re being approached by someone who doesn’t tickle your fancy just remember these tips.
Focus on your needs
Let them know that you don’t think that your needs are being met. Being open and honest about it allows them to realise that the issue isn’t necessarily anything to do with them but about compatibility. Mention that you hope they find someone more fitting to what they’d want.
Don’t leave them in the unknown
The last thing you want to do is leave the other person confused about why you’re not responding or you’re pushing back the date for the 3rd time. Make it easier on them and let them know where you’re at and why you’re no longer interested.
Be clear with them, if you don’t think they’re the right person for you then make sure they know that so that you’re not giving off the message to wait around until you’re ready for a relationship etc.
Talk about your chemistry
When we meet somebody, we all want to experience that ‘spark’ or ‘click’. Knowing we have both emotional and sexual chemistry with the other person makes for a great relationship, but when one or both are missing it can make it difficult to want to say yes to the next date without fearing you’re leading the other one on. So be honest, tell them you’re great but I don’t feel like we have chemistry and that’s important to me. It’s a swift and kind way of doing it, and they can’t argue about the things that you don’t feel.
Accept that it’ll probably hurt them
Let’s be honest, being rejected by a crush feels painful, especially if you’ve been on a date with them and you feel like there is potential. Unfortunately, you cannot help this happening, it’s best to be kind and clear. Picture it as if you’re the one that’s being rejected and tell them as nicely as you’d like to be told.
Although our tips have generally talk about being open and honest with the other person about your needs and why you’re not interested, remember that you don’t owe anyone a detailed justification. Just let them know you’re not interested, and you don’t want to take it any further. It’s not harsh, it’s just direct and clear.
If you’re in search of some fellow singles ready for commitment, then head over to Plentymorefish.
Rejection. We’ve all felt it, whether that’s from a relationship, a job or a friend. We’ve all been there. But rejection in love hurts, it can be ruthless in destroying self-confidence and sometimes hard to bounce back from. Even the likes of Brad Pitt and Zac Efron have probably felt rejection in their life. Some people get up and bounce back and some it consumes. So to help you bounce back, we’ve put together 4 ways of getting over rejection.
First, let’s scratch the word ‘rejection’
It’s important to remember that the person who rejected made a choice against you and not because of you. 90% of the time, it’s actually because of their own state of mind and desires rather than you personally. When you think of it as them and not you, you realise it’s not your burden to deal with and you shouldn’t have to cope with it. Essentially, view it as happening for you, not to you. As many people say, ‘It’s a blessing in disguise’.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel valued
Being rejected can be a bit of a dampener on the ego and may have us doubting our own self-worth. Rejection ultimately unsettles our need to belong. That’s why it’s important to spend time with people who make you feel loved and valued, whether that’s simply going for a walk or grabbing a bite to eat. Hanging out with a friend who accepts and values you will remind you that you’re valued. Opening up actually really helps with coping with rejection and can be a saving grace, whether that’s simply to vent about the situation or having a reassuring pep talk.
As Ariana Grande once said, “Thank You, Next” and this is exactly the attitude you want to have. Those that reject you are helping you figure out more information about what you want and don’t want from a partner and are even helping you learn more about yourself, whether that’s how to be more resilient or develop the sensitive side of yourself, every partner is there to teach you a lesson.
A good way to look at it is that every rejection is just you being freed up for the right person. It’s true when they say, ‘you have to kiss some frogs before finding your person’.
Make a list of everything that makes you great
For those that struggle, try giving yourself a compliment. If this is too hard for you to do right now, ask a friend to tell you what they love about you so they can remind you how great you are. By making a list of things that make you a great person, you’re helping to boost your self-esteem and in turn curb any negative self-talk. It’s essentially a way of affirming our own worth and not letting rejection dampen our confidence.
If you’re finding yourself wanting to get back out there and delve into the world of dating, check out Plentymorefish to find your match.
The past 18 months have been tough, we’ve been through some confusing times and it’s no surprise that many of us have struggled throughout it. Some of us have been lucky, having family and housemates to keep us company through the madness, but some of us have been on our own making it difficult to re-emerge into this new world trying to navigate the world of dating at the same time.
Take things slow
You should know that it’s completely normal to feel nervous about dating again, we all only just got used to getting half dressed for a date over a Zoom call, but now we actually have to match the bottoms to the top we’re wearing! But before this, you need to ask yourself whether you’re ready to step back into the dating world again. Is it important for you to be dating or are you putting too much pressure on yourself?
Don’t be tricked into thinking that time is “running out” and start rushing into relationships in the hope that they’re the ‘one’. Yes, time has passed whilst we’ve been lockdown, but your priorities may have changed, you may want to do different things with your life after experiencing so little in so long. So, now might be a good time to re-evaluate what you want from a relationship before searching for your dream man/woman.
Prepare for dating
Whilst the dating world is not the hunger games, it’s still best to prepare before joining the arena again. Remember, you’re not the only one who is hesitant about getting back out there. You might be eager and anxious all at once – worrying not only about the date itself but also about any restrictions that are in place. Do I need my mask? Has my date taken a test?
To stop these nerves, it’s best to establish boundaries as much as you can with your date and with yourself. If you’re worried about testing and masks, research the date location to check out any restrictions which they may still have in place (it’s always handy to keep a mask with you anyway), discuss any concerns with your date before the date. Getting these worries out of the way will ease your mind and will only leave room for the ‘normal’ pre-date jitters we all get.
Make sure you feel like your best self
Why not treat yourself to a new outfit or a new fragrance you’ve been wanting to try? Dating is all about finding someone who matches your best self, so be the best version of you by being comfortable and confident. We’re not saying you have to change your appearance or become a whole different person but do what makes you feel good. Whether that’s a new outfit or a self-care ritual.
Above all, it’s important you feel comfortable going back into the world of dating, so if, for now, meeting up with a date seems a little daunting for you then try something a bit more laid back and more your style. Virtual dating worked for a while during lockdown, there’s no harm in it sticking round a while longer.
If you’re ready to venture into the world of dating Plentymorefish to help you along the way. Join now to find fellow singles looking for love.