Love languages were a foreign concept until the 90’s. We all had an idea of what made us look at our partner with puppy dog eyes or made our stomach flutter. But understanding these aspects in order to make a relationship work didn’t occur until Gary Chapman wrote a book on the five love languages in 1992.
So, what are they?
The five love languages are as follows:
1. Acts of Service
This is a non-verbal form of love. It is the idea that you complete a task for your partner that you know they would like. Maybe your partner needs their car cleaned or you cook their favourite food. The acts are often selfless and encourage you to listen to your partner’s needs.
It’s the most common amongst all of the other love languages. It is often mis-construed however, as people mistake it for being about the items you give, and the price attached to it. Whereas those whose love language is gift-giving focus more on the thought behind the gift, which shows your partner that you’re thinking about them and that you actively listen to them. The true meaning behind gift-gifting is the sentimentality of the gift itself.
3. Physical Touch
As it says on the tin, it’s a physical form of love. It communicates compassion, joy and sympathy towards your partner, it’s more about desiring the physical touch like holding hands and feeling close to them through affectionate acts, rather than desiring sex and fulfilling your sensual needs.
4. Quality Time
Connections built around this love language are often strong relationships. For people who thrive from this love language, their priority is spending meaningful time with their partner. This means no distractions, just one-to-one undivided attention. For example, watching a film together on the sofa is not an example of quality time. But if you were to turn the TV off and start a conversation, it can become a significant act to those who enjoy quality time.
5. Words of Affirmation
You might find some people are naturally more inclined to be open about their feelings whilst dating, this could be because their love language is words of affirmation. Verbal expression of love is what is important to them. Supportive and appreciative words are an expression of their love and gratitude. It doesn’t always have to be verbal; it could be written notes on the fridge or love letters left on your bedside table.
Why are love languages actually important?
Although we may think that most of the love languages appeal to us, some stand out without us realising. This is why it’s important to understand which love language we hold at a higher value in a relationship. You and your partner may not always share the same love language and that’s perfectly fine but knowing what makes your partner swoon can be really important for preserving that romance you had to begin with. Once we begin to understand how each of us work in a relationship, you notice that it begins to blossom and grows stronger.
Communication plays a significant role in this. It allows you to explain what is most important to you and how you can both meet each other’s emotional needs. No person is the same in a relationship, everyone expresses their love differently and by communicating between each other you’re avoiding that risk of disappointment.
If these things aren’t communicated, a relationship can become difficult as you may find yourself trying to give love in different ways as to what your partner may desire. The conversation shouldn’t stop, it should be on-going throughout the relationship. As people grow and change, their love languages may also shift with it so communication should be easy and comfortable. Saying this, if you find yourself drained trying to put effort into a relationship where your partner is critical or isn’t satisfied, it could be a red flag.
Essentially, understanding each other’s love language is how relationships become stronger and play a fundamental part in making a relationship a success. Are you ready to find someone to talk your language in love? Head over to Plentymorefish.com.
We’ve all been there, sat wondering why we’re finding ourselves on the search for our Mr/Mrs Right, once again. There’s only so many times we can convince ourselves that it’s our date who isn’t ready for the world of romance. If you still find yourself single and wonder why your dates never take the next step, then it might be time to start looking inward. Could you be in your own way to finding love? We’ve given you a head start with a few reasons why your mindset might be failing you.
You Have Low Self Esteem…
I’m sure you’ve heard it all before “love yourself before you love anyone else”. If you lack appreciation for yourself and you don’t learn to love your flaws, looking for someone else’s love to fill the void is not a healthy position to be in. The feelings of not being good enough for other people can lead to issues like jealousy and neediness in relationships.
Next time you find yourself blaming your low self-esteem for your failed dating life, try writing a list of all your positives – the things you like about yourself – and then read them aloud. Make it a part of your daily routine to learn to love yourself, reminding yourself you deserve to have a healthy love life. You will find yourself in a much more positive mindset.
You Have High Expectations…
Now we’re not saying you should settle by any means. But when you start dating adjust your mindset so that your high expectations don’t come in between you and your date. Chivalry is a big green tick, and we all want it, but don’t get used to it. A few dates down when people start to get comfortable, bringing you flowers may become a thing of the past. But by showing appreciation for the things your partner does, it can work in your favour. Just saying ‘thank you’ can be a form of encouragement for many people who seek that gratification, it could be a win-win for both parties. You get the flowers, and they get the appreciation. Every now and again, surprise them. Try and plan a fun date to treat them. Show them that dating you isn’t a one-sided experience but that you can also be fun and romantic.
You Are Too Independent…
In this new generation, we are all force-fed the idea that we (particularly women) should all be self-sufficient and independent. However, true this may be, it can also hinder our dating experiences. Being too independent means, you become too engrossed in your own needs and happiness – and whilst this is important to do – it means you stop focusing on others.
The truth is, is that no matter how much you crave independence, we need other people. Forming a connection with someone is healthy, we can learn from others and they can love us and as a result we grow as individuals. So next time you’re thinking of not going out on that date because the thought of forming a connection gives you the shivers, listen to your heart and give it a go. It’s craving love.
You’re Coming on Too Strong…
Do you find yourself buckling at the knees to anyone who looks your way? You crave that attention a partner can give you and when someone gives you the slightest hint of that, you hold onto it too tightly. You’re coming on too strong. As we get older, a natural reaction is to panic that we’re running out of time in the world of dating. So, you settle for the person who buys you a drink at the bar, or calls you beautiful, even if your gut is telling you they’re not the one. The fears and doubts of never finding someone can manifest into desperation. In some cases, it convinces you to settle for way less than you deserve. To overcome this, we need to believe that someone better awaits us. That all these dates we go on with hopeless men/women are merely just setting us up for what is yet to come.
You Have Trust Issues…
Toxic situations from the past can leave a lasting mark on you. It tends to project past issues into the present, making you think you’re stuck in the same situation as before. Mistrust can manifest itself into jealousy and anxiety and most often, it can be the reason why making it past the dating stage is so difficult. For some, it can even grow into developing toxic controlling behaviours. Before you launch yourself back into the world of dating, it’s so important to address and deal with past baggage. Start by finding the root of the mistrust and ask yourself whether the associations you make between dating and trust, are actually facts or just an opinion you have formed based on past experiences.
Whatever you do, don’t lose hope or give up on finding love! Sometimes it takes a little longer to find the person that’s just right for you.
Find likeminded singles over on Plentymorefish.com.
Navigating the dating field can be difficult, no matter how old we get and the knowledge we gain, no one can prepare us for the surprises that lay ahead for us. There comes a time -maybe after the first date or a month down the line – where we may wonder if there’s a future with this person. So, we’ve lay down a few basic signs to identify if it has any potential or whether they’re simply the “wrong person”.
1. You can’t be yourself around them
One of the key signs you’re dating the wrong person is that you’re not comfortable around them. It’s natural on the first few dates to want to impress someone and typically you may choose not to show your quirky traits. Saying this, you shouldn’t be putting on a song and dance to prove yourself to them, you should have a pretty good idea whether you could get comfortable in their presence after the first date or two.
2. They don’t listen to you
If you find they’re trying to control the conversation this could be a good indication that they’re not listening to you, particularly if they don’t seem to ask any questions aimed at getting to know you better. If they’re always waiting for their turn to speak and diverting conversation away from your topic, the truth is they’re more than likely uninterested in anything you have to say. So, spare your precious time and start planning your exit strategy.
3. They’re Non-Committal
If they keep meaning to introduce you to friends or family but yet they forgot to invite you to their Aunt Margaret’s 60th after they’ve been persistent with their promises to do so, this is a big red flag that screams non-committal.
We don’t mean just in terms of not taking it to the next stage in a relationship, but more so committing to simple things. If they’re flaky on dates or they keep meaning to “plan” this so-called date and they never seem to find the time to do so, then you’re looking at a non-committing dater.
4. Communicates often with their ex
Do you often find them bringing up their ex in conversation spontaneously? Or maybe you feel them subconsciously making comparisons? If he/she has mixed thoughts going into a relationship and potentially may still be clinging to their ex, these behaviours could be an indicator that there is still a lingering past relationship that hasn’t been dealt with. This can get difficult if they share children or maybe going through a divorce, so we recommend communicating your worries first. But if you find they’re still chatting to their ex after expressing your concerns, she/he’s just not the right person.
5. You’ll assume they’ll change
We all have set expectations we want our date to meet, but if you’re already thinking about what hairdressers you’re going to take them to next week, then they’re probably not the right person for you. If you’re following up on dates already hoping that they’re going to change their look or some of their habits for you, then it’s a big no-no. There will be someone out there that you can see past the looks and appreciate the actual person, even if they have some quirky habits.
Ultimately, if you feel that you’re the only one putting any effort into a relationship you are probably with the wrong person. Do yourself a favour and walk away, so the right person has a chance to enter your life. You know what we always say… there’s plenty more fish in the sea!
Looking for singles in your area? Find them on Plentymorefish.com.
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and for many there is little sense of romance in the air. Figuring out ways of making the day as romantic as possible whilst in Lockdown can be a struggle for most but we’ve got you covered. You don’t have to splash the cash to make Valentines special. Let us help you inspire your romantic side with some simple ideas to make the day just as memorable.
Video Call Cooking
If you’re currently not living with your partner, then this could be a fun activity to do together over a video call. Get in contact with local restaurants or simply search for a recipe you both enjoy and get cooking.
If you live close by, go on a socially distanced romantic walk, grab a coffee, put on your walking boots, and plan your route. No phones, just the two of you. This is a great way to get to know the person you’re dating better and to distract yourself from reality for a little while.
Bring the Bar to Your Home
Lots of companies are setting up virtual cocktail classes or wine tastings, you just buy a ticket and they send the kit out to you. The best thing about it is, you could participate in your dressing gown if you fancied it and it’s not too far to stumble to your bedroom.
Mr and Mrs Quiz
We’ve all heard of Mr and Mrs, the ultimate quiz to test your partner. There are plenty of similar games/quizzes out there to get to know your date better. For those who don’t do romance it can be a light-hearted game to see if your date really does listen to you.
It’s a simplistic idea which can be made much better with a bowl of your favourite treats, a bottle of wine and some blankets to cosy up with. Plan with enough time so both you and your partner get to pick a film each, it saves the endless scrolling trying to find something you both enjoy.
Spa Day at Home
There’s nothing better than a trip to the spa, you don’t have to have the massage table to make your home into a mini spa-day for you and your boo. Grab some face masks, light some candles, and pop some music on. Maybe even spice your spa day up a little and have a dip in the bath together.
Plan the future
Is there something you both really want to do after restrictions are lifted? Make a list together and have it as a unique bucket list for you both. If your priorities are travelling, search for places you both want to travel to, hotels you’d like to stay at etc. If your priorities are to do with your home, begin looking for your inspiration. Once you’ve completed your list, stick it somewhere you and your partner will always see it, so that you can be reminded, and it can be a form of motivation for you as a couple.
If you are still looking for that special someone check out Plentymorefish.com.
You have been dating for a few weeks now and things are going really well. Awesome! But Christmas is right around the corner and you are stuck with the decision on whether to buy your new love a prezzie or not, and if so, what.
Buying a gift this early on in a relationship could come across as moving too fast, whereas not giving one could portray you as Scrooge’s second cousin twice removed. But before you hop on the next power sleigh towards the North Pole, let us help you with 3 gift ideas which are guaranteed to spread festive cheer without screaming ‘I think you are the one!’ (unless he/she is, then I’d still advise you to wait a couple more weeks before you propose…but we digress). Here we go:
Gifts for her:
1. Spa Treatment
Women love to be pampered so a voucher to a nice spa weekend for the two of you is bang on. The best ones offer a choice of treatments such as a mani / pedi, back massage or facial. However, weekend packages can be expensive, so either shop around or simply book some treatments at a local beauty salon. Staff can advise you which package is best.
2. Day Out Voucher
Treat her to a trip somewhere she has not been before or a place she loves and take a look at the sights. Round it off with a nice dinner and remember to take the camera for plenty of piccies for your second gift, a photo book, which will make a thoughtful keepsake. Add some creativity and make it fun, but don’t spoil the second surprise. 😉
3. Spoil Her Night
You can create a magical evening by treating her like a queen all night. Run a bath with and pour in essential oils (like relaxing lavender) and light scented candles to set the mood. Treat her to her favourite meal, rent good movie, really go all out to spoil her and make her feel special. Use your creativity, she’s guaranteed to love it! Just remember, this is not about you, so no ulterior motives gents!
Gifts for him:
The classic, yet fail-proof option. Casually ask him about his favourite brands or better, check with friends. If you aren’t prepared to fork out £30 – £60 for an aftershave, just go for the body spray option of the same brand. Best bit, your man will smell edible and who knows where that might lead?
2. Magazine / Comic Subscription
I have yet to encounter a man without a passion for something, be it technology, economy, comic books, music or trains and you are guaranteed to find a matching magazine. Most publications offer subscriptions from 3 months up to a year. If you aren’t sure, what he is into, ask his best friend or a family member.
3. Experience Day
Whether he’s into sports, the outdoors or sampling a good ale down the pub, a day centred all around him and his interests is sure to impress and gives him an opportunity to show off in front of you.
Right then, better get ordering now folks!
Christmas kisses from us all at Plentymorefish.com!
Let’s be honest, the dating pond is a vast ocean of opportunities and potential matches. It makes sense that you cast your net wide to increase your chances for reeling in the best catch and dating several people at once is simply being efficient.
Even so, seeing more than one person at any one time is a bit of a juggling act and before we share our tips on how make that easier, it’s worth giving some context. When we refer to ‘dating’ we mean ‘looking for a long-term relationship’ not ‘hooking up’ (that’s what our naughty pond is for). 😈
#1 Be honest
Since we all agree that dating more than one person is a good thing, keeping it hidden from the people you are seeing is not. Telling your dates that you are meeting other people is the mature and decent thing to do. Some of you may protest that it might scare some potential dates away. Yes, that may happen, but if someone is put off by that, they are clearly not on the same page and are probably not a suitable match.
#2 Keep it small
As with other things in life, if we take on too much it becomes a struggle. It’s better to date 5 people than 10 for the simple reason that dating can be tiring. It’s also a good idea to spread out your date over several days and give yourself time to reflect and, you know, have a life. You’ll want to be your best self when looking for that special someone so make sure you don’t overdo the dating.
#3 No Ghosting
When you’ve started to realise that it’s not going to work out with one of your dates, please don’t just ghost them. Be fair and tell him/her that it’s not going to go anywhere and let them down gently. Likewise, if you’re getting serious with someone, it’s time to share that you’re off the market. We all deserve to be treated respectfully.
#4 Be Curious
Really push the boat out and increase your odds of finding love by dating a variety of people. Pick someone you wouldn’t normally go out with. Granted, it may be a bit out of your comfort zone but as the old saying goes, ‘opposites attract’. Or they surprise you and you’ll realise you have more in common than you thought. You won’t know until you’ve tried.
Ready to dive into the dating pool and get fishing for dates? Sign up for free today!
Whilst we may be a generation addicted to selfies and photos, it is safe to say that a well-written quality dating profile will help you stand out in the crowd and catch Mr or Miss Right. The thing is we’re just not very good at selling ourselves, it isn’t in our nature to ‘brag’ about our plus points but in reality this is exactly what you need to do in the world of online dating.
Even if you’re not a budding wordsmith, with a little thought and creativity you can create a knockout dating profile. Still need a guiding hand? Our top tips below will nudge you in the right direction.
Keep it short and sweet
Entice your date with just enough to peak their interest. Here are some good examples:
Sunday fun day 👍🏻 Sunday chill day 👎🏻
Snakes 😍 Moths 😱
Bike ✅ Car ⛔️
Pineapple on pizza > great combo (Perhaps we will be too?)
“She has funny toes.” – My best friend Clare
“Excellent gums. Definitely flosses regularly.” – Sara, my hygienist
“She’s cute, but she snores.” – My mother
“Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.” – My ex (actually it was Captain Jack Sparrow in At World’s End but I’m sure my ex would agree)
Kids in your photos
Always a risky one as parents tend to keep their kids off the internet. However, if you are a single parent most of your pictures will contain your kids so a quick disclaimer about who that kid in your photo belongs to are appreciated, but not necessary.
Funny is good. Witty is better.
Unless you’re a natural comedian it will pay dividends to spend some time researching other profiles and taking inspiration from them. Be original and please don’t copy and paste from other profiles.
Must we really say it? Online dating is not the platform to promote your views on your views on mindfulness or inner peace, so please stay clear of inspirational quotes (unless you can turn them into something funny or use it as a topic of why you think it stinks).
I’m this tall…
Gents, refrain from adding your height to your dating bio. Whilst there may be shallow girls out there that open with this question, most of us are better than that!
Lads, contrary to what many of you (90%) may believe, posting shirtless pics can mean on average 25% fewer matches. More than half of the women who’ve been asked said that posting shirtless pics implies a lack of maturity and self-awareness.
Regardless of whether you’re a young professional or one of the many over 40’s daters, making the right first impression is key and a good dating bio can be a great way to introduce yourself.
If you’re looking for a potential date what are the things you look for in a good profile? We’d love for you to share with us your profile ‘deal breakers’.
When you’ve been in the dating pool a while and/or you’ve reached a certain age it’s very likely you’ll date someone who’s had a failed marriage or long-term relationship. But that doesn’t mean that person won’t be a great partner. There are, however, some warning signs to look out for when dating a divorced man.
Separated, not divorced
The first red flag is whether he describes himself as separated rather than divorced. Many women get sucked into a relationship (rebound anyone?) with a separated man, only to find out that he’s still married and actually working on his relationship or that he’s going to remain married, but still separated for the foreseeable future and he never has any plans on getting remarried. So anytime you hear the word separated, translate that into, ‘I’m not available for anything serious’.
Going too fast
The second warning sign is how fast he jumps into a very serious relationship. Oftentimes divorced men are only comfortable with relationships that become very serious, very quickly. They are putt off by the dating process of getting to know the other person and it’s important you slow things down. Even if he is keen to spend a lot of time with you or goes as far as suggesting moving in together, slowing down will give you both time to really get to know each other and see if you are actually compatible in the long run.
Having a negative attitude towards love or being emotionally unavailable is also a red flag. Granted, going through a divorce is one of the most traumatic things a person has to deal with, and it can leave that person bitter and closed off to love. So, if he’s still in a place where he can’t see himself to ever get married again – believe him. He’s not yet moved on and is still reeling from that experience. Let him go, he’s not ready.
Red flag number four is whether he’s depressed or has low self-esteem. As we said earlier divorce is traumatic and it can really take a toll on a person’s mental state and destroy their self-esteem. Divorce has the potential to make you feel like you are not worthy of a relationship, especially if you’ve been cheated on. But remember, it’s not your job to fix him, it’s not your job to try and bring him to a healthy place in his love life. He will need to find that path on his own. Please avoid wasting too much time trying to rehabilitate him when you could be keeping your options open to other people.
Check the ex
If his ex-wife is still a huge part of his life that’s another warning sign you shouldn’t ignore. Now, we get it if he has children with her, they will need to make sure they have an active relationship and maybe even a friendship. But if you’re finding that she’s still a constant part of his life, he’s texting her on a constant basis, always seeing her more than probably would be appropriate, then keep your eyes wide open. There’s still a possibility he might want to win her back.
Kids but no kids
Speaking of children. How’s his relationship with his kids? If he has zero custody of his children doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a major problem. Nonetheless, it’s a red flag. Typically, the relationship that someone has with their children is very coherent with the relationship they’ll have with other people in their life, but divorces are complicated and messy, so you really want to find out what actually went to get a clearer picture of him.
Now those are the biggest red flags we really want you to be looking for when you’re dating a divorced man, and if you don’t see any of those red flags, then great, go for it! Just because a man was divorced doesn’t mean he’s damaged goods. On the contrary, he actually may have learned a lot from that first marriage and be at a point in his life where he has more clarity about what he wants in a relationship and in a woman.
Ready to find your next date? Check out our divorced singles pond and start chatting to other divorced singles today.
The world’s population is getting older year on year. The UK now has an average life expectancy of 81 years, meaning that finding love is no longer limited to people in their 20s, 30s and 40s. More and more mature singles find themselves diving into the dating pool and often for the first time in a long time. That can be a daunting experience. But don’t worry, we’re here to help you navigate your new and fun dating journey.
Here are our top tips to finding love again in your later years:
- Try something new
Think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Think again! Not only is taking up a new hobby good for your brain and mental health, it’s also an excellent way to make new friends and meet likeminded singles. We’re certain there’s always been something you’ve been wanting to try out – choir singing, a cooking class or perhaps learning to tango? The possibilities are endless.
- Get moving
Physical exercise is a great way to improve many aspects of your life – mood, energy and self-esteem! Whether it’s dancing, walking, yoga or swimming, all are set to keep you young and in great shape. There are literally hundreds of clubs and classes looking to welcome you. Why not try something new every week to get you started until you find ‘The One’ you really like?
- Go shopping
Stuck in a rut when it comes to fashion? Now’s the time to ditch the old look and go for something new and fresh! One of the best ways to explore new looks is to get some help from a personal stylist. Many department stores now offer this service and it’s not as expensive as you think. Go on! Invest in yourself – you are worth it.
- Try online dating
If you haven’t tried online dating yet, you are missing out. The beauty of dating apps is that you get to speak to a lot of singles before you meet them. There are many dating sites now catering for mature singles looking to connect and find love – like our Silver Pond.
- Book that trip
It’s time to go on an adventure! Many travel companies now offer solo travellers the opportunity to join likeminded people on a group holiday. Not only will you see amazing new sights, but you’re bound to make new friends and maybe even have a little holiday romance. There’s no excuse not to go on that trip you’ve always dreamt about doing. Which brings us to…
- Be open to possibilities
In other words – start saying yes. Key to meeting new people and finding love is breaking out of your comfort zone and allowing yourself to be open to new opportunities. Much like trying something new – it can feel a little scary at first – but soon you’ll realise that trying new things is fun. It’s time to embrace the possibilities again.
If you’re single and interested in meeting like-minded people, join the Silver Pond over at Plentymorefish.com.
Thanks to Covid we’ve all had to adjust our lives and behaviours and meeting new people is no exception. Video dates have now become the norm and many singles now face the added worry of not coming across as well as they would in person.
One survey showed that 59 percent of adults are more self-conscious on camera than in real life.
It’s easy to see why! Most of the time you only see a person’s face during the video call so many of the non-verbal cues that tell if someone’s attracted to you are hidden for example mirroring the other person’s posture. But not only that, since you can see yourself in the video you may be tempted to look at yourself rather than your date.
Luckily, there are some tips that will help you feel more comfortable during video dates.
- Do a trial run or two
Did you hear the story of a boss who turned herself into a speaking potato during a Zoom call? To avoid mishaps like this one practice and try any new tech / app before your video date so you have familiarised yourself with it. This will help you feel more in control and you make sure you have point 2 & 3 covered. Bonus tip: If you live in a noisy household or area it’s best to use your headphones during the call to reduce any of the background noise.
- Check your appearance
Whilst many will tell you video dating is way more relaxed please don’t rock up in your jammies – first impressions still matter! Find a comfy place to sit or stand for a long period of time and charge any devices or have the chargers ready in case your battery gets low. Have a cuppa or glass of water ready, too.
- Position your camera
While you check yourself out during a test run (How you doin’?) pay attention to the positioning of your camera. Check lighting, facing a window is great, and scan what’s visible in the background. Remove any items (hey there dildo!) you’d want to keep private and make sure your camera is positioned at eye level. Most of us look down at our phones and no one looks good from that angle. Likewise, don’t lie down…unless it’s a booty call then get that sex toy back out. 😉
- Get in the right mindset
One way to calm pre-date jitters it through visualisation. Imagine really clicking with the other person, really feel those feelings of attraction, picture yourself having an amazing time. This might sound woo-woo but visualisation has been proven to trick your mind – it simply cannot tell if what you’re imagining is real or not. So instead of thinking doom and gloom – think happy thoughts! It will come across during your video.
- And, breathe….
Another way to tackle nervousness is breathing. Paying attention to your breathing before a call can really help you relax and is the quickest way to reduce any anxiety. Try this exercise: Look at the palm of your left hand (if you are right-handed) and place the index finger of your right hand at the bottom of your thumb where it meets your wrist. Now breathe in slowly and trace your finger up to the tip of your thumb and down the other side on the exhale. Then up your left index finger and down again. Travel along all your fingers breathing in and out slowly and when you’ve reached the outside of your hand, go in reverse. Repeat this as long as you need to feel calm.
And there you have it. Now all you need is a lovely single person to video chat with so hop on over to Plentymorefish.com now!
PS: If video dates make you really uncomfortable it’s ok to say no and just have a regular phone conversation until you do.