Recently there’s been an influx of films out there such as “Friends with Benefits” and “No Strings Attached” and it made me wonder…can this kind of relationship ever work out as planned?
These movies demonstrate a clear difference in emotional attachments between men and women. Is this a true reflection of what happens in real life? Do you think women are more likely to become attached than men?
….Or is it?
Does there become a point where either party is bound to eventually catch feelings or throw out a bag of mixed signals?
I wonder how hard it is to not become emotionally involved. Personally, I think crossing the friends/lovers line is likely to be a recipe for disaster and risks the end of a great friendship. However, I am not talking from experience and I would love to know if it’s worked for anyone out there? I wonder if it’s ever possible to overcomes feelings of jealousy if either party were to show interest in another person?
Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Fill us in!
One of the biggest advantages of using an online dating site like ww.plentymorefish.com is the ability to see a huge pool of singletons in your area all looking to date. You will probably find yourself in contact with more than one person and the time will come when you have to let someone down because of a better suited match.
This will be the least enjoyable part of your online dating experience. I know this because a friend of mine has just met someone she is really attracted and suited to and is finding it really hard to let two other genuine guys down. At first, I really struggled to advise her about what to do. Even if you’ve been on one single date with someone, it seems really hard to let them down “in a nice way.”
Anyway, together, we came up with what we thought to be the best way of letting someone down gently. We eventually decided that the amount of times you’ve met/ how well you know the person is key.
Just online contact
Mostly been messaging to-and-fro? Decide to they’re not for you? I think letting them know online is fine. I would suggest writing something along the lines of; “It was really nice speaking to you but I wanted to let you know that I have met someone I would like to take things further with” and wish them well in their search.
After one date
If you have only been on one date and decide they’re not for you, I think it’s important to text or call to tell them. There’s no point wasting your time, or theirs. Some dating sites would recommend going on two dates before you decide but I really think that if the chemistry’s there, it will be evident on the first date. Something like; “I want to be honest with you…It was really nice meeting you and you seem really nice but I have met someone else. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
After more than one date
This is when it get’s particularly hard. You’ve met them twice, three times or perhaps even four. You definitely need to call them and explain the situation. Take a deep breath and pick up the phone. You may feel bad for a while but ask yourself; wouldn’t you prefer to know rather than being left in the lurch? It’s simply the polite thing to do and they’ll respect you for it.
Please don’t ghost someone deliberately – make sure you get in touch in person or call them! It will be much easier for them to move on when they know it’s over rather than being ignored ignored overnight. Remember, you wouldn’t want this to happen to you, so give others the same respect.
Do you have any bad examples of breakups you experienced you want to share? Sound off in the comments below. x
Suggesting when to meet in person is tricky for me to say as it’s bound to differ for everyone. I will however try and give you a rough indication of when I think it’s about time for that first date.
It may start with a wink and a few messages here and there and then, before you know it, you’re messaging each other every day and perhaps more. This shows that you are both clear in your emotions and should definitely swap numbers and arrange to meet. It’s pointless wasting any more time throwing messages back and forth. You need to get out there to find out whether you’re attracted to them offline. If so, great! If not, plenty more fish in the sea!
As a dating site we strongly believe that although we offer a great big pond of lovely singles, we cannot match you. This is for you to decide when you meet up!
So how do you “pop the question?” …and we’re talking about a date here, not marriage!
One of our favourite ways to ask a date out online is to use their hobbies and interests as a starting point. They may list travelling as one of their interests. They may even list Italy as their favourite country. In this is the case, you could say something along the lines of; “I know this great Italian Restaurant in town, do you fancy going on Saturday night?” Pretty casual and not so daunting.
There, hope this helps! Remember to put as much detail into your profile as you can. You will sound interesting, plus, it makes it easier for potential dates to contact you!
Contrary to previous assumptions, a brand new study indicates that when in a long term relationship, men rate kissing and cuddling more importantly than than women.
The study included more than 1,000 couples from five countries. All were between 40 and 70 and all were in a relationship for an average of 25 years.
Men who told the researchers that kissing and cuddling were a regular part of their relationship were on average THREE times happier than those who did not. Women on the other hand, who are almost always portrayed as the more tactile sex, told researchers that kissing and cuddling had little effect on their happiness.
Interesting stuff. I’ve got to say though, here at the plenty more towers we are a little unsure…everyone likes a hug, don’t they?! How far do you agree with it?
You may remember a post a while back;“5 Things to consider when writing your dating profile.” Basically, my online dating friend was finding it pretty tricky to describe herself in her profile. Together, we overcame this and her profile is (I would say) perfectly polished ;). Only trouble is, she is getting A LOT of messages. Not an issue you say? Well, unless you’ve got all the hours in the day, you simply can’t reply to everyone.
Here are my 5 reasons NOT to reply to everyone:
- Like my friend, you may feel compelled to reply to everyone and as much as it’s a nice and polite idea, it’s quite an unrealistic one. There’s a huge pool of singles and replying to all would mean no life outside online dating. Not ideal.
- You’ll get winked at, people will view your profile, you’ll get messages but you can’t be expected to reciprocate all of this attention. Simply not enough hours in the day to waste time on people you’re just not attracted to.
- Remember that online dating is a numbers game, they probably won’t just be messaging you. I know this doesn’t sound too romantic but it’s true. Therefore, people don’t necessarily expect a response. Only message them back if you know you’re interested. The last thing you want is to lead anyone on.
- Feel bad for not replying? Sometimes no response at all is better than outright rejection.
- On the flip side, not everyone will respond to you and you shouldn’t let that get to you. You can’t take it personally…just move on to the next profile. You know what they say – plenty more fish in the sea!
Get behind our man Andy!
As many of you may already know, the Wimbledon 2011 Championship is well underway and we’re sure, like us, you’re supporting our very own Andy Murray.
Here at Plenty More Fish UK we wanted to reward all our basic members with a chance to read all those messages you have for FREE*.
So what’s the catch?
It’s simple, there is no catch. Every time Murray wins you will get FREE* access to your incoming messages the day after between 6pm and 8pm. So if Murray wins Wimbledon you’ll have three free* sessions on Thursday, Saturday and Monday!
Watch the matches live and when he wins celebrate by making the most of our FREE* read offer.
Plenty More Fish 🙂*You will get Free access to your incoming messages the day after the quarter finals (Thursday 30th 2011), the day after the semi finals (Saturday 2nd July 2011) and the day after the Finals (Monday 4th July 2011) between 6pm and 8pm if Murray wins those matches.
Letters, cards and cuddly toys are just some of the mementos many of us hang on to when a relationship has ended. Cute bears that meant the world, letters written from the heart, your favourite song, even your partners t-shirt with that all too familiar smell…all too hard to throw out. But, keeping visible memories dotted around your house can be painful, so why do we do it?
I think it’s just a process that many of us need to go through. Many of the gifts are useless but after a relationship we may find ourselves clinging onto what little we have left as a reminder of them and the good times. It adds a form of comfort from the person…the person who caused us to feel this way in the first place. Weird, eh?
This is not the case for everyone though. Some people see chucking out all mementos as a first step towards getting over their ex. Relationships over and Freddy the teddy is lying in a bin bag with the potato peelings, ready to meet his fate. People just deal with it differently.
I find names and numbers the hardest to rid. A number you haven’t called for 3 years but still remains part of your history. A number once dialled often, now useless in function but simply too hard to delete.
So what about you? Are you a thrower or a hoarder? When in a new relationship, is it necessary for you to bin all gifts from your ex or can you keep some? It would be interesting to hear some views on this! 🙂
For many people, writing a dating profile can be a daunting and tricky process. Only last night, I was helping a friend set up her profile and she was SO concious of sounding “big- headed.” I had to continuously tell her that you are in fact, trying to sell yourself – similar to that of a C.V. You have to describe yourself in a positive light or who will want to employ (or in her case, date) you?
Anyway, we got there in the end! I strongly believe you can write a cracking profile description without sounding full of yourself! It’s do-able. Just follow our 5 tips for a stand- out profile.
- Always focus on the positives. Someone who sees the glass half full rather than half empty is extremely attractive. Refrain from portraying yourself as desperate. Making comments like; “is there ANYBODY out there?” can come across as very impersonal, as well as desperate.
- Ask a good friend to help you. This is probably one of my top tips. Your friends will have absolutely no problem describing all the great things about you. You can even get them to spell check it while they’re there! If it’s easier you could eve put; “my friends would describe me as a…., b….., c…..”
- Upload a clear, recent photo of yourself. Make sure your picture is clear. Make sure it’s of you and not your pet. Definitely don’t upload a picture with an ex clearly cut out of it. Check out our tips for the perfect profile picture.
- Enough info in your description to help start a conversation…yes. A biography…no. Leave some to the imagination. You do not need to tell everyone why you dislike your ex or about your undying love for your cat. This can come later if you get to know each other well enough.
- What do you find attractive? Ask yourself what you find attractive in other peoples profiles and try to do something similar in yours! Simple 🙂
Losing a spouse, going through a divorce or break up can be a traumatic experience. For most people it takes time for the wounds to heal before even thinking about taking a dip in the dating pool again. Understandable really. Often jumping into a relationship too quickly can be a bad thing – you may meet someone who’s not right for you. As much as you may miss the companionship it’s worth having some you time to figure out exactly what it is that you want.
So how do you know when you’re ready to date again?
Are you “over” your past relationship?
This does not mean forget about your past relationship by any means – it just means that you have stopped comparing new interests to your previous partner.
Are you bitter?
Being bitter is a sign you’re not over your ex and can be sensed a mile off by prospective partners. It can send people running for the door. You should be free of bitterness before dating again- it only wears you down. It may take time but that healing time is hugely important.
Do you expect instant dating success?
Unfortunately dating is filled with ups and downs and not a dating site in the world could promise you instant success. Some meet the right one straight away, some don’t. It’s a numbers game. Don’t lose hope.
Are you feeling happy?
Happiness and positivity is an extremely attractive quality. It’s true what they say- you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Use your single time to do the things that make you feel happy. Your future partner should fit into your life.
Are you revealing too much too soon?
Your date should not be used as a counsellor. If you feel you’re going to spill details of your past relationship on your first date then it is pretty evident that you need some more time before dating. Mystery is all part of the excitement of dating.
It may take some time before you feel ready to start dating again but in my experience it’s MUCH better to give yourself this time and meet someone who ticks all the boxes rather than just a few.