So here you are again, back with the ex. Up and down you go… rehashing the same problems, breaking up time and again, only to get back together shortly after.
If your relationship feels more like the rinse and repeat cycle of your washing machine rather than the healthy, grownup partnership it should be, it’s time to break that rollercoaster cycle once and for all.
Don’t worry – you’re not alone or weird for having such a complicated relationship. Many people find themselves in an on-again/off-again relationship at some point in their lives. The first step to finding answers is becoming aware that it’s not all that great. Realising the relationship is actually making you pretty miserable is key to seeing the behavioural patterns that are keeping you stuck. If you can’t see the patterns, ask a trusted friend whom you can trust to be honest with you. Identify them and you can start to tackle them.
Many couples who find themselves in this type of yo-yo relationship often fail to realise the reasons why they broke up in the first place. They keep coming back to the same issues and simply don’t communicate effectively to resolve them. Instead they keep repeating the same behaviour and see breaking up as a solution rather than part of the toxic cycle. You may not agree on all points but try working towards a mutually beneficial compromise. Effectively communicating your needs as well as listening to your partner are key elements of a healthy, mature relationship.
Another reason why some relationships are stuck on repeat is because they are lacking a sense of closure. For it to be really over, you need a clean break. At least for a while to get the emotional distance to break the cycle and to redefine yourself outside of that relationship. Keeping in contact with your ex is in many cases the real reason why you can’t call it quits.
Don’t underestimate the power of physical attraction. Some couples have really strong chemistry but in reality, are totally incompatible on every other level triggering them to keep coming back for more. This type of relationship can be really addictive and difficult to break because it feels so good when it’s on. Next time this happens – ask a friend to remind you of the many times they had to pick you off the floor after the breakup and ask yourself if it’s worth repeating?
They break up with you.
Their new relationship doesn’t work out.
They’re back with you.
If an ex keeps you as a safety net in between other relationships, it’s often because they are afraid of being alone or simply because it’s convenient. Either way, you are not important enough to them to truly care about how this affects you. Release yourself from this nightmare and send them packing.
Thanks to Hollywood many of us have a warped expectation of romance and relationships. He kisses you in the rain and they lived happily ever after. In reality though, mature relationships take work and commitment – from both parties. If they always fall short on promises or fail to change hurtful behaviour, it’s time to get real. Why would they change this time when they didn’t the previous 25 times? Ask yourself if you truly believe that will change. If there’s any doubt, perhaps it’s time to put an end to this misery.
There are tons of people who want the same so get out there! Everyone deserves to be happy and feel loved.
Still looking for love? Register for free on Plentymorefish.com and start chatting to singles in your area today.
The internet is a funny beast – every day there’s a hashtag trend. When it comes to dating there seems to be a never-ending supply of new terms to describe someone’s behaviour or situation. So if you can’t tell your IRL’s from your DTR’s – fear not. We’ve compiled 15 online dating terms you may need to help you navigate dating life in cyberspace.
Remember back in school when you were last to be picked at rounders? This is similar – only you won’t know if someone is benching you. Benching is when you keep contacting a match just enough to keep them engaged whilst having other options open at the same time.
Much like the little mouse that’s led along a breadcrumb trail – if you are receiving messages from someone but it never seems to go anywhere, it’s likely the other person is breadcrumbing you.
Catfishing happens when someone pretends to be someone looking for love but is in actual fact a scammer trying to get you to send them money. They will befriend you, promise you the world and once you trust them, they will ask for funds usually to escape some hardship or for an emergency playing on your empathy.
Catch & Release
Originating from the angling and fishing world, catch and release in dating terms basically means a one-night stand that you have no intentions of following up on.
‘Cuffing Season’ describes a metaphorical handcuffing to someone for the more depressing winter months just so you don’t have to be alone during that time.
Are we a couple or is it just casual? DTR stands for ‘Defining the Relationship’ and marks the time for both parties (willingly or not) to define the relationship status and get clarity on where you are heading.
‘Fielding Season’ happens before cuffing season when it’s time to evaluate your cuffing contenders for the dark winter months ahead.
Pretty much anyone who has ever been dating has experienced this phenomenon. You are seeing this person; everything seems to be going well, when all of a sudden, they go ‘poof’ and vanish. Usually without any explanation, often leaving a ghosted person reeling since they’ve not been given any closure.
Like ghosting, being haunted (otherwise referred to as orbiting or zombie-ing) means your ghost of a date suddenly materialises back into your life – usually by haunting your social posts, letting you know they are still there, still watching. Time to call the Ghostbusters!
An incel (involuntarily celibate) is someone who would like to have sex but for some reason isn’t getting any. Unlike a volcel, meaning voluntarily celibate being someone who chooses to abstain from having sex.
IRL meaning ‘In real life’ refers to the act of meeting your date in person.
Kittenfishing or ‘Catfishing – The Trial Version’ refers to a form of deception without criminal intent. A person who is kittenfishing uses white lies to portray an improved but inaccurate version of themselves in an effort to be more appealing to potential matches. Examples include using photoshopped profile images or fibbing about the things they enjoy doing, their job etc.
If you have ever met up with someone for the first time and then received tons of messages proclaiming their affection or love for you, you’ve been love bombed. This tactic is used as a means to an end (sex, money etc) and once the individual got what they wanted, tend to move on from you quite quickly. Sometimes those types of individuals can turn unpleasant or abusive if rejected.
Formerly known as a ‘player’, a roach is a person who is dating several people at once without being upfront about it. When confronted they often claim they never agreed to or didn’t realise you were being exclusive.
Remember haunting? This is similar but more manipulative. It refers to someone who ghosted you only 3 months ago and is now back in your life pretending like it never happened. Do yourself a favour and let that sub run aground.
Now that you are an expert at dating lingo go forth and find love. Preferably over on Plentymorefish.com of course. 😉
Zoom is a video app that has gained massive popularity during the Covid-19 Lockdown. Anyone can get Zoom for free and it’s available to use on your Phone & Tablet plus Desktop & Laptop providing you have a webcam attached which makes it absolutely ideal for a Video Date.
The main benefit of using Zoom for video dating over other video apps is that you don’t have to give out any personal information at all. No emails, no mobile numbers, no Facebook info, nothing. You set up the video date and then invite others to join you.
So how do you use Zoom for video dating?
Firstly you need to sign up for a free account, you can do this via their website https://zoom.us or by downloading the Zoom app for you mobile device from the Apple App Store or Google Play for Android.
Video dating is not for everyone that’s why it’s always advisable to let someone know that you are up for video dating as they may not be. In reality you will already be chatting via Plentymorefish and be ready to ‘Video Meet’ to take the next step.
NB: Do not send video invites as an introduction! Don’t let your very first message be “Hey, join me for a video date” as the recipient will most likely just ignore you.
Once you’ve established that your date is willing to chat on video it’s time to set a time for your video date. Hit ‘Schedule
- Set the topic as something like “Hey, Wendy would you like to join me for a video date?” providing it’s Wendy you’re inviting obviously!
- Select a time and duration. We’d suggest an hour at most
- Set meeting ID to generate automatically
- Set the host & participants video to ‘ON’
- Set Audio to Telephone & Computer Audio
- Set calendar to other calendars
Starting May 9, 2020, all meetings for Free or Basic accounts, including previously scheduled meetings, new meetings, and meetings started or scheduled using Personal Meeting IDs will require a password. If your participants join by clicking a meeting link with a password embedded, there will be no change to their joining experience. For participants who join by manually entering a Meeting ID, they will need to enter a password to access the meeting, including participants who join via telephone.
Don’t worry about advanced options. They will be set to ‘Allow waiting room’ and ‘Allow join before host’ this means that if your date gets there before that’s OK. They will be placed in a virtual waiting room and you will see on your display, as the host, that you then have to click ‘Accept’ to allow them into your video date.
Once your Video Date is scheduled it will appear in your meeting diary in the app as above and by clicking on the three dots you will have the option to copy the invitation and paste that into your chat with the person you want to video date.
After you have pasted the invite into your chat it’s probably best to delete everything in the very business-like invite except the URL and write a much more personalised message.
It will start life like this:
Tom Single is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Topic: Hey, Wendy would you like to join me for a video date?
Time: May 1, 2020 20:00 PM London
Join Zoom Meeting
You could turn it into something like:
Hi it’s Tom, I’ve arranged a Video Date for us via Zoom at 8pm tonight as discussed.
Look forward to video meeting you, click this link to join the meeting:
See you later x
Your prospective date will not have to download and install Zoom to join your meeting; however it makes it so much easier if they do. They can do this in advance and this is an ideal opportunity to offer some assistance if they need it.
Once it’s all arranged you both simply join the meeting at the arranged time.
For more detail on how you can use ZOOM visit their quick start section click here.
See our blog on Tips for Video Dating to learn more.
It’s undeniable that Zoom – a video meeting app – has had a bit of surge since COVID took charge of, well, everything. And because we’re all doing the responsible thing of staying at home the way we meet other singles has changed along with it. Since the lockdown many people have started to utilise tech to up their dating game and ‘match vetting’ via FaceTime and Zoom has become very popular and for good reasons.
These are a few reasons why video dates make dating better:
It keeps things relaxed
Going on a date IRL can be stressful – so much to think about. Where to go, what to do, what to wear. On a video date, expectations tend to be more relaxed and matches are less likely to judge each other on appearance. No need to spend hours getting groomed and ready. Just be your comfy self!
It’s much cheaper
Everyone knows that dating can be a costly affair. You meet for drinks, go for meals, nights out etc only to realise that your match is everything but a match. No more wasting money on pricey cocktails while thinking of polite reasons to leave.
Yes, we know…efficiency and love shouldn’t be a thing but hear us out. Video vetting your dates can be a really quick way to find out if you have chemistry and if it’s worth both of your time and effort to take it to the next level. Why would you want to waste time meeting with someone who doesn’t really rock your boat?
It’s a safe way to meet
For many women safety is in the back of their minds – especially when meeting someone new. Video chats are a great way to get to know your match in a safe and secure environment until you’re ready to meet in person.
It slows things down
…but in a good way. Hook-up culture is liberating on many levels, but it can also have a negative effect on those looking for more than the next shag. By having the time to get to know each other before something physical happens you get to test how you connect on an emotional level and whether you have things in common – the foundations of any good relationship. It’s worth spending time to woo each other a bit longer.
Who knows? This trend may continue when life returns to normal, so might as well give it a go, right? Hop on over to www.plentymorefish.com and start flirting with other singles today.