Let’s be honest, dating is not all rainbows and puppy dogs. It takes time and patience and there can be disappointments and rejections along the way. And it’s those rejections we’d like to address to help you navigate them more easily.
Don’t take it personally
You have no idea what reasons the other person has for not getting back in touch, so fretting about it does more harm than good. We know it’s not always that simple, especially if you have dated the person for a while. Think about it this way, if they don’t share your feelings about the relationship, isn’t it best if you move on?
No one likes to be rejected and it’s perfectly normal to feel upset and hurt at first. And if you’ve been dropped without any explanation it can hit you especially hard. It’s important, however, to practice self-kindness, as blaming yourself will only hurt you further. Unless you’ve been given a very clear reason why it’s not worked out, avoid jumping to conclusions as to why it didn’t last. There may be many reasons why he/she decided to break it off and they don’t have to be your fault.
Avoid a victim mindset
On the flipside of blaming yourself is blaming the other party. After a rejection, it can be very easy to slip into a victim mentality by generalising behaviour (ie. all men/woman are…). This may feel good at first, and it certainly feels easier than looking in the mirror, but in the long-term, this mindset will sabotage any real chances at finding new love and keep you feeling stuck and powerless. Again, acknowledge your feelings but don’t dwell.
After a rejection, especially when we listen to our critical inner voice, it’s easy for self-doubt and insecurities to raise their ugly heads and can leave us feeling less sure of ourselves. When we’ve been left by someone, we may find ourselves feeling out of place. It may become difficult to visit certain places, see certain people, or partake in activities for a while. However, this situation presents an opportunity to really connect with our individuality, your own needs. What is it that you enjoy doing? Who are you outside of a relationship? Focussing on defining yourself anew again, can get you out of heartbreak-mode much faster. Realising that you have a whole life outside of whatever rejection you’ve experienced, and that life will go on.
Did you know?
If PlentyMoreFish were a country, it would be larger than The Cook Islands!
…and it’s growing…tremendously. The number of PMF visitors overtook the population of Anguilla only last week.
So what would a plentymorefish.com naked meetup look like? (I hear you ask!)
If daily PMF visitors were to meet up…in the nude, it would look a little bit like this. However, we don’t recommend you doing it as you may get yourself into a spot of bother…probably with the police. 😐
Oh and by the way, this would actually set a new world record!
There we are then. The answers to the two questions I know you were all dying to ask 🙂
*Figures based on daily visitors.
After posting “things women say or do that make men crazy“, we thought it only fair to write a similar piece with some of the things men say or do that make us ladies want to pull our hair out..*sigh*.
As before, we asked around the usual social media channels and have come up with the following most annoying male traits (according to women).
The wandering eye
Your walking along with your partner and an attractive women walks past with a short skirt on. Your eyes drift off before popping out like a google-eyed cartoon character. Don’t think we don’t notice…!
Not enough warning
You tell us we need to be ready in 30 minutes. HANG ON. 30 minutes? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How are we supposed to wash, dry, straighten our hair, get dressed and apply make-up all in 30 minutes. Physically impossible. More warning please.
You tell us you want to spend time with us. We come round to find you on the sofa in front of the football. The game ends and OH LOOK IT’S ANOTHER MATCH. We can’t seem to coax you off the sofa, no matter how hard we try!
Not noticing a new haircut or colour was a popular pet peeve amongst the ladies. We go to quite an effort to look nice. Notice it 🙂
Pretend they’re listening
They’re talking. You’re nodding along. They ask you a question and you just look at them blankly. Sound familiar? You weren’t listening…were you? This seems to make a lot of women mad!
How do I look?
When you’re asked about a females appearance “alright, yeah” is not a compliment. It seems to be the popular response amongst the men folk and yes, it makes us women mad! A slightly more enthusiastic response would be appreciated!
One of the biggest advantages of using an online dating site like ww.plentymorefish.com is the ability to see a huge pool of singletons in your area all looking to date. You will probably find yourself in contact with more than one person and the time will come when you have to let someone down because of a better suited match.
This will be the least enjoyable part of your online dating experience. I know this because a friend of mine has just met someone she is really attracted and suited to and is finding it really hard to let two other genuine guys down. At first, I really struggled to advise her about what to do. Even if you’ve been on one single date with someone, it seems really hard to let them down “in a nice way.”
Anyway, together, we came up with what we thought to be the best way of letting someone down gently. We eventually decided that the amount of times you’ve met/ how well you know the person is key.
Just online contact
Mostly been messaging to-and-fro? Decide to they’re not for you? I think letting them know online is fine. I would suggest writing something along the lines of; “It was really nice speaking to you but I wanted to let you know that I have met someone I would like to take things further with” and wish them well in their search.
After one date
If you have only been on one date and decide they’re not for you, I think it’s important to text or call to tell them. There’s no point wasting your time, or theirs. Some dating sites would recommend going on two dates before you decide but I really think that if the chemistry’s there, it will be evident on the first date. Something like; “I want to be honest with you…It was really nice meeting you and you seem really nice but I have met someone else. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
After more than one date
This is when it get’s particularly hard. You’ve met them twice, three times or perhaps even four. You definitely need to call them and explain the situation. Take a deep breath and pick up the phone. You may feel bad for a while but ask yourself; wouldn’t you prefer to know rather than being left in the lurch? It’s simply the polite thing to do and they’ll respect you for it.
Please don’t ghost someone deliberately – make sure you get in touch in person or call them! It will be much easier for them to move on when they know it’s over rather than being ignored ignored overnight. Remember, you wouldn’t want this to happen to you, so give others the same respect.
Do you have any bad examples of breakups you experienced you want to share? Sound off in the comments below. x
The time between arranging a first date and meeting your date in person is usually the most nerve racking. What if you do something stupid? What if you say something stupid? What to wear? What if there’s tons of awkward silences? The list goes on…
I think the first thing you you need to remember is that the other person will probably be going through exactly the same thoughts in their head. Still nervous? OK, well here are my top 10 ways to break the ice and avoid awkward silences on a first date.
- What’s your tipple? On a first date you’re highly likely to be going for a meal or drinks so this is a great one to start with. You could chat about your favourite food and/or drink. If you’re anything like me (absolute lover of anything edible), this will keep you nattering away your nerves.
- Avoid ex chat. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, leave your (and their) ex out of it. It’s adds negativity and awkwardness to the date. Being comforted (or comforting someone) over the past is not an ideal way to get to know each other and is definitely not the relaxed vibe you should be aiming for. It’s important to start on a clean slate. Not over your ex? Probably best to live the single life for a while.
- Working to live or living to work? Asking them about their job and career goals can be a safe topic even though a lot of people may tell you to completely bypass this. We would like to disagree. Work takes up a large proportion of your life and generally speaking, people like to brag about. It’s great if the conversation is starting to dry up a little. Of course, you should quickly change the record if your date starts describing the mundane details of their job while glugging large quantities of alcohol. If nothing else, this topic will determine whether you’re dating a workaholic.
- Travelling and holidays. Mention holidays and it instantaneously creates a positive feeling…especially living in the rainy UK. This is our summer…SUMMER. Argh, anyway… Ask them if they’ve travelled anywhere cool or what their future travelling plans entail. This also provides you with some valuable information on each others backgrounds and openness to adventure.
- What are your friends like? Ask them about their friends. Most people will love to talk about their pals..how they met and where they go when they meet up. Could you see yourself fitting in with that bunch? I think it’s important to fit in with your dates friends and quite telling as to whether you and your date will actually get on as a couple in the long-run.
- Body language. Definitely pay attention to your dates body language as well as your own. You can tell a lot by this. Arms crossed? Leaning away? Limited eye contact? They are obviously uncomfortable about something. Whatever you are talking about.. STOP and move onto something else. Also, think about the kind of vibe you are giving with your body language.
- Keep it casual on a first date. By this I mean don’t get too “deep.” Just use this time to get to know each other better. Whatever you do, don’t use the “L” word. Before you think; “What preposterous thing to say!”, someone declared their love for my friend on a first date and what did she do? She ran a MILE and didn’t look back.
- Free time frolics. What do they like to do in their spare time? Do they like any sports? What kind of music do they like? All these kinds of questions show you are interested in your date and will also help you find whether a bond exists. It will also no doubt lead to further conversation.
- Their family. If they have brothers and/or sisters, ask about them. I would suggest the same goes if you both have children. It will trigger good feelings and show your caring side.
- The grand finale. To kiss or not to kiss? Always the most awkward part of the date. I would say don’t lean in unless you are sure that the other party will respond. Do a brief evaluation in your head…flirtatious body language, great connection? A kiss could be the perfect end. Not gone as well as you’d hoped? Probably safer to avoid kissing so as to not give false hope.
Suggesting when to meet in person is tricky for me to say as it’s bound to differ for everyone. I will however try and give you a rough indication of when I think it’s about time for that first date.
It may start with a wink and a few messages here and there and then, before you know it, you’re messaging each other every day and perhaps more. This shows that you are both clear in your emotions and should definitely swap numbers and arrange to meet. It’s pointless wasting any more time throwing messages back and forth. You need to get out there to find out whether you’re attracted to them offline. If so, great! If not, plenty more fish in the sea!
As a dating site we strongly believe that although we offer a great big pond of lovely singles, we cannot match you. This is for you to decide when you meet up!
So how do you “pop the question?” …and we’re talking about a date here, not marriage!
One of our favourite ways to ask a date out online is to use their hobbies and interests as a starting point. They may list travelling as one of their interests. They may even list Italy as their favourite country. In this is the case, you could say something along the lines of; “I know this great Italian Restaurant in town, do you fancy going on Saturday night?” Pretty casual and not so daunting.
There, hope this helps! Remember to put as much detail into your profile as you can. You will sound interesting, plus, it makes it easier for potential dates to contact you!
Contrary to previous assumptions, a brand new study indicates that when in a long term relationship, men rate kissing and cuddling more importantly than than women.
The study included more than 1,000 couples from five countries. All were between 40 and 70 and all were in a relationship for an average of 25 years.
Men who told the researchers that kissing and cuddling were a regular part of their relationship were on average THREE times happier than those who did not. Women on the other hand, who are almost always portrayed as the more tactile sex, told researchers that kissing and cuddling had little effect on their happiness.
Interesting stuff. I’ve got to say though, here at the plenty more towers we are a little unsure…everyone likes a hug, don’t they?! How far do you agree with it?
You may remember a post a while back;“5 Things to consider when writing your dating profile.” Basically, my online dating friend was finding it pretty tricky to describe herself in her profile. Together, we overcame this and her profile is (I would say) perfectly polished ;). Only trouble is, she is getting A LOT of messages. Not an issue you say? Well, unless you’ve got all the hours in the day, you simply can’t reply to everyone.
Here are my 5 reasons NOT to reply to everyone:
- Like my friend, you may feel compelled to reply to everyone and as much as it’s a nice and polite idea, it’s quite an unrealistic one. There’s a huge pool of singles and replying to all would mean no life outside online dating. Not ideal.
- You’ll get winked at, people will view your profile, you’ll get messages but you can’t be expected to reciprocate all of this attention. Simply not enough hours in the day to waste time on people you’re just not attracted to.
- Remember that online dating is a numbers game, they probably won’t just be messaging you. I know this doesn’t sound too romantic but it’s true. Therefore, people don’t necessarily expect a response. Only message them back if you know you’re interested. The last thing you want is to lead anyone on.
- Feel bad for not replying? Sometimes no response at all is better than outright rejection.
- On the flip side, not everyone will respond to you and you shouldn’t let that get to you. You can’t take it personally…just move on to the next profile. You know what they say – plenty more fish in the sea!