Let’s be honest, dating is not all rainbows and puppy dogs. It takes time and patience and there can be disappointments and rejections along the way. And it’s those rejections we’d like to address to help you navigate them more easily.
Don’t take it personally
You have no idea what reasons the other person has for not getting back in touch, so fretting about it does more harm than good. We know it’s not always that simple, especially if you have dated the person for a while. Think about it this way, if they don’t share your feelings about the relationship, isn’t it best if you move on?
No one likes to be rejected and it’s perfectly normal to feel upset and hurt at first. And if you’ve been dropped without any explanation it can hit you especially hard. It’s important, however, to practice self-kindness, as blaming yourself will only hurt you further. Unless you’ve been given a very clear reason why it’s not worked out, avoid jumping to conclusions as to why it didn’t last. There may be many reasons why he/she decided to break it off and they don’t have to be your fault.
Avoid a victim mindset
On the flipside of blaming yourself is blaming the other party. After a rejection, it can be very easy to slip into a victim mentality by generalising behaviour (ie. all men/woman are…). This may feel good at first, and it certainly feels easier than looking in the mirror, but in the long-term, this mindset will sabotage any real chances at finding new love and keep you feeling stuck and powerless. Again, acknowledge your feelings but don’t dwell.
After a rejection, especially when we listen to our critical inner voice, it’s easy for self-doubt and insecurities to raise their ugly heads and can leave us feeling less sure of ourselves. When we’ve been left by someone, we may find ourselves feeling out of place. It may become difficult to visit certain places, see certain people, or partake in activities for a while. However, this situation presents an opportunity to really connect with our individuality, your own needs. What is it that you enjoy doing? Who are you outside of a relationship? Focussing on defining yourself anew again, can get you out of heartbreak-mode much faster. Realising that you have a whole life outside of whatever rejection you’ve experienced, and that life will go on.
Hey meat lovers, it’s #Nationalvegetarianweek so let’s talk about why it’s ok to date a vegetarian.
Many members of the carnivorous persuasion are often put off by the idea of dating someone who doesn’t’ share our love for all things burger, steak and sausage. I mean, it is delicious, right? Anyhoo, let’s look at why dating a veggie may actually be a good idea:
They won’t bite
Pun intended. Believe it or not most vegetarians aren’t out there to recruit you to their way of life like some crazed cult follower. Oftentimes they worry if being veggie may be a problem for you. Seldom are your carnivorous ways a deal breaker for them. Vegetarianism is a personal choice so you won’t have to worry you may have to gnaw your chicken drumsticks in secret.
Your culinary world will open up
Veggies are foodies too and they don’t like to eat boring stuff, so finding restaurants that offer delicious veggie options that go beyond the cheesy pasta dishes or salads can be an exciting adventure, which is sure to open your world to new and exciting dishes.
You won’t have to share your fave food
If you are like me, you don’t particularly like to share your food. Sorry, it’s nothing personal, but you order yours and I’ll have mine, thank you very much. So, hands off my sticky BBQ ribs!
Lastly, when dating a veggie you may inadvertently start to eat healthier without even trying. More veggies = longer life. What’s not to love?
Are you a vegetarian? What advice would you give Meat Lovers? Sound off in the comments below.
It seems our silver daters are having lots of success at the moment over in our Silver Pond. We were really pleased to get an email from one of our members Debbie telling us she’s found love with a fellow member.
“Hi there, My name is Debbie Baker-Smith and I have found love through the website, Plenty More Fish Silver Pond.
The new man in my life is Kevin Looms. Kevin was someone that I chatted with online very quickly after joining the website.
His photo was attractive and the answers he gave in his profile questions intrigued me. We then swapped phone numbers and had a very long telephone conversation.
Then we plucked up courage and met, we have been out several times now and are an official couple. It all began with the website. Here are 2 photos of us together.
Congratulations, to Debbie & Kevin who were matched together in our Silver Pond which specialises in dating for over 40’s. We always love to hear from our members when they’ve found that special someone online, so if you’ve had success using Plenty More Fish tweet us @plentymorefish.
The following headline jumped out at me today whilst catching up on social media on last night’s episode of First Dates. Instantly it had got my back up:-
‘Is your CAREER holding back your love life? Dating app reveals which jobs are considered the ‘sexiest’ for women and men…’
Before you check your calendar the year is still 2016 and we haven’t reverted back to 1816 (although from reading the full article on the Daily Mail website you would think we have).
I couldn’t believe that we were all really this shallow in the 21st century when looking for love. Had we forgotten about the art of romance and instead become wooed by the size of a date’s bank account?
I think I read the article with my mouth agape, which wasn’t the most pleasant for my work colleagues, but I couldn’t actually believe what I was reading. Apparently a leading US dating app had analysed the profiles of 1.5 million of its users and claims that job titles can have a dramatic impact on people’s love lives as data shows how professions can affect likeability.
According to the survey the ‘sexiest’ professions for women were flight attendants, speech therapists and a product manager (nothing like a bit of stereotyping). For men it didn’t get much better with the top three most ‘desirable’ professions being a doctor, psychiatrist or a lawyer!
Now it’s not difficult to spot that the male jobs are high salary, professional executive roles which is somewhat worrying as it would imply that females choose our dates based on earning potential / potential for gifts.
As an independent woman in her late 30’s this shocked me as I really thought we were beyond the materialistic aspect of who to choose for your date. However, upon surveying a small sample of female friends on whether certain jobs would entice or put them off a potential lover it appeared that job title was the one box all of them would look at first.
A friend of mine bluntly put it ‘there’s no way I could date the £10 an hour pizza delivery guy when my £200 a session psychiatrist is a much better option – just think about it, you’d get awful cheap bottles of prosecco on a Friday instead of a good bottle of rose LP.”
I hang my head in my hands. Really – females of society – have we resorted to this in order to find our perfect date?
Ironically the men I asked weren’t much better with at least a dozen quite happy to reinforce the ‘sexy secretary’ myth or the fantasy of joining the mile high club with an air stewardess.
This begs the question, in the world of online dating how many of us actually put our real job title in our online dating profiles? When I tried online dating a few years back I put as my job title ‘Entrepreneur and Business Owner’, after all this was what I was. The number of high flying corporate men who approached me was phenomenal – yet for one guy who was a self employed plumber I was deemed too ‘ambitious and driven’ and he actually commented that he was threatened by my job status.
Surely, for those of us looking to find a long term partner one of the most attractive things about a person is their desire to better themselves and grow, and our careers are the way that we do this. Anyone with any form of gainful employment surely is an attractive option because they are showing independence and commitment for a job even if they really really hate it!
Me personally, I am far more likely to date an employed individual (it doesn’t bother me what they do) than an unemployed individual.
Why? Simply because if a person is unemployed it says so much to me about how they value themselves. There are thousands of jobs available, and they might not be what you want but they are there. It is better to have any job than to have no job at all.
So whether it’s the pizza delivery guy on a Wednesday or my personal trainer on a Friday if either of them ask me out on a date over Christmas I would quite happily say yes!
Have you had other online daters hit on you because or your job description on your profile? Or perhaps you have had potential dates fizz out when your job doesn’t meet your date’s expectations? We’d love to hear from you.
Let’s be honest now. Christmas time is one of those times of the year when you dream of a romantic Christmas like in the movies. You want to be the couple who go ice-skating hand in hand while snowflakes gently fall around you, you want to walk around Christmas markets sharing sweet treats and getting tipsy on mulled wine, you want to take long walks across frosted landscapes and then find a roaring fire to cuddle up in front of together.
Whether you are 25 to 95, we’re all secretly hoping for a little magic at this time of year but sometimes we all need a helping hand in creating the right backdrop. At Plenty More Fish we love finding fun ideas for alternative dates and we’ve come up with some fabulous ones around the UK. So find yourself some mistletoe and get ready to pucker up!
Unleash Your Creative Talents – if you’re in or around Manchester have a go at making each other a really special and heartfelt Christmas gift at one of the Winter Workshops which run right up to the 23rd December. A great way to work together and use your hands (in a Ghost pottery style) and make a gift for one another that will be something you remember for years.
Night at the Museum – No matter how confident you feel on a ice-skating rink (I am more Bambi on ice than Jane Torvill) – you must visit the National History Museum ice rink. It is a seriously romantic place for a winter Christmas date – with sparkling garlands and trees wrapped in shiny fairy lights all around you, there’s also a huge enchanting Christmas tree in the middle of the skating rink. We suggest that you pretend you need to hold tight to your date – oh you really can’t skate? With live music every Thursday you can skate and dance the night away in each other’s arms.
Travel Europe (without leaving Edinburgh) – Scotland is beautiful at Christmas time and Edinburgh is one of my favourite cities. If you fancy taking your date on a European extravaganza the traditional and romantic Christmas Market in the heart of the City of Edinburgh offers a unique shopping experience for every visitor with its fair of crafters, artists, gift shops and gastronomic surprises. Get into the Christmas spirit!
The Ultimate in Sophistication – if you want to wow your date with something a little sophisticated we would recommend heading to the ‘Forest on the roof,’ an enchanting Alpine chalet-style restaurant and bar right on top of the huge Selfridges store. Hot chocolate bar choices will be a perfect start for a chilly night (who doesn’t love chocolate tasting kisses?!) Who knows, maybe this time next year you’ll be heading to the real Alps with your perfect someone.
A Little Cabin in the Woods – what could make a more magical date than an enchanting gingerbread cottage packed to the rafters with cosy sofas and warm blankets for the ultimate cuddle fest! If you are a fan of a Gordon Ramsay cuisine and crazy for Christmas, pay a visit to the enchanting York and Albany Gingerbread Cabin in London. Yes, that’s right. The cozy décor and wonderfully built winter cabin have walls good enough to eat. Just remember that feeling the ‘hygge’ (creating warm and cosy moments) makes people open up so it could be the perfect place to take your date to the next level.
Head out into the wilds – one of the best things about the winter is those really frosty, bright, cold days. They make everywhere look like something out of a fairytale. So take advantage of what is around you, pack up a picnic (think cosy festive foods like a flask of mulled wine, door-stop sandwiches packed with turkey stuffing and cranberry, delicious rich mince pies) and take your date to the great outdoors. A stroll around a country park, a historical property or a nature trail allows the two of you to spend some quality time away from everyone else and is a lovely romantic gesture. Just imagine, if it snows how magical it would be with tiny snowflakes falling as you share a private kiss.
Do you know of any other festive date-venues over Christmas for a little date magic?
Whilst we may be a generation addicted to selfies and photos, it is safe to say that a well-written quality dating profile will help you stand out in the crowd and catch Mr or Miss Right. The thing is we’re just not very good at selling ourselves, it isn’t in our nature to ‘brag’ about our plus points but in reality this is exactly what you need to do in the world of online dating.
Even if you’re not a budding wordsmith with a little thought and creativity you can create a knockout dating profile. Still need a guiding hand? Our top tips below will prompt you in the right direction.
- Keep it short and sweet. Entice your date with just enough to peak their interest.
- Kids in your photos. Always a risky one as parents tend to keep their kids off the internet. However, if you are a single parent most of your pictures will contain your kids so a quick disclaimer about who that kid in your photo belongs to are appreciated, but not necessary.
- Funny is good. Witty is better. Be original and don’t copy and paste from other profiles.
- Please, no inspirational or insightful quotes. Online dating is not the platform to promote your views on mindfulness or inner peace.
- Guys, please don’t put your height in your bio. Whilst there may be shallow girls out there that open with this question, most of us are better than that!
Regardless of whether you’re a young professional or one of the many over 40’s daters, making the right first impression is key and a good dating bio can be a great way to introduce yourself.
If you’re looking for a potential date what are the things you look for in a good profile? We’d love for you to share with us your profile ‘deal breakers’.
If you and your ex are now happy campers in Friendsville, you won’t need to read today’s blog (but you are still welcome to of course). If however the split is still raw and you are struggling to come to terms with it, then tread carefully my friend as you could be opening up old wounds and adding fresh ones if you don’t avoid these 7 text traps:
1. Pet names and terms of endearments
Your ex is your ex for a reason. They decided that they no longer want to be with you and no amount of Snookiepops or Diddikins calling is going to change that. The truth is, they have moved on and it’s time you do too.
2. Blowing off steam
This is the flip side to my first point. Sadness is often followed by anger and you really want them to feel just how much they’ve hurt you. But sending rude or angry messages serves no purpose other than to validate his/her reasons for breaking up with you in the first place. And all this is going to make you worse. Instead pour your heart out to someone who you trust or punch a sofa cushion until you feel better.
3. No response nagging
If your ex hasn’t answered to your first text, we are pretty certain they don’t want any contact with you. They’ll have their reasons and for your own sanity, respect them and stop texting.
4. Reminiscing the past
This is similar to point 1, as in you are still holding on to the past. Lamenting about your lost love should be reserved for your diary or closest friends, not the one who broke your heart.
5. “Thinking of you” messages
Of course you are! It’s normal but your ex shouldn’t hear about it, they lost that right when they left you. Go out and live your life and soon you’ll forget about him/her altogether.
6. Sexting / Nude pics
This is probably the worst thing you can do – to yourself. Desperate measures often lead to further heartbreak. Avoid at all costs.
7. Pleading with him/her
It’s hard to accept that the person we love, doesn’t love us back. It sucks, we understand. But you need to ask yourself, if they broke up with you once, is getting them back going to solve anything? Things happen for a reason and you may simply not be right for each other. The other person has just come to the realisation sooner than you. At some point you will see it too. Give yourself time. We promise it will get better.
When in doubt it is always better to avoid texting your ex. If you can’t trust yourself, delete his/her number from your phone. Your future self will thank you for it.
Have you ever sent text messages to your ex you later regretted? Tell us, we’d like to hear your stories.