You may remember a post a while back;“5 Things to consider when writing your dating profile.” Basically, my online dating friend was finding it pretty tricky to describe herself in her profile. Together, we overcame this and her profile is (I would say) perfectly polished ;). Only trouble is, she is getting A LOT of messages. Not an issue you say? Well, unless you’ve got all the hours in the day, you simply can’t reply to everyone.
Here are my 5 reasons NOT to reply to everyone:
- Like my friend, you may feel compelled to reply to everyone and as much as it’s a nice and polite idea, it’s quite an unrealistic one. There’s a huge pool of singles and replying to all would mean no life outside online dating. Not ideal.
- You’ll get winked at, people will view your profile, you’ll get messages but you can’t be expected to reciprocate all of this attention. Simply not enough hours in the day to waste time on people you’re just not attracted to.
- Remember that online dating is a numbers game, they probably won’t just be messaging you. I know this doesn’t sound too romantic but it’s true. Therefore, people don’t necessarily expect a response. Only message them back if you know you’re interested. The last thing you want is to lead anyone on.
- Feel bad for not replying? Sometimes no response at all is better than outright rejection.
- On the flip side, not everyone will respond to you and you shouldn’t let that get to you. You can’t take it personally…just move on to the next profile. You know what they say – plenty more fish in the sea!
Letters, cards and cuddly toys are just some of the mementos many of us hang on to when a relationship has ended. Cute bears that meant the world, letters written from the heart, your favourite song, even your partners t-shirt with that all too familiar smell…all too hard to throw out. But, keeping visible memories dotted around your house can be painful, so why do we do it?
I think it’s just a process that many of us need to go through. Many of the gifts are useless but after a relationship we may find ourselves clinging onto what little we have left as a reminder of them and the good times. It adds a form of comfort from the person…the person who caused us to feel this way in the first place. Weird, eh?
This is not the case for everyone though. Some people see chucking out all mementos as a first step towards getting over their ex. Relationships over and Freddy the teddy is lying in a bin bag with the potato peelings, ready to meet his fate. People just deal with it differently.
I find names and numbers the hardest to rid. A number you haven’t called for 3 years but still remains part of your history. A number once dialled often, now useless in function but simply too hard to delete.
So what about you? Are you a thrower or a hoarder? When in a new relationship, is it necessary for you to bin all gifts from your ex or can you keep some? It would be interesting to hear some views on this! 🙂
For many people, writing a dating profile can be a daunting and tricky process. Only last night, I was helping a friend set up her profile and she was SO concious of sounding “big- headed.” I had to continuously tell her that you are in fact, trying to sell yourself – similar to that of a C.V. You have to describe yourself in a positive light or who will want to employ (or in her case, date) you?
Anyway, we got there in the end! I strongly believe you can write a cracking profile description without sounding full of yourself! It’s do-able. Just follow our 5 tips for a stand- out profile.
- Always focus on the positives. Someone who sees the glass half full rather than half empty is extremely attractive. Refrain from portraying yourself as desperate. Making comments like; “is there ANYBODY out there?” can come across as very impersonal, as well as desperate.
- Ask a good friend to help you. This is probably one of my top tips. Your friends will have absolutely no problem describing all the great things about you. You can even get them to spell check it while they’re there! If it’s easier you could eve put; “my friends would describe me as a…., b….., c…..”
- Upload a clear, recent photo of yourself. Make sure your picture is clear. Make sure it’s of you and not your pet. Definitely don’t upload a picture with an ex clearly cut out of it. Check out our tips for the perfect profile picture.
- Enough info in your description to help start a conversation…yes. A biography…no. Leave some to the imagination. You do not need to tell everyone why you dislike your ex or about your undying love for your cat. This can come later if you get to know each other well enough.
- What do you find attractive? Ask yourself what you find attractive in other peoples profiles and try to do something similar in yours! Simple 🙂
Losing a spouse, going through a divorce or break up can be a traumatic experience. For most people it takes time for the wounds to heal before even thinking about taking a dip in the dating pool again. Understandable really. Often jumping into a relationship too quickly can be a bad thing – you may meet someone who’s not right for you. As much as you may miss the companionship it’s worth having some you time to figure out exactly what it is that you want.
So how do you know when you’re ready to date again?
Are you “over” your past relationship?
This does not mean forget about your past relationship by any means – it just means that you have stopped comparing new interests to your previous partner.
Are you bitter?
Being bitter is a sign you’re not over your ex and can be sensed a mile off by prospective partners. It can send people running for the door. You should be free of bitterness before dating again- it only wears you down. It may take time but that healing time is hugely important.
Do you expect instant dating success?
Unfortunately dating is filled with ups and downs and not a dating site in the world could promise you instant success. Some meet the right one straight away, some don’t. It’s a numbers game. Don’t lose hope.
Are you feeling happy?
Happiness and positivity is an extremely attractive quality. It’s true what they say- you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Use your single time to do the things that make you feel happy. Your future partner should fit into your life.
Are you revealing too much too soon?
Your date should not be used as a counsellor. If you feel you’re going to spill details of your past relationship on your first date then it is pretty evident that you need some more time before dating. Mystery is all part of the excitement of dating.
It may take some time before you feel ready to start dating again but in my experience it’s MUCH better to give yourself this time and meet someone who ticks all the boxes rather than just a few.
Ever wondered why you continue to fall for “bad boys” time and time again? Well you’re not alone…it seems to be a topic of discussion amongst many celebs; Alexandra Burke, Lady Ga Ga and Beyonce to name a few.
So what is it that leaves us falling for the “wrong type” of guy?
According to a team of boffins at the University of Columbia, us ladies are least attracted to smiling, happy men, instead preferring those who looked proud and powerful or just plain moody. Could explain our attraction to Edward Cullen then…?
However, I’m not so convinced. I can’t speak for all women but I find men MUCH more approachable/ attractive if their profile picture is of a nice friendly looking guy and I will never stop recommending smiling in your profile picture. I can’t really see how women could be attracted to miserable men…*
Is it just me? Am I the odd one? Help me out here!
Jen, PMF x
* OK, Edward Cullen is an exception
P.S. Here’s Alexandra Burke singing about her penchant for bad boys…
“Even though I know they’re no good for me it’s the risk I take for the chemistry.” ……. Alexandra, get yourself on Plenty More Fish. Plenty of happy, smiling guys. You don’t need to go taking these sorts of silly risks!!!
Picture this; the end of your first date is approaching and the nerves that were so pertinent at the beginning have now started to vanish. It turns out you and your date are getting along swimmingly and you would love to see them again.
You think they feel the same… but how do you know?
Well, we’ve all been there and to be perfectly honest, there’s no clear way of knowing. This is not such a bad thing though. Imagine if you knew what everyone was thinking…how boring would that be? The fact that there’s no way of telling what your date is thinking or feeling adds to the excitement of it all.
There are some obvious hints that you can pick up on to suggest that your date would like to do this all again. If they go in for a kiss then ahem *alarm bells* you shouldn’t even be reading this…go and arrange that second date NOW! Things like open body language, spending most of the date giggling, long flowing conversations and dropping in sentences like; “oh I know this GREAT restaurant…” can all be humongous (is that even a word?!) hints to suggest you should meet up again.
If you wish to arrange a second date then make it clear after the date or call them shortly after. Just don’t leave too much time between the date and asking…if they are a good catch, they will get snapped up by someone else pretty quickly!
That’s all folks! My top tip would be not to worry about what your date is thinking. They are probably just as busy worrying about what you are thinking! The first date is generally a nerve racking experience but just go with the flow and be yourself! If a second date doesn’t happen then they’re just not the right person for you and you are better off without. Remember, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
We don’t usually get all soppy on you but after seeing this rather elaborate marriage proposal we just felt we HAD to share!
To anyone who dislikes a slushy story…LOOK AWAY NOW… To the rest of you, enjoy!
Thank goodness she said yes!
- Would you ever suddenly leave your partner without any explanation?
- Do your care much about personal hygiene?
- Will you be ridiculously dependent, or will we still be able to have our own lives?
- Is it okay if we wait a bit before getting intimate?
- Do you really have all these hobbies/ go to all these fantastic places in your spare time or are you just trying to impress?
- What qualifications do you have?
- How much money do you actually make?
- How far would you go on a first date?
- How many online dates have you been on?
- Are you seeing any other people? HOW many other people?
- Do you still talk to your ex and how often?
- When you go to the bathroom, will you remain to leave the door closed in months/years time?
- Do you have any plans to put on weight/lose a ton of weight/take up drugs/change your career/change your religion/change your country of residence, or in any other way drastically alter your life (and mine) in the next couple of years?
- How will we pay for things in the future? Will you always expect me to pay or will be start splitting the bill equally soon?
- Am I someone you could be serious about? How interested or attracted in me are you really?
- How well do you think this this date is actually going? Will you want to see me again?
- Is this an actual date?
So you’re on a date in a restaurant and it’s going brilliantly, there’s an instant attraction and you know that it’s mutual. Oh wait….what’s that sound?… It’s the sound of your date chomping on their food with their mouth wide open whilst talking- Oh no! It’s an instant turn off and all you want to do is go home!
As “mood killer” is a top trend on Twitter, I have spent this afternoon badgering the Plenty More Fish Team to find out what they think are the biggest mood killers on a first date. They have come up with some interesting answers to say the least…I hope most of these have never happened / will never happen on a date! So here’s what the folk at the Plenty More Towers reckon would turn them right off.
- Sloppy language. Using words such as “innit” and “ain’t.” We ain’t really feelin’ that.
- Text talk. Using text talk in your messages before or after (hopefully not during) the date. “CUL8R”, “KTHXBAI.” Not attractive. Just don’t do it.
- Inappropriate touching. There should a limit to touching on a first date. A graze of the arm or a hand on the back is absolutely fine and shows you are interested. A squeeze of the thigh or an unexpected smack on the bum is TOO FAR.
- Over checking your phone. It looks rude and can make you look quite nervous. All your attention should be on your date…well that’s what you’re there for isn’t it? – to date.
- I shouldn’t have to say this but burping and/or farting I don’t even need to justify this with an answer. I just hope no one has actually ever done it!
- Eating like an animal. Take your time, use your knife and fork and just remember your manners. Definitely don’t lick your plate!
- Mentioning your ex. It’s the first date, ex’s should not be brought up- it just makes the other person think you’re not over them and definitely not ready to date. Turn off.
- Bad jokes. Any joke you know may cause offence or is not really that funny should not make an appearance on a first date. It may create a awkward silence and a massive tumble weed situation. Just don’t put yourself/ the other person through it!