Let’s be honest, dating is not all rainbows and puppy dogs. It takes time and patience and there can be disappointments and rejections along the way. And it’s those rejections we’d like to address to help you navigate them more easily.
Don’t take it personally
You have no idea what reasons the other person has for not getting back in touch, so fretting about it does more harm than good. We know it’s not always that simple, especially if you have dated the person for a while. Think about it this way, if they don’t share your feelings about the relationship, isn’t it best if you move on?
No one likes to be rejected and it’s perfectly normal to feel upset and hurt at first. And if you’ve been dropped without any explanation it can hit you especially hard. It’s important, however, to practice self-kindness, as blaming yourself will only hurt you further. Unless you’ve been given a very clear reason why it’s not worked out, avoid jumping to conclusions as to why it didn’t last. There may be many reasons why he/she decided to break it off and they don’t have to be your fault.
Avoid a victim mindset
On the flipside of blaming yourself is blaming the other party. After a rejection, it can be very easy to slip into a victim mentality by generalising behaviour (ie. all men/woman are…). This may feel good at first, and it certainly feels easier than looking in the mirror, but in the long-term, this mindset will sabotage any real chances at finding new love and keep you feeling stuck and powerless. Again, acknowledge your feelings but don’t dwell.
After a rejection, especially when we listen to our critical inner voice, it’s easy for self-doubt and insecurities to raise their ugly heads and can leave us feeling less sure of ourselves. When we’ve been left by someone, we may find ourselves feeling out of place. It may become difficult to visit certain places, see certain people, or partake in activities for a while. However, this situation presents an opportunity to really connect with our individuality, your own needs. What is it that you enjoy doing? Who are you outside of a relationship? Focussing on defining yourself anew again, can get you out of heartbreak-mode much faster. Realising that you have a whole life outside of whatever rejection you’ve experienced, and that life will go on.
It is believed that William Shakespeare wrote what would later become the most famous love story of all time – Romeo and Juliet – between 1591 and 1595. A quote from this tragic play is:
“Don’t waste your love on somebody, who doesn’t value it.”
It’s safe to say these words are as true as they were almost 450 years ago and what better way to honour the playwright than to take inspiration from his words. My guess is that you, dear reader, have experienced unrequited love before, much like rest of us. It happens. You love someone but they don’t love you back. The healthy way to deal with this is to recognise the truth and move on. Yet sometimes, people become so wrapped up in a relationship, it seems impossible for them to see just how unhealthy that relationship is. Read on and discover the signs of a bad relationship:
Your partner puts you down
If your partner calls you names, ridicules you or makes you feel like an idiot in private or in front of others then they are no good for you! No one should be made to feel inferior or stupid in a loving relationship and if that’s happening to you, it’s time to leave.
You are keeping secrets
If you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your partner says and does, then you may not be in a healthy loving relationship. If you lie to protect him/her, you devalue your own principles and could damage other important relationships.
Your partner wants you to change
If you new partner is very critical of the things you do and the way you look, it’s safe to say they do not truly love you. In a healthy relationship you don’t have to apologise for who you are. A healthy relationship will get your confidence to grow. In an unhealthy one it will shrink.
You feel bad, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship
A loving and good relationship is happiness, equality, respect and kindness. If you don’t feel secure, comfortable and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong person.
Your partner doesn’t trust you
Constant phone calls, texts, emails and demands on your time. Jealous fits and angry accusations are NOT signs of love! If your partner doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your love. Opening your post or showing up at work unexpectedly, means they don’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which could lead to more serious relationship problems.
Your partner controls everything
Your partner making all the decisions may give you the illusion you are with a confident person but the need to control every aspect your life together is often another sign of deeply rooted insecurities. These are not easily dealt with and can be a sign of bad times ahead. A healthy relationship is a democracy, not a dictatorship.
You constantly argue about financial issues, family matters, or goals for your future and can’t seem to agree on your plans for the future. Perhaps it’s time to rethink this relationship. Nobody has the exact same plans for the future, but the happiest couples have the same goals and desires.
Your loved ones don’t approve of your relationship
No one should choose their partner based on their family and friends’ opinions, but it’s still important to take their opinions into consideration. If your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, seek specific reasons. Find out the root of their feelings, and try to be objective.
Saying they love you but not showing it
We’ve all done things in the past that have upset others, often unintentionally. But doing something knowingly that will upset the other person clearly shows a lack of respect. If your partner doesn’t care about your needs and wants, it’s really not healthy.
Be honest with yourself – the sooner you face the truth, the sooner you can start over. Everyone has a right to be happy and to be loved for who they are.
Does any of the above resonate with you? Have you been in an unhappy relationship? What made you decide to end it?
Your comments are as always welcome.
Did you know?
If PlentyMoreFish were a country, it would be larger than The Cook Islands!
…and it’s growing…tremendously. The number of PMF visitors overtook the population of Anguilla only last week.
So what would a plentymorefish.com naked meetup look like? (I hear you ask!)
If daily PMF visitors were to meet up…in the nude, it would look a little bit like this. However, we don’t recommend you doing it as you may get yourself into a spot of bother…probably with the police. 😐
Oh and by the way, this would actually set a new world record!
There we are then. The answers to the two questions I know you were all dying to ask 🙂
*Figures based on daily visitors.
We are not fans of the huge lengthy forms many dating sites force you to fill out before you become a member and this is why you will find none of the sought on Plenty More Fish.
Instead, we leave a small box for you to fill if you fancy – with whatever you fancy.
By the looks of things, many of you have this spot on however, some seem to find the box easier to fill than others. Although optional, it gives others the chance to find out some interesting bits about you that could ultimately make you stand out from the crowd. Unlike tick boxes on forms it’s much more personal and interesting for others to read.
Struggling for ideas? The following questions may help give you some inspiration!
Have you got any interesting or funny stories that happened to you recently?
- What are you looking for in a partner/date?
- What would your ideal date be? Where would you go?
- How would you describe yourself physically?
- How would your friends describe you?
- What do you do for a living?
- What do you like to do in your spare time?
- What kind of music do you like?
- What are your hobbies and interests?
If you’re struggling, try and answer a few of the questions above to get you started!
Plenty More Fish ;o)
Like most days, today started with the usual skimming of the metro on the train. This time however, I came across an interesting piece which I thought I should share with our plenty more fish members!
According to the article, we are pretty demanding when choosing a partner. Here are the 15 dating demands that were picked up on.
(Dating demands not views of plenty more fish!)
- 82% of women aged 25-50 said it was very important for their boyfriend to have a responsible, well-paid job.
- 79% of men aged 25-50 said they prefer a girl to be at least three inches shorter than them
- 48% won’t date anyone with a weird voice….. (I don’t know whether they mean squeeky, high-pitched, deep…strange demand!)
- 47% would run a mile with an overly loud laugh
- 42% said a plus was a date who was green/environmentally conscious
- 16% of men aged 25-50 asked that the woman not pick her feet in front of him
- 15% of women say they do not want to see the words “bottle of wine” and “DVD” in a man’s profile
- 13% said good shoes are essential
- 11% of men asked that their date loves superman movies
- 11% of men said a gum-chewing women was a deal breaker
- 10% of women would get a cab home if their date can’t dance
- 6% of women aged 25-50 said their man must never eat peanut butter
- 5% of women say their man must hate Marmite
- 4% of men did not want a woman who plucked out her eyebrows and then drew on them
- 3% of women asked that their man not eat leftover pizza the next morning
One of the biggest advantages of using an online dating site like ww.plentymorefish.com is the ability to see a huge pool of singletons in your area all looking to date. You will probably find yourself in contact with more than one person and the time will come when you have to let someone down because of a better suited match.
This will be the least enjoyable part of your online dating experience. I know this because a friend of mine has just met someone she is really attracted and suited to and is finding it really hard to let two other genuine guys down. At first, I really struggled to advise her about what to do. Even if you’ve been on one single date with someone, it seems really hard to let them down “in a nice way.”
Anyway, together, we came up with what we thought to be the best way of letting someone down gently. We eventually decided that the amount of times you’ve met/ how well you know the person is key.
Just online contact
Mostly been messaging to-and-fro? Decide to they’re not for you? I think letting them know online is fine. I would suggest writing something along the lines of; “It was really nice speaking to you but I wanted to let you know that I have met someone I would like to take things further with” and wish them well in their search.
After one date
If you have only been on one date and decide they’re not for you, I think it’s important to text or call to tell them. There’s no point wasting your time, or theirs. Some dating sites would recommend going on two dates before you decide but I really think that if the chemistry’s there, it will be evident on the first date. Something like; “I want to be honest with you…It was really nice meeting you and you seem really nice but I have met someone else. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
After more than one date
This is when it get’s particularly hard. You’ve met them twice, three times or perhaps even four. You definitely need to call them and explain the situation. Take a deep breath and pick up the phone. You may feel bad for a while but ask yourself; wouldn’t you prefer to know rather than being left in the lurch? It’s simply the polite thing to do and they’ll respect you for it.
Please don’t ghost someone deliberately – make sure you get in touch in person or call them! It will be much easier for them to move on when they know it’s over rather than being ignored ignored overnight. Remember, you wouldn’t want this to happen to you, so give others the same respect.
Do you have any bad examples of breakups you experienced you want to share? Sound off in the comments below. x
Suggesting when to meet in person is tricky for me to say as it’s bound to differ for everyone. I will however try and give you a rough indication of when I think it’s about time for that first date.
It may start with a wink and a few messages here and there and then, before you know it, you’re messaging each other every day and perhaps more. This shows that you are both clear in your emotions and should definitely swap numbers and arrange to meet. It’s pointless wasting any more time throwing messages back and forth. You need to get out there to find out whether you’re attracted to them offline. If so, great! If not, plenty more fish in the sea!
As a dating site we strongly believe that although we offer a great big pond of lovely singles, we cannot match you. This is for you to decide when you meet up!
So how do you “pop the question?” …and we’re talking about a date here, not marriage!
One of our favourite ways to ask a date out online is to use their hobbies and interests as a starting point. They may list travelling as one of their interests. They may even list Italy as their favourite country. In this is the case, you could say something along the lines of; “I know this great Italian Restaurant in town, do you fancy going on Saturday night?” Pretty casual and not so daunting.
There, hope this helps! Remember to put as much detail into your profile as you can. You will sound interesting, plus, it makes it easier for potential dates to contact you!
Contrary to previous assumptions, a brand new study indicates that when in a long term relationship, men rate kissing and cuddling more importantly than than women.
The study included more than 1,000 couples from five countries. All were between 40 and 70 and all were in a relationship for an average of 25 years.
Men who told the researchers that kissing and cuddling were a regular part of their relationship were on average THREE times happier than those who did not. Women on the other hand, who are almost always portrayed as the more tactile sex, told researchers that kissing and cuddling had little effect on their happiness.
Interesting stuff. I’ve got to say though, here at the plenty more towers we are a little unsure…everyone likes a hug, don’t they?! How far do you agree with it?