I’ll be honest with this. If you’d have posed me this question in my late twenty’s I would have point blank said ‘no’. The reason being is that apart from being much younger, less cynical and a lot thinner I believed firmly that you had to have instant, physical attraction with someone if you were to date them. Fast forward another twenty years and whilst I am still somewhat cynical I’ve learned that whilst I would love my life to be like a Hollywood ‘romcom’ with love at first sight the truth is that love and spark can develop over time.
So is the instantaneous spark just a myth? Is it the thing that dreams are made of and if you don’t feel chemistry at your initial meet and greet, should you give your date a second chance?
Asking around my single / dating friends many of them were adamant that they would go on a second date with someone who they had no romantic chemistry with on a first date. One of my friends in the over 40’s dating category summed it up quite well, he said if both parties have invested their time to write a profile, go through the niceties, there is a firm chance they are looking for a long term relationship and are generally past the fishing stage of one night stands.
From my point of view I tend to agree with him. Whilst some would say that a spark has to be something physical, I would say that it can also be something deeper and be a level of understanding that you get from that person.
By already agreeing to meet your date you’ve jumped the first hurdle of the physical attraction (no surprise there). One study showed most people can accurately predict who they’d be interested in just by looking at a photo before they even met the person. Think about it if you didn’t like the photo you wouldn’t have sent them a message!
If you’re thinking about entering into a relationship with someone then it will take time to learn to get to know the person and really see if they are for you; after all, it could be weeks before those little annoying foibles come out the woodwork and sometimes first date nerves get in the way and send us all into a wobbling mess.
So don’t call it quits after the first date! If you enjoyed chatting to each other, there were no awkward silences and you both wanted to swap numbers at the end of the night then why wouldn’t you give date number two a go?
After a couple of dates you’ll begin to get a feeling for what each other likes / dislikes and you will begin to feel at ease with each other. At this point be honest with yourself. If you’re not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, don’t beat yourself up it’s OK to give up. If you want to keep trying, go for it, but make sure to be careful of your date’s feelings too.
When you head out to that first date you’ve been waiting for keep in mind that someone you don’t have that initial spark with could just sweep you off your feet in the future.
What are your rules? Do you need a spark on the first date to take it further? If not, how long will you give it?