Let’s be honest, the dating pond is a vast ocean of opportunities and potential matches. It makes sense that you cast your net wide to increase your chances for reeling in the best catch and dating several people at once is simply being efficient.
Even so, seeing more than one person at any one time is a bit of a juggling act and before we share our tips on how make that easier, it’s worth giving some context. When we refer to ‘dating’ we mean ‘looking for a long-term relationship’ not ‘hooking up’ (that’s what our naughty pond is for). 😈
#1 Be honest
Since we all agree that dating more than one person is a good thing, keeping it hidden from the people you are seeing is not. Telling your dates that you are meeting other people is the mature and decent thing to do. Some of you may protest that it might scare some potential dates away. Yes, that may happen, but if someone is put off by that, they are clearly not on the same page and are probably not a suitable match.
#2 Keep it small
As with other things in life, if we take on too much it becomes a struggle. It’s better to date 5 people than 10 for the simple reason that dating can be tiring. It’s also a good idea to spread out your date over several days and give yourself time to reflect and, you know, have a life. You’ll want to be your best self when looking for that special someone so make sure you don’t overdo the dating.
#3 No Ghosting
When you’ve started to realise that it’s not going to work out with one of your dates, please don’t just ghost them. Be fair and tell him/her that it’s not going to go anywhere and let them down gently. Likewise, if you’re getting serious with someone, it’s time to share that you’re off the market. We all deserve to be treated respectfully.
#4 Be Curious
Really push the boat out and increase your odds of finding love by dating a variety of people. Pick someone you wouldn’t normally go out with. Granted, it may be a bit out of your comfort zone but as the old saying goes, ‘opposites attract’. Or they surprise you and you’ll realise you have more in common than you thought. You won’t know until you’ve tried.
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Whilst we may be a generation addicted to selfies and photos, it is safe to say that a well-written quality dating profile will help you stand out in the crowd and catch Mr or Miss Right. The thing is we’re just not very good at selling ourselves, it isn’t in our nature to ‘brag’ about our plus points but in reality this is exactly what you need to do in the world of online dating.
Even if you’re not a budding wordsmith, with a little thought and creativity you can create a knockout dating profile. Still need a guiding hand? Our top tips below will nudge you in the right direction.
Keep it short and sweet
Entice your date with just enough to peak their interest. Here are some good examples:
Sunday fun day 👍🏻 Sunday chill day 👎🏻
Snakes 😍 Moths 😱
Bike ✅ Car ⛔️
Pineapple on pizza > great combo (Perhaps we will be too?)
“She has funny toes.” – My best friend Clare
“Excellent gums. Definitely flosses regularly.” – Sara, my hygienist
“She’s cute, but she snores.” – My mother
“Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.” – My ex (actually it was Captain Jack Sparrow in At World’s End but I’m sure my ex would agree)
Kids in your photos
Always a risky one as parents tend to keep their kids off the internet. However, if you are a single parent most of your pictures will contain your kids so a quick disclaimer about who that kid in your photo belongs to are appreciated, but not necessary.
Funny is good. Witty is better.
Unless you’re a natural comedian it will pay dividends to spend some time researching other profiles and taking inspiration from them. Be original and please don’t copy and paste from other profiles.
Must we really say it? Online dating is not the platform to promote your views on your views on mindfulness or inner peace, so please stay clear of inspirational quotes (unless you can turn them into something funny or use it as a topic of why you think it stinks).
I’m this tall…
Gents, refrain from adding your height to your dating bio. Whilst there may be shallow girls out there that open with this question, most of us are better than that!
Lads, contrary to what many of you (90%) may believe, posting shirtless pics can mean on average 25% fewer matches. More than half of the women who’ve been asked said that posting shirtless pics implies a lack of maturity and self-awareness.
Regardless of whether you’re a young professional or one of the many over 40’s daters, making the right first impression is key and a good dating bio can be a great way to introduce yourself.
If you’re looking for a potential date what are the things you look for in a good profile? We’d love for you to share with us your profile ‘deal breakers’.
When you’ve been in the dating pool a while and/or you’ve reached a certain age it’s very likely you’ll date someone who’s had a failed marriage or long-term relationship. But that doesn’t mean that person won’t be a great partner. There are, however, some warning signs to look out for when dating a divorced man.
Separated, not divorced
The first red flag is whether he describes himself as separated rather than divorced. Many women get sucked into a relationship (rebound anyone?) with a separated man, only to find out that he’s still married and actually working on his relationship or that he’s going to remain married, but still separated for the foreseeable future and he never has any plans on getting remarried. So anytime you hear the word separated, translate that into, ‘I’m not available for anything serious’.
Going too fast
The second warning sign is how fast he jumps into a very serious relationship. Oftentimes divorced men are only comfortable with relationships that become very serious, very quickly. They are putt off by the dating process of getting to know the other person and it’s important you slow things down. Even if he is keen to spend a lot of time with you or goes as far as suggesting moving in together, slowing down will give you both time to really get to know each other and see if you are actually compatible in the long run.
Having a negative attitude towards love or being emotionally unavailable is also a red flag. Granted, going through a divorce is one of the most traumatic things a person has to deal with, and it can leave that person bitter and closed off to love. So, if he’s still in a place where he can’t see himself to ever get married again – believe him. He’s not yet moved on and is still reeling from that experience. Let him go, he’s not ready.
Red flag number four is whether he’s depressed or has low self-esteem. As we said earlier divorce is traumatic and it can really take a toll on a person’s mental state and destroy their self-esteem. Divorce has the potential to make you feel like you are not worthy of a relationship, especially if you’ve been cheated on. But remember, it’s not your job to fix him, it’s not your job to try and bring him to a healthy place in his love life. He will need to find that path on his own. Please avoid wasting too much time trying to rehabilitate him when you could be keeping your options open to other people.
Check the ex
If his ex-wife is still a huge part of his life that’s another warning sign you shouldn’t ignore. Now, we get it if he has children with her, they will need to make sure they have an active relationship and maybe even a friendship. But if you’re finding that she’s still a constant part of his life, he’s texting her on a constant basis, always seeing her more than probably would be appropriate, then keep your eyes wide open. There’s still a possibility he might want to win her back.
Kids but no kids
Speaking of children. How’s his relationship with his kids? If he has zero custody of his children doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a major problem. Nonetheless, it’s a red flag. Typically, the relationship that someone has with their children is very coherent with the relationship they’ll have with other people in their life, but divorces are complicated and messy, so you really want to find out what actually went to get a clearer picture of him.
Now those are the biggest red flags we really want you to be looking for when you’re dating a divorced man, and if you don’t see any of those red flags, then great, go for it! Just because a man was divorced doesn’t mean he’s damaged goods. On the contrary, he actually may have learned a lot from that first marriage and be at a point in his life where he has more clarity about what he wants in a relationship and in a woman.
Ready to find your next date? Check out our divorced singles pond and start chatting to other divorced singles today.
Let’s face it, December is an expensive time of year for most of us but your dating life should not have to suffer because of it. So here are our favourite affordable and fun date ideas for this month.
Get your skate one
Remember how much fun you had as a kid whizzing – or crawling – across the ice? Plenty of city centres now have ice rinks at this time of year so there’s really no excuse not to give it a try. Not only is it loads of fun but it is sure you get you very close to your date, especially if they are not as accomplished in the arts of ice skating and will need to hold on to you for balance. Afterwards, you can warm up with a hot toddy and laugh about your sore bottoms.
Have a bake-off
Who doesn’t love the smell of freshly baked Christmas cookies, so why not have a bake-off? Each person picks one recipe and you ask friends and family to judge your efforts. The loser will have to cook the next meal, sing a Christmas carol in front of their family or come up with the next fun date idea. Make it interesting, get creative!
Mix it up
Whilst on the subject of food, we mustn’t forget the impressive art of cocktail making. Mixing your way through different cocktail recipes is another fun way to ‘expand’ your horizons so to speak. You could book one of the many cocktail making classes available, buy a book on the topic or simply Google some recipes to try. You could even create your own signature drink for you both. Wouldn’t that be a cute story to share one day?
Lend a hand
The true meaning of Christmas is to give, so why not spread some cheer and volunteer at a local charity or start a fundraiser to help those less fortunate? You could do a sponsored sleep out, a Santa Fun Run or create a gift-wrapped shoebox full of nice things and send it off to a disadvantaged child. There are so many ways to give (just search ‘Volunteer at Christmas’). It’s sure you make you all warm and fuzzy afterwards. And who knows? This might just be the start of an annual family tradition.
Shake a leg
Hit a local karaoke bar or stay at home to create a playlist with all your favourite Christmas tunes. Have a musical pop quiz or a dance-off in your PJs. You could even write your own nativity play or compose the next Christmas number 1. There are so many ways to have a music-themed date that you’ll be spoilt for choice but you can have some awesome fun. Up the ante and post your creations online for your friends to vote on and spread some cheer. It’s all about having fun!
We hope you like our favourite December date ideas. Have one to share with us? Then drop us a comment!
Still looking for that special someone? Try Plentymorefish.com and find singles near you today!
As if breaking up wasn’t hard enough already, divorcing or separating after many years can feel devastating and the thought of ever loving someone else may seem impossible at first. Most people will experience a sense of grief and go through these 5 stages. They are:
- Denial and isolation
So how do you know if you are ready to get back out there and start dating again? Here are a few things that you should consider before you get back on that proverbial dating horse:
Accept that it’s over
Seems like an obvious one but this is a vital step helping you be open for something new. First, make sure you’ve come to terms with your marriage/relationship being over and that you have accepted it. Reaching this stage can take a long time – sometimes years – so be patient and allow yourself to heal first.
The ex is dating again
Remember that acceptance we’ve just mentioned? That resolve can be tested when you see your ex with someone new for the first time. Be prepared for this to trigger emotions you thought you’d dealt with. Seeing him/her with another partner can really hurt and trigger feelings of jealousy and undo all the positive steps you’ve taken since the breakup. At this point, it is important to remember that it’s ok to feel those emotions but not allow them to overwhelm you. Remembering that you and your ex may be at different stages in life will help you remain objective. And that you both deserve to be happy – even if it’s with someone else.
Meeting the kids
Sit down with your children and talk to them about this step waaay before you start dating again. Especially if your kids are older. Helping them navigate their own grieving process will allow the family to heal as a whole before they reach the stage of acceptance. So be gentle and give them time to get used to the idea of you dating again. Just don’t put it off altogether – you too deserve to be happy!
Begin to redefine who you are outside of the marriage/relationship by spending quality time on your own. Take yourself out to dinner or the cinema. You’ve always wanted to try Salsa dancing but your partner did not? Go and do that! By rebuilding your own sense of identity you’ll get your confidence back and will begin to see all the exciting opportunities out there.
As they say, “Time is the wisest counsellor of all.” I think we can agree that taking time out from dating after a breakup is a good strategy. One way to find out if the time is right to dip your toe in that dating pond again is to try visualising yourself with someone else. If you feel a sense of excitement – great – you are ready! If however, you struggle to do that, it’s safe to say you need a bit more time and space until you can. It’s ok to take as much time as you need!
A little ping just announced the arrival of this wonderful message sent to us by Anne who met her John on Plenty More Silver Fish. Sadly she didn’t send us a picture but this is what she wrote:
I joined the site one year ago, after being alone for several years following an unpleasant divorce and many years alone. I started to enjoy exchanging correspondence through the site with many nice sounding men but none that I felt attracted enough to meet. Then I saw John’s picture and profile. His picture was of a nice looking man, obviously taken on a holiday, sitting relaxed at an outside beach café. His profile told me he was a widower who had been married for over 40 years and lost his wife very suddenly. I liked the way he worded his profile, with total respect of his marriage and his wife. I sent him a message although he lived some 30 miles from me. It was a while before he responded, and then for several weeks we sent brief messages. Then eventually he asked if I would like to meet him for a drink. It was the first time I thought Yes I will do this. We met in a pub car-park very near to me, I was very nervous, we had a nice evening, conversation was easy and flowed. Before the end of the evening he asked me if I would like to meet again and I said yes. We dated once a week for a month then John was away on a months holiday. I realised I missed him and he phoned several times. When he returned he came straight to see me and we fell into each others arms. From then on we spent more and more time together, met each others families. And we are now moving into a home together and planning our futures. I can honestly say that John has wiped out all my unhappy memories of my marriage breakup. Although John retains loving memories of his long happy marriage he tells me he feels re-born and looks forward to our future years together. We are both now retiring and ready to experience a new life together. Thank you Plenty More Fish!
We are so thrilled you both found happiness through our site and all of us at Plenty More Fish wish you both a long and very happy future together. You are proof that love can find you more than once in life.
If you are still looking for that special someone, why not give us a try? We have three dating ponds for you to choose from. Our Single Pond is aimed at singles from 18-45, our Silver Pond offers dating for the over 40’s and our Naughty Pond is something for the more adventurous among you. Registration on all ponds is FREE, so you can browse for singles in your area right away.
What are you waiting for? Go and cast your net at www.plentymorefish.com.
Happy Dating! x