Situationship or Relationship?
In this day and age it can be difficult to know exactly where you stand in terms of a relationship, or should we say a situationship? If you’re in a situationship often it’ll leave you feeling confused, you’re not sure where either of you stand and finding the answer to the question “what are we?” leaves you feeling a bit worried.
Before you know it you could be emotionally in too deep and it could come as a surprise to hear that your partner is not so much into it as you are. So to save yourself some time (and maybe some tears), we’ve put together a few telltale signs that you’re in a situationship rather than a relationship.
There’s no consistency
This is one of the biggest signs you’re stuck in a situational relationship when you’re wondering when you’ll next hear from or see this other person.You may feeli like they get hot or cold with you. Their consistency or lack of, can be a sign of their lack of interest in maintaining a relationship or pursuing it more seriously.
You don’t talk about the future
Throughout a relationship there are always talks about the future, whether that’s places you want to visit, dates to go on or goals you want to reach together. These aren’t necessarily things that will happen years in the future, it could be a few weeks in fact. If there’s little talk about the future as a couple it could be a sign that there is little interest in a long term relationship.
They say they’re not serious
If someone says that they ‘aren’t looking for anything serious’ please don’t convince yourself you can change their mind, take their word for it. Even if you’ve been on a couple of dates and you feel a connection, spare yourself the time and potential heartache when you find out they’re not as invested as you. It’s important to take people at face value and listen to them when they talk about their needs and wants, particularly in a relationship.
It’s only a superficial connection
If you don’t feel emotionally connected, it may mean you’re in a situationship. As you’re getting to know each other in the early stages of a relationship, a connection can feel superficial. Having little in common or a superficial connection can also be the reason. You have to be honest with yourself about how your partner feels.
If you find yourself wondering where you stand in your situationship, maybe now is the time to ask the dreaded question “what are we?”
If you’re back to the drawing board with dating, head over to Plentymorefish to find fellow flirty singles.
A Guide to Online Dating lingo
If you’ve been around the online dating community for a while or you may even be just starting out, you’ll have stumbled upon many new terms and phrases to add to your vocabulary, some of which may have left you a little confused. That’s why we’re here to crack the case of online dating lingo for you, so here are some terms to take note of:
This term has been around for a while, you may have even watched or heard of the American TV show ‘Catfish’. It’s when someone creates an online profile using someone else’s identity or they misrepresent themselves. They generally communicate online and will avoid meeting face to face or on video calls in order to maintain the facade.
This happens when someone you’ve been dating abruptly stops all communication with you, with no warning. Like a ‘ghost’ they just disappear into thin air and don’t respond to your messages with no explanation.
This term comes from the words ‘babe’ or ‘baby’. You might call someone ‘bae’ to refer to them as your significant other. Or you could even use it to say you like something, for example you could say “Food is bae” rather than “I love food”.
Cuffing season refers to the cold winter months being a time where otherwise happy singles want to settle down and meet someone until the warmer weather comes back around.
Simply this is your ‘How Mum met Dad’ kind of story. The adorable backstory of how your relationship blossomed into what it is now.
Sliding into DMs
This phrase refers to the subtle flirty act of messaging your crush on social media. DMs being the abbreviation of Direct Messages.
It’s a new one, but this refers to someone you were dating who ghosts you and then suddenly resurfaces with no apology or no explanation as if nothing happened – talk about a poor dating game.
This is stringing someone along with flirty messages with no intention of taking things seriously or dating the other person. They give you just enough attention to give you hope for a future.
Now you’re all caught up with the lingo you’ll be ready to take the online dating world by storm, head over to Plentymorefish.com to find fellow singles who are ready to mingle. 😉
Lost for words: How to start meaningful conversations on a dating app
Have you ever found yourself stuck at the first hurdle, trying to come up with conversation starters that don’t begin with “Hey, how are you?” You’re feeling the pressure to come up with something that’s compelling enough to grab your matches’ attention.
Dating app burnout is a thing and it happens when you consistently engage in meaningless conversations that are most likely not going anywhere. You’re overwhelmed with the disappointment that you’ve not yet found a date, or even someone to have an interesting conversation with.
But fear not, we’re equipped with plenty of advice to help you spark a flirty, engaging conversation.
So, where to start?
The key is asking intentional questions. Not just a simple “How are you?”. If you want to grab the attention of your match, you want to ask something that they likely haven’t answered recently.
Open-ended questions are great for this. Check out their profile and pick something to ask them about. It could be to do with a picture they’ve uploaded traveling, their family, any hobbies or interesting quirks they’ve spoken about. This is a lot easier to do with a match that thoroughly fills out their profile.
But your match hasn’t got anything interesting on their profile? That’s okay, here’s a few questions and topics you could bring up next time you’re stuck for chat.
- Is there anything new you’ve learned lately that you could talk about for hours?
- Tell me about a book or film that changed your life.
- Compliment them! Compliment physical features, their life, their pet etc. It can help build their confidence and could spark them to ask you a question.
- What has been the most exciting part of your week/month/year so far?
- Ask them about their goals. People love talking about the things that they’re passionate about and it gives you a better idea of the type of person your match is.
- Ask them what they’re looking to get out of dating. Do they just want a hook-up or a deep connection? This is a fantastic question to ask so you know where you stand right off the bat.
Starting a conversation with someone who doesn’t give you much to work with can be difficult, however we hope that these tips can help you in sparking up fresh, exciting conversations.
Head over to Plentymorefish to connect with singles who are ready to meet their match.
New Year’s Resolutions for us singles
If you’re a bit stuck on what to set as your New Year’s resolution, then you’re in the right place. We’ve all been guilty of setting a resolution, doing well for the first week or two and then it all comes to a halt. But this time you really mean it, right? Well, if you’re looking for some inspiration to lighten up your love life in 2023, then check out some of the resolutions we’ll be making this year.
I will let go of the past
Not as easy as said, especially if you have a family together with an ex or you work with an old flame. But what you can let go of is the expectations you had of them in the past and the feelings you associate with that relationship. Does hanging onto these feelings fulfill you or are they another source of frustration for you?
I will be open-minded
Tell yourself you’re going to go on dates and meet new people with an open mind. When it comes to dating you have to have a little give and take, look for the perfect partner but be prepared to potentially find them in someone who you may not expect.
I will live in the moment
It’s easy to get caught up in feelings and daydream about the future you’re going to have together. But when you start to do that, you find yourself setting expectations of the person you’ve just started dating without realising. These expectations put pressure on the relationship from the get-go and take the fun out of getting to know the other person.
I will date myself
Who says you need another person to go out on a date, when you can just date yourself? Make the time for you, go for coffee and get to know what you like, try new classes, visit a library, the list is endless. Taking some time to prioritise yourself creates good habits when establishing boundaries and discovering what you’re looking for in a relationship.
I will stop comparing myself to others
It’s so easy to compare yourself and your life to others when you’re single. Your mind starts working against you and you start doubting yourself or you feel your love life should be like those in movies and novels. Rather than focusing on what isn’t in your life, practice gratitude for what is right now. What’s meant for you will come to you at the right time.
If your resolution for the new year is finding love, check out Plentymorefish where you’ll find fellow singles.
I’ve got a text from my ex! What should I do?
Picture this, you’ve finally got yourself to a place where your ex is no longer a permanent fixture in your mind, you can walk down a street without being reminded of the dates they used to take you on, or their favourite shops to visit and then PING. One new notification – the dreaded text from your ex. There could be many versions of the same message, “Hey”, “I miss you” or “I want you back”, it all means the same in your mind. But when it comes down to it, you still feel that pit in your stomach.
“Shall I message them back?”
“Do they miss me?”
“Do I play it cool or tell them I miss them?”
You play it over in your mind, wondering how to respond to that message. Well, let’s go over some tips on how to handle the dreaded text from your ex.
The first thing to do is to simply take a breath. Don’t freak out or immediately message back. It’s most likely going to catch you off guard, so let’s take time to think. Think about the fact that many people have gone through similar situations, where an ex has come crawling back the moment you get over them, it’s almost like they’re mind readers.
Share with friends
There’s no-one in the world that’ll humbles you more than your best friend who dislikes your ex for breaking your heart. Trust me, they’ll take everything they’ve got to convince you that your ex is not worth your time again.
The key here is allowing yourself to miss them, recall the good memories but leave it there. Give yourself an hour to sit and look back at pictures (if you still have them), think about some of your favourite memories together and then put down your phone. But do not, I repeat, DO NOT respond based on a few good memories from the past, which leads us on to our next point.
The past is a place to learn from, not to live in.
Most of the time, breakups happen because you fall out of love, or you have a sudden epiphany of what you really want, or the worst situation, there’s been some sort of betrayal. The breakup forces you to adjust to a new normal without them in your life, and you make the right changes and you’ve started moving forward and then this sneaky text shuffles it all up. But don’t be fooled by the good memories and sincere text messages, the past should be left behind, along with your ex.
We’re not saying you must ignore your ex. You may well have ended things civilly, as “friends”, so a catch up may be exactly what you need to finally close the door on that chapter of your life. What we’re stressing is the importance of not being swept up in all the excitement and happiness you felt at the start of the relationship and letting that fool you into revisiting the past. Most of the time things haven’t changed and the same issues will arise time and time again. So do yourself a favour and give the future a chance, you don’t know who could be waiting for you there.
Instead of responding to your ex, head over to Plentymorefish to see who may be waiting for you in your future 😉
Making a good first impression
You’ve hit the jackpot. You’ve only gone and got yourself a date with your favourite match. So, what’s next? You want to make a good impression, but you’re worried about how you may come across. Will you meet their expectations? We’ve put together a list of tips to give you the biggest advantage before heading out on your first date.
Wear something bright
It’s been said that wearing bright colours gives off a sense of confidence and research shows that a man’s impression of their date is likely to be affected by the colours they wear. You don’t have to be pulling off a bright orange outfit, pastel colours can help give off the same vibes.
Plan your route
Look up where you’re going before the date. This will be super helpful in making sure that even if you are in a rush, you’re not panicking about which left to take next. You want to be relaxed at the start of your date, not flustered. So, give yourself the head start, Google Maps will be your best friend.
Avoid your Ex
This means all conversation involving your ex. If you’re praising up your ex, then your date will wonder why you’re not together, but the same thing goes for if you’re being negative about them. They’ll wonder why you’re still hung up on them and they’ll be unsure as to whether you’re ready for a relationship. The best way of dealing with the conversation if it comes up is to shrug it off and just mention simply that it didn’t work out.
There’s no better feeling than receiving a compliment, it gives us confidence. They don’t have to be the typical ‘you look nice’ comments, although they are great to hear. But if they chose the venue or date activity then compliment their wise choice and tell them you’re enjoying yourself. If you’re not having a great time, then focus on something you do like and if there’s still a chance for a second date, then offer to take on the date planning next time.
Don’t interview your date
There’s no worse feeling than being vetted by your date. So, remember to ask them questions about themselves and listen to what they have to say, but remember that it’s not an interrogation. Show genuine interest in what they have to say. And remember, you are allowed to share too!
Be kind to your waiter
If you’re planning on visiting a restaurant, please be conscious how you treat the staff who are waiting on you. If you’re kind to your date, but not so much to the staff or other people around you, it can make you look like you’re not a very nice person. Which you aren’t really, be nice to service staff – their job is hard!
Are you looking for a fellow single to impress with your charm? Plentymorefish may be able to help, join today to get one step closer to meeting your person.
When you no longer look like your profile picture
Building your online dating profile can seem like a bit of a chore, right? You spend a good hour of your time trying to decide on pictures and try and come up with something witty or interesting to say about yourself. Add a pandemic into the mix and your dating profile (much like our social life) has seen better days.
It’s no surprise then that most of our photos are a bit dated and looks may have altered somewhat for some of us. What was once long brown hair, now sits just above your shoulders and is somewhere the colour scale between an orange and a block of cheese after trying to dye it yourself. So, trying to find a profile picture that wasn’t from a Christmas party 5 years ago, may prove difficult. Sadly, you can’t hide behind a picture when meeting someone face-to-face, and now you’re panicking because you think you should probably update your profile. So, here’s how to avoid a ‘catfish’ situation.
It’s an obvious one but don’t use old pictures. It’s fine to admit you may look a little different to the last picture you uploaded but maybe take some time out of your evening to revamp your dating profile. Your date is more likely to not ask you on a second date because you’ve misrepresented yourself by using old pictures, rather than how you look now.
Show the real you. If you’re having a quiet night in, or maybe you’ve got exciting plans with your friends then take a swig of wine and snap a selfie to update your dating profile. A new picture could always spark up a conversation with someone new.
Although looks are not important, in the online dating world your pictures do matter. It’s the first connection you make with someone, they give people an idea of what you look like and what kind of person you are. You don’t have to be glammed up in all your pictures, you could be climbing Snowdon or chilled out at home. Just remember to stay away from those popular filters and apps that alter your appearance. A well-lit, natural pic is best.
The key is that true confidence and self-esteem sell you. They are the biggest turn-ons for anyone. You may not agree that your pictures matter in the online dating world, but you’ll find that when you put in the effort to match your pictures to your personality it will pay off.
If you’re on a dating site looking for a healthy, romantic relationship then being yourself is only going to get you the most out of it. This means, skipping the ‘I forgot to update my pictures’ or ‘My bad, it must’ve been an old picture I didn’t realise’ excuses. Stop being strategic, be you. People are more likely to be open to you if you’re an honest and trusting person yourself.
Although our advice may seem brash, we’re simply setting you up for success! We want you to find the one! If you’re ready to get searching, head over to Plentymorefish.
Online dating to real-life meetings: Do’s and Don’ts
Taking the step from sending a few messages on a dating site to meeting up face-to-face is a huge jump. First dates are nerve-wracking, and you spend most of the time before it worrying about whether you’re going to make a fool of yourself or how the date itself is going to go. To take some worries off your hands, we’ve made a list of Do’s and Don’ts that you can use to guide you through that initial date and hopefully bag you a second!
Keep it casual
Ensuring you keep the date casual and not over the top or extremely romantic takes the pressure off you both. It allows you to freely choose a setting where you can both relax and solely get to know each other more to see if there’s a spark. Meeting up for a coffee or casual drinks is perfect.
Tell someone you’re going to meet a date
First rule in meeting an internet date, is to always share your location with someone you trust. It doesn’t mean you have to tell them the ins and outs of your date if you don’t want to. But simple details of where and when the date is happening is important for your safety. You could even set up this person as a scape goat if you’re not really feeling your date and want to get out of there.
Show up on time
There’s nothing worse than standing around waiting outside a venue for your date – who you’ve never met before – to arrive. Your mind starts thinking they’re not going to turn up and you convince yourself that this wasn’t a good idea. Being fashionably late can wait, you need to show that you respect your date and their time.
Respect your boundaries
Setting boundaries makes many people feel uncomfortable, but they’re so important especially when first establishing a relationship with someone. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something, then don’t. Whether that’s having another drink, going to their place after the date or even them being too handsy.
Drink too much alcohol
When you’re nervous you may feel like grabbing a drink – or two – for some Dutch courage. But it’s important not get too blotted. It’s not a nice experience when your date gets totally drunk and you wouldn’t want them to remember you for all the wrong reasons, so set a limit and stick to it.
Have high expectations
When going out on a date your lofty expectations need to stay at home with your Pinterest boards. Ultimately, high expectations tend to lead to some degree of disappointment so check in with yourself before a date. Whilst standard expectations like practicing good hygiene are normal, it’s best to focus on getting to know them. It’s perfectly fine if you realise they’re not the one, but it doesn’t mean you have to miss out on what could be a great evening because they are blonde rather than brunette.
Bring up your ex
Most likely you and your date have been chatting for weeks over the phone and the chances are your ex hasn’t appeared in many conversations. That’s a good thing. Trust us when we say that, that conversation can wait a few weeks more. Leave the past in the past and focus on the present. The first date is not the time to talk heartbreak or disappointments, this is the time to focus on possibilities!
Go over the date 100 times in your head afterwards
It’s easy to run over the date and what was said afterwards, but try not to get too caught up in it. Thinking can easily turn into over-analysing and before you know it you’ve convinced yourself that your date had an awful time, and they don’t really like you and your second date is never going to happen. Trust how things felt at the time and go with that feeling and if you don’t hear from them again, then what have you really lost? Not a lot. It wasn’t meant to be and that’s okay.
Are you looking for a fellow single to find a spark with? Head over to Plentymorefish.
3 reasons why you could be dealing with dating burnout
Whilst dating is a fun experience; you’re meeting new people and trying out restaurants you probably would never go to on your own, it can be tiring seeing the notifications of a ‘new match’ or ‘….wants to talk to you’. It can become overwhelming and exhausting and what was once fun about it doesn’t seem to be as exciting. We’ve been doing a bit of research to see what could be causing this and we’ve put together a few reasons why you could be experiencing this.
1. You think there just isn’t anyone out there for you anymore.
If you’re willing to throw in the towel because you believe there’s no one else out there for you to find, then you’re heading for a dating burnout. But is giving up on dating what you really want or are you simply having a bad streak? It’s time to get real about what you want. Are you willing to see this rough patch through and come out on the other side? If the answer is no, then give yourself a break and focus on ‘self-partnering’ as actor Emma Watson calls it.
2. You’re struggling with rejection.
Rejection can be difficult to deal with, particularly when you’re having it repeatedly happen to you for things out of your control or if you’ve got rejected by someone who you really cared for. Even if you’re usually the type of person to shrug off a comment made by one of your unsuccessful dates, there can be a point where it can impact your self-esteem and you start to take it more personally.
Healthy dating is knowing you’ll come across rejections along the way but being able to handle them. Taking time out to regain that confidence and hone in on what you want is perfectly normal. You want to be the best version of you that you’re putting out there.
3. Dating isn’t fun.
Remember the excitement you felt when you were first setting up your profile and received your first match? You should still get those feelings a year down the line! If you find yourself rolling your eyes at your message notifications and responding feels like a chore then it might be time to take a break. You can come back with a fresh set of eyes, and during that time away you may even learn more about what you’re looking for.
Remember that there is no timeline on meeting ‘the one’ and taking that well-earned break from dating may just be the exact thing you need to reboot your dating life.
When you are ready to return to the dating world or maybe you want to try something new, then we have singles waiting for you over at Plentymorefish.
What to do if you keep choosing the wrong person
You may go through phases where you feel like you’re repeatedly picking the wrong type of person, or you may have a string of dates that haven’t worked out. For some, they can find it easy to walk away from these relationships, but for others it can be more difficult, and they can find themselves stuck and unhappy. Regardless of what type of person you are, it can be frustrating feeling like you keep picking the wrong people. So, we’ve put together a list of things to go over next time you’re feeling fed up or frustrated with another failed date.
Identify your pattern
We tend to find that there is a pattern in the people we are attracted to. We go for people who believe fit us all round, meaning that their positive qualities complement our own but this can also apply to their negative traits.
Pay close attention to those patterns – are there any negative traits that seem to crop up time and time again and drive you mad? Do you seem to go for the same types of people, with the same ‘quirks’ that turn out to be intolerable?
Once you look back at your dating history and start to identify these patterns, you will know what to do to break this cycle. You’ll know what to avoid when approaching each date and with every choice you make, you’ll be more conscious as to what’s attracting you to make that decision about that person.
Speak to friends
Most of the time we think we know what’s best for us and what we ‘need’, when in all honesty we don’t. Talking to your friends and close family can help you get a better idea about who should be on your dating line-up. One benefit about talking with your best friend is that they will be honest with you, so if they know you go for a certain type of person who isn’t good for you then you will know about it. It’s also great to have a gossip with your bestie about dating, right?
Now you may be thinking, “but I take chances all the time going on dates”, but do you really? If you’re going out with the same type of people, are you really scoping the dating field, or are you simply casting your net in the same ‘pond’ expecting different results?
You can decide to be more open to the possibility of being with someone who may not be on your list of potential dates, yet you’re still attracted to. When you choose to break a pattern, you are allowing yourself to experience something different and you might even find you get a better outcome. If you give it a real chance, you never know who you could come across, and you could learn more about yourself in the process.
Figure out what you want
You might find that you’re repeatedly picking the wrong types of people because you’re not clear on what you want yet. You might be going on dates with people who are wildly different, but you get the same outcome. This is because you need to get clear on what you’d like from the relationship.
When you’re looking at what you want to get from a relationship, steer clear on focusing on physical attributes or minute details like where they’re from/grew up etc. These things become insignificant in the long run; you want to focus on a person’s outlook, goals and dreams.
If you’re wanting to break the cycle and meet new singles, head over to Plentymorefish.