So you’ve been on more than one date and you seem to have instant chemistry. You’ve been texting for a few days since your last date, and then, POOF! Your match has vanished into thin air.
Welcome to the murky world of ghosting.
Ghosting is a term that is becoming more and more frequently heard in the dating circles and so in our latest blog we thought we’d do a little research and find out just how people feel when they’ve been ‘ghosted’ by a date.
After quizzing some friends and asking around on social media these are the statements that came out:-
- Makes you feel worthless
- Makes you feel confused
- Leads to you mistrusting other potential dates
- Leads to a ‘why do I bother’ mentality
- You feel disrespected
- Feeds insecurities
Let’s face it none of those feelings and reactions are positive and dating should be positive, it should be adventure, an opportunity to meet new people, try new things, have new experiences and make lots of memories.
Ghosting sucks, and this article about a girl who was ghosted by a guy she’d been seeing exclusively for six months (!) shows that it’s not just the early day’s relationships that fall prey to this cowardly technique.
So what can you do if this happens to you in the world of online dating?
- Take a positive attitude – it is not you with the problem. If someone ghosts you it is highly likely they have done it before. A leopard cannot change its spots remember!
- Don’t be tempted to keep messaging for an answer as to why – you won’t get one, and if you do it will be lies, it would see a classic excuse is for the ghoster to say that someone close to them has died and their life has spiralled out of control.
- Don’t change who you are – remember you shouldn’t change just to fit into someone else’s lifestyle. If they cannot handle all of your AWESOMENESS then they are not worth your time and effort.
- Don’t give up – get back online and start making new connections. Relationships don’t just happen they take effort. So be dynamic and start something. Just don’t desperation date (more on this later!)
- Always and most important – remember YOU DIDN’T MESS ANYTHING UP.
Breaking up with someone is never easy to do, but ghosting is really cowardly and more brutal than actually being honest with someone. Focus on yourself, going out with friends and ultimately holding your own and remembering your manners when everyone around you forgets theirs.
Has ghosting happened to you? How did you cope with it and what tips have you got for others in case in happens to them.
If you and your ex are now happy campers in Friendsville, you won’t need to read today’s blog (but you are still welcome to of course). If however the split is still raw and you are struggling to come to terms with it, then tread carefully my friend as you could be opening up old wounds and adding fresh ones if you don’t avoid these 7 text traps:
1. Pet names and terms of endearments
Your ex is your ex for a reason. They decided that they no longer want to be with you and no amount of Snookiepops or Diddikins calling is going to change that. The truth is, they have moved on and it’s time you do too.
2. Blowing off steam
This is the flip side to my first point. Sadness is often followed by anger and you really want them to feel just how much they’ve hurt you. But sending rude or angry messages serves no purpose other than to validate his/her reasons for breaking up with you in the first place. And all this is going to make you worse. Instead pour your heart out to someone who you trust or punch a sofa cushion until you feel better.
3. No response nagging
If your ex hasn’t answered to your first text, we are pretty certain they don’t want any contact with you. They’ll have their reasons and for your own sanity, respect them and stop texting.
4. Reminiscing the past
This is similar to point 1, as in you are still holding on to the past. Lamenting about your lost love should be reserved for your diary or closest friends, not the one who broke your heart.
5. “Thinking of you” messages
Of course you are! It’s normal but your ex shouldn’t hear about it, they lost that right when they left you. Go out and live your life and soon you’ll forget about him/her altogether.
6. Sexting / Nude pics
This is probably the worst thing you can do – to yourself. Desperate measures often lead to further heartbreak. Avoid at all costs.
7. Pleading with him/her
It’s hard to accept that the person we love, doesn’t love us back. It sucks, we understand. But you need to ask yourself, if they broke up with you once, is getting them back going to solve anything? Things happen for a reason and you may simply not be right for each other. The other person has just come to the realisation sooner than you. At some point you will see it too. Give yourself time. We promise it will get better.
When in doubt it is always better to avoid texting your ex. If you can’t trust yourself, delete his/her number from your phone. Your future self will thank you for it.
Have you ever sent text messages to your ex you later regretted? Tell us, we’d like to hear your stories.