After a long term relationship dating again can be pretty nerve-racking for some. Getting back into the swing of things can be like entering a whole new world – an exciting world nevertheless. We have racked our brains here at Plenty More Fish and come up with 5 top tips to help you make a smooth return back into the dating game.
1. Keep some information back. How many details should you give away? The best way to decide this is by asking yourself how much you would like to know about your date. By all means, tell them you have just come out of a long term relationship but there’s really no need to rant about your past. Your date is there to get to know you and for now, this doesn’t include your past.
2. Be yourself. It’s so important to be yourself. Don’t try and change who you are just because you think you’ll meet more people. If they don’t like you for you then they are obviously not the right person for you. It’s also extremely hard to keep up an act and it’s much less stressful just being you!
3. Single Friend Advice. Ask your single friends for advice. If you have been away from dating for a while then you may be feeling a little rusty. Getting advice from your single friends and learning about their real- life experiences is a great way to feel more confident and prepare yourself for a date.
4. Don’t be too picky. After a relationship you may think you know what you want and sometimes this could even be a clone of your ex. If you’re looking for someone specific, you could risk missing what’s right in front of you. You may not think she or he is your type but how do you know without trying?
5. Do what feels right. The biggest and best tip we can offer would be do what feels right for you. If you feel pressured to start dating again but don’t feel ready too, then don’t. Do what feels comfortable. If you go on a date and there’s no spark, it’s no big deal, just chalk it down to experience. After all, there’s plenty more fish in the sea!
Losing a spouse, going through a divorce or break up can be a traumatic experience. For most people it takes time for the wounds to heal before even thinking about taking a dip in the dating pool again. Understandable really. Often jumping into a relationship too quickly can be a bad thing – you may meet someone who’s not right for you. As much as you may miss the companionship it’s worth having some you time to figure out exactly what it is that you want.
So how do you know when you’re ready to date again?
Are you “over” your past relationship?
This does not mean forget about your past relationship by any means – it just means that you have stopped comparing new interests to your previous partner.
Are you bitter?
Being bitter is a sign you’re not over your ex and can be sensed a mile off by prospective partners. It can send people running for the door. You should be free of bitterness before dating again- it only wears you down. It may take time but that healing time is hugely important.
Do you expect instant dating success?
Unfortunately dating is filled with ups and downs and not a dating site in the world could promise you instant success. Some meet the right one straight away, some don’t. It’s a numbers game. Don’t lose hope.
Are you feeling happy?
Happiness and positivity is an extremely attractive quality. It’s true what they say- you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Use your single time to do the things that make you feel happy. Your future partner should fit into your life.
Are you revealing too much too soon?
Your date should not be used as a counsellor. If you feel you’re going to spill details of your past relationship on your first date then it is pretty evident that you need some more time before dating. Mystery is all part of the excitement of dating.
It may take some time before you feel ready to start dating again but in my experience it’s MUCH better to give yourself this time and meet someone who ticks all the boxes rather than just a few.