How to get your online match to message you back

You’ve uploaded your photos, you’ve written a great online profile and your thumbs ache from swiping through potential matches.  You’re in the thick of online dating and have a couple of matches that you want to reach out to and get to know better.  Just where do you start?

how to get an online match to message you back

The thing is you want to come up with a witty opener, something other than the usual ‘Hi, how are you?’.  You could be predictable and ask them something based on their profile…OR you could use the brain between your ears and take a personal approach.  This is exactly what one guy did and it netted him a 100% success rate with the ladies.  Joe Bagel decided to create poetic masterpieces based on the initials of his prospective matches name.  His excellent wordsmith skills certainly got him noticed by the ladies, and you can read the full article here.

With so many singletons now using online dating sites to find their perfect match your potential match may well have been inundated with inbox requests and your opening flirtation needs to hit the mark.

Getting your online match to message your back

Remember the phrase ‘quality over quantity’ – never has it been truer than when sending messages to potential dates.  Rather than adopting the idea of cast the net wide go exclusive and only message a select number of matches. For the guys reading this, trust me many women can spot a rehashed message a mile off.   We get so many of those lazy mass-messages that we just ignore them.  If you spend a little more time creating a unique message, you’ll probably find it’s much more productive. For example, why not try an ice breaker question ‘What are your top five movies?’, nearly everyone loves a good movie and this will see what common ground you have.

Don’t bombard your matches.  If you send a message and they take a while to answer back.  Don’t sweat it.  People are busy and lead a life outside of their dating app and it may just well be there is other stuff they need to attend to.  It is easy to think the worst but keep your cool.  Don’t keep sending messages and (unless you’ve written something really offensive) you don’t need to message them to apologise for getting in touch.

when your online crush won't text you back

Get to the point.  Once you’ve hit up a conversation and the messages are flowing ask your match if they’d be happy to take the conversation either to a phone call or a coffee.  There is no point in stringing it out.  Whether you’re a guy or a girl be bold and make the first move and ask the other one out so you can actually have a more in-depth conversation and get off your phones and talk face to face.

Don’t be lazy.  Whilst it may be tempting to use phrases and acronyms during your conversation good spelling and grammar goes a long way in making the right impression.  Intelligent people are generally looking for someone on their level and the overuse of emojis (no matter how cute the unicorn one is) smacks of immaturity and the fact you’ve had one too many cans of Red Bull for the day.

Keep it lighthearted.  Online messaging apps are for light-hearted chat and banter.  Keep the serious stuff about exclusivity and your hopes for the relationship for if/when you meet – that way you can gauge accurately your date’s response.

These are just some of the tips you can put into practice to help make messaging your online matches a success, which ultimately is a HUGE confidence boost for anyone doing online dating.

getting your match to message your back

So go forth and get your creative hat on and start chatting.  If you have any personal stories or mistakes to add to the list, we’d love to hear about them in the comments!

Plenty More Fish Success Story – Debbie and Kevin

It seems our silver daters are having lots of success at the moment over in our Silver Pond.  We were really pleased to get an email from one of our members Debbie telling us she’s found love with a fellow member.

“Hi there, My name is Debbie Baker-Smith and I have found love through the website, Plenty More Fish Silver Pond.

The new man in my life is Kevin Looms. Kevin was someone that I chatted with online very quickly after joining the website.

His photo was attractive and the answers he gave in his profile questions intrigued me. We then swapped phone numbers and had a very long telephone conversation.

Then we plucked up courage and met, we have been out several times now and are an official couple. It all began with the website. Here are 2 photos of us together.

Debbie Baker-Smith

online dating for over 40s

Congratulations, to Debbie & Kevin who were matched together in our Silver Pond which specialises in dating for over 40’s.  We always love to hear from our members when they’ve found that special someone online, so if you’ve had success using Plenty More Fish tweet us @plentymorefish.

Busiest day of the year for online dating

The mantra of ‘new year, new you’ and all that is well and truly in the front of everyone’s minds as we head back to work this week following the Christmas break.  One look at your Facebook feed and there is a plethora of ‘resolution’ themed memes promising good intentions.

new-years-resolutions

So many of us set ourselves targets for January, and those of us looking for love are no different – and according to research the 3rd January is THE busiest day of the year for online dating websites and apps.  As us lust longing Brits head back to work, research has shown that dating sites are expecting a 37 percent hike in activity as millions log on hoping to find new romances for 2017.

busiest-day-of-the-year-online-dating

Whilst some of us may be entering 2017 newly single after relationships ran their course and ended up single before the holidays. Others may well have hung in there until New Year’s and realised they were in a relationship that wouldn’t go the distance.  Then there are some singles who have made the decision after having another holiday alone that they’ll have a go at dating in an attempt to find their soul mate.

Whatever situation you find yourself in at the start of 2017 you’ll have plenty of choice to browse through as millions of new profiles hit the online dating websites, and with the average user trawling around 43 profiles when they log on it wouldn’t go amiss to set yourself a bit of a strategy to catch the eye of Mr or Miss Right.  So here are our top tips for standing out in the busy dating pond this January:-

  • Get a great photo – honestly, one showing you surrounded by your mates drinking and partying hard may seem like a good idea but remember you want someone to notice you not the social scene you’re into, or worse even fancy one of your mates!  Remember the adage ‘a picture paints a thousand words’?  Why not consider investing in someone to help you take a great profile photo so that you really stand out.
  • Challenge the stereotypes – ladies who says men have to make the first move? Be proactive and not reactive and if you see a guy you like strike up a conversation.  Pose a series of interesting first date questions that allow the two of you to see if there is common ground before moving to the next stage.
  • Be engaged – many of today’s dating sites have a whole host of extra features that you can access as part of their membership structure.  Opting to pay for a level of membership with access to these features can work in your favour as generally people who shell out for online dating subscriptions are serious about finding a relationship.  You” have the chance to send more messages, get read receipts and send more photos allowing you make those matches quicker.

Whatever your relationships goals for 2017 the first part of it is dipping your toe into the water and seeing what happens.  With more of us than ever using dating websites as a way to meet new people around the UK,  January is the perfect time to try with so many other singletons also out there with the same agenda.

Looking for love in 2017?  We’d love to know what you look for or avoid in an online dating profile.

slate-love-heart

How far would you travel for a date?

Today I am posing what on face value seems to be a simple question ‘how far would you travel for a date?’ In particular a first date.

long distance dating

For many of us in the world of ‘online dating’ we’ve dipped our toe into this pond because our social circle of friends are all in relationships and settled and unlikely to offer any romantic leads via their circle of friends anytime soon.  The theory with online dating is that you get to meet a wider variety of people than if you went to your local pub on a Friday night.  This is certainly true you live in Sleepy Hollow and have a village population of 30 online dating is a great way to widen your dating radius in order to strike it lucky.

Looking at my recent experience in online dating I am a creature of habit. My profile clearly restricts my search criteria to under 30miles.  Why? Well for me the distance is a huge problem. Whilst I drive and love to drive, I do not want to be heading out on a Friday to meet Mr A and spend an hour and a half in my car before I get there.  Neither do I want to spend two hours on public transport just to go out for date night pizza.  In fact, my last several dates have been in about a 12 mile radius from my house for those very reasons – I am also pretty lazy and a creature of comforts….I want a relationship with someone who is close by so that when either of us is having a crappy day we can simply be there in ten minutes with a pick me up hug.  So for me personally dating way outside my postcode zone is just a no-no.  Currently Mr M is based about a 30 minute commute and we can be warm and cosy and meet for midweek cuddles, it’s not a grand tour for either of to see each other and that works just fine.

Could I honestly see myself dating Mr G in Cardiff or Mr X in Leeds….nope.  I’ve done both and it is not only exhausting on the bank account it’s pretty emotionally taxing too.  The other way to look at it is this.  If you spend 90 minutes driving to meet Mr X or Miss X and you get there and it’s the worst date ever (you know the one where you literally cannot wait for it to end) in reality you cannot walk out after ten minutes or have some sort of fake phone call from your bestie to rescue you because you’re too far away!! Once you’re there you are there for the night and that means you might drink more and end up doing the whole after dinner coffee thing!

 

giphy

Long distance relationships are challenging in many ways but if you really, really like someone maybe it is about putting in the extra effort to make them realise they are the one for you.  Finding a soulmate today is not easy – nothing in life is and if you’re looking for someone whose values and goals align with yours and you really want to build a future with them then maybe just maybe you have to put yourself through the inconvenience.  Remember though it has to be a two-way street.

Honesty is key to any relationship but even more so for a long distance one.  If you have kids set your boundaries, be open and upfront about whether you’d relocate or not, if you have family who depend on you then make this known – in general what may seem like hurdles may not be an issue to the other party but they or you cannot make an informed decision if you do not communicate your relationship deal breakers.

If you’re making the effort then so should the other person in the relationship – otherwise, you really are flogging a dead horse and you shouldn’t have to sell yourself.  If someone doesn’t want to put themselves out for you then listen to your gut…the right person will travel to get to know you and meet you and if the relationship is right you’ll find a common ground to build a future on.

Recent studies showed that on average Brits are prepared to travel an average of 400 miles to meet Mr or Miss Right…yes really, we clearly are a committed bunch and men were inclined to travel an extra 22 miles to find the perfect woman. So whether you are online dating in Birmingham or living in London and wanting to expand your dating circle maybe its worth broadening your horizons to see what lies a little further afield.

Have you ever had a man or woman tell you that you live too far away? How have you handled it? Have you made a long distance relationship work?  Please share your comments and tips below.

long-distance-relationships

 

Are we dating in the dark ages?

The following headline jumped out at me today whilst catching up on social media on last night’s episode of First Dates.  Instantly it had got my back up:-

Is your CAREER holding back your love life? Dating app reveals which jobs are considered the ‘sexiest’ for women and men…’

Before you check your calendar the year is still 2016 and we haven’t reverted back to 1816 (although from reading the full article on the Daily Mail website you would think we have).

I couldn’t believe that we were all really this shallow in the 21st century when looking for love. Had we forgotten about the art of romance and instead become wooed by the size of a date’s bank account?

couple in love

I think I read the article with my mouth agape, which wasn’t the most pleasant for my work colleagues, but I couldn’t actually believe what I was reading.  Apparently a leading US dating app had analysed the profiles of 1.5 million of its users and claims that job titles can have a dramatic impact on people’s love lives as data shows how professions can affect likeability.

According to the survey the ‘sexiest’ professions for women were flight attendants, speech therapists and a product manager (nothing like a bit of stereotyping).  For men it didn’t get much better with the top three most ‘desirable’ professions being a doctor, psychiatrist or a lawyer!

Now it’s not difficult to spot that the male jobs are high salary, professional executive roles which is somewhat worrying as it would imply that females choose our dates based on earning potential / potential for gifts.  

As an independent woman in her late 30’s this shocked me as I really thought we were beyond the materialistic aspect of who to choose for your date.  However, upon surveying a small sample of female friends on whether certain jobs would entice or put them off a potential lover it appeared that job title was the one box all of them would look at first.

A friend of mine bluntly put it ‘there’s no way I could date the  £10 an hour pizza delivery guy when my £200 a session psychiatrist is a much better option – just think about it, you’d get awful cheap bottles of prosecco on a Friday instead of a good bottle of rose LP.”  

I hang my head in my hands.  Really – females of society – have we resorted to this in order to find our perfect date?

Ironically the men I asked weren’t much better with at least a dozen quite happy to reinforce the ‘sexy secretary’ myth or the fantasy of joining the mile high club with an air stewardess.

online-dating-profile

This begs the question, in the world of online dating how many of us actually put our real job title in our online dating profiles?  When I tried online dating a few years back I put as my job title ‘Entrepreneur and Business Owner’, after all this was what I was.  The number of high flying corporate men who approached me was phenomenal – yet for one guy who was a self employed plumber I was deemed too ‘ambitious and driven’ and he actually commented that he was threatened by my job status.

Curious.

Surely, for those of us looking to find a long term partner one of the most attractive things about a person is their desire to better themselves and grow, and our careers are the way that we do this.  Anyone with any form of gainful employment surely is an attractive option because they are showing independence and commitment for a job even if they really really hate it!  

Me personally, I am far more likely to date an employed individual (it doesn’t bother me what they do) than an unemployed individual.  

Why?  Simply because if a person is unemployed it says so much to me about how they value themselves.  There are thousands of jobs available, and they might not be what you want but they are there.  It is better to have any job than to have no job at all.

So whether it’s the pizza delivery guy on a Wednesday or my personal trainer on a Friday if either of them ask me out on a date over Christmas I would quite happily say yes!

white-home-decoration-candles

Have you had other online daters hit on you because or your job description on your profile? Or perhaps you have had potential dates fizz out when your job doesn’t meet your date’s expectations?  We’d love to hear from you.

Festive Date Suggestions for Christmas Time

coffee cup in the snow

Let’s be honest now. Christmas time is one of those times of the year when you dream of a romantic Christmas like in the movies. You want to be the couple who go ice-skating hand in hand while snowflakes gently fall around you, you want to walk around Christmas markets sharing sweet treats and getting tipsy on mulled wine, you want to take long walks across frosted landscapes and then find a roaring fire to cuddle up in front of together.

Whether you are 25 to 95, we’re all secretly hoping for a little magic at this time of year but sometimes we all need a helping hand in creating the right backdrop. At Plenty More Fish we love finding fun ideas for alternative dates and we’ve come up with some fabulous ones around the UK. So find yourself some mistletoe and get ready to pucker up!

Unleash Your Creative Talents – if you’re in or around Manchester have a go at making each other a really special and heartfelt Christmas gift at one of the Winter Workshops which run right up to the 23rd December. A great way to work together and use your hands (in a Ghost pottery style) and make a gift for one another that will be something you remember for years.

Night at the Museum – No matter how confident you feel on a ice-skating rink (I am more Bambi on ice than Jane Torvill) – you must visit the National History Museum ice rink. It is a seriously romantic place for a winter Christmas date – with sparkling garlands and trees wrapped in shiny fairy lights all around you, there’s also a huge enchanting Christmas tree in the middle of the skating rink. We suggest that you pretend you need to hold tight to your date – oh you really can’t skate? With live music every Thursday you can skate and dance the night away in each other’s arms.

christmas date ideas London

Travel Europe (without leaving Edinburgh) – Scotland is beautiful at Christmas time and Edinburgh is one of my favourite cities. If you fancy taking your date on a European extravaganza the traditional and romantic Christmas Market in the heart of the City of Edinburgh offers a unique shopping experience for every visitor with its fair of crafters, artists, gift shops and gastronomic surprises. Get into the Christmas spirit!

The Ultimate in Sophistication – if you want to wow your date with something a little sophisticated we would recommend heading to the ‘Forest on the roof,’ an enchanting Alpine chalet-style restaurant and bar right on top of the huge Selfridges store. Hot chocolate bar choices will be a perfect start for a chilly night (who doesn’t love chocolate tasting kisses?!) Who knows, maybe this time next year you’ll be heading to the real Alps with your perfect someone.

Christmas dating suggestions

A Little Cabin in the Woods – what could make a more magical date than an enchanting gingerbread cottage packed to the rafters with cosy sofas and warm blankets for the ultimate cuddle fest! If you are a fan of a Gordon Ramsay cuisine and crazy for Christmas, pay a visit to the enchanting York and Albany Gingerbread Cabin in London. Yes, that’s right. The cozy décor and wonderfully built winter cabin have walls good enough to eat. Just remember that feeling the ‘hygge’ (creating warm and cosy moments) makes people open up so it could be the perfect place to take your date to the next level.

the-gingerbread-cabin-london

Head out into the wilds – one of the best things about the winter is those really frosty, bright, cold days. They make everywhere look like something out of a fairytale. So take advantage of what is around you, pack up a picnic (think cosy festive foods like a flask of mulled wine, door-stop sandwiches packed with turkey stuffing and cranberry, delicious rich mince pies) and take your date to the great outdoors. A stroll around a country park, a historical property or a nature trail allows the two of you to spend some quality time away from everyone else and is a lovely romantic gesture. Just imagine, if it snows how magical it would be with tiny snowflakes falling as you share a private kiss.

Kissing in the snow

Do you know of any other festive date-venues over Christmas for a little date magic?

Plenty More Silver Fish Success Stories

Sam & Jacqui – October 2016

pmfsilversuccess

“I contacted Jacqui because you advised me of a perfect match.
Our profile was the first attraction.
The first date was at Pitlochrie.
We kissed on the second date at Callander.
We have been with each other nearly every day since.
Plenty laughter in the relationship but no stories to share yet
We hope to travel and have a long and happy future together

Thanks again
Regards
Sam & Jacqui”

Congratulations, to Sam & Jaqui who were matched together in our Silver Pond which specialises in dating for over 40’s.  We love to hear of a good online dating success story, so if you’ve had success using Plenty More Fish tweet us @plentymorefish.

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