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When your partner has a sexual fetish

A fetish is a sexual attraction to an object or material, whether that’s the thought of using it on somebody else or just the object itself. There are plenty of fabulous fetishes out there, and it’s likely you’ve bumped into a few people who had a fetish or two. Thanks to the internet and more a more progressive dating culture, fetishes are more widely discussed and shared. For some who have a fetish the worry whether or not to reveal their desires remains though. Many still fear that the person without the fetish, may not understand or reject them because of it.

So, what do you do if someone tells you they have a fetish?

If a person with a fetish tells you about their fetish, it’s important to remember that they’re quite clearly comfortable enough with you to be open and honest about their personal sexual attractions, which is amazing. So before making a run for it, talk to your date about the fetish itself. Giving them the opportunity to share its significance, the role it place in expressing their sexuality and satisfaction, can turn what may be weird at first into something deeply intimate. Sometimes, we hear fetish and panic thinking that they’re all extreme and it can make you feel uncomfortable when it’s no reason to.

If, after you’ve had the conversation, you’re still not keen on the idea or the fetish is a dealbreaker for you, then it may be time to part ways. As harsh as it sounds, ultimately, you are doing both of you a favour since both of you desire something the other one can’t give, so it’s better to call it quits instead of trying to supress who you are and the needs you have

If are ready to give it a try and you want to incorporate it into the bedroom make sure you’re both ready to do so. Just because someone has opened up to you about their sexual attractions, it may not mean they want to try it straight away. They may still be nervous that it will push you away. Some fetishes may not be so straight forward, so go slow. Afterwards, make sure you talk to your partner about how they felt during sex, whether they enjoyed it or not and whether they’d be open to trying it again.

Not liking your partners fetishes is completely normal, not everyone likes to experiment in the bedroom and particularly when it’s something they may not completely understand. Some relationships carry on completely normal, but if your partner proceeds to make you feel uncomfortable about having a fetish or vice versa, then it might be worth looking at the value of your relationship. There is a difference between not liking something and demeaning someone for having those fetishes.

Are you looking to explore more in the bedroom? Then head over to our Naughty Pond to find like-minded singles.

Dealing with jealousy in your relationship

We all experience jealousy one way or another. Whether that’s in a relationship, between our friends or maybe even towards a co-worker.  Jealousy is a normal feeling but unless it is understood for what it is and dealt with in a healthy way, it can have a destructive effect on our relationships. So, we’ve put together a list of tips to help you deal with the green-eyed monster in a healthy and mature way.

Be supportive of each other’s feelings

As with most things, communication is key. Letting your partner know what situations make you feel uncomfortable and insecure can help you feel more secure and understood. Express how it makes you feel without the need for jealous fits or drama. Get your point across factually and speak from your perspective rather than accusing them of something for which you have no proof. Your partner may think nothing of it when they are texting that co-worker so go easy on them and give them the benefit of the doubt. And if the roles are reversed, it’s time to listen to your partner and try to understand their perspective. Could you be more sensitive to how your behaviour makes them feel?  

Know that jealousy in small doses is normal

No matter how full of love and loyalty your partner is, it is still ok to communicate when we feel that jealous twinge. It isn’t a bad signs but shows that you still care about the relationship and that the thought of your partner being with somebody else makes you feel a bit queasy.

Check your expectations

We all have expectations of a relationship; loyalty and honesty are top of the list for many. Sometimes though, our expectations are unhealthy and set you up for bouts of jealousy. Not allowing your partner to see their friend, because he/she is of the opposite sex, is one of those. The key with expectations and rules is that they are communicated clearly and fully.

Look at your toxic habits

Sometimes we set ourselves up to experience these negative emotions, maybe it’s because we believe it’s too good to be true or maybe we simply don’t trust them for some other reason. So, we get ourselves into toxic habits of checking their phone whilst they’re in the shower, or sneakily checking out their ex on social media. These things aren’t going to help you, no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you’ll ‘feel better’ after. You might get a feeling of relief which will last half hour, but you’ll soon find yourself doing it more often and feeling more anxious and jealous. Ultimately, these ways of dealing with jealousy will only push your partner away.

Recognise that if something was to happen, you will be okay

Heartbreak and jealousy can be hard to deal with and no matter how jealous you are in a relationship, know that it will not prevent your partner from doing anything silly or disloyal like sliding into someone else’s dm’s or going for drinks with a co-worker. Trust is a huge part of any relationship but getting comfortable with the fact that a broken heart will not end you, is the first step to dealing with jealousy.

Communicating with your partner about your worries and making sure that this feeling doesn’t take over is so important for a healthy relationship. The more you communicate, the more likely your partner will be able to look out for things that may trigger your feelings jealousy at times and the more reassured you will feel.

If you’re ready to find love, check out fellow singles on Plentymorefish.

How to become a pro cowgirl😉

“Do you want to get on top?” The question some women dread to hear. You were having a great time but now you’re just worrying about how you look or how you’re moving. It’s not always as easy as it looks, as much as you all want to channel your inner cowgirl sometimes a little guidance might help, so we’ve put a list of tips and tricks together that may help you out in your next rodeo.

First things first, being on top gives you a lot more control than you realise, you control the speed, angles, the intensity, and you also set the rhythm so it’s easier to stick to something that feels good for you.

Don’t go too fast

It’s not about speed. Great sex is about rhythm and motion, so if you don’t feel in sync with your partner then to try to reconnect with them. If you’re moving too fast, it can be more difficult for your partner to keep up and you fall out of rhythm with each other. You’ll also tire out much faster – take it slow and savour it.

Tie your hair up

You’ve probably heard someone say, ‘she means business’ after you tie your hair up. That’s because you really do. It can get steamy and sweaty during your time in the bedroom and the last thing you want to happen is for your hair to get caught or stuck to your face or neck and annoy you. It’s also ready for the cowboy to give it a little tug or pull.

Talk dirty

Get close and personal with your partner, try whispering something dirty in their ear and see how much it turns you on. Just let go and be in the heat of the moment, letting your imagination run wild.

The Coconut Trick

According to the web spelling out the word coconut using your hips is the most exciting way to go ride your naughty bronco. Going at a medium pace and allowing you and your partner feel each letter can leave you and your partner wanting more.

Don’t jump between motions quickly

You might be excited to try all of the different motions you can think of, or maybe you’re just bored of the one you’re doing already but try not to swap and change the motions too much, it can be difficult for you and your partner to be in sync and connect with each other.

Are you wanting to try out these tips and tricks? 😉 Head over to our Naughty Pond to find fellow singles ready to have some fun.

How to reject someone (kindly)

Let’s be honest, rejecting someone is awkward. You’re not sure what to say without causing offence and you don’t want to leave them confused or thinking something is wrong with them. Being rejected isn’t a nice feeling, so it’s important that we do it properly with as much damage control as possible. We’ve put together a list of tips when it comes to how to reject someone nicely, so next time you’re being approached by someone who doesn’t tickle your fancy just remember these tips.

Focus on your needs

Let them know that you don’t think that your needs are being met. Being open and honest about it allows them to realise that the issue isn’t necessarily anything to do with them but about compatibility. Mention that you hope they find someone more fitting to what they’d want.

Don’t leave them in the unknown

The last thing you want to do is leave the other person confused about why you’re not responding or you’re pushing back the date for the 3rd time. Make it easier on them and let them know where you’re at and why you’re no longer interested.

Be clear with them, if you don’t think they’re the right person for you then make sure they know that so that you’re not giving off the message to wait around until you’re ready for a relationship etc.

Talk about your chemistry

When we meet somebody, we all want to experience that ‘spark’ or ‘click’. Knowing we have both emotional and sexual chemistry with the other person makes for a great relationship, but when one or both are missing it can make it difficult to want to say yes to the next date without fearing you’re leading the other one on. So be honest, tell them you’re great but I don’t feel like we have chemistry and that’s important to me. It’s a swift and kind way of doing it, and they can’t argue about the things that you don’t feel.

Accept that it’ll probably hurt them

Let’s be honest, being rejected by a crush feels painful, especially if you’ve been on a date with them and you feel like there is potential. Unfortunately, you cannot help this happening, it’s best to be kind and clear. Picture it as if you’re the one that’s being rejected and tell them as nicely as you’d like to be told.

Although our tips have generally talk about being open and honest with the other person about your needs and why you’re not interested, remember that you don’t owe anyone a detailed justification. Just let them know you’re not interested, and you don’t want to take it any further. It’s not harsh, it’s just direct and clear.

If you’re in search of some fellow singles ready for commitment, then head over to Plentymorefish.

How to feel more ‘in the moment’ during sex

It’s not unusual to hear that many people feel they aren’t entirely in the moment during their sexcapades. A study by Ferly (a sexual wellness app) found that 92% of women don’t feel present during sex meaning yes, it is a common experience and no, there’s nothing wrong with you. 

It’s no surprise that we all get so easily distracted during sex, we have things like phones that ping with every notification leaving you wondering who texted you or what meme your best friend tagged you in this time. Not only this, but we all have over-active minds consumed by work, relationships, family and what we’re going to eat for dinner tomorrow night. But thinking about something else can completely knock you off course for a pleasurable experience. What was meant to be a fun 30 minutes upstairs, can instead be taken over by our endless mind chatter. 

It’s not only our thoughts that can be our worst enemy in the bedroom, ideas of how we’re perceived by our partners can also be distracting. Do I look sexy enough? Am I shaven/not shaven enough for their liking? I’m sure you’ve found yourself wondering about something to do with your appearance at one point during sex. If so, you’ll know how distracting and insecure it can feel at times. 

Feeling more present during sex is so important to having a pleasurable experience, any distractions and you can most possibly count out the probability of having an orgasm unless you get your head back into the (bed)room. Next time try these quick tips: 

A digital detox

Hide your phone away from the bedroom, leave it downstairs on the sofa or put away on silent in your bedside table. This way you’ll find that when your phone buzzes you won’t even know, and you can worry about responding to the WhatsApp group chat after. The more you do this, the more you’ll allow yourself to fully be present during sex.

Focus on touch 

When you feel yourself getting distracted, bring yourself back to what you feel. Focusing on how YOU feel is so essential to derive pleasure from sex. If it helps close your eyes and just concentrate on the feeling. Then bring back all the senses individually, listening to what your partner is whispering in your ear, start talking dirty and you’ll find by this point any distractions have disappeared. 

Make eye contact

If you’re feeling that focusing on solely how you feel is not working, then try making eye contact with your partner. This can help to create a connection and to be honest, eye contact is pretty sexy as it is. 

Make requests. 

Asking for what you want during sex is a great way to keep your mind in the game. Don’t focus on what your partner isn’t doing, instead focus on what would make you feel better. If you look at it that way then you’ll find yourself searching more for the pleasurable feeling than the disappointing feeling, and by searching for a pleasurable feeling you’re less likely to get distracted. 

Sexy time can change and differ, sometimes you may find you are completely excited by them, and you lose track of time and other times you may just pray and think of England, praying for it to be over soon.

Above all try to have fun and you’ll soon feel yourself relaxing and enjoying the experience.

If you’re looking for fun, sexy singles to help warm up your bed then check out the Naughty Pond. It might just be your lucky day😉

Setting boundaries in relationships

Setting boundaries can be difficult, it can be a bit of a struggle to know where to start or even what classes as a ‘boundary’. Often, we think if we say “no” then we risk losing part of the relationship or even friendship. But putting boundaries into place is a way normal and healthy way of protecting ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Having that discussion about boundaries can feel awkward or you may not know what to say, particularly if the relationship game is new to you, here are a few pointers to think about when starting a new relationship.

Be honest about what you need

In a new relationship everything is rosy, and you probably think you don’t need much from your partner because you just enjoy the time you spend with them. But you need to think further down the line, if this relationship has the potential to be serious then you need to think about what you want from your partner. From being open about their feelings to not leaving towels on the bathroom floor.

You need to get clear with yourself what you’re comfortable and not comfortable with, and then be able to communicate that to your partner, so they know exactly what to expect and how to meet your needs and expectations.

Listen to what your partner needs

After you’ve had your say about what you want from the relationship, listen to what your partner needs and we don’t mean just listen to respond, or to shake it off. But really listen. Listen and then think what you can do to meet those needs.

Designate when you need space

In the beginning of a relationship, you may want to be around your person as much as you can. Even trips to Tesco are fun when your partner is coming along. But if you’re finding that spending a lot of time together is getting a bit too much for you, then ask for space. The last thing you want to happen is you getting irritated because you feel like you see no one but your partner, so be honest and take time away from each other.

Communicate what you can tolerate

Knowing what you can tolerate is particularly important to prevent those arguments which can crop up. When talking about what you can tolerate, we mean not just those times your partner walks past the dirty plates and doesn’t wash them up. But particularly emotionally, we all get affected differently by actions and as a result how we react may differ. So, it’s important to let your partner know if you’re sensitive to being lied to, shouted at, silenced etc.

You should be able to communicate anything in your relationship but it’s also the way it’s communicated which is important. Try to remember to not expect a person to simply know what you need or can tolerate, it’s always best to be up front.

Communication is vital in a relationship and for it to work you need to remember that, however much we’d like them to read our minds, they just can’t. 

If you’re ready to venture into the world of dating, Plentymorefish can help you along the way. Join now to find fellow singles looking for love.

Your Sexy Christmas Gift Guide

Are you last minute buying ready for Christmas, and you still have no idea what to get your partner? Why not try something different which is sure to excite them. We’ve put together a few items for inspiration which you can be sure will brighten up their Christmas morning (it’s probably best to keep these presents between you both😉). There are a range of items for different budgets, whether you want to really spoil them or keep this little present as a Christmas surprise. 

Lovehoney Board Game 

Lovehoney have a few board games which range from £9.99 to £32.99. ‘After Dark’ is their most expensive product but it makes a great date night activity. There are a variety of actions you need to complete and questions to answer, so it’s a great way to create a steamy atmosphere and find out more about each other. 

If you’re looking for a cheaper option, ‘Sex!!!’ is a great game which gets straight to the point. It’s a foreplay and sexplay board game which again can be used at the end of date night. 

Sex!!! Board Game, , hi-res

Make bath time sexy 

If your partner is one to enjoy a nice bath and even more so, when you join them. Why not treat them to some bath time products. Lovehoney sell a variety of products varying from your Sexbombs 😉 to your bubble soaks and rose petals infused with scents to liven up your sexual desires.  

Sexbombs infused with Pheromone are created to arouse and relax you, prices at £7.99 it could make a great stocking filler for a lover or even for yourself this Christmas. 

They also have their Apothecary range Bubble Bath, this collection is designed to sensually excite you with its scent, so you can be sure that the bathroom won’t be the only thing that’s getting steamy. 

Adult Advent Calendars

These aren’t the kind you can pop to Tesco for, but they’re definitely a present that is filled with surprises. There are plenty of different advent calendars out there, but if you’re looking to splash a little more cash, Ann Summers have a 12 Nights of Indulgence product. 

This gift is perfect for your girlfriend, wife, female lover or even a friend. It has a variety of products, varying from sex toys to scents and sex position cards. It’s the perfect gift to get your partner excited on the run up to Christmas, in more ways than one. 

Bondage Kits

If you want to take your relationship to the next level in the bedroom, then bondage kits are something you may want to invest in if you’ve had the conversation with your partner already. There are some basic kits out there to get you started and exploring, they range in prices and items depending on whether you want to venture outside of handcuffs or you’re comfortable using just those. 

Why not check out our Beginner’s Guide to BDSM whilst you’re at, you’ll find more information on bondage, making you a pro before you’ve even started. 

There are a wide variety of gifts you can get your partner to spice up the bedroom. Check out websites like Ann Summers and Lovehoney to find some great steals which you can get just in time for Christmas. 

If you’re looking for fellow singles to get down and dirty in some no-strings attached sex, then head over to our Naughty Pond

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What to do if your date is ‘keeping their options open’

We’ve all experienced the grey area of a relationship one way or another. Your date isn’t being totally communicative about what page they’re on, or maybe they have, and they’ve made it pretty clear they’re not ready for commitment but are still putting dates in the diary for dinners at your favourite restaurant. It can be confusing; do you stay in hopes they’ll change their mind a few more months down the line? Or do you hop off that train to find someone who is heading in towards the same destination as you – commitment.

What do you want from this situation?

Commitment is a big deal. It shouldn’t be something you just settle for because it’s the easiest option or because you feel better having someone in your life. By choosing that one person, the other opportunities to bump into someone at bars or whilst you’re commuting to work disappear. No, it’s not a commitment to walk down the aisle but you should take the time to figure out what you’re committing to before making the jump.

If you only want to date one person at a time, then be clear with yourself (and the other person) and establish that boundary before you step into the dating world. Don’t feel pressured to extend your dating circle because your date’s style includes a few more people than you’re used to. Compromising on the type of relationship you want is the last thing you want to be doing, inevitably it will bring up feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and instability within the relationship.

If you want more, don’t assume you can change what they want and can convince them that commitment is the way forward. Take their word for it, and don’t believe they just need a ‘gentle push’. Same goes for those that avoid the ‘what are we?’ questions after a few months of dating, their inability to communicate is probably a sign the relationship status isn’t going to level up.

From here, you need to switch the focus to you. Decide what is right for you and will make you happy. Whether that’s taking a complete step back to honour what you want and to find one person who wants the same things and give it your all. Or you could give your date 50% instead of 100%. This means the focus switches from them and onto to other factors in your life that make you feel fulfilled and happy, and most importantly give you value. It could be as simple as going out with friends, doing activities you enjoy, gaining some independence or even venturing out into the world of dating some more and increasing your dating circle.

The real answer to the question ‘What do I do?’ is that no one can tell you, there’s no rule book or guide to dating. It’s about being honest with yourself and your feelings. You can still date and have a bit of fun without commitment, just make sure you’re both on the same page first.

If you’re wanting to explore the world of dating, then join Plentymorefish and get connecting with like-minded singles looking for love. 

4 proven ways to get over rejection

Rejection. We’ve all felt it, whether that’s from a relationship, a job or a friend. We’ve all been there. But rejection in love hurts, it can be ruthless in destroying self-confidence and sometimes hard to bounce back from. Even the likes of Brad Pitt and Zac Efron have probably felt rejection in their life. Some people get up and bounce back and some it consumes. So to help you bounce back, we’ve put together 4 ways of getting over rejection.

First, let’s scratch the word ‘rejection’

It’s important to remember that the person who rejected made a choice against you and not because of you. 90% of the time, it’s actually because of their own state of mind and desires rather than you personally. When you think of it as them and not you, you realise it’s not your burden to deal with and you shouldn’t have to cope with it. Essentially, view it as happening for you, not to you. As many people say, ‘It’s a blessing in disguise’.

Surround yourself with people who make you feel valued

Being rejected can be a bit of a dampener on the ego and may have us doubting our own self-worth. Rejection ultimately unsettles our need to belong.  That’s why it’s important to spend time with people who make you feel loved and valued, whether that’s simply going for a walk or grabbing a bite to eat. Hanging out with a friend who accepts and values you will remind you that you’re valued. Opening up actually really helps with coping with rejection and can be a saving grace, whether that’s simply to vent about the situation or having a reassuring pep talk.

Be Thankful

As Ariana Grande once said, “Thank You, Next” and this is exactly the attitude you want to have. Those that reject you are helping you figure out more information about what you want and don’t want from a partner and are even helping you learn more about yourself, whether that’s how to be more resilient or develop the sensitive side of yourself, every partner is there to teach you a lesson.

A good way to look at it is that every rejection is just you being freed up for the right person. It’s true when they say, ‘you have to kiss some frogs before finding your person’.

Make a list of everything that makes you great

For those that struggle, try giving yourself a compliment. If this is too hard for you to do right now, ask a friend to tell you what they love about you so they can remind you how great you are. By making a list of things that make you a great person, you’re helping to boost your self-esteem and in turn curb any negative self-talk. It’s essentially a way of affirming our own worth and not letting rejection dampen our confidence.

If you’re finding yourself wanting to get back out there and delve into the world of dating, check out Plentymorefish to find your match.

How to make sex last longer

Whilst quickies can be exciting and get steamy, there’s a chance you don’t want every sexcapade to be over in just a couple of minutes. For the most part, sex is to be enjoyed without having to worry about time limits or being interrupted and to get the absolute most enjoyment out of every session. We’ve put a list of tips and tricks together that could help you add a few more minutes in the bedroom.

1. Condoms

Practicing safe sex is a non-negotiable and using condoms not only keep you safe but they are said to make you last longer. Double bonus! They decrease sensitivity, so it’s recommended if you’re wanting to prolong it even further then you should use the thicker condoms.

2. Reduce Stimulation

Stimulation plays a part in bringing your body to orgasm, even if it is just a little tease before the main event. It might be smart to try desensitising gels or delay lube, to help prolong the feeling even more. You could also turn the focus to stimulating your partner so that you last longer, it’s a win-win situation.

3. Try a new location

Sometimes we get stuck in a rut when it comes to getting busy in the sheets, particularly if we’re always in the same location i.e., le boudoir. By switching up, you trick your mind out of autopilot and into novelty mode which will increase pleasure as novelty can be a huge turn on.

4. Put aside time for UNINTERRUPTED sex

We’re not saying that sex must be spontaneous to last longer but making sure there’s time for both you and your partner to get comfortable and excited is important. The last thing you want to be doing is rushing the experience so you can get to work in time for your meeting. This also means setting time aside where you know your phone can be on ‘do not disturb’ and you won’t be worrying about the calls or emails flooding in.

5.  Spend more time on foreplay

Whilst foreplay may make the intercourse part shorter, it will extend the sex session as a whole and will help you both in feeling satisfied and, as they say, it’s always good to do a warm-up before any type of workout 😉.

If you’re ready to find a fellow sexy single to explore with, then head over to the Naughty Pond.

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