Archive | Dating & Dating Advice RSS for this section

Busiest day of the year for online dating

The mantra of ‘new year, new you’ and all that is well and truly in the front of everyone’s minds as we head back to work this week following the Christmas break.  One look at your Facebook feed and there is a plethora of ‘resolution’ themed memes promising good intentions.

new-years-resolutions

So many of us set ourselves targets for January, and those of us looking for love are no different – and according to research the 3rd January is THE busiest day of the year for online dating websites and apps.  As us lust longing Brits head back to work, research has shown that dating sites are expecting a 37 percent hike in activity as millions log on hoping to find new romances for 2017.

busiest-day-of-the-year-online-dating

Whilst some of us may be entering 2017 newly single after relationships ran their course and ended up single before the holidays. Others may well have hung in there until New Year’s and realised they were in a relationship that wouldn’t go the distance.  Then there are some singles who have made the decision after having another holiday alone that they’ll have a go at dating in an attempt to find their soul mate.

Whatever situation you find yourself in at the start of 2017 you’ll have plenty of choice to browse through as millions of new profiles hit the online dating websites, and with the average user trawling around 43 profiles when they log on it wouldn’t go amiss to set yourself a bit of a strategy to catch the eye of Mr or Miss Right.  So here are our top tips for standing out in the busy dating pond this January:-

  • Get a great photo – honestly, one showing you surrounded by your mates drinking and partying hard may seem like a good idea but remember you want someone to notice you not the social scene you’re into, or worse even fancy one of your mates!  Remember the adage ‘a picture paints a thousand words’?  Why not consider investing in someone to help you take a great profile photo so that you really stand out.
  • Challenge the stereotypes – ladies who says men have to make the first move? Be proactive and not reactive and if you see a guy you like strike up a conversation.  Pose a series of interesting first date questions that allow the two of you to see if there is common ground before moving to the next stage.
  • Be engaged – many of today’s dating sites have a whole host of extra features that you can access as part of their membership structure.  Opting to pay for a level of membership with access to these features can work in your favour as generally people who shell out for online dating subscriptions are serious about finding a relationship.  You” have the chance to send more messages, get read receipts and send more photos allowing you make those matches quicker.

Whatever your relationships goals for 2017 the first part of it is dipping your toe into the water and seeing what happens.  With more of us than ever using dating websites as a way to meet new people around the UK,  January is the perfect time to try with so many other singletons also out there with the same agenda.

Looking for love in 2017?  We’d love to know what you look for or avoid in an online dating profile.

slate-love-heart

Writer’s block? Tips for the perfect dating bio

Whilst we may be a generation addicted to selfies and photos, it is safe to say that a well-written quality dating profile will help you stand out in the crowd and catch Mr or Miss Right.  The thing is we’re just not very good at selling ourselves, it isn’t in our nature to ‘brag’ about our plus points but in reality this is exactly what you need to do in the world of online dating.

tips for writing an online dating bio

Even if you’re not a budding wordsmith with a little thought and creativity you can create a knockout dating profile. Still need a guiding hand?  Our top tips below will prompt you in the right direction.

  • Keep it short and sweet.  Entice your date with just enough to peak their interest.
  • Kids in your photos. Always a risky one as parents tend to keep their kids off the internet. However, if you are a single parent most of your pictures will contain your kids so a quick disclaimer about who that kid in your photo belongs to are appreciated, but not necessary.
  • Funny is good. Witty is better.  Be original and don’t copy and paste from other profiles.
  • Please, no inspirational or insightful quotes. Online dating is not the platform to promote your views on mindfulness or inner peace.
  • Guys, please don’t put your height in your bio. Whilst there may be shallow girls out there that open with this question, most of us are better than that!

Regardless of whether you’re a young professional or one of the many over 40’s daters, making the right first impression is key and a good dating bio can be a great way to introduce yourself.

If you’re looking for a potential date what are the things you look for in a good profile?  We’d love for you to share with us your profile ‘deal breakers’. 

 

The big question not to ask on a first date

Believe it or not there is actually a question that is best left avoided when you head out on a first date.  When I tell you what it is it might actually surprise you, because it is not what you think and the topic for this week’s blog acts as a cautionary tale for all of us in the world of online dating.

questions not to ask on a date

I posed the following question to a guy friend of mine the other week who has been dipping his toe in the singles dating pond, ‘what’s the one question from women on a first date that really winds you up?’

His answer….. ‘When they ask me what I do for a job.’  

I looked at him eyebrows raised and somewhat quizzically and couldn’t understand why this seemingly innocent question was obviously like a poison apple.   So over a fantastic keralan chicken take out we discussed the reason why this question is seriously taboo on the dating circuit.

On further investigation, it transpired that there are in fact a whole plethora of questions that are more likely to sabotage a first date than to send you both off into the sunset in each other’s arms.  Between us, we came up with just some of the real situations below (and yes they are totally cringeworthy!);

  • How come you’re single?
  • What are your plans for the future?
  • What happened in your last relationship?
  • What is your ideal date?
  • Do you still speak to your ex?
  • Would you have sex on the first date?

My companion for the evening admitted on one first date the girl he met asked him if he had any ideas as to where their relationship was going.  He was so shocked by her forthrightness that he excused himself there and then because there was no chemistry at all on his part and she made it very clear she was in for the long haul.

As he put it to me…’there was no point flogging a dead horse and she’d only be really disappointed that I lied to her.’

The questions above might seem a really obvious dating faux pas to make, but just why is asking someone what they do for a job so wrong?  Well, in all honesty, it sends out the wrong signals.  

If your date replies with the answer that they have a high-powered executive job it may well lead to the assumption they are wealthy and in return implies that you are materialistic and motivated by money.  You may well be, and that’s your choice but as first impressions go it probably isn’t the one you want to make.  Your relationship should be based on personality, shared interests and chemistry not whether or not you wish to hire this person.  First dates are awkward enough without asking the above question – and does it really make a difference if he’s a labourer or a lawyer?  

young couple in love on a date

There’s a fine line between getting to know someone and digging a little too deep, so try to think before you speak.  When getting to know your date it is important to remember that there’s much more to us than our professions and lots of people don’t define themselves by their jobs at all.

If you really want to get to date number 2 then may I suggest you stay well away from asking the killer question above as well as some of the other bizarre options listed!

Have you been on a date lately where the questions have veered into the bizarre?  We’d love to hear your tales and pet peeves.

Photo credit: K.G.Hawes Question Mark? via photopin (license)

Little Lies vs Honesty

We all know the lyrics to the Fleetwood Mac Song ‘Little Lies’, a song about a relationship where one party chooses to believe the little lies rather than see the truth and change the situation.  An analogy that can often be applied to online dating profiles. Most of us have been on a date where when we meet some of the things written on their profile just don’t add up and it is obvious they’ve been a little more creative than they should be.

But why? What’s the point? 

Fact.  Online dating, whilst fun is also grueling on the soul.  In the busy pond of singles looking for love how on earth do you make your profile stand out against the hundreds of thousands of others hoping Cupid’s arrow will strike?  Surely by being a little more creative with your profile you’re showing flair and individualism?  Not quite.

The problem is that whilst creativity and flair would have got you top marks at school; when you’re looking for ‘the one’ you need to tell it how it is and be honest about your personality, what you are looking for and the traits you like or dislike.  Turning your dating profile into work of fiction is not the smartest move.

Honesty is the best policy

The dilemma most online daters go over in their head is that being honest will come back and bite them and can sometimes backfire. Try looking at it another way.  If you’ve been honest about yourself and what you’re looking for and a potential match takes umbrage with this were they really for you anyway?

Whether you’re a young singleton, an older dater or someone looking for a casual relationship it is important to write a profile that makes it clear what you want from a potential partner, what you are like as a person and your stand out personality traits.

Those of us in the category of ‘silver daters‘ should stay away from cliches such as ‘seeks companion’, ‘happy in own company’, ‘well settled in own ways’ – these would all indicate that friendship rather than a relationship is more important. Equally avoid phrases such as ‘light-hearted’, ‘funny’, ‘good sense of humour’ – after all, you’re looking for a meaningful relationship not a daily dose of the comedy club.

Words matter

red-love-heart-typography

Choosing the right words is key to a good dating profile

Words are vital when writing your online dating profile. The wrong ones can be an instant turn off and the right ones could bag you the perfect date.  So what are the key ‘trigger words’ that make a standout profile?

Not surprisingly men look for women with words like ‘ambitious’ and ‘confident’ in their profile and women look for male profiles with the words ‘intelligent’ and ‘sincere’. The more positive descriptions you can use the better.  For the female daters amongst us try incorporating words such as ‘hard working’, ‘thoughtful’, ‘motivated’ and ‘compassionate’. For the male daters build your profile using ‘spontaneous’, ‘outgoing’ and ‘perceptive’.

Sweet seduction

An honest well thought and well-written profile will trigger a natural emotional response from a potential date.  Whilst you might want to be a little creative and go into your love of traveling and a passion for cats these are not the facts that are going to get your profile grabbing the attention of Mr or Mrs Right!

online dating profile advice

Feeling inspired to try out online dating? Then way not give www.plentymorefish.com a try?

First Date Etiquette

You have secured your first date and you want to make sure it all goes swimmingly. It’s a confusing time to date nowadays and there’s a lot of conflicting information out there, so it’s understandable if you feel a little nervous. To help you navigate the rapids of the dating river, we’ve compiled a list of etiquette pointers for you to bear in mind for your first meeting with your date:

1. The Queen Vic
Choosing the wrong venue can really set you off to a bad start. Surveys suggest that the majority of singles would prefer their first date to be drinks at a bar. That said, you shouldn’t take your date to your local, where you are likely to be greeted by friends, or worse, the ex. No matter how sociable your date is, you are meeting him/her to get to know them, so give them your undivided attention. Choose a neutral venue like a wine bar.

2. First Date Fashion
We all know how important first impressions are and the way you dress says more about you than you may realise. You may think that a distressed pair of jeans and your vintage T-Shirt make you look oh so sexy, but this look is likely to get you kicked to the curb quicker than you can say Hipster. Gents, think job interview without the suit. Remember to shower, shave and go easy on the smellies.

As for the ladies, the key word here is lady. Choose an elegant but understated outfit which will flatter your figure and use makeup to accentuate your face, but keep it natural. Men prefer natural looking women, who are confident rather than caked (in makeup).

3. Bad Manners
I’m not referring to the ska band here. It’s a quintessential British tradition to be well mannered and polite. Good manners will never go out of fashion and no one has ever complained about them. Remember what your mum taught you and you will be fine. And gents, it’s okay to hold a door open for your date or help her into her chair.

4. Vampire Vendetta
The fettuccine alla scampi e aglio (or pasta with garlic prawns to you and me) are out of bounds, unless a) your date has the same or b) your intention is to repel him or her from giving you a good night smooch. In which case – Buon Appetito!

Oh, and another word of advice here. If you are prone to clumsiness, stay clear of potentially messy meals. I once dropped my spoon into my soup and spend the rest of the date with a napkin round my neck covering the stains on my white top. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

5. Dutch Dilemma
This is the one issue that gives most people a headache. So let me make this easy for you. There is an unspoken expectation among women for a man to pay on the first date. However, some may prefer to go dutch. So gents, to make sure you are covering all bases, simply ask her if she would be offended when you pay. This way you are considerate and you give her an opportunity to decline, in case she’s really opposed to it. Sorted.

6. So Call Me Maybe
To be honest with you, this waiting around for 3 to 4 days after a date malarky annoys me. What is wrong with letting your date know (that night or the next morning) that you had a great time and that you hope to repeat it soon? You are interested in him or her, right? So, show it. (Editorial disclaimer: If you intend to see the person again, refrain from declarations of your undying love for a little while longer.)

Equally, let the other person down easily if you don’t feel that way and allow them to move on rather than holding onto a false sense of hope. Be respectful, thank them for a nice date and tell them the connection you’d hoped for just wasn’t there. There’s plenty more fish in the sea.

Do you have any tips for our members for their first date? Or a funny first date story to tell us? Leave us a comment or send me an email!

Failure to Launch

For years, I went on date after date. Some of these dates turned into relationships, but none of them lasted more than a few months. I’d describe myself as your average girl next door, fairly pretty, reasonably funny, independent and with a healthy social life. So why wasn’t I connecting with any of these men? We got on really well, often had many things in common, but somehow I always ended up single again. What was I doing wrong? I decided to do go all Sigmund Freud on myself and started to analyse my most recent (and what I would consider more serious) relationships. I really wanted to know why these relationships never went anywhere.

Date No 1 – Eric

Eric and I had so many things in common, he could have been a male carbon copy of myself. We both loved photography, the outdoors and shared the same taste in music. We could talk for hours about our favourite bands, artists and places. We had so much fun together, so I didn’t put much weight on our sex life being on the snooze end of the sex scale but honestly, we simply had no chemistry in the boudoir. Looking back I am not surprised we stopped seeing each other and I’m glad Eric was brave enough to end it. Had he not done so, we may have ended up settling for something that just wasn’t right.

Date No 2 – Mark

The relationship with Mark was the polar opposite to the one with Eric. Mark and I enjoyed many steamy, sweaty and exhilarating romps, but our conversations resembled short awkward mumbles of teenagers at their first school disco. We didn’t have anything in common and frequently argued about trivial things, only to end up in bed again. I have to admit I had felt a great sense of relief when he stopped calling me, thereby ending our sexventure.

Date No 3 – David

David and I met at my weekly yoga class. We got talking, spend many afternoons putting the world to right over our soy lattes. It was evident we had great connection on a spiritual level, yet just like Eric before, we didn’t click in bed. We cuddled, snuggled and tried often, yet it was all too clinical. We soon parted ways as a couple but remain great friends to this day. Looking back, David was only ever going to be a mate but I didn’t want to see it at the time.

So, what do all these relationships, or more importantly their failures, have in common? I had connected on an intellectual level, on a physical level and on a spiritual level yet somehow, I finally realised, I never connected with any of these men on an emotional level. I guess, I never really wanted to in the first place because I was afraid I was going to get hurt again.

As soon as I had realised this, things started to change for me. Suddenly I was no longer afraid to say how I felt, what I liked and what I didn’t like in a relationship. I felt confident asserting myself in my relationships, without drama or judgement and before I knew, I had made a connection. With a man. My man. Michael and I have now been together for 5 years and we couldn’t be happier. I asked him the other day what had made him fall in love with me in the first place and he simply said: “You showed me your heart.”

I guess the moral of the story is, if you hide your true self from the world, you also hide yourself from your true love.

Have you been struggling to connect to men in the past? What do you think is holding you back?

Struggling with rejection?

broken heart

Every person has experienced the pain of rejection at some point in their life. When you have opened up to someone and given them your trust, it makes you vulnerable and open to hurt. Dating new people comes with the risk of being rejected and that can be very upsetting.

The trouble is that unless you open up, you close yourself off from forming a real connection with someone. So if you are someone who has trust issues, what I’m about to say might sound crazy and you might reject me for saying it. But here goes:

Rejection is good for you.

Huh? Yes, you read that right.

Have I gone mad? Certainly not.

Allow me to elaborate.

Imagine a child growing up, completely shielded from all things bad. Imagine it never falling, never trapping a finger or burning itself on the stove. Never being told not to do something dangerous. Never experiencing fear. How do you think that child would cope in the real world? What kind of person would it grow up to be? Hard to imagine, isn’t it?

A world where there is no hurt, simply doesn’t exist. Life’s lessons make you who you are, they teach you right from wrong and what or who makes you happy. So, rather than dwell on the “Why did this happen to me?” focus on the “How has this made me stronger?”. That’s what I meant by ‘Rejection is good for you’.

Realising that bad things don’t happen to you as a punishment, gives you back control and you will see each challenge as an experience from which you can grow to become a stronger and more confident person. You can chose to be a victim or you can chose to be a victor.

Your reality is yours to create. Might as well make it a great one.

Have you experienced past hurts from which you grew stronger?  What did you learn from them?

%d bloggers like this: