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Setting boundaries in relationships

Setting boundaries can be difficult, it can be a bit of a struggle to know where to start or even what classes as a ‘boundary’. Often, we think if we say “no” then we risk losing part of the relationship or even friendship. But putting boundaries into place is a way normal and healthy way of protecting ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Having that discussion about boundaries can feel awkward or you may not know what to say, particularly if the relationship game is new to you, here are a few pointers to think about when starting a new relationship.

Be honest about what you need

In a new relationship everything is rosy, and you probably think you don’t need much from your partner because you just enjoy the time you spend with them. But you need to think further down the line, if this relationship has the potential to be serious then you need to think about what you want from your partner. From being open about their feelings to not leaving towels on the bathroom floor.

You need to get clear with yourself what you’re comfortable and not comfortable with, and then be able to communicate that to your partner, so they know exactly what to expect and how to meet your needs and expectations.

Listen to what your partner needs

After you’ve had your say about what you want from the relationship, listen to what your partner needs and we don’t mean just listen to respond, or to shake it off. But really listen. Listen and then think what you can do to meet those needs.

Designate when you need space

In the beginning of a relationship, you may want to be around your person as much as you can. Even trips to Tesco are fun when your partner is coming along. But if you’re finding that spending a lot of time together is getting a bit too much for you, then ask for space. The last thing you want to happen is you getting irritated because you feel like you see no one but your partner, so be honest and take time away from each other.

Communicate what you can tolerate

Knowing what you can tolerate is particularly important to prevent those arguments which can crop up. When talking about what you can tolerate, we mean not just those times your partner walks past the dirty plates and doesn’t wash them up. But particularly emotionally, we all get affected differently by actions and as a result how we react may differ. So, it’s important to let your partner know if you’re sensitive to being lied to, shouted at, silenced etc.

You should be able to communicate anything in your relationship but it’s also the way it’s communicated which is important. Try to remember to not expect a person to simply know what you need or can tolerate, it’s always best to be up front.

Communication is vital in a relationship and for it to work you need to remember that, however much we’d like them to read our minds, they just can’t. 

If you’re ready to venture into the world of dating, Plentymorefish can help you along the way. Join now to find fellow singles looking for love.

Your Sexy Christmas Gift Guide

Are you last minute buying ready for Christmas, and you still have no idea what to get your partner? Why not try something different which is sure to excite them. We’ve put together a few items for inspiration which you can be sure will brighten up their Christmas morning (it’s probably best to keep these presents between you both😉). There are a range of items for different budgets, whether you want to really spoil them or keep this little present as a Christmas surprise. 

Lovehoney Board Game 

Lovehoney have a few board games which range from £9.99 to £32.99. ‘After Dark’ is their most expensive product but it makes a great date night activity. There are a variety of actions you need to complete and questions to answer, so it’s a great way to create a steamy atmosphere and find out more about each other. 

If you’re looking for a cheaper option, ‘Sex!!!’ is a great game which gets straight to the point. It’s a foreplay and sexplay board game which again can be used at the end of date night. 

Sex!!! Board Game, , hi-res

Make bath time sexy 

If your partner is one to enjoy a nice bath and even more so, when you join them. Why not treat them to some bath time products. Lovehoney sell a variety of products varying from your Sexbombs 😉 to your bubble soaks and rose petals infused with scents to liven up your sexual desires.  

Sexbombs infused with Pheromone are created to arouse and relax you, prices at £7.99 it could make a great stocking filler for a lover or even for yourself this Christmas. 

They also have their Apothecary range Bubble Bath, this collection is designed to sensually excite you with its scent, so you can be sure that the bathroom won’t be the only thing that’s getting steamy. 

Adult Advent Calendars

These aren’t the kind you can pop to Tesco for, but they’re definitely a present that is filled with surprises. There are plenty of different advent calendars out there, but if you’re looking to splash a little more cash, Ann Summers have a 12 Nights of Indulgence product. 

This gift is perfect for your girlfriend, wife, female lover or even a friend. It has a variety of products, varying from sex toys to scents and sex position cards. It’s the perfect gift to get your partner excited on the run up to Christmas, in more ways than one. 

Bondage Kits

If you want to take your relationship to the next level in the bedroom, then bondage kits are something you may want to invest in if you’ve had the conversation with your partner already. There are some basic kits out there to get you started and exploring, they range in prices and items depending on whether you want to venture outside of handcuffs or you’re comfortable using just those. 

Why not check out our Beginner’s Guide to BDSM whilst you’re at, you’ll find more information on bondage, making you a pro before you’ve even started. 

There are a wide variety of gifts you can get your partner to spice up the bedroom. Check out websites like Ann Summers and Lovehoney to find some great steals which you can get just in time for Christmas. 

If you’re looking for fellow singles to get down and dirty in some no-strings attached sex, then head over to our Naughty Pond

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What to do if your date is ‘keeping their options open’

We’ve all experienced the grey area of a relationship one way or another. Your date isn’t being totally communicative about what page they’re on, or maybe they have, and they’ve made it pretty clear they’re not ready for commitment but are still putting dates in the diary for dinners at your favourite restaurant. It can be confusing; do you stay in hopes they’ll change their mind a few more months down the line? Or do you hop off that train to find someone who is heading in towards the same destination as you – commitment.

What do you want from this situation?

Commitment is a big deal. It shouldn’t be something you just settle for because it’s the easiest option or because you feel better having someone in your life. By choosing that one person, the other opportunities to bump into someone at bars or whilst you’re commuting to work disappear. No, it’s not a commitment to walk down the aisle but you should take the time to figure out what you’re committing to before making the jump.

If you only want to date one person at a time, then be clear with yourself (and the other person) and establish that boundary before you step into the dating world. Don’t feel pressured to extend your dating circle because your date’s style includes a few more people than you’re used to. Compromising on the type of relationship you want is the last thing you want to be doing, inevitably it will bring up feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and instability within the relationship.

If you want more, don’t assume you can change what they want and can convince them that commitment is the way forward. Take their word for it, and don’t believe they just need a ‘gentle push’. Same goes for those that avoid the ‘what are we?’ questions after a few months of dating, their inability to communicate is probably a sign the relationship status isn’t going to level up.

From here, you need to switch the focus to you. Decide what is right for you and will make you happy. Whether that’s taking a complete step back to honour what you want and to find one person who wants the same things and give it your all. Or you could give your date 50% instead of 100%. This means the focus switches from them and onto to other factors in your life that make you feel fulfilled and happy, and most importantly give you value. It could be as simple as going out with friends, doing activities you enjoy, gaining some independence or even venturing out into the world of dating some more and increasing your dating circle.

The real answer to the question ‘What do I do?’ is that no one can tell you, there’s no rule book or guide to dating. It’s about being honest with yourself and your feelings. You can still date and have a bit of fun without commitment, just make sure you’re both on the same page first.

If you’re wanting to explore the world of dating, then join Plentymorefish and get connecting with like-minded singles looking for love. 

How to make oral sex more enjoyable

For some of us receiving oral sex or someone going down under may feel a tad too intimate. It leaves us feeling nervous, uncomfortable, and unable to relax which do not add up to be a very enjoyable sexual experience. If enjoying oral sex is important to you, then there are ways to get over these challenging feelings so you can relax and pleasure from it.

If you’re self-conscious

Many of us often don’t like oral sex because we feel uncomfortable about our intimate parts. It’s a common issue and someone pleasuring you orally can make you feel a bit vulnerable. Learning to love your genitals can help sex become a more memorable and mind-blowing experience and it’s the only way you’re going to be able to feel pleasure to the max. As with the rest of your body, genitalia come in all shapes, sizes, and forms. Time to embrace variety!

So how do I feel confident whilst someone is down *there*?

Remember to not compare your vagina (or penis) to those seen in porn or described in erotic novels. The latter are not supposed to look realistic, they’re just exaggerated fantasy versions. (Side note: Check out The Vulva Gallery to get real familiar with what different vulvas look like).

Going into oral sex your self-confidence can dip slightly but a good method to keep you focused and in the moment is to practice breathing into any orgasmic feelings, focus fully on the pleasure rather than getting distracted by the self-conscious thoughts creeping into your head. Every time a thought seems to appear, remember to breathe into the good feeling, ignoring the worries. You’ll notice that the more you do this, the better you become at it and the more you begin to enjoy the pleasure. It may not happen the right but practice these breathing methods during oral sex and when you feel most confident in your body, and you’ll start to notice the changes.

People you get down and dirty with are typically people you trust, so being able to communicate with the other person should feel easy and comfortable. If this is the case, why not share your worries? After all, a problem shared is a problem halved. You might find they offer a bit of reassurance or wise words that put you at ease.

If it feels just a bit too intimate

Oral sex is more intimate than penetrative sex, there’s no doubt about that. Someone being up close and personal can be too much for some, so it’s possible that not enjoying oral sex doesn’t stem from the act itself but more so who’s doing the deed on you.

Be honest with yourself and your sexual partner with what’s going on. If it’s casual sex you’re after, oral sex might be off the agenda for a while until you feel comfortable in the dynamic with your partner and the intimacy grows. Or, in fact, it could totally be off the table, and you can stick to penetrative sex. There should be no pressure to feel like you must participate in oral sex in order to have a good sex life. If it’s something that doesn’t feel right with you, then don’t put yourself into an uncomfortable situation. Being honest with yourself is critical so ask yourself these questions:

1. How comfortable do you feel with this partner performing oral sex on you?

2. Do you only feel uncomfortable with oral sex?

3. Do you enjoy other forms of sex with your partner?

Intimacy might be something that simply grows the more you feel comfortable with your partner, the more sex you have, the more you see each other, or intimacy might just seize to exist between you both. If it’s not, it’s time to address if that’s important to you.

If you’re wanting to find sexy singles to get exploring between the sheets with, then check out The Naughty Pond.

4 proven ways to get over rejection

Rejection. We’ve all felt it, whether that’s from a relationship, a job or a friend. We’ve all been there. But rejection in love hurts, it can be ruthless in destroying self-confidence and sometimes hard to bounce back from. Even the likes of Brad Pitt and Zac Efron have probably felt rejection in their life. Some people get up and bounce back and some it consumes. So to help you bounce back, we’ve put together 4 ways of getting over rejection.

First, let’s scratch the word ‘rejection’

It’s important to remember that the person who rejected made a choice against you and not because of you. 90% of the time, it’s actually because of their own state of mind and desires rather than you personally. When you think of it as them and not you, you realise it’s not your burden to deal with and you shouldn’t have to cope with it. Essentially, view it as happening for you, not to you. As many people say, ‘It’s a blessing in disguise’.

Surround yourself with people who make you feel valued

Being rejected can be a bit of a dampener on the ego and may have us doubting our own self-worth. Rejection ultimately unsettles our need to belong.  That’s why it’s important to spend time with people who make you feel loved and valued, whether that’s simply going for a walk or grabbing a bite to eat. Hanging out with a friend who accepts and values you will remind you that you’re valued. Opening up actually really helps with coping with rejection and can be a saving grace, whether that’s simply to vent about the situation or having a reassuring pep talk.

Be Thankful

As Ariana Grande once said, “Thank You, Next” and this is exactly the attitude you want to have. Those that reject you are helping you figure out more information about what you want and don’t want from a partner and are even helping you learn more about yourself, whether that’s how to be more resilient or develop the sensitive side of yourself, every partner is there to teach you a lesson.

A good way to look at it is that every rejection is just you being freed up for the right person. It’s true when they say, ‘you have to kiss some frogs before finding your person’.

Make a list of everything that makes you great

For those that struggle, try giving yourself a compliment. If this is too hard for you to do right now, ask a friend to tell you what they love about you so they can remind you how great you are. By making a list of things that make you a great person, you’re helping to boost your self-esteem and in turn curb any negative self-talk. It’s essentially a way of affirming our own worth and not letting rejection dampen our confidence.

If you’re finding yourself wanting to get back out there and delve into the world of dating, check out Plentymorefish to find your match.

How to make sex last longer

Whilst quickies can be exciting and get steamy, there’s a chance you don’t want every sexcapade to be over in just a couple of minutes. For the most part, sex is to be enjoyed without having to worry about time limits or being interrupted and to get the absolute most enjoyment out of every session. We’ve put a list of tips and tricks together that could help you add a few more minutes in the bedroom.

1. Condoms

Practicing safe sex is a non-negotiable and using condoms not only keep you safe but they are said to make you last longer. Double bonus! They decrease sensitivity, so it’s recommended if you’re wanting to prolong it even further then you should use the thicker condoms.

2. Reduce Stimulation

Stimulation plays a part in bringing your body to orgasm, even if it is just a little tease before the main event. It might be smart to try desensitising gels or delay lube, to help prolong the feeling even more. You could also turn the focus to stimulating your partner so that you last longer, it’s a win-win situation.

3. Try a new location

Sometimes we get stuck in a rut when it comes to getting busy in the sheets, particularly if we’re always in the same location i.e., le boudoir. By switching up, you trick your mind out of autopilot and into novelty mode which will increase pleasure as novelty can be a huge turn on.

4. Put aside time for UNINTERRUPTED sex

We’re not saying that sex must be spontaneous to last longer but making sure there’s time for both you and your partner to get comfortable and excited is important. The last thing you want to be doing is rushing the experience so you can get to work in time for your meeting. This also means setting time aside where you know your phone can be on ‘do not disturb’ and you won’t be worrying about the calls or emails flooding in.

5.  Spend more time on foreplay

Whilst foreplay may make the intercourse part shorter, it will extend the sex session as a whole and will help you both in feeling satisfied and, as they say, it’s always good to do a warm-up before any type of workout 😉.

If you’re ready to find a fellow sexy single to explore with, then head over to the Naughty Pond.

Looking for love after a lockdown

The past 18 months have been tough, we’ve been through some confusing times and it’s no surprise that many of us have struggled throughout it. Some of us have been lucky, having family and housemates to keep us company through the madness, but some of us have been on our own making it difficult to re-emerge into this new world trying to navigate the world of dating at the same time.

Take things slow

You should know that it’s completely normal to feel nervous about dating again, we all only just got used to getting half dressed for a date over a Zoom call, but now we actually have to match the bottoms to the top we’re wearing! But before this, you need to ask yourself whether you’re ready to step back into the dating world again. Is it important for you to be dating or are you putting too much pressure on yourself?

Don’t be tricked into thinking that time is “running out” and start rushing into relationships in the hope that they’re the ‘one’. Yes, time has passed whilst we’ve been lockdown, but your priorities may have changed, you may want to do different things with your life after experiencing so little in so long. So, now might be a good time to re-evaluate what you want from a relationship before searching for your dream man/woman.

Prepare for dating

Whilst the dating world is not the hunger games, it’s still best to prepare before joining the arena again. Remember, you’re not the only one who is hesitant about getting back out there. You might be eager and anxious all at once – worrying not only about the date itself but also about any restrictions that are in place. Do I need my mask? Has my date taken a test?

To stop these nerves, it’s best to establish boundaries as much as you can with your date and with yourself. If you’re worried about testing and masks, research the date location to check out any restrictions which they may still have in place (it’s always handy to keep a mask with you anyway), discuss any concerns with your date before the date. Getting these worries out of the way will ease your mind and will only leave room for the ‘normal’ pre-date jitters we all get.

Make sure you feel like your best self

Why not treat yourself to a new outfit or a new fragrance you’ve been wanting to try? Dating is all about finding someone who matches your best self, so be the best version of you by being comfortable and confident. We’re not saying you have to change your appearance or become a whole different person but do what makes you feel good. Whether that’s a new outfit or a self-care ritual.

Above all, it’s important you feel comfortable going back into the world of dating, so if, for now, meeting up with a date seems a little daunting for you then try something a bit more laid back and more your style. Virtual dating worked for a while during lockdown, there’s no harm in it sticking round a while longer.

If you’re ready to venture into the world of dating Plentymorefish to help you along the way. Join now to find fellow singles looking for love.

5 Ways to Boost your Sex Drive

A ‘normal’ sex drive looks different for everyone. There are many different factors which work together that can cause a lower sex drive in some compared to others. Low libido is more common than many realise, and everyone can experience it at some. For those who enjoy sex, it can be frustrating when what once was an active sex life becomes a dull affair. We understand the frustration, so we’ve done a bit of research to find simple ways that could boost your sex drive to help you get your mojo back.

Find a way to connect to your body

Sex is just one way of connecting yourself to your body but there are many other ways you could do this. Go out and find opportunities that bring pleasure into your life. This could be anything from dancing to practicing yoga, to taking yourself out on a date. The key is bringing back the confidence and the joy, which you can then bring home to your partner. When you’re in a joyful state your mind is more open to ideas, and you may even find yourself open to new sexual experiences.

Schedule sex

Whilst you may think scheduled sex is not sexy, it is the best way to ensure that you’re prioritising pleasure. Think of the anticipation of what you’ll see, the excitement of maybe a different location, this can all build up to allow for a better experience. It also gives you time to prepare and get in the mood, whether that’s having a hot bath with candles, reading erotica, or simply putting on a new set of sexy lingerie.

Introduce your toys

If you know that your toys will help to give you the pleasure you desire, then introduce them into the bedroom as well. There’s no shame in adding them to help get you in the mood. Physical arousal can help create the sensation that we get before we want to take our clothes off. You could even get your partner involved by letting them take control of the toy or letting them watch you.

Pump up your pelvic floor

There could be many reasons why your sex drive is low, it could be hormonal shifts, stress or even childbirth. There are many women who struggle with a weakened pelvic floor at some point in their life and this can lead to a decreased feeling of arousal. Trying pelvic floor exercises can strengthen the muscles, giving you more control over your body and can also give you stronger orgasms. Check out the blog post written by Denise Brodey, she gives you numerous exercises you can use to pump up your sex drive.

Lay off the alcohol

You may think after a few cocktails your sex drive has skyrocketed and you just can’t keep your hands off your partner, and whilst this may be true, the days to follow may prove difficult to get yourself in the mood and alcohol has been proven to suppress sex drive. It’s also been said that alcohol reduces satisfaction and makes it more challenging to perform in the bedroom. So, if you want those mind-blowing orgasms, it’s probably best to stay off the margaritas.

There are many different reasons why you can have a low libido, it’s important to remember that it’s completely normal and everyone experiences it at some point. So, next time you’re getting frustrated because you just can’t get in the mood, try one of these methods and see if it works for you.

Are you ready to find a sexy single to get naughty in the sheets with? Head over to the Naughty Pond and get searching.

Should you date an older man?

We see successful relationships with big age gaps all the time; Leonardo DiCaprio, Jason Statham, Sylvester Stallone, the list goes on. But we’re told to stick to people our own age, it’s easier, that way you’re on the same page. But is that necessarily true? If you’re dating an older guy (or wondering whether you should), take a look at our list of things to expect.

1. He may have a lot more – or a lot less – time for you

He may have a more flexible work schedule which means more free time for you, which is a bonus because it means more date nights. However, you could have different ideas of how you want to spend time together. He may have had enough of dinner dates and cocktails at bars and prefer to do romantic getaways and go on long walks with nice views, whereas you’d take a margarita over a walk any day.

On the other hand, he could be in an executive position after years in a company and as a result could work late nights which means date nights often don’t happen, or dinner dates get cancelled.

2. Your emotional maturity may not be what you expected

He’s been around longer than you, which typically means that he may be emotionally more mature than you. Whilst this isn’t always true, it could be an issue that could arise. It’s important that you take the time out to ensure you both have the same emotional maturity, or later down the line the lack of understanding or compassion can cause issues within the relationship.

An older man might be super direct and feel comfortable in expressing what’s on his mind. So, it might mean you require to become more vulnerable and let down guards you may typically put up when dating.

3. There may be an ex-wife and/or children

If there’s a bigger age gap between you, then it’s likely that they’ve had a couple of past committed relationships. If he has been through a marriage that hasn’t worked out, then it’s likely that he’ll bring more care and wisdom to the table this time around.

If he has kids this is something else to consider. A serious conversation would be helpful in looking at where you stand, integrating into another family can be difficult and put a strain on your relationship. Depending on the situation in the past, it can prove challenges.

4. Your life could be heading in a different direction

If you’re considering spending the future with your older man, then talking about the next 10-20 years will be extremely important. If you’re dating someone your own age, you wouldn’t want to assume that you’re on the same page and want the same things, and this becomes more apparent when there’s an age gap. Maybe you want to get married and have kids, but he’s been there and got the t-shirt for marriage and kids and doesn’t want to go down that path again.

It’s essential to understand what you both want and to listen. You also shouldn’t expect for someone’s wants and needs to change later because of the duration of the relationship. But just because someone’s been there and done it, doesn’t mean they won’t want to do them again. This is where communication is key. Ask them whether they’d consider it and talk about your options.

5. Your sex drives may not match up

Oftentimes, one person in a relationship has a higher sex drive than the other. This can become more apparent when there is a bigger age gap. An older man may have a different sex drive, he may have less energy. Or it could even be the other way round, maybe he feels excited when he’s with you and he has more energy and as a result his sex drive changes. You can’t predict these things, but what we can say is that sex drive can become an issue. Again, communication is key and discussing sex openly and whether both your needs are being met.

6. You may have to learn each other’s communication styles

Older men are more likely to have been in committed relationships that have broken down, so many are keen to get it right this time.

Day-to-day contact may be important, particularly if they’re from a whole different technological era. For people now, it’s common to send a text throughout the day checking in, but for those of the older generation, that may not be familiar to them, and they may prefer a phone call at lunch. These things will need to be discussed to avoid misunderstandings.

Whilst all these things may not apply to your age gap relationship, there are one or two that could crop up as issues and which will need discussing. Ultimately, age is just a number. What matters is that you get on and love each other.  

Get connecting with fellow singles at Plentymorefish to find your match.

How to talk about your sexual fantasies.

Sexual fantasies should be seen to express your unconscious needs or desires that you can’t control, like dreams in that respect. Talking about your sexual fantasies can be a daunting prospect for someone who thinks that they are a taboo topic. Thinking about certain sexual situations does not mean that you want them to happen, they can stay in your mind. But sharing them with another person can be daunting.

Think about why you want to share your fantasy

What do you want to achieve when telling your partner about your fantasy? Do you want them to know you on a deeper level? Maybe, you want to explore your sex life a bit more or do you want to figure out what turns you on about the fantasy? Talking about these things can be enlightening and can help your partner get to know you on an intimate level and could even liven up the bedroom.

Remember that you’re not weird for having fantasies

Fantasies are a natural part of being a sexual person. We should remember that they aren’t gross or creepy. The fantasies you have do not inherently represent you as person, regardless of what they are.

Ask the question

If you’re one to get shy about your fantasies, then relay the question to your partner. It’s best to ask them whilst you’re getting busy in the bedroom, it’s a great way to kick start the fantasy chat. Whilst you’re talking to your partner you could even suggest incorporating part of your fantasy into the bedroom, then it’s a win-win.

Play a game

You could suggest playing a game, taking it in turns to describe a fantasy of yours. A fun way of doing this is by writing out 3-5 fantasies or aspects of a fantasy (whether that’s an object or location), put them in a jar and then take it in turns to pull them out and each describe them. If they’re a turn on for both of you, then maybe you could try it out next time in the bedroom.

Get sexting

The wonders of phones are that now you don’t even have to be facing someone to have a conversation with them, which is why it might be so much easier to talk about your sexual fantasies over text. This can help create a comfortable space which is secretive and exciting for you both. 

If you’re feeling like indulging into your own fantasies, head over to the Naughty Pond, to find other fellow singles to heat up the bedroom.

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