Time to Unpack – Letting go of emotional baggage
Emotional baggage is something we all carry around. Sometimes the baggage is so heavy and bulky that it takes up more room in our life than it should. We get used to that heavy feeling. It becomes part of us. But when you realise you are governed by your past and your emotional baggage is sabotaging your relationships and your life, stopping you from moving on, you need to take steps to break free and dump that heavy burden once and for all. Here’s how:
Feel the emotion
In order to let go, you will first need to allow the feeling to run its course. It’s okay to feel upset, hurt, betrayed – whatever the emotion – as long as you allow yourself to truly feel it. The longer you deny the truth, the longer you will drag this around with you. Give yourself permission and acknowledge what has happened to you. This is often the hardest step and most upsetting, but it needs to happen so you can start to heal.
Forgive
When trust has been betrayed and feelings hurt, it’s hard to forgive and forget. By holding onto these memories and emotions however, you are also hindering yourself from moving on. The only person you are hurting by not letting go of the past is you. Someone once said, “Holding onto a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
To start to forgive, try this exercise: Call the person who hurt you into your mind’s eye, tell them how you feel, why and how they hurt you. Then tell them you are now okay, you have moved on and that you forgive them. Be sincere and then let them go. Now stand in front of a mirror and then forgive yourself. Yes, that’s right. You are very likely feeling feelings of guilt, shame, stupidity for allowing this to happen, for trusting the other person. Allow yourself to be okay with that. You didn’t do anything wrong. Forgive yourself and be kind to you, then let go.
Understand
Give yourself some time for reflection. Pretend you are a good friend who observes the painful situation to gain an understanding from an unbiased perspective. In doing this you will gain clarity of any destructive patterns and behaviours you may hold on to, which may have contributed to this scenario. By gaining awareness of negative cycles you regain control, freeing you from reliving them again in the future.
Focus on the good
Focus on what you would like your life to be. It takes practice but knowing that you can now move forward, safe in the knowledge you have overcome such a painful experience, will give you the strength to live a more confident and happier life. Now go and get it!
Have you ever been weighed down by emotional baggage? How did you manage to get over it? Please share your experiences, we’d love to hear them.
Dealing with Dating Doldrums
We all have different expectations when it comes to dating online and offline. Some may want to date casually, whilst others are looking to find a partner for life. For those of you who fall into the latter category, dating can become frustrating at times, especially when you have been on the market for a while. Sadly, no matter how great you are at dating, there are simply no guarantees that you will find that perfect catch right away.
While questionnaires and personality tests can help narrow down your search, they can only get you so far. You may be perfect for each other on paper but when you meet in person, there may not be any chemistry. So at times, you may feel like giving up and resigning yourself to eternal singledom. If that’s the case, you may be suffering from what we call the dreaded Dating Doldrums.
When suffering from Dating Doldrums, you may adopt a negative mindset and could even cause you to make bad decisions about who you date, how often you date, and how you respond to potential dates. The key to kick the DD’s in the Bum-Bum is to focus on having fun again. When you treat each new date is an opportunity to meet someone interesting and as an opportunity to have fun, socialise or to simply enjoy life, the whole process takes on a different flavour. So why put pressure on yourself?
The more you live in the moment, the more enjoyable your life and dating life will become. I hope this post has got you thinking and I shall leave you with a quote that I feel we should all live by:
My advice for life: dance and sing your song while the party is still on. ~ Rasheed Ogunlaru
Here at Plenty More Fish we firmly believe that dating should be fun. So we ask you: “When was the last time you went on a date simply with the intention of enjoying yourself?”
Body Talks – Is your date attracted to you?
Ladies, how often have you been on a date and have asked yourself what your date is thinking and wondered whether he fancies you or not? How often did you come away from a date and thought he likes you, only to never hear from him again? Frustrating, right? Wouldn’t it be great if you could read the signs better and avoid this type of disappointment?
Well you can! To understand the signs of attraction or the lack of, you will need to delve into the art of reading body language. We all do it on a subconscious level every day and women choose from 52 moves to show men they’re interested, whereas the average man chooses from a maximum of 10 to attract a woman. So us gals have it a lot easier to spot what he’s subconsciously feeling and here are 3 giveaways*:
Watch the eyebrows
Pay close attention to his eyebrows. If he likes you, he’ll raise them for a split second, or more precisely, a fifth of a second. A flash of the eyebrow is a good measure for spotting interest. It’s something we all do, regardless of age, ethnicity or class. But as it’s so subtle, it’s very easy to miss. When you do spot it though, you can use it to your advantage and raise your brows deliberately in response to signal clear interest. It’ll be like a billboard sign flashing the words “I like you”.
Watch the mouth
If his lips part slightly for a moment when your eyes meet, he likes what he sees. He’ll flare his nostrils slightly, his eyes will widen and his body and feet will point towards you. Generally his face and demeanor will appear more ‘open’, more approachable as to closed off.
Watch the movements
Movements such as smoothing down his hair or adjusting his tie are all part of what experts call preening gestures. It’s like the female lip licking, meaning “I want to look my best for you”. Preening happens involuntarily and more often than people think. To check this, excuse yourself as you head to the ladies and casually look over your shoulder, and you may just catch him adjusting his appearance.
So, there you have it. For more tips and tricks on reading body language we can recommend The Definitive Book of Body Language: How to Read Others’ Attitudes by Their Gestures by Allan and Barbara Pease.
Happy Dating!
*The above paragraphs are guidelines. Circumstances, like the nerves and pressures of a first date, can influence someone’s behaviour. But in case it does turn out, he’s not that into you, remember, there’s plenty more fish in the sea and your perfect catch is out there.
Date Inspiration of the Month
Can you believe it? It’s June already! How time flies when you are having fun, right? Speaking of fun, where are you taking your date this weekend? Still undecided? Well, your Fairy Fish Dating Blog Mother has a little idea you might enjoy.
A date, especially a first date, should be memorable and the more senses you engage, the more memorable the date will be. Our Date Inspiration for this month certainly ticks that box.
Enter London’s Dans le Noir, the restaurant with a difference. You and your date will be dining, yes you guessed it, in the dark, where you will be served by blind staff. Devoid of your dominant visual sense, you and your date can enjoy one of 4 ‘mystery’ meals where you will get to choose between meat, seafood or vegetarian. This way you get to explore your sense of taste and smell (and let’s not forget hearing) more fully. The food, mostly organic, is based on first quality ingredients, making the experience as interesting and tasty as possible.
Outside distractions, such as mobile phones, are a big no no at Dans le Noir and you will be asked to lock yours away (lockers are provided), giving you an opportunity to completely focus on each other and your sensory experience for the next hour or so.
Expect a few culinary surprises and a new perspective on dining and dating. To end the meal in a more traditional way, there’s a lit bar for post-dinner drinks. Or if you’d prefer sumptuous concoctions of the drinkable kind, why not head over to the nearby Zetter Townhouse cocktail lounge?
Whatever you decide, above all, we hope you have fun. ‘Cos that’s what dating should be!
Happy Dating! x
Great Dinner Date Dishes
It’s probably no secret that we like good grub here at Plenty More Towers. Who doesn’t, right? Food can be comforting, sensual, arousing and downright hot. A little bit like sex if you ask me. 😉 It’s no surprise really that going on dinner date regularly features at the top of people’s list of things to do with a date.
Anyhoo, back to this purpose of this post. So, you have been going out for a little while and things are sizzling between you? And now you want to add a bit more sugar ‘n spice to your date nights by tickling your sweetie’s taste buds with home-cooked delights? You’ve come to the right place.
Now strap on that apron and whip out your whisks, ‘cause our favourite dinner date dishes are comin’ right up! Click the links below for the detailed recipes we’ve found for you online.
Starter
Roasted figs wrapped in Parma ham with blue cheese and rocket
Main Course
Pork chops with apples and cider
As a veggie alternative, we recommend this scrummy golden Butternut Squash and Sage Risotto
Dessert
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll have to go raid my fridge. Seriously starving now after all that food talk…
We hope you enjoyed today’s post and of course our menu suggestion. Have a great dinner date! Remember to send us your feedback! xxx
Do you have a signature dish or a go-to recipe for a date night? Share it below so your dish can inspire others!
6 reasons to try online dating
Evidence suggests that the stigma associated with dating online is continuously crumbling. It is no longer a place for the “cyber geeks” to hang out but a place for people like you to have fun, date and perhaps even meet the man / woman of your dreams!
So here I propose to you our top reasons for jumping on the online dating bandwagon:
There’s a HUGE pool of potential dates
We have over 1.5 million members to search through and this is constantly growing.
You can find dates in your PJ’s
I think this has got to be one of my favourite reasons to give the online dating world a go. You can get into your pyjamas, pour yourself a cheeky glass of wine and sift through all the people matching your search preferences.
You can filter out unsuitable dates through the search options
By doing this, you can view members that match your search preferences based on things like age, whether they have a profile picture or not and their location. So no awkward questions – perfect! There are also always new faces to see and meet and you can find these easily by searching for our new members
There are Niche sites out there to suit your preferences
At PlentyMoreFish we currently have 3 ponds: The Single Pond, The Silver Pond and The Naughty Pond.
It’s exciting!
Logging on to find winks and messages from fellow members is a very exciting experience and can give you a great confidence boost.
Paid dating sites are usually moderated
If you are paying for membership on a site, there are usually people behind the scenes checking out each and every member. This is why paid dating sites like us are much safer than the free sites. We work hard to ensure scammers are eradicated and that only genuine people can join our site.
So, what are you waiting for? Get fishing, get dating!
Compatibility – Effort or Chemistry?
Every once in awhile you meet someone you fancy the pants off and the chemistry between you is tangible. It’s like electricity and you feel you have met your soulmate. You fall head over heels for this person and the world turns into a cotton candy coloured bouncy castle with zero gravity. There’s no denying it, you are in love.
The first stages of love are the most wonderful moments a person can experience but the can also cloud your perception of reality. Whilst there may be undeniable physical chemistry between you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are compatible. And if you are looking for a long term relationship, chemistry will only get you so far.
Once the initial stage of ‘love goggles’ wears off, reality sets in and you start to understand the other person more clearly, their beliefs and values, what makes them happy and what not. When these values and beliefs don’t match up with your own, trouble may be ahead. Successful relationships take work and require effort and commitment on both sides and having the same values in life goes a long way to creating a solid foundation.
- Values – Our values are personal to us and affect us at a deep subconscious level. Everything we do and every decision we make is based on our values. They are our guide to what is important to us and can include concepts like education, effort, equality, honesty, perseverance, loyalty, faithfulness…etc.
- Beliefs – Our beliefs on the other hand are our assumptions we make about the world around us. They are shaped by what we see, hear, experience, read and think about and they apply not only how we see ourselves but also how we see other people. Beliefs can be changed, whereas values are part of who you are.
Your values and beliefs make you unique, if you live your life and relationships in conflict with them you will inevitably end up unhappy. To understand what you need in order to be happy is probably the best advice we can give towards finding lasting love. When you know yourself, you will attract the right person into your life. It’s like wearing the correct prescription glasses; suddenly things become more clear and your focus is sharper.
Why not take some time out for yourself this week and seek to understand your values and beliefs? It will go a long way to help you find happiness and love and you deserve both.
Until next week lovely readers! x
The Art of Snogging
There aren’t many people in this world who don’t like to be kissed (we hope). Kissing is an evolutionary tool, one that creates a bond between two people long enough so they procreate and thereby ensuring the survival of mankind. This may seem a little clinical but that’s what Mother Nature intended.
Yet, it seems it’s not quite as straightforward as simply puckering up and “Voila!” we have a relationship. Studies revealed that 59% of men and 66% of women say they have ended a new relationship because of the other person’s sorry snogging style. Have you ever stopped seeing someone because of this? (We have to admit, we have!). But how do you know if you are indeed a “Krappy Kisser”? And, what can you do to improve it? Apparently, quite a lot judging from a little web search we conducted.
Here are some of the top tips we came across:
1. Pay attention to your partner
It goes without saying that you should be in the moment, not ogling around you to see what’s on the TV, or worse, checking out other potentials in the bar. Close your eyes and enjoy the sensation.
2. Start out slow
Going in like Great White hunting a seal, is sure to put your kissing buddy off for life. Focus on small areas first. Kiss a little bit around the mouth and nibble and suck the lips gently, use your tongue sparingly. Build up the passion slowly and you’ll both get into the rhythm very soon.
3. Tongue technique is key
Kissing may also be called Tonsil Tennis but for the love of Cupid, don’t even think about it. EVER! NEVER EVVAAA! Your tongue should be a sensual explorer of your partner’s mouth, not a spoon stirring a pot of yoghurt or a lump of slippery meat hanging there to dry. Mix it up, be playful.
4. Spit Stop
It may be difficult to keep your saliva in check when you are snogging someone but it’s well worth the effort. Daters list too much saliva during kissing as one of their top turn offs, right behind…
5. Bad breath
It’s pretty obvious that smelling like the back end of a badger won’t win you popularity points. Bad breath is often seen as an indicator of poor health, which means your partner is unlikely to choose you for a longer stint. So make sure you look after your mouth, pay regular visits to your dentist and keep off the garlic before a date.
So, there you have it.
Join in on the conversation. We’d love for you to share your good / bad kissing stories with us, so you drop us a comment!
3 Sexy & Simple Cocktail Recipes to Impress Your Date
Seriously folks, what is cooler than having a signature drink? Being able to whip up a delicious and aptly named concoction, à la Tom Cruise in Cocktail, is guaranteed to impress the ladies.
If you really want to look like an expert, we can highly recommend attending a cocktail making class – just Google it and you’ll be sure to find one in your area.
In the meantime, we’ve compiled 3 of our favourite and easy to prepare ‘love potions’:
Amore Vietato (Forbidden Love)
- 2 oz. Hendricks gin
- 1 oz. blood orange juice
- Dash simple syrup, 2 strawberries
- 4 slices of cucumber
Preparation
Muddle fruit with simple syrup, add gin and blood orange juice. Shake and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with strawberry, cucumber spiral and orange peel hearts.
[SOURCE: Wendy Verdel, Zeffirino, The Venetian, Las Vegas]
Flirtini
1 ounce (30 ml) vodka0.35 ounce (10 ml) apricot liqueur
0.35 ounce (10 ml) cranberry juice
0.35 ounce (10 ml) pineapple juice
Ice cubes
Champagne
1 strawberry, for garnish
Preparation
Place the vodka, apricot liqueur, cranberry juice, pineapple juice, and ice cubes in a shaker and shake well. Strain the cocktail into a martini glass and top off with champagne. Garnish with the strawberry.
[SOURCE: Slurp by Nina Dreyer Hensley, Jim Hensley, and Paul Lowe]
Strawberry Shag (ooh err)
1 to 2 large sprigs fresh basil
1/4 cup Sugared Strawberries with juice
1 1/2 ounces vodka
1 ounce fresh lemon juice
3 to 4 ounces chilled soda water
Fresh strawberry for garnishing
Small basil leaf for garnishing
Preparation
In a cocktail shaker, press the basil and strawberries together with a muddler to release the basil’s flavor. Fill the shaker with ice. Measure in the vodka and lemon juice. Cap and shake vigorously. Pour into a large glass, top with soda water, and stir. Garnish with a strawberry and basil leaf.
[SOURCE: Sips & Apps: Classic and Contemporary Recipes for Cocktails and Appetizers by Kathy Casey]
We hope you enjoyed our suggestions. Do you have a signature drink? Fancy sharing the recipe? Then leave us a comment! x
Hello, my name is Datezilla
You have been single for some time now and regularly go on dates in your attempt to find Mr/Miss Right. Yet, somehow it’s not happening and you are slowly beginning lose hope that you will ever find that special person. This is natural and it happened to me too. I was single for almost 2 years and each time I went on a date, I kept thinking to myself, “Gosh, I hope he’s The One!” Needless to say that my high expectations were dashed each time.
So, what’s changed? I told a friend about my situation, and true to her straight shooting character, she bluntly told me to, “just chill”. I was hurt and miffed at first. Didn’t she know how important this was? How serious?
Recalling my most recent dates, I was embarrassed to think of my behaviour, realising I had been trying way too hard and as a result I had scared them all away.
That’s when it hit me. I had turned into Datezilla!
Once my perspective had shifted though, I was able to see dates for what they are, a great opportunity to meet interesting people and I started to make the most of them. I began to have fun and paid attention to the person I was with, rather than analysing each and every word, movement or signal. I began to relax and so did my dates. And it wasn’t long before that special someone popped into my life without me even trying. Funny how these things work out.
So, my dating advice to you singles out there is:
- Listen more, talk less
- Have more fun
- Stop trying so hard
- Be yourself
That’s all you can do. Dating should be fun, not a chore. So, in the words of my (brutally honest) friend, “Just chill.”
If you liked this blog please tell us why. We’d love to hear your thoughts.
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