Stuck on date, break up, repeat?

So here you are again, back with the ex. Up and down you go… rehashing the same problems, breaking up time and again, only to get back together shortly after.

If your relationship feels more like the rinse and repeat cycle of your washing machine rather than the healthy, grownup partnership it should be, it’s time to break that rollercoaster cycle once and for all.

Awareness

Don’t worry – you’re not alone or weird for having such a complicated relationship. Many people find themselves in an on-again/off-again relationship at some point in their lives. The first step to finding answers is becoming aware that it’s not all that great. Realising the relationship is actually making you pretty miserable is key to seeing the behavioural patterns that are keeping you stuck. If you can’t see the patterns, ask a trusted friend whom you can trust to be honest with you. Identify them and you can start to tackle them.

Communication

Many couples who find themselves in this type of yo-yo relationship often fail to realise the reasons why they broke up in the first place. They keep coming back to the same issues and simply don’t communicate effectively to resolve them. Instead they keep repeating the same behaviour and see breaking up as a solution rather than part of the toxic cycle. You may not agree on all points but try working towards a mutually beneficial compromise. Effectively communicating your needs as well as listening to your partner are key elements of a healthy, mature relationship.

Closure

Another reason why some relationships are stuck on repeat is because they are lacking a sense of closure. For it to be really over, you need a clean break. At least for a while to get the emotional distance to break the cycle and to redefine yourself outside of that relationship. Keeping in contact with your ex is in many cases the real reason why you can’t call it quits.

Attraction

Don’t underestimate the power of physical attraction. Some couples have really strong chemistry but in reality, are totally incompatible on every other level triggering them to keep coming back for more. This type of relationship can be really addictive and difficult to break because it feels so good when it’s on. Next time this happens – ask a friend to remind you of the many times they had to pick you off the floor after the breakup and ask yourself if it’s worth repeating?

Familiarity

They break up with you.

Their new relationship doesn’t work out.

They’re back with you.

If an ex keeps you as a safety net in between other relationships, it’s often because they are afraid of being alone or simply because it’s convenient. Either way, you are not important enough to them to truly care about how this affects you. Release yourself from this nightmare and send them packing.

Be realistic

Thanks to Hollywood many of us have a warped expectation of romance and relationships. He kisses you in the rain and they lived happily ever after. In reality though, mature relationships take work and commitment – from both parties. If they always fall short on promises or fail to change hurtful behaviour, it’s time to get real. Why would they change this time when they didn’t the previous 25 times? Ask yourself if you truly believe that will change. If there’s any doubt, perhaps it’s time to put an end to this misery.

There are tons of people who want the same so get out there! Everyone deserves to be happy and feel loved.

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