Cracking the Girl Code – What she really means when she says…

A friend of mine said the other day: “Women are complicated beings. They never say what they really mean. Why is that?” 

It’s a very good question and I’m sure he’s not the only guy out there struggling to decipher girl code. Essentially women’s way of communication are motivated differently. They care about other’s opinions and their feelings. They are consensus-driven, which is why we are often not as direct in our responses. 

Now let’s take a look at the five most commonly used phrases and decode them for you: 

“I’m fine.” 

Okay, you probably know by now that when a woman says these two words, it usually means she’s frustrated or upset with something or someone and all she really wants is to be listened to. The easiest way to deal with this is to calmly ask what really bothers her. Say something like, “I sense you are not happy. Tell me what’s bothering you and help me understand.” Knowing when your girl is upset means you care, and talking to her about it will only earn you bonus points. 

“I don’t care. Do whatever you want.” 

Whatever you do, don’t take this statement at face value. You’ll need to read her body language here. She probably did not say this with a big smile on her face as she kissed you goodbye and took off to do her own thing, did she? This statement is usually expressed when the boyfriend decides he doesn’t want to spend time with her but do something else instead. The uncoded version of this statement is: “You don’t care about me and don’t want to spend time with me.” Deal with this in a sensitive manner. If you committed to spending time with her, it’s important to honour that commitment. If you have to change your plans due to unforeseen circumstances, tell her you are sorry and you will make it up to her. Then follow through with it. She will see you are considered and that she’s important to you. 

“Do I look fat?” or “Do I look ugly?” 

Here’s the decoded version: “I could use a compliment.” 

Many women suffer from insecurities and the simple solution to this is genuine compliments from the man she cares about. It doesn’t take much effort, so go for it. All she needs at that moment is for someone else to make her feel special and remind her that she’s beautiful. Pick your favourite things about her and tell her. Feeling inadequate physically can be draining for a woman in today’s world and can seep into other aspects of her life. Stop these crummy feelings before they have a chance to grow, and don’t forget to make your woman feel like a goddess from time to time. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

This one can be tricky because sometimes it really is true. Women just need time to really think about why they are upset about something before they can talk to others about it. If she means it, then she will give you both some space and let you know when she is ready to talk. Until then, don’t push her. 

However, when your girlfriend is telling a bit of a fib, you need to encourage her to talk. You can usually tell the difference in the tone of her voice. If she is relatively calm and speaking in normal tones, then give her space. But if the tension is palpable, then get in there and talk to her. Stewing over your problems is not going to help her attitude about the situation later, so the best course of action is to address how she feels immediately. Talking things out is part of how many women deal with all sorts of problems, and you need to be a part of the discussion. Ask yourself this: Do I want her to talk to me about our problems or someone else who doesn’t know the whole story? The answer should be obvious. 

“I don’t need you.” 

A woman might say this to her man when they are fighting and she feels vulnerable. Guys, what she really means is that she does need you, but she’s afraid you’re slipping away. There is a lot of pressure on women these days to not be so emotional or to prove they are as capable as men. But the bottom line is that women have feelings — deep feelings — that can make them feel very vulnerable when things aren’t going quite right. “I don’t need you” means your lady is trying to convince herself she’ll be okay if she ends up losing you. The truth is she’s really hurting inside. 

Comfort her. Reassure her that you aren’t going anywhere. Even if you are boiling mad or trying to convince yourself of the same thing, try to take a breath and talk calmly about what is happening. You will make this moment easier on her and on yourself. Address how she honestly feels, and make it clear that you both need each other. Communication is the key. 

Gentlemen, the takeaway here is that your girlfriends are not out to get you or punish you for obscure reasons. If your girl isn’t saying what she really means, then you are going to have to listen and give her a reason to trust you with the truth. Knowing that you care will be enough to get her to open up.

For better or for worse, following this advice will crack the girl code in your relationships.

Now, spread the word to your bros and find the truth behind her words!