How far would you travel for a date?
Today I am posing what on face value seems to be a simple question ‘how far would you travel for a date?’ In particular a first date.
For many of us in the world of ‘online dating’ we’ve dipped our toe into this pond because our social circle of friends are all in relationships and settled and unlikely to offer any romantic leads via their circle of friends anytime soon. The theory with online dating is that you get to meet a wider variety of people than if you went to your local pub on a Friday night. This is certainly true you live in Sleepy Hollow and have a village population of 30 online dating is a great way to widen your dating radius in order to strike it lucky.
Looking at my recent experience in online dating I am a creature of habit. My profile clearly restricts my search criteria to under 30miles. Why? Well for me the distance is a huge problem. Whilst I drive and love to drive, I do not want to be heading out on a Friday to meet Mr A and spend an hour and a half in my car before I get there. Neither do I want to spend two hours on public transport just to go out for date night pizza. In fact, my last several dates have been in about a 12 mile radius from my house for those very reasons – I am also pretty lazy and a creature of comforts….I want a relationship with someone who is close by so that when either of us is having a crappy day we can simply be there in ten minutes with a pick me up hug. So for me personally dating way outside my postcode zone is just a no-no. Currently Mr M is based about a 30 minute commute and we can be warm and cosy and meet for midweek cuddles, it’s not a grand tour for either of to see each other and that works just fine.
Could I honestly see myself dating Mr G in Cardiff or Mr X in Leeds….nope. I’ve done both and it is not only exhausting on the bank account it’s pretty emotionally taxing too. The other way to look at it is this. If you spend 90 minutes driving to meet Mr X or Miss X and you get there and it’s the worst date ever (you know the one where you literally cannot wait for it to end) in reality you cannot walk out after ten minutes or have some sort of fake phone call from your bestie to rescue you because you’re too far away!! Once you’re there you are there for the night and that means you might drink more and end up doing the whole after dinner coffee thing!
Long distance relationships are challenging in many ways but if you really, really like someone maybe it is about putting in the extra effort to make them realise they are the one for you. Finding a soulmate today is not easy – nothing in life is and if you’re looking for someone whose values and goals align with yours and you really want to build a future with them then maybe just maybe you have to put yourself through the inconvenience. Remember though it has to be a two-way street.
Honesty is key to any relationship but even more so for a long distance one. If you have kids set your boundaries, be open and upfront about whether you’d relocate or not, if you have family who depend on you then make this known – in general what may seem like hurdles may not be an issue to the other party but they or you cannot make an informed decision if you do not communicate your relationship deal breakers.
If you’re making the effort then so should the other person in the relationship – otherwise, you really are flogging a dead horse and you shouldn’t have to sell yourself. If someone doesn’t want to put themselves out for you then listen to your gut…the right person will travel to get to know you and meet you and if the relationship is right you’ll find a common ground to build a future on.
Recent studies showed that on average Brits are prepared to travel an average of 400 miles to meet Mr or Miss Right…yes really, we clearly are a committed bunch and men were inclined to travel an extra 22 miles to find the perfect woman. So whether you are online dating in Birmingham or living in London and wanting to expand your dating circle maybe its worth broadening your horizons to see what lies a little further afield.
Have you ever had a man or woman tell you that you live too far away? How have you handled it? Have you made a long distance relationship work? Please share your comments and tips below.