The big question not to ask on a first date

Believe it or not there is actually a question that is best left avoided when you head out on a first date.  When I tell you what it is it might actually surprise you, because it is not what you think and the topic for this week’s blog acts as a cautionary tale for all of us in the world of online dating.

I posed the following question to a guy friend of mine the other week who has been dipping his toe in the singles dating pond, ‘what’s the one question from women on a first date that really winds you up?’

His answer….. ‘When they ask me what I do for a job.’  

I looked at him eyebrows raised and somewhat quizzically and couldn’t understand why this seemingly innocent question was obviously like a poison apple.   So over a fantastic keralan chicken take out we discussed the reason why this question is seriously taboo on the dating circuit.

On further investigation, it transpired that there are in fact a whole plethora of questions that are more likely to sabotage a first date than to send you both off into the sunset in each other’s arms.  Between us, we came up with just some of the real situations below (and yes they are totally cringeworthy!);

• How come you’re single?
• What are your plans for the future?
• What happened in your last relationship?
• What is your ideal date?
• Do you still speak to your ex?
• Would you have sex on the first date?

My companion for the evening admitted on one first date the girl he met asked him if he had any ideas as to where their relationship was going.  He was so shocked by her forthrightness that he excused himself there and then because there was no chemistry at all on his part and she made it very clear she was in for the long haul.

As he put it to me…’there was no point flogging a dead horse and she’d only be really disappointed that I lied to her.’

The questions above might seem a really obvious dating faux pas to make, but just why is asking someone what they do for a job so wrong?  Well, in all honesty, it sends out the wrong signals.  

If your date replies with the answer that they have a high-powered executive job it may well lead to the assumption they are wealthy and in return implies that you are materialistic and motivated by money.  You may well be, and that’s your choice but as first impressions go it probably isn’t the one you want to make.  Your relationship should be based on personality, shared interests and chemistry not whether or not you wish to hire this person.  First dates are awkward enough without asking the above question – and does it really make a difference if he’s a labourer or a lawyer?  

There’s a fine line between getting to know someone and digging a little too deep, so try to think before you speak.  When getting to know your date it is important to remember that there’s much more to us than our professions and lots of people don’t define themselves by their jobs at all.

If you really want to get to date number 2 then may I suggest you stay well away from asking the killer question above as well as some of the other bizarre options listed!

Have you been on a date lately where the questions have veered into the bizarre?  We’d love to hear your tales and pet peeves.

Photo credit: K.G.Hawes Question Mark? via photopin (license)