The Early Warning Signs of Abusive Personalities (Part 1)

When people hear the word abuse, they often associate it with physical violence and picture a woman with a bruised face. However abuse can take on a variety of forms, be it physical, emotional or psychological and victims of abuse are both male and female. When we enter into a new relationship, things can be all lovey dovey and we see the world through heart-shaped specs, making it difficult to spot potentially destructive personalities. So in order to help you identify abusive tendencies in others early on, we have summarised the 3 most common warning signs:

The Blaming Personality

We all like to have a good moan every once in awhile and it’s okay to wallow in self-pity now and then, always blaming others for your misfortunes is unhealthy. Psychologists warn of people who tend to blame their negative feelings or bad experiences on others. Blamers can be very seductive when they are dating someone new and their blame of others may make you look favourable by comparison. This person may say things like: “You are so sweet and loving, not like my ex, she was a real gold digger!” or “I’m so glad I have met such a gentleman, my husband was a total bum.”

Don’t be fooled into thinking that by being sympathetic with your new partner, you are helping them overcome their bad experiences. Blamers see themselves in the victim role and as such can’t be held responsible for their behaviour. “See what you made me do?” are phrases often used by them. Feeling like victims, they see themselves as justified in whatever reaction they enact and whatever compensation they take.

Have you ever come across a person with these tendencies or been in a relationship where this type of behaviour was present? How did you deal with it?

As always we would like to have your comments and remember to return next week where we will continue this feature on abusive personalities with The Resentful Personality.