Single Again and Sick of It?

cartoon image of couple

You’ve gone through yet another breakup and you are wondering how you got there again? Perhaps it’s time to assess your past relationships and find out why they didn’t work out and what you can do to change that. If you look at these things honestly and learn from them, you can avoid more heartbreak in the future. Here’s how:

Re-tune Your Inner Voice

Your head may be full of repetitive and negative thoughts of past failures and it could be telling you you aren’t lovable. These feelings may stop you from truly connecting with another person, so it’s important to change this. Take note of how that inner voice is talking to you, then hit your favourite search engine for useful advice on how to re-tune your inner critic.

Take responsibility

When you analyse your past relationships ask yourself why they didn’t work. Be honest and acknowledge your part in it. Are you too needy? Do you struggle to trust your partner? Your actions have consequences and when you start taking responsibility for them, you are raising your self awareness and become able to change limiting behaviours.

Be mindful of your body language

Our bodies mirror how we feel outside and considering only 7% of communication is verbal, this can be detrimental to how you come across to a potential partner. If you are desperate or shy, it will come across. You may want to read our recent blog post on confidence for some helpful advice.

Have your own life

Relationships are all about sharing a life together but if you have a tendency to sacrifice your own and become a clone of your new love by adopting all their likes, hobbies and even their circle of friends, it paints you as needy and insecure. You could be doing this because you want to please or because you are afraid they might reject you if you don’t devote yourself. But if you are looking for a lasting relationship, you need to give yourself permission to be your own person.

Do it differently

The definition of insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results. If something hasn’t worked in the past, change it! Being stuck on old patterns is certainly easier but be aware that you may still be in the same situation a year from now if things don’t change. Do you really want that?

Decide who you want

Clearly define who you are looking for.  If for example your perfect partner needs to love the outdoors, join a walking club. Start hanging out in places where you will find like-minded people.

It’s really about learning to love yourself first. The rest will take care of itself.

We hope you have found this advice useful. As ever please send us your thoughts.

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